Don M's NDE

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

IT WAS SNOWING BIG FLAKES AROUND 8 AT NIGHT WE WERE UNDER WAY TO TOW TWO BARGES TO TORONTO.  AS WE PULLED UP TO THE BARGES I JUMPED OFF TO CONNECT THE BATTERIES TO THE RUNNING LIGHTS AND I HEARD A YELL BACK AT THE TUG. THE ENGINEER WAS LOOKING DOWN AND THAT'S WHEN I SAW RICK COMING UP TO THE SURFACE. AS THE DECKS WERE SLIPPERY WITH SNOW AS SOON AS I GRABBED HIM I WAS IN DANGER OF BEING PULLED IN. SO THE FIRST MATE GRABBED A HOLD OF MY LEGS. THE TUG WAS GETTING CLOSER AND AS RICK'S HEAD WAS GOING TO GET IT, I COULDN'T LET HIM GO. I SQUARED MY SHOULDERS AND THOUGHT THAT MAYBE I'D JUST BREAK A SHOULDER.

WELL THE TUG JUST KEPT ON COMING AND I KNEW IT HAD TO STOP SOON, BUT BY THEN I REALIZED I COULDN'T GET OUT IF I TRIED. AT FIRST I THOUGHT MY RIBS WERE GOING TO CAVE IN AND THEN I SAID GOODBYE TO MY FAMILY AND I THOUGHT MY HEAD WAS GOING TO POP OFF.

THEN A FRIEND FROM BACK HOME IN GLEN WAS RIGHT BESIDE ME. BRUCE AND HE SAID "IT'S OKAY RELAX  YOUR WELCOME" HE WAS GUIDING ME TOWARDS THE MOST BRILLIANT LIGHT AND A ROARING TUNNEL. IN MY MIND I ASKED WHAT WAS HAPPENING? A VOICE CAME. A MALE VOICE JUST KIND OF MATTER-OF-FACTLY SAID "YOU ARE DROWNING."  INSTANTLY, I SAW MY MOTHER AND MY TWO LITTLE SISTERS  MARY-LOU AND LORNA CRYING AT THE KITCHEN TABLE LIKE I NEVER WANT TO SEE ANYBODY LIKE THAT AGAIN. I YELLED OUT "NO!" AND NOT KNOWING WHERE I WAS JUST STARTED KICKING .

I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT WHEN I HIT THE SURFACE OF THE WATER AND TOOK MY FIRST BREATH, I STILL DIDN'T KNOW WHERE I WAS. AS IT WAS STILL SNOWING ALL WAS DARK. I MUST HAVE BEEN FACING SOUTH TOWARDS LAKE HURON EAST TOWARDS BUSH NORTH TWENTY MILES UP SOUTH BAY MOUTH WEST AND I COULD MAKE OUT A BIT OF LIGHT AND I DOG PADDLED TOWARD THE LIGHT. GETTING NEAR THE STERN OF A TUGBOAT, I READ THE NAME FLO COOPER.  I SWAM UP THE SIDE AND COULD HEAR THE ENGINES I REALIZED I WORKED ON IT. SWIMMING AROUND THE BOW I HEARD VOICES AND THE CHIEF YELLED OUT MCRAE AND MY NAME CAME BACK. RICK WAS HOLDING ONTO A LADDER THAT WAS TIED OFF TO THE BARGE BUT HE COULDN'T GET HIS FEET UP TO THE FIRST RUNG. SO I REACHED UP TO GRAB THE LADDER. FIRST TIME I FELT PAIN IN MY SHOULDERS. GOT HOLD OF THE LADDER AND WITH MY HEAD UNDER RICK'S BUTT END BOOSTED HIM UP TO THE BARGE. I CLIMBED UP AFTER AND JUST REMEMBER LOOKING UP INTO THE SNOW COMING DOWN THROUGH THE LIGHTS. THE CAPTAIN WAS GIVING ME SHIT FOR GOING IN THE WATER AND WE CHANGED OUR GEAR AND WENT BACK TO WORK. AS I WAS ON SHIFT TILL MIDNIGHT THE ONLY THING I REMEMBER WAS HOW HARD IT WAS TURN THE BIG STEERING WHEEL.     

ORNA AND THEY WERE CRYING AT THE KITCHEN TABLE LIKE I NEVER WANT TO SEE AGAIN.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH I WANTED TO INTO THE LIGHT AND HOW I COULDN'T

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes     A FELLOW CREWMAN HAD FALLEN IN THE WATER AND WAS GOING TO BE KILLED AS HIS HEAD WAS THE ONLY THING THAT THE TUG WAS GOING TO MAKE CONTACT WITH.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    WHEN I SAID GOODBYE TO MY FAMILY

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            WHEN I SAID GOODBYE TO MY FAMILY

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  No      

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?            No      

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            SO THAT'S IT AS I SAID GOODBYE

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          No      

Did you see a light?           Yes     THE MOST WELCOMING GLOW LIKE GOING BACK INTO THE WOMB

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     A FRIEND OF MINE BRUCE JUST OFF TO MY RIGHT HE SAID IT'S OKAY RELAX YOUR WELCOME AND WAS GUIDING ME INTO THE LIGHT. I FOUND OUT ON CHRISTMAS EVE AS WE WERE DRIVING HOME AND MY MOTHER TOLD ME THAT BRUCE HAD DROWNED A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO. I COULDN'T SAY A WORD.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No      

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No      

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?           No           

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   No      

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     No      

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes     AS SOON AS THE VOICE SAID I WAS DROWNING I KNEW IT WAS A CHOICE BUT WHEN I SAW MY MOTHER AND SISTERS CRYING I HAD TO SAY NO TO THE LIGHT

Did you become aware of future events?       No           

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     No      

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     IN 1991 WHEN I WAS BECOMING SUICIDAL I WENT TO TALK TO BRUCE'S BROTHER AND TOLD HIM ABOUT BRUCE AND HOW HE WAS THERE FOR ME. I CAN'T REMEMBER BUT WE BOTH SHED A FEW TEARS.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    No      

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely not real        IT COULDN'T HAPPEN BECAUSE I WAS DOWN THE BAY 300 TO 600 YARDS?  HOW LONG WAS I UNDER WATER  15 MINUTES OR THIRTY? NO WAY!

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?            SOMETIMES WE ARE GIVEN A CHOICE. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHY I MADE IT BACK HERE AND BRUCE DIDN'T.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real            THERE IS LIFE AFTER DEATH.  BUT THEN AGAIN THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS DEATH. I THINK A PART OF ME IS IN THAT LIGHT AND I'VE BEEN ONLY PARTLY HERE ON EARTH SINCE 1973

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     AS I'VE HAD PROBLEMS WITH EMPLOYMENT I CAN'T SEEM TO GET INTERESTED IN ANYTHING.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?            Yes     THE LIGHT IS THERE FOR EVERYONE THE LIGHT IS LOVE AND DEATH IS LOVE

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No      

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        I WOULD LIKE TO SEE NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES TAUGHT IN SCHOOLS AND NOT UNDER ANY RELIGIOUS CONNOTATIONS. THEY HAPPEN ALL THE TIME.  I FEEL HORRIBLE THAT I HAD A HARD TIME UNDERSTANDING MY EXPERIENCE AND SO MUCH PAIN THAT COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED IF I WOULD HAVE BEEN HONEST. I WORKED ON TUGS FOR ANOTHER 25 YEARS AND DROVE MYSELF AND OTHERS INSANE. I WAS STILL IN DENIAL.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         No       I'VE BEEN LOOKING AT NDE AND PTSD AND I'D LIKE TO SEE THE MEDICAL FIELD GET UP TO DATE. NOT KNOWING WHAT WAS WRONG I GOT MARRIED HAD TWO BOY'S AND I COULDN'T GET ON A TUG BOAT ANYMORE. MY WORKING LIFE IS OVER NO FAMILY NO JOB NO HOME. ALL FOR SAVING A FELLOW WORKER FROM GETTING KILLED.