I was almost eight months pregnant with my first child. I'd had my
34 week check and although at the time I was told everything was fine, looking
back it's obvious I had signs of pre-eclampsia. At around 35.5 weeks my husband
and I had been out visiting, and I felt unwell on the way home. Mostly my back
was aching, but I also felt a bit nauseous and my head felt odd. I ended up
lying down on the back car seat.
I got home, went to
bed, but was tossing and turning because of the back pain. I rang the midwives
at hospital, but they weren't concerned, just suggested a hot water bottle on my
back. I did fall asleep, then woke at about 2am feeling strange. I turned on
the light, and noticed that my cream colored bedroom wall looked like it was
covered in a rainbow of flashing colored lights. I'd done some work for an
ophthalmologist, and knew that wasn't a good sign, usually it signal the onset
of acute glaucoma. So I staggered out of bed, went up to the spare room (my
husband was sleeping there because my tossing and turning had been keeping him
awake), woke him up and explained what was happening. He suggested ringing the
midwives again, so I went back to the bedroom and tried to dial the number.
Apparently I had actually picked up my glasses and was trying to read the phone
number on them, but I don't remember them. Seconds later I collapsed,
unconscious, and stopped breathing.
My husband revived me
and phone for an ambulance. The first thing I remember is being wheeled out to
the ambulance and it was raining. But I wasn't actually lying on the trolley,
it felt more like I was floating slightly above the trolley but still
experiencing the rain. I floated into the ambulance, and I remember moving
along with it, feeling when it turned a corner, and having a general idea of
whereabouts we were. I have a vague impression of having looked down at myself
on the trolley. Then there's a gap.
Apparently I arrived at
the hospital and had another seizure. The only solution was to have an
emergency caesarean section in the hope of saving both myself and the baby. It
was a few hours before the medical staff felt I was going to be okay, up until
then I was touch and go.
Anyway, I don't exactly
when I felt like I was moving, but I became aware that I was traveling rapidly
through darkness. It wasn't quite a tunnel, but it did seem to have a form and
direction, even though it was dark. Gradually I became aware of a light far
away in the distance, and realized that's where I was heading. As I got closer,
I began to feel as though there were people all around, just outside my
"tunnel", but I never saw or spoke to them. They were loving and welcoming, and
it's hard to explain the incredible sense of joy, happiness and acceptance that
I was feeling. It's not a sensation I've ever felt on earth. I got closer to
the light, to the point where the darkness disappeared and I was preparing to
join the light. It felt wonderful. Then a loving, caring voice said quite
clearly, without words "It's not your time. You must go back."
It all disappeared, and at some point after that I regained consciousness. I
still remembered everything with incredibly clarity.
Was
the kind of experience difficult to express in words?
No
At
the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?
Yes
At
what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness
and alertness?
I felt most conscious and alert as I was speeding towards the light.
How
did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience
compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?
More consciousness and alertness than normal
If
your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was
different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please
explain:
All the positive emotions that were washing over me were uplifting and joyous,
it was an incredible sensation.
Did
your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect,
such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of
solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?
No
Did
your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any
aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness,
etc.)?
Yes It felt like I heard a voice inside my head, rather than
through my ears.
Did
you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?
Yes
What emotions did you feel during the experience?
It was all incredibly positive. Wherever I was going, I was keen to
get there and was looking forward to it.
Did
you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?
Yes It was dark initially, but although I couldn't see a tunnel, it
certainly felt like I was traveling in a set direction within a set framework.
Did
you see a light?
Yes It was blinding, but out of it radiated the most wondrous feelings of
love, peace and joy. I couldn't wait to join it.
Did
you meet or see any other beings?
Uncertain I felt the presence of people, but didn't actually meet or
communicate with them.
Did
you experience a review of past events in your life?
No
Did
you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience
that could be verified later?
Uncertain I did feel aspects of the journey to hospital, and certainly it
was raining and we took the route I remember, but I'm not quite sure if I was
floating outside my body to experience this, or I just took it in and some
subconscious level.
Did
you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or
dimensions?
No
Did
you have any sense of altered space or time?
No
Did
you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?
No
Did
you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?
No
Did
you become aware of future events?
No
Did
you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience
you did not have prior to the experience?
No
Have you shared this experience with others?
Yes I told my husband almost as soon as I woke up, but at the time he
thought I was babbling - I wasn't exactly coherent for the first couple of days,
let alone going on about NDE! But he was intrigued by what I told him. Since
then I've told other people, and mostly they've been curious.
Did
you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?
Uncertain I'd heard of it, but never really taken much interest. I
guess I just figured anything's possible.
How
did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it
happened:
Experience was definitely real It had so much clarity, completely unlike a
dream which disappears almost as soon as you wake up.
Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or
significant to you?
I
think the part that has affected me the most is how wonderful the place I was
going felt. I can't say I ever "feared" dying, but now, although I'm keen to
stay here and enjoy watching my kids grow up, I don't have any fear of dying. I
think it fitted in quite well with my own philosophy about faith, religion and
so on - if you're a good person and do the best you can in your life, you will
go on to a better place.
How
do you currently view the reality of your experience:
Experience was definitely real It had so much clarity, completely unlike a
dream which disappears almost as soon as you wake up. Even now, 10 years later,
I can still recapture how I felt (at least partially!) and I can hear that voice
inside my head telling me to go back.
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your
experience?
No
Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your
experience?
No
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life,
medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?
No
Did
the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and
comprehensively describe your experience?
Yes
