Experience description: 

My near death experience happened after cardiac surgery. At the time of surgery I was already critically ill in fact I was dying from congestive heart failure caused by congenital cardiac problems associated with Holt-Oram syndrome. I had not experienced any major problems with my heart up until about roughly a year before my surgery.  I have been told since that the doctors involved in my case were not overly confident that I would make it through surgery because even as I was being anaesthetized, I was turning blue and my breathing was erratic. However the surgery itself went well and I was moved to the cardiac intensive care unit and all seemed well until I was extubated and allowed to breath on my own. I began having breathing difficulties soon after and had to be re-incubated.

To cut a very long story short, this happened three times in total over a six week period and I needed to have a tube with a balloon on the end inserted into my groin which went up to my heart and pulsated with every heart beat.  During this time I did have brief moments of consciousness as the doctors took me off life support periodically to see if I was able to breath on my own but I think for the most part I was unconscious.  During all this I was critically ill, doctors had told my family I had about a 25% chance of surviving and if I did make it through there was a high chance I would have sustained major brain damage.

At some stage, although I know I wasn't conscious, I too had the thought that I was going to die. I remember hearing myself say, ‘I'm going to die.’ I wasn't at all upset by this thought. Then there was a brief moment of darkness and next thing, I could see myself lying in what I think was a room. This room was full of light and even though it was a bright light it wasn't like glaring sunlight more of a pleasant golden- white light coming through what may have been a glass wall. I felt very loved at that moment, very much at peace and relaxed. Even though I couldn't see anyone else, I knew I wasn't alone. After a little while I heard a gentle male voice tell me ‘You are going to be alright, you are not going to die.’ I should clarify that when I say I heard a voice, I didn't actually 'hear' it with my ears, it was in my mind, more like a thought. I do remember thinking I must have died and gone to heaven.  That is all I can remember of the experience, except that it wasn't at all upsetting or frightening in any way

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  Yes

      Explanation:  Morphine and possibly other.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes

      What was it about the experience that makes it hard to communicate?  Difficult to explain as it was somewhat like a dream.

At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?  Yes

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  I was unconscious.

Was the experience dream like in any way?  Very much so, it was kind of surreal.

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  Yes

Describe your appearance or form apart from your body:  I remember looking down at myself, I looked very peaceful.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  Initially a little unsure and anxious but for the most part a feeling of being safe, loved and relaxed.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  Uncertain

      Describe:  i did experience a moment of darkness but unsure whether I went through tunnel etc.

Did you see a light?  Yes

      Describe:  It was a bright light it wasn't like glaring sunlight more of a pleasant golden- white light.

Did you meet or see any other beings?  Yes

      Describe:  I didn't actually see anyone but I knew I wasn't alone.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  I am far more intuative and I have esp.I have seen and spoken to angels on several occassions.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  Yes, although I am not a religious person, I feel much more spiritual now.

Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  I am a lot more understanding and sensitive of others needs and more compassionate and caring. I am far less of a worrier than I was previously and tend to take things a day at a time. I take more notice of the small things in life and have a real love of nature and the world around me.

Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  I have only discussed it with my husband who was very understanding and interested. He did not disbelieve me. With his ongoing support I have been able to write down my experience to share with others.

I'm a little unsure of sharing my experience with anyone else in my family as I think they would find it odd and maybe not believe me.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  Elated, very happy with life. Almost a child like attitude to life, like I was truly seeing things for the first time.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  Being initially scared of dying would have to be the worst. Everything else was wonderful!

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Yes

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  No

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Yes

Please offer any suggestions you have to improve the www.nderf.org questionnaire?  It's fine the way it is. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to share with others who have this experience.