Harold T's NDE

Experience description: 

I had run away from home, away from legal problems I was having. I had run away with the intentions on going as far as I could go before the law had caught up with me and when they did I had a simple solution, I would commit suicide. I had brought along one of my parents shot guns, known as a 410.

October 12, 1994. For some reason this night I felt the urge to come clean with my parents, my father in particular because I felt bad for taking his truck and running from my problems. I wrote him a long letter and placed it inside the glove box of the truck. At this time I had no idea what was going to transpire the next afternoon. I could feel my heart breaking as I wrote the letter. I stared up at the midnight sky, the stars and the moon. I prayed to god that this was all a horrible dream, but I knew it wasn't.

October 13, 1994.  It was this afternoon that the truck had finally ran out of gas and I found myself stranded along side highway I-70. For several hours I tried to think of my options. I was out of gas and out of money. It wasn't long before a highway trooper heading southbound had noticed the truck broken down on the northbound highway. I watched as he exited and then turned back onto the highway to come aid me in my troubles. I hoped that he would pass by but all too soon his emergency lights came on and he pulled behind the truck. I panicked. 

At this time I was standing at the passenger side door with it open and the shotgun on the front seat. I had been thinking of suicide moments earlier. I assumed the officer was running the plates as I watched him inside his cruiser talking on the radio. I knew that he would soon learn that the truck was reported stolen and that I would be wanted back in Michigan for writing bad checks.  I reached for the 410 and placed it against the center of my chest. I pulled the trigger.  It happened quickly and I found myself stumbling backwards and placing my hand over the wound. It were like a water hose running warm water. 

The officer jumped out of his car and squatted down with his gun drawn. It took him a moment to realize what had happened as I stumbled back towards his cruiser. I wanted him to know that he was not in danger.  I awoke and found myself in the ambulance with the someone saying "I can't believe this, we're stuck."  I awoke again and watched as a woman was looking down at me, sitting on top of me, lights were going by. I knew I was in the hospital, being rushed down a hallway.

I awoke again when they moved me onto the table for surgery. They rolled me. "There is no time" I heard a voice. They rolled me onto my side and I felt a horrible burning.  Then it happened.

I found myself in darkness as if I were out in the middle of nowhere, in the dark on a warm night. There were no sounds, at least not at first. I was not afraid, there was nothing to be afraid of. I felt the presence of someone there, but I saw no one. It were peaceful but dark.

I felt a breeze upon my face. It was hard to tell weather it was the wind blowing or me moving. The breeze upon my face grew. It wasn’t long before I knew that it was I that was moving and not the wind blowing. It was still dark, I could feel myself moving, rushing… Rushing, by things hidden in the dark. Things that I felt were watching me, wanting me, but I was unafraid. It was then that for some reason I can recall a staff. Perhaps a man dressed in a black robe with a soft face and gray hair. I don’t recall seeing this man, just an image that to this day I can recall, a recollection of this man as if I were looking at him in the dark through blurred glasses. His image stands out, even his dark robe, illuminated in the dark. Perhaps I did see him, and maybe I didn’t. But I recall the staff in front or along side me. We were gliding threw the darkness and I felt safe. I knew that as long as he were there I was safe. I would hate to be in that place if he weren’t there, that  I knew for sure. 

I awoke about 48 hours later to find my mother holding my hand. I had learned that my blood pressure fell to 20/40 and that all my internal organs had shut down. I learned that they massaged my heart and that I had lost heart beat, but can not recall for how long. I learned that a wife and husband doctor team had worked on me and that they almost pronounced me dead. The ambulance had gotten stuck trying to go through the median to head back south towards the hospital. It took them a little over an hour to get me to the hospital.  

I live my life recalling those times, glad that I had survived and happy to live each day. My life has changed, changed for the best. Everything happens for a reason and I am glad that I had a chance to live threw what I did. So many things have changed. Not one day.. NOT ONE goes by that I do not think of Jesus, God.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    During the first part of surgery.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    Less consciousness and alertness than normal

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  No

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?            No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            I felt safe... I didn't feel any pain, sadness, happiness.. I felt nothing but safe.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Uncertain      During my darkness experience it felt as if I were in a tunnel.

Did you see a light?           No

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Uncertain

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be
verified later?          No

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Uncertain      see description above

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Uncertain            I felt that for some reason everything was okay and that things we worry about weren't that important.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     No

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     days

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    No

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    I know that it was real. I feel to this day as I felt then, I can recall the feeling...

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           No

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?            Yes

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes