Experience description: 

I was suffering from testicular cancer. I had had my left testicle removed. Part of the cure was to under go chemo therapy. This made me very sick and weak. At that time in my life I was suffering from sleep apnea also. I had numerous "events" of a cessation of breathing during sleep. Usually I would go into a convulsion or spasm and wake up gasping for breath. I think the effect of the chemo weakened my body enough so that this did not happen.

As I lay in bed sleeping the logic part of my brain flashed a message. "Breathing has stopped. If it does not resume death will occur." It was that simple. I could feel "pressure" inside my body , sort of like the pressure a on a balloon  filled with air. No pain , just this pressure. For a moment I was seized with panic as I realized I was dying. Then the panic went away and I thought , "This is death? This is so easy, so natural. What was I frightened of?" I felt a little silly at being frightened.

At this point a "sensation" came over me. It was a warm emotion that permeated every part of me. It was very peaceful and very unique. I had never felt anything like this before.

Then I felt as if I was lying on my back in a pool of water. I began to sink slowly down into the pool. It seemed to grow dark and empty. A moment later it grew bright. Very bright. There was an object in front of me that looked like the sun. It was so intensely bright but it did not hurt my eyes looking at it. Suddenly I began to understand things. I understood why i had cancer and how it was so very important for me to have cancer. In fact it was so important that I would not have it any other way. But I can't explain why it was important I just understood it. Then the object spoke to me. It spoke in English and sounded just like any other person . It said....

"Hello Arthur. I am so glad to see you."

At that point I say something from my past that I was not very proud of.

Then the object said "You didn't like that did you"? I replied "No I did not."

The object then said ."I didn't think you would".

At this point there was an imaginary line in front of me, and I knew if I crossed it I could not go back. I was hesitating.

The light then said. "What are you doing?"

I answered that ,"I'm dying".

The light asked me, "are you ready to die"?

I replied, "NO. There are things I must do".

The light then said, "That's right. You go back and do them. When you are done come back and see me".

At this point I re-entered my body. I remember touching my left arm with my right hand. It felt odd. The skin felt like the skin of a deceased person, cold and lifeless. It was as if the life energy had not settled all the way back into my body.

I sat up in the darkened bedroom. I looked at my wife sleeping next to me. I wondered what had just happened. I would have thought it was a dream except that warm glow, that peaceful feeling was still with me. It lasted a couple of days.

That was the singular thing that told me something extraordinary had really happened.

 Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  Uncertain

      Explanation:  Was undergoing chemo therapy for treatment of cancer

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes

      What was it about the experience that makes it hard to communicate?  I can explain the process but I can't find words to describe the "feeling"

At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I may have been suffering an apnea attack. The effect of the chemo therapy had weakened the body so I did not go into a "spasm" as I ran out of air.

 What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  It happened during sleep

Was the experience dream like in any way?  In some ways it had dream like qualities but the sensations, the feelings were not of a dream like nature. They were very real. No other dream before or since has felt like this.

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  Yes

Describe your appearance or form apart from your body:  It felt like a body with arms and legs and everything but it looked like an outline of a body, sort of dark with a clear or white outline of a person. No features that I can remember.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  First fear as I realized i was dying

Then surprise as I realized that this was "normal"

Then a little silly as I thought about my fear

Then something very powerful. An emotion of peace and happiness. A sensation that was so overwhelming. I really can't find words to describe it.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?  No

 Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  Uncertain

      Describe:  It felt like sinking into a pool of water. I don't know if this counts as an enclosure.

 Did you see a light?  Yes

      Describe:  Very bright. Like looking into the sun except it does not hurt your eyes

 Did you meet or see any other beings?  Yes

      Describe:  This ball of light that looked like the sun

 Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I think I saw just a tiny fragment of a past event that made me feel unhappy.

 Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  No

 Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  No

 Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Yes

      Describe:  Time seemed to go very fast. Many things seemed to flow at me in a rush.

 Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  Yes

      Describe:  I understood the reason I had cancer.

I understood that my life was not my own personal property but that it "belonged" to many others.

I understood that all that was asked of me was to "care" about what happenes to others and be helpful if I can.

 Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?  Uncertain

      Describe:  There seemed to an imaginary line in front of me. If i crossed it I could not return.

 Did you become aware of future events?  No

 Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?  Yes

      Describe:  I had a choice. I could have refused to return but the both of us knew that I needed to return. We understood it and accepted it.

 Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  No

 Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I came to look upon my fellow man with a great deal more tolerance and compassion.

 Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  I try and be more understanding of others. I let a lot of little things go. I am more calm. I am content with a simple life style. I am not afraid of death because you don't die, you just change a little. I am concerned with the process of death. I really don't do pain very well and i am not to thrilled with suffering.

Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  It varies on the individual. Some are skeptical, some are fascinated, and some are just bored.

I try and tell the story to people who have lost a friend or relative. I hope that it helps them in their grief to know that they have not really lost anyone, it is just a temporary breakdown in communications. Some day it will be set right again.

I told my story to my father. Several years later as he was dying of liver cancer he told my mother ,"Tell Arthur I will be looking for the light". I can only hope that little bit of knowledge eased his transition between the worlds.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  The best was the sensation of peace and understanding

The worst the moment of fear as I realized that this was it.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?  It might be good for everyone to have a little of this in life. It helps us understand our journey better.  I wish i could just get the simple message out to every one.  "Care about your fellow man. Help if you can"

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I really live a quiet and peaceful existence. I mean i get tired and upset just like everyone else except that now i can temper those feelings with a better understanding of why all this stuff happens. I seem to be a lot more calm most of the time.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  No

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Yes

      Explain:  It pretty much touched on the major events as i can remember them. Most of the transfer of information was "felt" and "understood" rather than explained. It was like using different senses to communicate. It was really kind of cool as i think about it.

Please offer any suggestions you have to improve the www.nderf.org questionnaire?  Nothing comes to mind. But I want to thank you for giving me an opportunity to tell the story. I feel better.