Experience description:
I had planned an attempted suicide that was quite serious in intent. I have many overdoses due to severe mental illness. I took a huge number of sedatives mixed with alcohol. I almost died. At one point I was crawling on the floor unable to move except by my fingertips. I lapsed in and out of consciousness. I experienced my whole life again, with affect attached in lightning speed. I experienced a sense of tremendous engulfing darkness and space: a void.
The next day or so, when I had recovered, I feel an lifting up and relief. I began a spiritual (Buddhist) quest for enlightenment and began to have these moments for months. Clarity of a vision of the whole world, amazing peace (unusual for me), and a wholeness. I was no longer suicidal or depressed even (again unusual for me).
I am a writer so I started writing with a passion I've never felt before. Unfortunately these special states only last a few months. But I began to research them and found a surprising coincidence of similarity. That is why I am sharing mine here.
Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain I was unable to move because of an OD. I saw my past in its completeness. Mainly though, it was the aftermath: a profound spiritual revival as a Buddhist. Clarity of vision in the spiritual and aesthetic sense. I am a writer and could not stop the flow of it pouring out until I stopped because the whole world
seemed as if it were a poem.
At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? Yes
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? At no time. I was overdosing. But afterwards I was extraordinarily clear for months.
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness? Less consciousness and alertness than normal
Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)? Yes
Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)? No
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Yes
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Terror.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure? Uncertain A void.
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Yes A vast darkness and void opened up.
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Uncertain Afterward, yes.
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience? Yes
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes My psychiatrist who was skeptical.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened: Experience was definitely real I knew that I had tested the limit of life and survived.
Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or
significant to you? The sense of the world as a poem.
How do you currently view the reality of your experience: Experience was definitely real It produced tangible changes.
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes
Have your religious
beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes I am Buddhist and had enlightenment experiences directly after. It suddenly all made sense in a profound way.
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience? I believe that this is a universal and ancient experience; from shaman to Christian mystics.
Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
