Deana M's NDE

Experience description: 

      I had to have a biopsy of my bladder as an inflammation showed up on the ultra sound,  while waiting in pre-op, I spoke to the anesthetist (sic) I was not given any meds to relax, minor surgery to last approx. 15-20 minutes.  I was then taken into what appeared to be an x-ray room, and was placed on also what appeared to be and x-ray table, with a cushion on it.  The room was not set up for the surgery, my doctor had to leave to find a camera and instruments, leaving me with the operating room nurse and the anesthesiologist.  Light talking between the three of us, then the or nurse placed an oxygen mask over my mouth and nose, I couldn't inhale nor exhale, I grabbed the mask and took it off my face and told the nurse it did not work, she didn't even check it and slammed it back on my face, each time I squirmed she held it tighter.  I began to lose strength in my arms and legs, I felt paralyzed. Then loss of other sensations, no taste, couldn't smell couldn't breathe, I noticed my brained seemed to go inward, I still heard voices, I turned my eyes upwards, trying to get the nurses attention one last time, I knew I was dying, but she wasn't looking at me, I closed my eyes, I felt my legs go into spasms, I then lost hearing, I was inside my body, I then felt the anesthesia go into my hand, I gave up, I knew I died. 

    I found myself in a dark black warm fog, almost caressing, but I felt afraid, then the next moment I was swept into the light, like a blink on an eye, I felt immense love, joy and happiness, permeating my soul my entire being, having no cares, no wants, and no needs. There were children there laughing and playing, their laughter was like a heavenly music, I was as a child. but not in body as we call bodies, almost like a tear drop bubble, yet not.  We were all on a cloud, but there was no earth below, blue sky above, a very deep yet clear blue. I wanted to stay and bask in that penetrating love, so vast, so deep, but had to go back. I went back to the black warm loving fog, then to nothingness.

     When in the recovery room I asked why my throat was so sore, I was told they intubated me, and I asked for a 15-20 minute surgery, I have never heard of that before.  I was told it was standard operating procedure.  However, I knew that I died and was bought back to life.  The hospital, or nurse and anesthesiologist. said I dreamed it, I told them no one dreams under anesthesiologist.  I told my internist a few weeks afterwards, he said you were allergic to the anesthesia, I told him, it hadn't hit my system, I died prior to it.

     I forgave all concerned as I got a chance to visit heaven for a short period of time.  With all the love on this earth, nothing is equal to the love in heaven.  I feel that I have to share that love with the whole world, the joy and the happiness, I already know what is going to happen if people don't start really loving one another.  I feel other peoples emotions, of sadness, death, and I even get very emotional when a plane goes down, or a cop is killed, or people are killed over nothing or something.  The only thing I was given or shown was the love, happiness and joy in heaven, and being able to feel emotions of other people, I don't understand it yet.  I do believe I am still a child in the eyes of my god.  I am learning each and everyday.  I tell total strangers now, that I love them.  However they think I'm crazy, I can forgive readily now.  I feel as though I have total peace and harmony with all, great and small. I never saw any family members, as I am the first Christian out of many generations.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  No

      Explanation:  The doctors, said it was an allergy to the anesthesia, how ever it had not gone into my system at that time

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  No

At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?  Yes

      Describe:  I was suffocated to death, by a faulty oxygen mask, and an operating room. nurse, who was busy chatting with the anesthesiologist, and would not pay attention to me, was trying to tell her mask didn't work, she just forced the mask down harder, covering my mouth and nose.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  extremely aware, mostly of inner feelings, I had even watched the clock, until I was unable to see it.

Was the experience dream like in any way?  no not dream like, too much immense love, joy and happiness, never in my life have I ever felt that pure unadulterated love.

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  Uncertain

Describe your appearance or form apart from your body:  I am guessing as to the teardrop type bubble as that is what it appeared to look like, but I didn't pay to my attention to what I looked like as I was basking in love.  I knew I had died, when I gave up, the second I gave up, I was in the fog, not in body, but as an entity or as I say I was in the soul state, your mind is your soul, I knew I was not in body, a feeling, an emotion and I did not want to go back.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  emotions are very hard to explain, but I felt love so wonderful, so pure, so positive, and penetrating. I felt happiness, joy and warmth.  I had no cares, no worries, and no wants or needs.  emotions=total love

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?  children laughing, I have never heard children laughing with so much love in that laughter.  There wasn't any talking, only laughter, not mocking but more like come and play with us.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I was in a black warm and lightly loving fog, I couldn't see through it as it was dense, but the moment I became afraid, I was whisked into the light, in the blink of an eye.

Did you see a light?  Yes

      Describe:  When I was taken into the light it was brighter than the dense black fog, I was on a cloud, the colors were bright. The light not a brilliance, (like someone shining a flashlight into your eyes), but a seeing light.

Did you meet or see any other beings?  Yes

      Describe:  children, playing on a cloud, I knew them not, their laughter and joy and happiness, no words it was like you were hearing in telepathy come and play with us.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  No

      Describe:  I learned about the love of god, and everyone should know about it, should know about the joy, happiness and warmth.  I learned about the depth of that love. prior to the NDE there were days I would be in so much pain, I just wanted to die, and was taught from that experience what I would miss out on, if I ate a bullet.  I have not experienced that agonizing pain since.  A lot of pain yes, but not that unbearable pain.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  No

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  Yes

      Describe:  I was on a cloud, unlike any clouds I have ever seen, it was soft and comfortable, yet I never could feel it to the touch, I sensed it, it was white and fluffy I looked up and there was blue translucent sky. Everything was beautiful, with that much unyielding love, I could of been put in a garbage dump, and still of seen the beauty of it, but was not, was on a cloud, with no earth below.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I don't know, but I can say I didn't want to leave, time was irrelevant.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  Yes

      Describe:  I learned that all things are possible through love.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?  No

Did you become aware of future events?  No

      Describe:  I was already given an awareness of what was going to happen, about5 years ago, when I had a temp. blackout which only lasted about a second, then after the NDE I know it will occur.  Its geological, earthquakes, volcano eruptions, which will change the world as we know it.

Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?  No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I feel emotions of other people. I don't understand it yet. I was playing on the computer and had to stop, I felt intensely sad.  Did not understand it at the time, but a few days later I found out that a friend of mine in Texas (met in a chat room) never met in person. Had a heart attack.  When I read what people type in the chat rooms, and their physical problems, I seem to get drained of all my strength. While in a chat room, a girl wanted to commit suicide and after an hour of talking with her, I knew she would not do it.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  I am more forgiving and yet I see things more clearly. I never realized that there was so much sin in this world, but it gets pointed out to me in my mind now. I also haven't lost my temper.  I am experiencing a strange peace in body and soul.

Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  I don't have any relationships, and don't want or need any.  But I have a lot more friends and more close friends. Since I have a disability, there are days that I can't walk, and the pain is bad, but still am at peace, whereas before I would be cussing mad.

Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  I have told other people, and they think I have lost my mind, little do they understand. yet I think they are more influenced by my actions, as they ask aren't you going to get mad, and I tell them no, no need. When I am around others, I have been told they feel very relaxed whereas they were angrier than a wet hornet at something.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  love and peace, peace of mind and body.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  being in heaven and feeling all that love, warmth, joy and happiness. The worst was having to go back to the body, to leave all that love. The dying wasn't even bad, as I looked at it clinically. Then I wrote everything down later, a minute by minute, until I was unaware of time.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?  I felt no pain when I was being suffocated, being unable to inhale or exhale, didn't even bring pain. Also the minute I gave up fighting for life, I died.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Yes

      Describe:  a lot more tolerant of people and all of the above

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  No

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Yes

      Explain:  in order to give a minute by minute part of dying I would have to go look up my files to give it, if needed email me and will give it to you.

Please offer any suggestions you have to improve the www.nderf.org questionnaire?  words are escaping me right now, but seemed fine to me.  Would be nice for a list of descriptive words.