Experience description: 

It was 3 o’clock in the morning, just before the merchants are starting to install the marketplace. I was in bed beside the young man I was with at the time. Hiccoughs woke me up. I was feeling bad with nausea. I woke up my boyfriend explaining to him that I wasn’t feeling good. He looked at me horrified and stood up to shake me up. It is at that moment that I had the conviction that I was going to die and I asked him to leave me alone. I rolled on one side, bent my knees with my arms close to my body; the cold penetrated my body and I waited serenely for the death to come.

I saw some past events of my life, in black and white and red slides flashing rapidly, which central theme was my little sister whom I had taken care of after my parents’ divorce, and especially love. I was wrapped in a feeling of completeness, of love. (Later, it changed my perception of man [mankind].)

I felt very cold but it did not bother me. Then everything toppled over the edge, into nothingness. I was a dot or the infinite, I still don’t know. There were no time, no markers, I had the feeling that I was incredibly intelligent, that I was going to understand everything, that I was going to catch the secret and the meaning of Life.

Then, there was a light in my right eye: a doctor was performing an auscultation. He said: “She’s had an aneurismal rupture and she’s in coma.” Black hole. For one moment I was aware of the noise coming from the marketplace. People usually start arranging the stalls at around 4 o’clock in the morning. Then, black hole. Two nurses came in, they lifted me up. I felt like vomiting but I could not, I was cold, I had a headache, I was totally dazed. Black hole. I was in the ambulance, I had nausea and the motion of the vehicle was uncomfortable. I asked them to slow down. Black hole. In a white hospital room, two nurses. One nurse was explaining to the other how to do a puncture – it was her first time. Her hands were cold, she put gloves. The needle really hurt and I bit the other nurse’s shoulder who was keeping me sit. Black hole. Into a scanner, I was looking for my left leg which had disappeared. I was scrubbing it with my right leg. The right leg was feeling the left one but the latter did not exist anymore. A voice asked me to stop moving. But I was still looking for my leg. Black hole.

In a bed, daylight. People were dressed in white blouses and kept visiting, touching, talking to me, but I didn’t understand. I finally understood that I could not walk or move my left arm. Later, I started some limited activity and came out of the hospital in a very bad shape. I did my retraining by myself, I became anorexic, addicted to medical drugs and others in trying to relive the state of wholeness I had experienced during the coma, in vain; I attempted suicide through toxic plant poisoning. Well, I still have after-effects, but life has taken back its course.   

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  No

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes

      What was it about the experience that makes it hard to communicate? It took me 10 years to be able to verbalize my experience, to qualify what I had been through, the emotions, to find the corresponding words. 

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  The most convenient word is hyperconsciousness.

Was the experience dream like in any way?  I did not feel it as a dream.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt well, serene, in harmony with my consciousness. 

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?  No unusual sounds.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  No

Did you see a light?  No

Did you meet or see any other beings?  No

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  Yes

      Describe: Some events related to my little sister whom I deeply loved. I was wrapped in an extraordinary feeling of love. This is what has changed my life, my perception of the other. The timeless impression still puzzles me. As a matter of fact, in daily life, I still have difficulty to deal with space and time, which sometimes brings some annoyances!  

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Yes

      Describe: The dot, the infinity, the timelessness, those are the major sources of my questioning.  

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  Yes

      Describe:  I can’t verbalize it. It was too overwhelming. I would have had to be able to do it when it happened, but I don’t know how!

Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?  No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  I had a few during the teenage period, also when I was pregnant with my son and during breast feeding. It ceased after feeding. I could describe it as being hyperconscious regarding the emotional state of others, as travelling into the past, present and close future.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  Everything changed radically. I only had a coma and long after I thought I had died. It brought deep questioning about immortality. My feeling seemed so universal that I rejected any form of religion. I was then in search of God. Without the markers offered by the religion, it wasn’t easy! But it is my perception of man [mankind] that has particularly changed. Lots of love, compassion and deepness. Also a rejection of the physical body, of the material aspects of life, which probably caused the 3 years anorexia crisis which ended with the pregnancy.   

Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  I consider everybody with love, compassion; I’m “taken in” by people, I find explanation for everything; I forgive too easily without discernment. No religious practice. I enjoy everything I live, I take care of every detail of life, I look forward to find a work which I will like, and not only for the money. 

Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe: I tried two years after. It was very difficult to explain, it seemed too abstract to me. I noticed interest, rejection, sarcasm, everything in fact. But essentially it isolated me because the message was incomprehensible and incommensurable. Now, 10 years later, it’s going better. I talk about it no differently than about the weather, and the reaction is moderate. 

What emotions did you experience following your experience? The emotions concerned my horrible physical condition, paralysis; I was suffering from horrible cramps and short term memory loss!     

What was the best and worst part of your experience? The love. The dullness of the body when awaken, it’s “yuck” side.  

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?  No

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Yes

      Describe:  When I started to walk again, I left my boyfriend who didn’t understand me anymore and with whom I wasn’t feeling good, I left the region, my family, my cats, found work and a place to live somewhere else. It took two days.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  I’ve had 4 other diagnosed comas. Same feelings of infinity and timelessness. It was overwhelming. It was probably caused by my back problem and an extreme physical pain. I’ve tried different drugs in vain: cannabis, opium, heroin, codeine, morphine, LSD…

Maybe the opium and cannabis mix got me a bit closer to the feeling of well-being, I had this illusion for a brief moment. Today, I don’t take any substances. I smoke cigarettes, that’s all. Sometimes I try meditation, but…

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Yes