Carolyn B's NDE

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

            It was a Wednesday night August 2005 when I was rushed to emergency due to chronic abdominal pain and vomiting thought to be pancreatitis.  My bowel had burst, my lungs collapsed and my kidney’s failed.  I was wrapped in ice due to my soaring temperature of 42 degrees Celsius and no blood pressure.  My body was pumped full of fluid which caused retention and my weight soared from 65-140kg within one week.  It literally ripped me apart.  The pain was so excruciating that my body started shutting down.  I went blind and could not speak.   

The exhaustion I felt was tremendous.  It was as if a heavy wet black blanket was suffocating me.  Moving and speaking were extremely difficult.  I never cried, that was simply because I didn’t have the energy.   I had peritonitis from a de-functioned limb comprising most of my small bowel from the pancreas and duodenum, which had become twisted and had a perforation.  I also had intra-abdominal sepsis due to carious collections.  I had chronic immunological deficiency secondary to malnutrition.  I developed multiple opacities in my lung fields, which were thought to be due to fungal infection.  The surgeons operated to leave an open laparotomy wound down to the deep fascia.  My belly button was on the left side of my body, my entire stomach open for 9 months (the wound is still currently open at the top) and I could see about 5cm into my body.  I have currently been in three induced comas and have had 8 major surgeries.  

Within two days of being in hospital, I was put into an induced coma and my parents were informed that I had 48hrs left to live unless I had surgery.  The percentage of survival from the surgery was extremely minimal due to numerous complications.  

During the coma I could hear and feel, however I could not respond.  I remember trying with all my energy just to lift my eyelids but my body would not co-operate.  The exhaustion was overwhelming.  It was during the coma that I experienced a white mist pass through the top of my head and work its way slowly through my body.  It was a warm feeling and I remember thinking ‘it’s cleaning me, this light is cleaning every cell in my body’.  It stopped at my heart and spent some time there before it continued through my body.  The next thing that happened I believe was while I was on the operating table.  After consultations with my surgeons they have admitted that it is not medically possible that I am alive.  They informed me that my heart never stopped beating and they were sure I wasn’t going to make it through the surgery or even through the recovery.  

I remember being in a valley. I would always get upset at funerals when I heard Psalm 23 ‘Even though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me’.  I saw a sandy pathway and black jagged rocks either sides.  The rocks were the blackest of the black; they reached high into the heavens as if there was no ending.  The only reason I could see these rocks was because there was a light that was in the valley.  It turned the darkness into light. I had no body but I could see a man dressed in a brilliant white robe.  His clothes were as bright as a lightning bolt.  Light and love radiated from him and drenched me in absolute euphoria.  His love for me was so overwhelming that I could only look at him in absolute awe.  It was like being dunked into the Pacific with water rushing inside and outside of you, absolute saturation, every cell soaked in His love.   He was walking towards me while holding the hand of a young girl.  I knew that the little girl was me.  Suddenly I was inside the little girl and could see through her eyes.  I turned my head and looked up at Him.  He was looking down at me with such compassion and love.  His eyes revealed such a purity, a holiness, emotion beyond human capability.  I knew that no human had the capacity to feel even a speck of the enormity of his love.  I was His child and he loved me. He then spoke to me, not through words but through thought.  ‘It’s not your time yet’.  It was then that I came back. 

When I awoke one of the first things I said was ‘I can see! I can see! It’s as if scales have fallen from my eyes’.  My mother who is a nurse responded with yes, I know that you can see.  It wasn’t the physical seeing that I was referring to, it was the spiritual.  It was if a curtain had been placed across my eyes due to a traumatic incident that happened when I was 18.  It affected every part of my life.  The way I acted, the way I spoke, the way I viewed relationships and the world had all been infiltrated because of this one event.  I had felt dirty and harbored feelings of guilt due to what happened.  I had thought that God could not look at me.  I had felt that I was never good enough.  Through this event, I was able to see into my own heart.  I was able to see myself as God sees me.  Laying on my hospital bed with tubes covering my body, an open would of 40cm X 40cm, hair falling out, skin peeling off my eye lids, water retention exploding me to a hefty weight of 140kg, I felt beautiful.  I felt so beautiful, so pure, and so clean!  This is how God sees me.  I was able to forgive people in the past.  I had previously thought that by forgiving someone was ‘letting them off’.  I now realize by not forgiving them that you are bound to them.  So many realizations and truths were brought to light.  I experienced another 2 comas, the second in which I saw hell.  I didn’t sleep for 3 days in ICU after the visions I saw.  You will have to contact me to find out about that one! They actually had to tie me to the bed during that coma as I was trying to pull all of my tubes out which would have resulted in death.   

I was in a wheel chair for ten months, dropped down to 55kg in four months and was anorexic (I’m 175cm tall).  I vomited up to 30X a day for about 10 months, which was extremely painful with an open wound.  I have lost a lot of hair, have numerous scares, am still in recovery and due for another major surgery because the wound is infected and has developed a sinus.  There were times that I wanted to die.  I am not afraid of death anymore.  We are all here for a certain time to do God’s will.  I can confidently say that even though I have been told I may never recover fully, I am a walking miracle.  A miracle both medically and cured from past hurts.  I believe that I will fully recover.  The doctors are amazed at my progress.  I am back teaching high school 3 days a week which is exhausting, but hey, I’m teaching! 

I am glad that I went through all the pain, it was worth it.  The doctor’s thought I would die from the pain, they are still shaking their heads.  I would go through it all again, just to see His face.  Just to experience His love.  The miracles that happened during that time, and I have only touched the surface in this recount have cemented my beliefs in the Christian God.  The only God.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     There are no words in the English language that are capable of describing the absolute euphoria and intensity of God’s love.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes     My parents were told that I had 48hrs left to live.  If I didn't have immediate surgery of would die, if I had the surgery there wasn't much hope of survival.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    While I was in the valley.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    Normal consciousness and alertness                 While I was in the valley.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Uncertain      Not really, however the  light was extremely bright but didn't hurt my eyes.  I relate it to the purity of a lightning bolt.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?            No      

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Absolute love and euphoria

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Uncertain      Through a valley

Did you see a light?           Yes    

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     I saw Jesus.  I instinctively knew him automatically.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No      

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes     During the coma someone was massaging my feet and it was tickling me. I couldn't communicate this which was driving me mad.  I later found out it was the physio.  I could also feel my father stroking my hair and my mother and boyfriend talking to each other.  I wanted to join in the conversation but couldn't.  This was during the coma, before the experience of light

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?           Yes            The valley.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   No      

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes            Realization that the world hypnotizes us with images and words to lead us away from the truth.  The meaning to life is simply to glorify God.  We are all here for a reason, and it is His purpose. Humans are sucked into earthly desires which blur then vision of reality.  I came to realize that we often don't even know what is in our own heart.  I relate this also to the subconscious (Freud)

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain      Jesus was leading the young girl (me) back from somewhere, as if to bring me back to earth.

Did you become aware of future events?       No           

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     Yes     It was if I could feel other people's pain.  When someone would come to see me I would simply 'know' about pain in their life.  While I was in ICU, I experienced the feeling of a heart attack when unknown to myself, the life support of the patient next to me was being turned off.   She came in with a heart attack.  I also could not see the patient a few beds away from me but could feel pain down through my left leg.  I asked my mum to investigate and later found that he had been in an accident with damage to his left leg.  Numerous events like this happened. For a time, it was if I took on other people's pain for a few minutes.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     Straight away.  Yes, people have been influenced.  Often people break down crying when I describe what it was like in the valley, especially when I look into 'His' eyes.  I have told people I don't even know, shops, on public transport etc and the same reaction happens. The comment that a sense of tingling or goose bumps appear when I tell my story.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    No      

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    It is still extremely clear.  I have had some memory loss due to all the procedures I have had, but this is still so pure in my mind.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?            Several parts.  The first coma which I have explained but also the second when I had a vision of hell.  After talking with my yr10 English class about it a girl came up to me and told me she had seen the same thing.  I never relayed the description of the animals I saw but she asked me about them.  I asked her why and she said that she had seen them too and didn't sleep for three days.  When I asked her to describe them they were the same as what I saw.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real    I know that it was real.  The medical profession is confused, however I know that it is a miracle I am here.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     It is easier to forgive and also understand why people do bad things.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?            Yes            I am indeed a stronger Christian now.  I always had some doubt in the back of my mind.  When I awoke I quoted many scriptures from the bible word for word that I hadn't read.  This assisted in verifying the truth of the bible.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No      

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        I have heaps more to tell but its 12:43am so it will have to be at another time.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Uncertain      Many more amazing things happened, I have only told a snap shot