Filiesha L Probable NDE

TRUTH SEEKER 

This document was written in 1992 by Filiesha at Honolulu Community College.  The assignment was to write about our selves as an identity label. The accident happened on march 14, 1994.  (Dr. Jeff note: other information provided indicates the accident actually happened March 14, 1984) 

Whether consciously we realize or not, I believe everyone in the universe is a truth Seeker?  It is not an identity label for a select few.  What is meant by truth  Not until approximately two years after my life time assignment was sent to me, (and I might add in a most unusual and illuminating way), did I finally accidentally stumble on the key word truth  I found it in an old beat-up book sold to me at the swap meet for a quarter.  I thought it was about fishing since the title was The Big Fisherman.  Yikes! I was wrong.  The book was about to be tossed, when the phrase, Jesus says, "I am Truth," jumped out and grabbed me, sending a chill down my spine.  My search had begun.  I didn't know at that time how powerful and enlightening one little word could be.  What is truth           

Can you imagine floating and hovering weightless over what is supposed to be you?  The feeling of detachment and repulsiveness were overbearing.  Did I actually have to go back into that body?  Well being that I'm still here, the answer was undeniably "Yes."  Truth the reason I must return, was communicated to me like lightning and thunder.  When the recovery room nurse did her wake-up call, all I saw brightly lit, flashing in my mind was the word truth  Can you imagine that?  I had been given a label for life, truth Seeker?  I now consider it a very special gift of Grace. 

After my surgery, I began to piece all the events together.  I realized a great two-by-four had literally hit me over the heard, changing the direction of my life 180 degrees.  I still did not realize the full impact of the two-by-four, though, until a couple of years down the road. 

I was riding my bike to work early one morning, not knowing the drastic change that was about to occur.  Up till then, I was happy with my life; after all, I was doing everything I loved to do.  My home was on a ranch in the middle of a crater, where almost everyday I was either working or playing with horses.  I was also a diving instructor and part-time Oceanarium show diver.  Whew!  I was going a hundred miles an hour, with no a minute to spare, not even for myself.  CRASH!!  My whole world just shattered around me.  I lay sprawled on the ground, my bike all mangled and a truck almost on top of me.  Recovering consciousness in the ambulance, I knew my head and face had got the worst of it. 

In the Hospital, on the surgery table, is where my fascinating, indescribable journey began.  The doctors had to reset and wire together fractured bones in the left temple area and under my eye.  The nurse, thinking I was asleep fro the general anesthesia, jammed a tube down my throat.  I remember not being able to breath, panicking, knowing that the nurse was too slow. Red lights were flashing all around.  The next instant I was floating over the surgery lamp watching and listening to the doctors and nurses.  It was fascinating to see their change in character, when they thought the patient could not hear. 

I don't know how long I was floating above my body, or how I was actually transferred to another dimension.  I did know that I was now Home, my (out) Real home.  The nature of this Reality is so completely different; there is no language adequate to express the emotions and surroundings.  Time and language, as we know them, don't exist there.  Love and compassion are the only words I can think of, and they barely scratch the surface of what I felt and perceived around me.  The vibration feelings are so strong and yet totally incomprehensible at our physical (or perceptual) level.  It was a perfectly normal feeling not to be in a physical body.  The real I AM is a Spiritual Being.  The Spiritual eyes that surrounded and seemed to be a part of me were filled with an overwhelming Love and Awareness.  I know without a doubt I was where I belonged for Eternity.  We are all a part of the same whole Family.  We are as ONE, like a drop of water in the mighty ocean.  But, alas, this drop had to go back for some unfinished business. 

Where I went to next can only be described as a Huge Black Hole.  It was totally empty black space, void of any type of vibration consciousness.  Total lifelessness and an unbelievable sadness surrounded me.  The powerful perception I received was that we, everyone on Earth, was needed desperately to fill this empty void.  Not one single solitary soul was to be left behind.  In order to get there we all must learn Love, Compassion and Forgiveness toward one another.  We must all leave our sinful nature of unawareness.  Then, the seemingly never ending spiral towards Home or heaven will be completed and we will all finally graduate from our Earth schooling.  

I received many messages; some of them are cloudy in my memory.  Their expression of the word FEAR is one that remains very clear, though.  Fear is a very negative and totally unnecessary emotion that destroys our Eternal growth and life. 

Transported back to our dimension, I traveled through the galaxies, Milky Way, stars and planets on my way back to Earth.  I seemed much bigger than the stars and planets, and within me I held all the power and knowledge of the Universe.  Earth looked so tiny, like a grain of sand against all the vast sands of the world. 

Suddenly I was back as an etheric soul looking down at my body of flesh, with total detachment.  I felt claustrophobic knowing I had to be trapped in the physical reality once again.  Soothingly, my Guides helped me transform back into my body and left me with a key, truth  Instantly I was awakened by the nurse. 

My mixed emotions kept me bottled-up about my experience for several years.  The twenty-five cent book was the key clue to this big puzzle.  After reading The Big Fisherman, I was starved for more material to read.  The Bible was next on my list.  Every time the word truth popped up, a surge of excitement would bolt through me, leaving me with Goosebumps.  I still get zapped, even though I've read hundreds of books. 

Religion was not introduced much to me as a child, nor did I have any interest in it as an adult. That's probably why some time passed by before I was able to connect truth to my experience.  My beliefs about Life, Religion and God have changed drastically.  Church was not exactly my idea of a good time.  To me, church attendees were all a bunch of weak kneed, denominational hypocrites, who follow like sheep worshipping a manmade god.  My feelings have now been reversed, similar to those of Saul? when he changed to Paul (Bible). I am beginning to see now, that we are all striving upward to Heaven, God and the Light.  We are not all at the same level of awareness therefore each of us has our own path to follow.  Some organizations have different beliefs from others, differences which throughout history have caused fear, ending up in destruction and war. 

Enlightenment and awareness are expressed in many different ways, but these are all headed in the same direction.  No matter what name you give it, when you are ready, somehow the doors will be opened and the veil lifted.  And sometimes, as is the case with Love, it may happen when you least expect it.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words?          Yes    you cannot put into words something that is not of this reality.  words cannot barely begin to touch what was sensed and what took place at what I can only describe as HOME.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Uncertain     I had what was called a tripod fracture of the left temporal area.  the bones had healed together incorrectly, therefore surgery to re-break the bones and set them correctly took place.  I remember feeling very panicky as the anesthesia was being administered.  I remember the distinct feeling of not being able to breath as the nurse was shoving a tube down my throat.  I remember flashing red lights flashing and then I was out of my body.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?  not sure what is meant by highest level of consciousness and alertness.  do you mean in this physical reality?  if so, it would have to be when I was headed back to earth. (not in the dimension I call home)  this is where I perceived myself to be larger than this physical universe and all knowing.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?          More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:        I had within me all the insights and knowledge.  I perceived myself as being  much greater this universe.  (again, as will happen throughout this questionnaire...I cannot find the words to convey what I truly was or knew)

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?          Yes    my vision was different depending on "where" I was.  when I left my body and was floating above it my vision was normal and totally different than when I was at HOME, where things can only be explained as vibration, not physical. however, I did perceive etheric eyes of compassion all around me ...actually I think I was a part of them. (there were no boundaries) but again nothing physical....and very difficult to explain.  when I read what I have written I know that it is not an accurate description, but it is the best I can do.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
          Yes    words were not used to communicate.  hearing is a physical thing.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?          Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          very mixed emotions.

fascinated:  when I first left my body and was hovering over the surgery table

totally blissful and complete:  when I was HOME

very sad:  when I experience the black void

repulsed:  when I saw the body I had to enter back into

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?        Uncertain     I don't remember passing through anything before I came HOME. I do remember traveling back and that is when I passed the black void and passed through the universe (stars)

Did you see a light?         Uncertain     a type of light that is not like any light we know of here. so...I don't even know if I can call it light.

Did you meet or see any other beings?         Uncertain     they were not beings in the sense of human beings or any personalities from earth that I knew.  there were two clearly different forms of beings (and maybe even more).  at HOME they were a type of essences however I knew or was a part of them.  when I was back at my body it seemed like I had guides or other etheric beings with me. we communicated but not through words.  the only word that transpired between us was "TRUTH".

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?   No      learned that we are much more than human beings.  we are not alone no matter how much we feel alone here.  not to fear.  I needed to come back for "TRUTH".  that key word most definitely changed my life.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?         Uncertain     I heard the doctors and nurses when I was floating above the operating table.  my incident happened before near death experiences were documented (or at least I had never read or heard about them)  I was sure that I had died during the anesthesia accident (nurse was too slow to put the tube down my throat).  I inquired to see if there was in fact an accident however nobody admitted to it.

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?          Yes    see above #8

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Yes    space and time did not exist.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes    we must learn compassion, love, and forgiveness towards one another.

we are all needed back home, none of us are to be lost

I had to come back for "TRUTH"

fear must not control your life

we are not alone

we control our destiny. our thoughts and prayers are very powerful and our perception becomes our reality

life is a gift beyond comprehension

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No     

Did you become aware of future events?      No         

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?       Uncertain     I have taken reiki and other healing courses.  I have had the experience of being used to heal others.

Have you shared this experience with others?        Yes    8 years before I finally wrote about it.  I think I tried to verbally tell a couple of friends but felt frustrated.  I felt too defensive and unable to correctly explain what happened.  I also understood how people felt that it was probably a dream, brain damage, trauma, etc.  and that I would never be able to convey to them that this is not reality nor who we really are.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No     

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   the experience is as real today as it was right after it happened .  my life and relationships with people will never be the way it was before.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you? the whole experience was especially meaningful and significant.  however, I feel that I have been given a key to unlock something. that key is one little word "truth"  that has come to encompass so much.  I really feel that I have my homework cut out for me.  I feel very blessed ....but also I always have this haunting feeling I should be doing so much more.  I guess I have to learn patience and know that things are happening the way they are supposed to.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:          Experience was definitely real         see above

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?          Yes    I view people much different. I also feel somewhat of an outsider and I don't get as exited about the social experiences. I care less about what people think about me and more about what message they need to hear. I don't really have much "relationships" with people anymore.  I enjoy being out in nature and my aloneness.  of course I work at keeping my life balanced.  I also can feel peoples happiness and sadness much more acutely.  I cry very easily and feel others pain and sorrow.  I am especially sensitive to animals and love to be around them.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes    I read the Bible and have come very close with Jesus.  His truth and spirit fills me with a very real sense of peace and joy. Jesus is also a wonderful teacher.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?    No         

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?          yes ....I could go on and on but I won't

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Uncertain     no words really touch my experience except "truth" the word I was so graciously given.