Freida D's NDE
Experience description:
I was very
depressed. The love of my life broke up with me that week and on this day (like
many others) I was pleading him to come back to me. He made it so clear it was
over that day. I felt the most pain in my heart, soul, and being on that day I
can not even describe it. I never felt anything even close to that pain except
for on that day and some months after that day. I decided no one could possibly
live in such pain and I could tell it would never REALLY go away so I should
just re-boot like the computer does. I had to end the pain and NOW.
I walked (while crying
tremendously and loudly) up this gentle slope to an old oak tree. I climbed up
the tree, tied the oak around my neck while sitting on this very large limb (18"
in diameter). My love who was breaking up with me was at the base of the slope
fixing one of his automobiles. He saw me but looked at me rarely. Then I tied
the rope to the limb and stood up. He must of realized I was not kidding around
because he finally started to make his way up the slope, then I noticed he was
saying something and I can't remember what I said and then I noticed he began to
run. Then I knew he was going to try to stop me so I jumped.
He was a
very agile and strong he somehow made it up into the tree while I was still in
the air. The next thing I knew I landed violently on his lap as he was now
somehow sitting in the crotch of this limb where it met with the main trunk of
the tree. I remember it felt nice to be sitting in the lap of the man I loved
so dearly. Then I felt the rope tighten suddenly and ....this is where it gets
there
I can't
remember all of it but there was brown and white like a movie to my right (which
would be mostly in the direction of south) and I was there for a while and I
seem to remember that I was hanging there in that brown and white movie. I was
hanging from the tree dead and then the feelings or should I say sensations
began. I felt the most intense levels of sadness, joy, ecstasy, bliss, love,
anger, stillness and many other things like that which I don't have words for.
I remember even feeling the best orgasm that I have never even had before. But
all these were very fast like milliseconds all these sensations rushing through
me even some that vibrated my whole body in an energetic like way... what is
that?? I have never felt that and had no word for it and feel it now as I type.
That's weird.
anyway
I also
remember some other pictures of my life but they went so fast I could remember
the sensations much much better than what the pictures actually were, other than
the one of me hanging there....
Then to my
right (or south) was that rainbow door. That almost perfectly square rainbow
door. That damn door, I knew I had seen it before but never really acknowledged
it. But know I had to because there it was so clear and I could see me doing
what I had been doing over the past 5 or more years prior to that day. I could
see me sitting on the west side of that door laughing inside my head thinking I
was getting away with something by not going through that door and then there I
was dancing around the front of the door almost mocking it. I would put one
foot inside the door and one foot out as part of my dance. I would stick my
whole head in there and see the two paths that existed on the other side of that
door. The one to the left is the one that my knowing knew to be the one I was
to take.
That was
it. I remember now coughing and feeling very dizzy as I lay on this large limb
with parts of my legs still touching that man I loved. Then I could hear him
say, "what a drama queen". I was still too dizzy to respond or even get up. I
remember how comfortable I was laying on that limb. I am after all a serious
lover of trees. He then laughed a short somewhat quiet laugh and said for me to
quit with all the act. I was still shaking. I began to tear a little from his
remarks. He then said "come on already, get up". He helped me to sit up
partially. I told him to let me be a little and that I was still a bit dizzy.
He said ok. He gave me a lot of time up there in that tree to breathe and
reflect. He finally asked if I was ok. I said yes but that I just needed a
little more time to rest there. I laid back down on the limb (it had a lot of
soft moss). I told the tree I loved it or something like that. Finally I got
up and he helped me down from the tree.
Since I
almost succeeded in hanging myself my old lover who caught and saved me at the
last minute was so angry he decided to choke me. I don't think he realized he
choked me to near death. I think he just was so mad he was trying to only
shake me up a tiny bit but not to that extent.
I later
went and had a reiki (sp?) session and it helped me to better understand the
whole experience.
Any
associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the
experience?
No
Was
the kind of experience difficult to express in words?
Yes
No
words in English to describe, maybe another language has better words. I only
know English though.
At
the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening
event?
Yes
I had
a rope tied around my neck. I tried to hang myself but was stopped at the last
minute.
What
was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?
What
an interesting question. I never thought of this. Was I actually more
conscious? I have been struggling for the past oh 6 years on what consciousness
is. What is consciousness?? If I really knew what consciousness was I could
answer that question. Something tells me that I was more conscious then I had
ever been in my life.
Was the
experience dream like in any way?
Oh ya,
definitely, except for the sensations, they were real, more real than anything I
had ever felt.
Did
you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?
Yes
I
never looked down at me on the limb... I did not realize I was out of my body,
if I had known I would have looked down below me but I only looked left and
right, never down or behind me.
Did
you hear any unusual sounds or noises?
No, not that I
can remember.
Did
you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?
No response
Describe:
I saw it but
this question frightens me and is making my body involuntary shake and my
stomach is feeling metallic. I saw it. I know it. I can't go through it yet.
This makes me sad, but I can't. I know it is where my power is but I can't go
there yet. It will be so great and wonderful... but I can't for some reason go
through it yet. I desire to go through it, but I can't for some reason, I have
blockages or something.
Did
you see a light?
Yes
A
bright very fast flash then not as bright of a light but still pretty bright of
light coming from around the rainbow door. It was only rainbow on the frame not
the inside.. actually it was not a door that closed and open. It is always
open, I guess I should call it a window to be more accurate in my explanation.
But it FEELS like a door, yet looks like a window.
Did
you meet or see any other beings?
No
Did
you experience a review of past events in your life?
Yes
Like
I said I desire to feel all those feelings I felt that day in my NDE so I will
never attempt suicide again because I don't desire to miss any of that if it is
still to come.
Did
you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience
that could be verified later?
Uncertain
Did
you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or
dimensions?
Yes
The
rainbow door. Well the outside of it and the beginning inside of it.
Did
you have any sense of altered space or time?
Uncertain
Did
you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or
purpose?
Yes
Sorry
can't explain that one bit except to tell you it is the rain bow door thing
again. I feel it, I know it but yet can verbalize it at all. I have blockages
that are not allowing me to really go there.
Did
you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?
Yes
It is
not a physical structure. It is limiting yes. Not a physical structure. My
stomach is starting to hurt now. I told you what would happen if I crossed the
boundary. Something great, something wonderful, joyful, peaceful, ecstasy, sex,
love, power, flight, and even greater that all that something I don't have words
for something bright.
Did
you become aware of future events?
Uncertain
Were
you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?
No
My
lover there must of brought me back because he told me he was shaking me because
he did not know what was wrong with me. Maybe he was saying my name?? I don't
know. I never asked.
Did
you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience
that you did not have prior to the experience?
Uncertain
Did
you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
Yes
I
believe in myself more.
How
has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices?
Career choices?
I am not sure.
Has
your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?
Yes
I
believe in myself more. I handle things better.
Have
you shared this experience with others?
Yes
Many
people who know about this sort of thing said what happened to be was the best
thing that could have happened to me. They said I was lucky. They said I will
be able to understand things that others won't now. A lady today even told me
she could tell I had one before.
What
emotions did you experience following your experience?
I was in a
daze. I did not feel as sad as I did just before it happened. I did not feel
as sad at all. That tremendous pain was not there. I had pain from the broken
heart on other days that followed but never as severe as it was just before the
incident.
What
was the best and worst part of your experience?
I don't know
what was the best. The worst was the few days and moments just before.
Is
there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?
Can't
think of anything.
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life,
medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?
No
Did
the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively
describe your experience?
Uncertain
Those
were good questions but I know there are a few more that would get even deeper
into the matter but I don't know how you will figure out what those are.
Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.
If I
knew I would tell you. that boundary stuff really gets REAL close to the heart
of the experience. Ask more and different types of questions about the
boundary.