David J's NDE

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Experience description: 

Took a large dose of a dissociative anaesthetic I had been abusing for a few weeks, in a half-assed suicide attempt.  I was very depressed at the time.  I was online for the first half of the experience, trying to talk on instant messenger.  As time wore on I was less and less able to communicate.  I was so disoriented my typed words came out as a jumble of letters with an occasional intelligible word thrown in here and there.  As the minutes passed I became less and less interested in being online and spent more and more time puking.  I started to notice a ringing tone in my ears which eventually got so loud I couldn't hear anything else.  I've heard other people who were definitely near death speak of hearing a tone or ringing in their ears so that makes me think I was actually close to death.  Eventually I puked up everything in my stomach (though it had been hours since I took the drug so it was already in my system) and decided to lay down to die.  I crawled over to the bed and collapsed in a heap.

Some time passed and eventually I found myself in a bright tunnel travelling very fast.  I was at least vaguely aware of the NDE phenomenon so I realized I must be dying.  At first I was upset, realizing that I had succeeded and starting worrying about the people left behind.  As I travelled down the tunnel I felt these fears stripped away from me one by one.

Eventually the tunnel let out onto a platform with a marble floor.  There were various people milling about in grey hooded robes.  One of them came up to me and introduced himself as my guided.  The architecture of the place I was was very greek in style with columns and such.  I don't believe it was heaven OR hell.

Around this point my emotional situation took a turn for the worst.  I felt a very strong feeling of depression or failure or something along those lines.  This persisted throughout the experience.  This is just an interpretation based on subsequent studies of NDEs but I think it probably had to do with the way I got there (suicide attempt) and the fact that I hadn't completed my mission.

I don't really remember a lot of what happened next, but I know at one point I visited a site of some special significance.  There was a large circle of some type, and I stepped inside it I could feel the love of God radiating into my body.  It was somewhat impersonal in that I had no actual communication with God, just the feeling of warm love.

There was only small event after that, that I can remember, which involved contact with a deceased family member which I will not recount here.

I don't remember returning to my body.  I woke up the next morning feeling like I had been hit by a train.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     Yes

 Suicide attempt used a large quantity of a dissociative anaesthetic

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Uncertain

 Uncertain of how close to death I was

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?           Beforehand, very confused.  Once I was in the tunnel my thoughts were clearer than they had ever been.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   Slightly.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

Did not look at myself, so unknown.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?           Just the tone before I passed out on the bed.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Yes

             Describe:      Very bright tunnel

Did you see a light?           Yes

The tunnel was very brightly lit, yes.  Otherwise, no.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes

 Various grey robed humans, the only one I talked to was my guide.  Didn't recognize any of them.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    Uncertain, If I did, I don't remember it.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?           Yes

The place I was in wasn't heaven, but it wasn't bad looking at all (nice marble floors, towering white columns, etc)

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?       Uncertain

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Yes

I've had a few mystical experiences recently.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes

 Started believing in God and seeking out a liberal religious group to belong to.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?       I'm more compassionate, though this didn't come about until recently.  I used to want to get an MBA and make big bucks working for some company somewhere.  Now I just want to be a social worker.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes

Now I'm a Quaker and a more compassionate person in general.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes

I shared this experience on the NDE list on yahoogroups.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  Relief at being alive.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The best part was the fact that it was unlike anything I had ever experienced.  The worst part was the feeling of depression/failure that went along with it.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        I wish I remembered more of it.

 Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         Yes

The mystical experiences were similar in that they weren't like anything I had experienced prior to the NDE, but without the negative feelings that went along with the NDE.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes