Christine A's NDE

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

I'm going to have to describe "scenes" that I can recall--since I was cheated out of a full and complete memory of it. 

The first scene I remember was that I was in my apartment bedroom (where my body lay).  My ceiling light was on and my body lie near the right side of my bed.  I was on the left side of my bed, not up in the air, yet not on the ground either.  I saw several people knelt down around my body, so I couldn't really even see myself.  The people wore dark clothing, so I'm assuming they were police.  I think I saw one person with a white shirt (EMT?).  While I was watching the 'event' I was with two of my deceased relatives: my grandfather's cousin, Aunt Kate (who was more like a grandmother to me); and my Uncle Harry.  In life, these were really the only two members of my family (besides my mother) that I was close to.  I loved them very, very much.   

I don't remember ANY strong emotion at all during the NDE.  In fact, I felt almost emotionally detached from what was going on.  I was not elated, I was not frightened nor angry, etc. Just peaceful, calm, and almost like accepting.  But I 'knew' why Kate and Harry were there.  I knew that they were going to take me somewhere.  I was ok with it.  I did feel some type of comfort in knowing that they were there, and maybe even a bit of surprise (?)

One VERY strong memory of this scene was the fact that my aunt and uncle did not speak to me in words...yet I was communicating with them. (I mean, maybe they DID speak to me, but I have no memory of it).  Also, the weirdest thing was the fact that I didn't really 'see' them as 'people' as I remembered them in life.  They were there, but I'm not sure how I was perceiving them- if that makes any sense!. 

The next scene was completely different.  I was outside and it was dark. (the incident happened in the evening)  I was travelling forward -- not walking, not flying, just being propelled forward.  I could 'see' my aunt and uncle in front of me- my uncle slightly to my right and my aunt in the lead.  We were travelling through this beautiful valley--a completely open and uninhabited space.  I slightly remember the sensation of coolness.  I remember the black sky, maybe some stars.  In the distance was a massive 'wall' of rolling hills/mountains.  We were moving towards the mountains... 

Unfortunately, that's it.  When I awoke from my coma, my mother told me that I was asking for my aunt and uncle; and was shocked to hear that they were deceased!! She said that I exclaimed, "But I was just with them!"  But I didn't explain anything more than that, nor was I asked. (I have no memory of saying that because of my short term memory loss--I had only a retention of a few seconds after I awoke.  For example, I kept asking over and over again "Who sent the pretty flowers?!?" in my hospital room! lol  It drove my parents crazy!

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     My memories of it are sketchy because I was in a coma afterwards and suffered from short term memory loss for years afterwards.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes     I was being treated for leukemia; and one of the chemo drugs caused major electrical problems in my heart.  I experienced V-Fib one night and did not have an internal defibrillator at that time.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    I don't know if I can answer that because of the sketchiness of the memory.  But I do remember both scenes (my apartment and the valley) quite vividly. So I guess during those two scenes, I was at my most alert maybe? That's why I retained the memory of those scenes???

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    Normal consciousness and alertness

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            I don't know if I can answer that because of the sketchiness of the memory.  But I do remember both scenes (my apartment and the valley) quite vividly. So I guess during those two scenes, I was at my most alert maybe? That's why I retained the memory of those scenes???

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     I was VERY award of the brightness of my ceiling light.  The night time blackness of the valley was very distinct.  The coolness I felt was very clear.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Uncertain      I don't remember hearing anything.  But again, that could be due to poor memory, not the experience itself.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Peace, comfort, calmness, acceptance, NOT frightened at all, happy/surprised to see my relatives, not emotionally connected in any way to the people in the room, including myself.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Uncertain      Again, poor memory.

Did you see a light?           Uncertain      same

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     My deceased aunt and uncle.  They were by my side, one on either side of me in my bedroom...then, in front of me during my journey.  They communicated with me but I don't remember words being spoken.  They were there for a reason- to comfort me and take me somewhere.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    Uncertain      Poor memory

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Uncertain      same as above

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Yes     I described the valley/mountains.  They were beautiful but black because it was night time.  I would assume that I was still on earth at that time, but I'm just not sure.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     No sense of time at all.  Time did not exist.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes     I knew that I was going somewhere.  I didn't realize that it was probably heaven? until I remembered the experience after waking up.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes     Maybe the wall of hills/mountains was the boundary???  Because I could not see what was beyond them!!  There was slight anticipation about reaching this wall.

Did you become aware of future events?       Uncertain
            Poor memory

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     No      

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I shared it with my mother as soon as I awoke in the hospital, but she didn't press me for details.  Nobody's reaction was negative. But many people that heard the story believed that it was probably a real NDE. MY mom didn't try to help me remember it.  She just listened to me.  I also told other people in days/months/years to come

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    Yes     I had heard of it, probably from TV, and was curious about the 'science' or neurological basis of it...but was pretty skeptical about it and figured it was probably some form of hallucination.

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was probably not real         Well, as I said above, as a science teacher and a materialist back then, I was skeptical about the event.  And I also felt quite angry that I was cheated out of the complete memory of it (assuming that there was more too it!)  I had always 'searched' for God...and felt that a full memory of the NDE would certainly have helped me in my own personal belief system.  Only recently have I become more open minded to the existence of God.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?            Being with my aunt and uncle.  That was very comforting and pleasant.  I wanted to be with them.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was probably real    I have been very serious about my search for God in the past year...reading everything I can get my hands on (debates, books, etc).  I'm now realizing that the arguments for atheism just don't satisfy my deepest questions anymore.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Uncertain      My relationship with my parents were already changing prior to my NDE because of the reality of my leukemia and the fact that I might die.  Very soon after the NDE, I met my husband...and we married quickly and started a family.  Before this, I never would have thought that I would get married and have kids.  I wasn't sure that I wanted that.  AFter the NDE, I did, very much.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?            Yes     As I explained above, I became much more open minded to the possibility of a God and began searching for him more seriously.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No      

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        Yes!!  (This is extremely personal) About a year after the NDE, I became pregnant.  At first, i was filled with fear because I was still in remission from the leukemia and didn't want to relapse and be pregnant at the same time.  I knew that I wouldn't survive the relapse and that my child would be without a mother.  I planned an abortion.  On the day of the abortion, I was lying on a stretcher, waiting to be taken into the operating room.  All of a sudden (and I wasn't a very emotional person before this), I became filled with love for my child and grief about what I was about to do.  The doc came over and saw my utter despair.  She held my hand and I said, "I can't do this".  She smiled and I got up, got dressed and went home with my husband.  Something inside, something foreign, was telling me "How could you do this when you yourself were given a second (surviving cancer) and third (surviving the NDE) chance to live!!" It was the BEST DECISION I HAVE EVER MADE IN MY LIFE! (in addition to my sceond child, also!!) LOL

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes     But I wish I could explain more.  I hate having such a poor memory of it!!!

Are there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience?   If my NDE ever does get published somewhere, I would like to know about it somehow.