Connie T NDE

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

Two nurses came into my hospital room at UCLA to help me sit up for the first time since my injury and subsequent surgical repair.  Just as the had helped me sit up on the edge of my bed, I passed out or fainted, falling back onto the bed. 

I had no awareness of the nurses or the hospital room during my time out.  I found myself in a field of brightly colored flowers, with the sensation of a river flowing just beyond the flowers.  The whole area was enveloped in a very bright yellowish light.  Just on the other side of the river was a huge crowd of beings with no discernable faces or other body characteristics.  I had an overwhelming sense of welcome with the impression that they were beckoning to me to join them. Although I didn't actually see her, I was aware that one of them was my grandmother who had passed away about 10 years before.  I can recall vaguely wondering if my father was in the crowd (he died when I was 11). 

I didn't actually speak to anyone, nor did I hear any words spoken to me.  It was more, just a very brightly colored vision, with sensations of joy and welcome. 

I awakened to find the nurses pulling me up by my arms to get back into a sitting position. I asked them what had happened and they told me I had simply fainted and passed out for a few seconds.  I did not tell anyone what I had seen and there was no further mention of the "fainting" episode, other than them telling me that this fainting often happens when one tries to sit after having been in a prone position for an extended period of time (in my case, about 2 weeks).  

As brief as it may have been, this was probably one of the most wonderful  experiences of my life.  Having attended church as a child and teen, I am moderately skeptical of the value of organized religion, but have always believed in "God" or some kind of higher power.  This experience filled me with joy and hopefulness, and with the firm knowledge that our souls survive our earthly life.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No      

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Uncertain      It occurred while I was in the hospital recovering from a traumatic leg injury (bicycling accident), for which I had an ACL repair, an open-reduction-internal-fixation (ORIF) right tibial plateau repair and a four-compartment fasciotomy.  I was also transfused with two units of blood a couple of days after the surgery.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    The overall event was very brief, but I felt as if I were more alert and conscious that at any other time in my life.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            The overall event was very brief, but I felt as if I were more alert and conscious that at any other time in my life.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     I saw the brightest colors I have ever experienced.  I did not have any sense of solidness/transparency and was not able to discern faces or actual human-like bodies, yet it felt very much like an infinite number of "people" welcoming me and beckoning to me to join them. 

I did not have any sense at all of being asked to make a "stay or return" decision.  I simply awoke to find the nurses pulling me back up.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Yes     I could hear a humming sound, which I interpreted at that time as a large number of murmuring voices.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Joy, excitement, a desire to see more

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          No      

Did you see a light?           Yes     I sensed a very bright yellowish light (like sunlight) over the entire scene, but did not see a tunnel or a separate light off in the distance.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     See answer in # 3 above.  I saw many, many, many beings murmuring and beckoning me toward them.  I knew that one was my grandmother who had passed away 10 years before.  Other than the murmuring and beckoning, I neither heard nor said any actual words.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No      

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No      

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Yes     An incredibly colorful field of what i interpreted as flowers, between me and a flowing river.  Just immediately across the river was a large crowd of beings beckoning to me and welcoming me.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   No      

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes     I sensed more strongly than ever that our souls survive our earthly life and more importantly, that our loved ones are there as well.  I also came through the experience feeling that I need to be more kind and understanding toward others, be less acquisitive of material things, and that life on earth is really about learning lessons and becoming a better person.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain      There was a large field of flowers and a river between me and the others.  It didn't feel restrictive, but I was aware that I was not yet where they were, but could be at some point in the future.

Did you become aware of future events?       No           

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     No      

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     It was many years before I ever told anyone.  I have, within the past year or two, told some close friends or family members because the sensations I felt at the time of the incident(19 years ago) remain as strong and clear as ever.  Each person I have told has indicated that they perceive it as a positive experience and have seemed to be encouraged by what seems to me as "life after death".

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    No      

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    It just seemed like a wonder gift - a glimpse into what would be waiting for all of us someday in the future.  I have never been "into" organized religion, yet i have NO DOUBT that what I experienced was definitely real.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?   

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real    It's now 19 years later, and I believe what I saw was as "real" as (or more so than) any other experience in my life.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     I believe I am a kinder, less self-centered person.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?            Uncertain      I am more certain of an after-life, but still think that most organized churches are something that i don't need in order to have a relationship with God.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         Yes     Throughout my life, I have never been a recreational drug user and have rarely taken any prescription medications (except that I began taking Metformin for diabetes type 2 just a few months ago).   

However, since the NDE experience described above, I had a one-time, intensely realistic "dream" in which I talked all night long with my father who died of cancer when i was 11 years old.  For several decades I had had occasional recurrent anxiety dreams about his death and the ensuing separation from him. In the anxiety dreams, I would dream that we learned he hadn't really died after all, but was in a nearby hospital.  I would rush to the hospital because I wanted to tell him that I loved him.  Each time I had the dream (once or twice a year), I would arrive at the hospital only to learn that he had just died for real, and I had once again missed the opportunity to tell him. 

Then about 10 years ago (9 years after my NDE), in one amazingly compelling dream, I actually got to sit and talk with my Dad for what seemed like many hours.  I told him about my life, my daughter, my siblings and my Mom, then I told him about the recurrent anxiety dreams mentioned above and how more than anything I had missed the chance to tell him how much I loved him.  He smiled at me and said, "I always knew that you loved me".  Throughout the experience I was very well aware that it was a dream.  When he finally told me that it was time for me to go back, I was so excited at having talked with him, that I asked if I could come visit him again the following night.  He smiled and said, "Let's give it a rest for now, but I promise that you WILL see me again".