Catherine R's NDEs

2 NDE Experiences and integration - 1st submission 2006, second submission 2011

2nd submission 2011

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

I had been married one year. My husband Bruce, 3 friends Kimmy, Glenn, Danny and myself went to ski in St. Anton, Austria. Our last day, Kim and I were following Bruce, but decided to find a friendlier slope. While traversing across, we heard Danny scream "Watch Out!" We looked up to see Danny, mid air above us, flying off a ski jump. We tried to get out of his way. I had my back turned when he came crashing into me. The pain was everywhere. As suddenly as the pain hit, it stopped. One of the most memorable parts of the experience was the KNOWING that I had just died. I went from pain everywhere, unbearable, only lasting a few seconds, to "Ahhhhhhhhhh, so THIS is what it's like to die!", a peaceful, calm, release as soon as the pain just stopped. 

I went through every possible emotion. The first being fear, seeing Danny and knowing what might happen if he hit me. Pain, when he hit. Calm, peace, release when the pain stopped and I had the realization that I was now dead and how I "KNEW" that 'this is what it's like to die". Then, I entered a void of nothing, not really being anywhere, but I was still aware of me. I became scared, not knowing what was going on, or where I was or was going. Not a real sense of movement, just a void and an upward sense. 

The next feeling was of not knowing where I was. I felt like just a head, or that only my head was above this layer of white. I was in an all white world, just my head peering above this cloudy layer separating me from below. Frightened. Quiet. Nothing anywhere. I couldn't talk, find my body to move anything. It seemed like several minutes went by while I waited, just scared, alone, unable to do anything but 'think' with my brain. 

There was a 'condensed' white area of brightness, far off in the corner of this flat level.  To understand, picture your head chopped off, sitting on top of a layer of white cloud. You can't turn it, but you can look around. From that condensed area, two figures emerged. It appeared as if they were the length of a football field from me. They were dressed in long white robes with hoods covering their faces. They moved as if they were on a moving sidewalk. The side walk came out straight, then turned at a corner and head toward me. I was scared, frightened, had no one around to comfort me, just felt really scared and alone. 

When they were within 20', they stopped. The first figure lifted his hood and revealed himself to be my deceased Uncle John. Behind him, my grandmother. They were the only two close relatives at the time who were deceased. My uncle and I were very close. My grandmother and I, not so much. Truthfully, my grandmother and I never got along, she scared me. Seeing my uncle, however, I was soooooooo excited. I wanted to run to him, to hug him, to tell him I loved and missed him. I couldn't do anything. It was extremely frustrating trying to get any part of me to 'listen'. Instead, you 'think' your thoughts. It's like your body is below this layer, frozen in concrete, but your thoughts are happening. After what seemed like a minute of trying to get to him without success, he looked at me with this calmness, shook his head slowly side to side, pulled his hood back down and did a 180degree turn. My grandmother pulled her hood down and followed. I note the turns, always at right angles. The way the sidewalk came out and turned at a 45degree, the way they turned and left. Precise. 

My next emotion was total hurt, frustration, angst at not being able to hug him, watching him leave me, being left alone again. The next feeling was intense sharp pain, like someone had taken a knife and slit my chest open side to side. I looked up to see my husband leaning over me, one of the friends standing above, the others, just standing around. I was MAD!!! I was mad, angry, wanted to take out my frustration on these people who had, in the way I felt, been the reason I wasn't allowed to go with my uncle. 

The first words I heard were from my husband, who whispered in my ear so no one else could hear. "Shhhh, don't say ANYTHING to make Danny feel bad. He's been crying because he thinks he killed you."

Here I just left this all white surreal world, and now my brain is trying to process what he's saying to me. Confusion. My head, my body, it all hurt, but my main feeling was "What just happened? Where was I?" Being a new wife and not wanting to upset my husband, I said nothing to anyone. Everyone was acting really strange. Quiet. No one was talking. Just a really awkward feeling. I felt like an outsider.  

They kept trying to get me to stand up, but I kept falling over. My husband decided we should go to the bar at the top and have a beer till I felt good enough to ski. The five of us sat at this large table, sipping beer. No one mentioned what had just happened. I wasn't allowed to mention what just happened. Instead I was being made to feel like I was keeping the gang from skiing their last day in Austria. My husband kept leaning over whispering "Do you think you can ski yet?" My head hurt SO BAD, but I felt guilty so I said I'd try. I stood, I fell. Repeat. My husband offered me his ski poles to help me stand and ski since mine had snapped in the accident. They didn't help. Meanwhile my brain is still running through this video in my head of my NDE, unable to tell anyone because 'I would upset Danny.' 

After several failed attempts, my husband decided to send me down to the ski lodge to take a nap while they finished skiing for the day. So, curled in a ball on a chair, I tried to sleep. Don't remember much about that, just bad head pain. The next day we were awoken by our tour guide banging on our door at 6am telling us we had 10min to get on the bus or we'd miss our flight home.  So everything you can do wrong with a head injury, I did. No medical, drank alcohol, slept, drank more that night, then got on a plane and flew from Austria to NY. Interesting to note, when we arrived at JFK, on the news was the Shell gas station across the street from our hotel in St. Anton, buried from an avalanche. If we hadn't been woken up, we would've been buried. I feel like death was chasing me or something. 

In 1994 I had 7 seizures in one day. The doctor did an MRI. I will never forget this. He asked me if I had ever had any near death experience or major head trauma. I turned, looked at my husband who never believed me, and said "YES! St. Anton!" He said I had an area of dead brain cells in my left temporal lobe, about the size of a marble, indicative of clinical death for 3 to 5 minutes. I turned to my husband and said "I TOLD YOU I WAS DEAD!!!" To this day, I think he lives with guilt. No one will talk to me about it. Not even my girlfriend Kim. Part of me thinks they all feel guilty. Knowing my husband better now, I think his main concern at the time of the accident was with the laws in Austria. 'If I was really dead, what was going to happen to Danny?' I think that's what they were all standing around trying to figure out when I came to. No one was doing CPR, etc. No one even spoke about medical attention. Danny knew I was dead. He had me laying on his lap, rocking me back and forth screaming "I killed her! I killed her!" (This is about all I could get out of my husband, who said he had to take his skis off and climb up this steep slope when he heard Danny screaming.) 

Since the accident, my memory doesn't store. I am eternally 28. I can remember things that I repeat, talk about over and over, write down (like this). I remember things or people that happened prior to 94ish. It's an ongoing, constantly trying to figure out what I do remember, can, why, etc.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain      The prior knowledge of communication can't be used. No words are spoken, I wanted to move, to speak, but couldn't. Frustration, not being able to find my body to move it.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Uncertain     

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    It was all pretty even, just these for bullets: "Ahhhhh, so THIS is what it's like to die!" Where am I? Who is that? Why can't I talk or run to you? No, don't leave me! Who did this! Who took me from my uncle!

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    Normal consciousness and alertness

            It was all pretty even, just these for bullets: "Ahhhhh, so THIS is what it's like to die!" Where am I? Who is that? Why can't I talk or run to you? No, don't leave me! Who did this! Who took me from my uncle!

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  No      

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Uncertain      There were no words spoken. Nothing to hear. Silence. Only sounds were Danny yelling "Watch out!", then my husband whispering "Shhhh, don't say anything to make Danny feel bad. He's been crying because he thinks he killed you."

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Frightened, calm, sense of surreal, peace, scared & alone, frustration, excitement, frustration again, wondering, anger upon return.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Uncertain      I passed through a layer of all white, but only with my head.

*My uncle has since come to me in 2 vivid dreams from down a tunnel. The first, I was pregnant, due in 4 days. He came down a tunnel, handed me a baby, said it's a girl and her name is Carly. I saved you so you could have her." Funny thing, I didn't know the sex yet, but if it was a girl her name was to be Brianna. Everyone I told this vivid weird dream to would say "I LOVE the name Carly!" Well, he named her from the beyond. She's Carly. Interestingly, in her 16yrs, she has saved my life twice, & called 911 three times for me. I call her my angel.

Did you see a light?           Yes     I call it a condensed area of bright light, far off in the corner from where the two figures emerged.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     My uncle John and Grandmother, dressed like the Klu Klux Clan in all white robes with hoods. Nothing was spoken, but he let me know it wasn't my time and I had to return. They came to me on a moving sidewalk thing from a condensed area of bright white light off in the corner of this all white layer world.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No      

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No       I had an out of body once during a surgery where I was above, out in a hallway, watching a doctor running down the hall to me. It was confirmed to me later that my blood pressure had dropped, I had a reaction to the drug and stopped breathing. The doctor was called to come 'aid in my resuscitation'. I only bring this up to point out that there was a difference. The surgery, I was still lingering, hadn't passed. That to me was a NDE. In St. Anton, I didn't care WHAT was happening down below...I was 100% occupied with what was happening up there. The accident, I HAD passed and WAS dead. I don't like calling it a NDE really because compared with the surgery, it went way beyond the term 'near'.

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Yes     Flat, bright, all white world with a condensed bright white round area about a football field away.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   No       The only 'time' issue was when I first entered as this head or 'container of thoughts', when I realized I couldn't move, was alone, didn't know what was happening, it seemed like it took a long time before my dead relatives appeared and came to me. But it could be just because I was scared.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     No      

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes     I passed through the first boundary, that layer of white that I peeped up over. The next boundary would have been if my uncle and grandmother had allowed me to follow them back into that condensed white bright area of light from which they emerged. I was 'rejected' and returned.

Did you become aware of future events?       No           

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     Yes     There have been numerous psychic experiences, but because my memory is disabled, I can only name a few.

I have looked someone in the eye and in seconds I knew his girl friend, whom I had never even met, had just had an abortion that day. Neither one of them had told  sole and I barely knew him. His friend, blown away by my sudden statement "OMG, your girl friend had an abortion!" (I still can't believe I said it out loud, it just came out) decided to test me and asked what he was thinking about right then. I said "Pebbles?" He looked dumbfounded and said, "No, Rocks." Since that night, they see me in a different light I think.

My daughter and friends were saying goodbye to a friend going to Europe for a semester. She was nervous. I told her I see her having all kinds of fun with this redhead. She looked at me a little shocked because she had talked to another girl she hadn't met yet who was going, and she had red hair. Sure enough, their facebook pages are filled with pictures of the two of them having a blast in Europe.

I do this stuff all the time. I can just see things.

1st NDE Experience

While skiing with 4 friends in Austria, my girlfriend and I decided to traverse across a very steep run that went 'beyond the US's description of difficult slope". The angle was steep, to say the least. My husband had skied ahead of us and was down below, when suddenly we heard Danny scream, "Watch Out". We both looked up to see him about 70' above us in the air, coming off a ski jump. Kim got out of the way, I was crushed by a 6'4", 200+ guy. I remember feeling intense, incredible pain EVERYWHERE, and then, it just stopped.

At that instant, I can vividly remember thinking "So THIS is what it's like to die," with a calm feeling of acceptance. While thinking this I rose above my body and went up to a 'layer' or boundary as you implied earlier, of all white cloud-like matter. I felt like just a head sticking out of this layer, looking around, feeling scared not knowing where I was or what was happening. I couldn't move or talk, not that there was anyone there, yet. Then, out of the all white world, back in the far left corner, was a condensed area of white cloud-like matter. It was an opening, tunnel area of some sort. In the distance came two figures, not quite walking or floating (hard to describe). They were dressed in white robes with white hoods covering their faces. I didn't know who or what they were until they were about 10' in front of me.

Then, my uncle John lifted his hood. Behind him was my grandmother, both the only two people/relatives I knew to be deceased at the time. I was SO EXCITED to see my Uncle John. I loved him so much. But, I couldn't talk or run to him like I wanted. He didn't speak, just stood for a moment, with my grandmother still waiting behind him, then, he slowly shook his head, as if to say, "No, it's not your time". I painfully watched as he slowly turned and headed back towards the condensed white tunnel (area). My grandmother followed.

The next feeling was incredible pain, like someone slicing my chest open with a knife. That first breath was brutal, to say the least, and I was MAD, ANGRY...looking around, not sure what had just happened, all I knew was these people around me just ruined my chance at hugging my Uncle John again. God, was I angry! Of course, the only person I think who truly believed me was the guy who hit me. He had me in his arms, rocking me back and forth screaming "I killed her" I killed Her". I was told later that I have three minutes of dead brain cells, indicative of clinical death.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words?          No     

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Uncertain     I saw the guy heading toward me in the air off the ski jump, so I knew SOMETHING would happen that wouldn't be 'pleasant' if he landed on me...but I think it was more fear of injury than death from the accident

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?  When I wanted to scream to my Uncle John to come back, AND that last thought "So this is what it's like to die"

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?          More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:        I can vividly see that experience in my head better than what happened today. It's like a movie you enjoyed and re-watched 100 times. It's so surreal, you relive it over and over by yourself because most people don't believe you.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?          Yes    depth perception...looking so far away at the figures approaching me, but they reached me rather quickly now that I think about it.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
          No      No one spoke...the world was silent, completely.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?          Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          "WOW, this is what it's like to die.." relaxed, at peace, accepting. Then with my deceased relatives, frustration at not being able to move to them, or speak to them. Also, scared, fearful when I first 'arrived' and didn't know where I was.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?        Uncertain     After the experience, while pregnant, my Uncle John came to me in a dream down a white tunnel. This experience was just as real to me as the NDE. He handed me a baby, told me it was a girl, and gave me her name. He told me he has taken care of me so I could have my babies, but said now it was my turn. He left and went back up the tunnel. BTW, although Brianna was to be her name if it was a girl, anyone I told my 'dream' to loved the name 'Carly' that Uncle John had named her. So, her name is just as he said.

Did you see a light?         Yes    It was all white, but a light, not quite, more of a brightness all over with one really deep white area.

Did you meet or see any other beings?         Yes    Uncle John, Grandma, the only two people I knew to be dead at that time that I was close to. Communication was only through thoughts, no words. We could understand each other with out speaking, he shook his head back and forth as if to say "It's not your time".

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?   No     

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?         No     

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?          Yes    The layer of white clouds, all white world, it was beautiful.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Uncertain     Time didn't matter anymore.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     No     

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes    While going up from my body, I felt like 'just a head', no body attached and very suddenly, my head was sticking out above this layer of clouds. I could turn my head and look around, but had no way to move from that spot.

Did you become aware of future events?      No         

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?       Yes    I have the experience described above where Uncle John came to me in my dream. He met me in this winding tunnel that came down towards me. He had something in his arms. When I asked he said, "This is your daughter Carly. I have been taking care of her, but now it's your turn." Then he handed her to me, and while I was looking down at her, he left back up the tunnel. I didn't know the sex prior to that dream, but I was POSITIVE it would be a girl after that experience.

Have you shared this experience with others?        Yes    Right after. Other reactions are mixed. My husband, Mr. Textbook, still to this day thinks I was just 'passed out and dreaming'. This has been a HUGE barrier in our relationship. Not having my own husband believe me hurts. Other people are VERY interested, especially religious people. They like to hear about a glimpse into what's to come. BTW, my husband wasn't there when I had my NDE until that first breath.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No     

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   After the accident, the first thing I heard was my husband saying to me "Don't say anything to make Danny feel bad.  He thinks he killed you and he's been crying" Mind you, a nice, "Thank god you're alive would have been nice. I remember thinking "Huh" What? What just happened...who's crying? Everyone was more concerned about this grown man crying and not embarrassing him or making him feel bad than they were for me. They took me to the bar on top of the mountain (they had to hold me up because I kept tipping over to one side), gave me a beer, and everyone sat in silence. I wasn't "ALLOWED" to talk about my experience because "it would make Danny FEEL bad" (i.e. husband's "quote")

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you? Uncle John telling me it wasn't my time signified to me that I wasn't done with my 'chores' here on earth. There was more that I was supposed to do. Then, with the dream while pregnant, I think wwhat he meant by 'taking care of my babies' was, right after giving birth to my last (3rd) daughter,1994, I began have seizures about 4 months after her birth. If those had occurred PRIOR to my prenancies, I wouldn't have either 'been able due to drugs' or something could have happened to them if I had a seizure while pregnant. He held them off for me...

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:          Experience was definitely real         I came back a different person. i used to be shy, a bit, now I have a new sense of confidence. I go everywhere by myself without any fear of what people think, I talk to strangers and tell them they have beautiful eyes if they do, or pretty hair, nice smile, etc. I love to see people smile. It's almost giving someone that same sense of 'calm' that I had when I knew I had died. They get the same serene smile/look on their face. Peaceful I guess. I actually never thought about that until now. Maybe that is part of the reason I was sent back...to let others know they each have something special they should feel good about. Sounds egotistical, I don't feel that way, but putting it in writing sure came out sounding that way.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?          Yes    My husband and I have not gotten along due to the fact that he to this day, doesn't believe I was clinically dead, although a doctor reviewing an MRI after my "day of 7 seizures" asked us,, "Did she ever have any head injury?" When I said yes he told me that the brain cells start to die as soon as it is deprived of oxygen/death and my left temporal lobe has 3 minutes worth.

2nd NDE Experience

I was put under with anesthetic during an abortion. Although I was 'out' and surgery was underway, I could watch from above my bed what was going on below. I heard the nurse, and watched her as well, tell the doctor in a panicked voice, "Her blood pressure is 0/60...quick, get ________ (I can't remember the name)" Then, I moved across the room, still above the ground, and went out into the hallway where I saw a doctor running towards the room and over to my bed. The next thing I knew I was awake and the surgery was over. I later confirmed the events with the nurse, who was quite shocked at my story and the accuracy of the events that took place.