Darlene K's NDE

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:
            I was asleep.  Then I was floating above my body.  I observed the shine on my hanging copper pot and the pretty colors of my quilt.  I watched my body but I don't recall seeing Mom in the room with me at that time.  I floated up to the ceiling. 

Lucy entered the room with the bright rays of sun through the window.  She had no body, like me.  We greeted each other happily and played, spinning and twirling in the air.  It was fun. 

When we stopped, she took me up through a dark tunnel with an intense light at the top.  When we arrived, there was no top or bottom.  There was nothing there but love.  It was pure love.  Intense love.  Everything was okay.  Everyone there was okay.  They were all happy, loving beings.  They were expecting Lucy.  They talked with her and laughed with her.  I watched them and felt the love all around me.  They reviewed Lucy's past.  Suddenly, I felt a being communicate, "You're not supposed to be here." 

As I awoke, I felt pressure on my chest.  I felt lips on mine.  When I opened my eyes, Mom was leaving the room with her pillow.  I never slept with one for obvious reasons.  I noticed that my arms were folded across my chest like a dead person.  She seemed angry with me and said it was because I wouldn't wake up. 

I told Mom about the dream I had.  She didn't think much of it until later that day when we got a call from Aunt Barbara telling us that Lucy had died that morning. 

For years, I believed I had a psychic experience.  I was wrong.  It wasn't ESP.  It was NDE.  I was killed and revived by my mother.  It has taken most of my life for me to come to terms with what Mom did to me and the rest of my family.  We all suffered abuse from her.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No      

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes     For years after this happened, I believed I was psychic.  It wasn't until the past few years that I became fully aware that it wasn't related to ESP.  It took years for me to come to terms with all my mother did to me, my sister, my niece, and my dad.  I realize now that I died for a short time and then Mom resuscitated me.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    Colors, smells, and warmth seemed heightened before we went up to the light.  When we got to the light, the totality of life was love and happiness.  There was nothing else.  And it was intense.  Very intense and endless in scope.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            Colors, smells, and warmth seemed heightened before we went up to the light.  When we got to the light, the totality of life was love and happiness.  There was nothing else.  And it was intense.  Very intense and endless in scope.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     Colors were more vivid.  I was able to perceive details I would ordinarily consider to be trivial. 

As far a transparency - yes!  Lucy was filmy and so was I.  The beings in the light were too.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Uncertain      I could hear unspoken words during the communication process.  Other than that, I can't recall.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            I felt intense love, joy, happiness, and sympathy (for Lucy).  I had the most incredible peaceful feeling that I've ever had in my life.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Yes     It was completely dark inside except for the intensely bright light at the top.  We went through so fast.

Did you see a light?           Yes     The light was very bright.  It wasn't blinding like the sun.  It was softly intense.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     Lucy met me in my bedroom.  We went up to the light together.  Some being greeted her and went over her past while I waited.  I didn't know anyone else there but Lucy.  They laughed and seemed to be having fun.  It was clear they were expecting her.  The being that told me I wasn't supposed to be there kind of scared me.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No       Lucy's life was reviewed, not mine.  What happened changed my life.  It helped me to become the resilient person I am today.  When I feel sorry for myself for having had complex PTSD (meaning I was abused for years starting at a young age), I remember that love and knowledge are all that really matter in life.  I know I will live again when this body dies.  I never believed in reincarnation before this experience.  It taught me that I lived before and everything I learn in this life, I take into the next, like rungs on a ladder.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes     Lucy died that morning.

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?           Yes            The dimension I visited was the light.  If this is not what this question meant, then my answer is no.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     Everything we did was very fast.  The light was far away but we traveled in an instant.  When I was at the light, I had a sense that I was far away from my body.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes     We live many lives.  We learn lessons.  We take that knowledge into the next life.  All that is important are two things.  Knowledge and love.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes     At the light, the being that communicated to me that I wasn't supposed to be there enforced the boundary and I snapped back into my body.  If I would have been allowed to stay there, I believe my body would have died.

Did you become aware of future events?       No           

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     Uncertain      The only reason I selected uncertain is that at first I thought I had ESP.  Now I know I don't because it was NDE not ESP.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I shared it with my mom immediately.  She didn't think anything of it until she got the call that Lucy died.  Then she realized she had gone too far and that was the last time she smothered me.  I told my sister and my brother-in-law the same day.  They didn't believe it.  I told my hubby, my friends, and other family members.  Some of them believed it happened.  Some of them thought I was just dreaming.  My hubby and I started studying Science of the Mind and joined Rosicrucians.  We don't study it any longer.  Judy and Susan remember me telling them this same story at the time when I thought it was ESP.  Since that time, I have accepted that I was a victim of child abuse and that it was NDE not ESP.  I think it has impacted Judy's and Susan's spirituality in a positive way.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    No      

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    My cousin Lucy died that morning.  I attended her funeral a few days later and wrote a poem for her eulogy.  I wouldn't have written a poem for her funeral if it weren't true because we were never close.  I was much younger than her.  I hadn't seen her in years.  She died in Mexico.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?    I was freaked out when I found out Lucy died that morning.  I also focused too much on how I came back.  "You're not supposed to be here."  I always add "yet" myself because I don't like it the way I remember it.  Other than that, the love is something I'll never forget.  I can almost feel it whenever I want to.  It's the nicest memory I have of my teen years.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was probably real    I took a philosophy class at UOP on the critical examination of life after death.  My college term paper was on this experience.  In it, I used the snowball effect to show it was real. 

It became even more real after I realized it was NDE not ESP.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Uncertain      I have maintained friendships for years, have a loving husband and family.  I am still married after nearly 25 years with my hubby.  I have forgiven my mother for her abuse and my dad for his distant relationship with me and my mom.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?            Yes            I used to be unsure whether or not to go back to the Adventist church.  After my experience, I know we all return to our Higher Power when we die.  I don't believe in the rituals and superstitions that most religions do.  I can't go back.  I want to move forward in my life.  I want to learn as much as I can.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No       I was smothered many times.  When I was about 3 or 4, Mom smothered me and I had an out-of-body experience.  She poisoned me with something nasty and I was unconscious for 3 weeks in the hospital when I was 8 or 9.  She drugged me and I lost a weekend when I was 17. 

I have had two major surgeries.  The surgeon told me he almost lost me in both instances but I came back on my own.