Experience description: 

I drank liquid paraffin in an attempted suicide at about two or three in the morning.  I then went back to bed.  Simple, or so I thought.

Sometime later, after waking and throwing up, I cleaned myself up.  I was in the greatest physical pain I have ever known, so I called 911. I have the memory of being taken to Salem hospital.  I was telling the doctor the ambulance drivers were rude (which was an understatement).  I remember him answering that it was more important to get me o.k. than to take care of rude ambulance drivers. I told him I drank liquid paraffin, asked him for a pain killer and passed out.

Apparently, I was taken to the hospital immediately. I was cyanotic (blue, no air).  I don’t know if I was clinically dead or not.  But what I do know is that I was in a coma for 3 weeks.

I was unconscious for three weeks, in which I lived another full life. In that time I saw that my father was to choose which of three personalities he wished to raise.  He had essentially three versions of me to choose: 1) beautiful and stupid; or 2) irrecoverably damaged; or 3) me as I exist today – the fixable one.   Number three was his choice for this altered reality.  I was observing the choosing part in the third person. For the rest of the experience, it became a first person experience. I was 14 again, briefly. [talk about scary!!]  The rest was a journey of my TRUE? way.

Somehow, I got to experience love at first sight and have it returned.  I met my husband, Keirin, and we got married in my 'altered' state.  He was my cousin, the third son of the second cousin of my mother, enough to make an anthropologist say it was O.K.  He was much younger than me and he was 5’11” tall.  He came from a Lake Erie family of Scottish origin.  The renown family business of ship and boat builders had been in existence for at least three generations. All the vessels they built were of wood, even after the advent of fiberglass.  

My husband had taken over the family business when his father and two older brothers had gone to war. The family was well known for wooden artwork, and as such, were also asked to do large commemoration to a 'somebody'. 

The family politics were not good.  There was not another happy person to be found, anywhere.  My family chose to leave. His father was one of the most obnoxious people I have ever met in my life. His mother was a sophisticated cretin. One and all hated me. I really couldn't understand the depth of the feeling, and I still don't.

My husband’s father and brothers were on submarine duty together. For years they were lost, then were found.  All were OK, but I wouldn't swear to their mental health.  In the interim, there was an accident and my husband lost his right arm during the building of a new ship. This was some time before I met him.  (I can't envision him not being whole, despite that he insists on the truth. When I remember laying in bed with him, there is not a problem with one side or the other.  But, obviously there should have been.) 

My wedding was beautiful, even if it was somewhat rushed.  I was not pregnant.  Although I recall, we made love and planned to get caught, so that the family would agree to our wedding.  The sisters and brothers and the rest of his family were there.

My ring was his mother’s wedding ring.  He asked me, if his mother’s ring was acceptable.  I knew it meant so much to him, so of course, I said, “yes.”  We had calla lilies and white roses everywhere.

Despite the family animosity, we loved each other and they respected him enough, to give us the wedding of any one's dreams.  The bridesmaid dresses were the best I have ever seen.  The bridesmaid dresses that were not off-the-rack.  They were the salmon-pink of ladies under-things in the thirties with 3/4 sleeves, longish ballerina skirts, jewel collar in front, a deep V ending in a veryyyyy--lazy southern bow with short tails. My dress was much the same, but I was a widow then (as I am in this life) and the color was cream. I'd like to say he wore an afternoon, dove colored tux, that would have been time appropriate. But, it was a very deep grey/black?  I've never seen a man look more wonderful.

The most important thing was the feel of his lips right after the ceremony. Loving and hungry, and full of promise. I 'knew' what to expect, but i never ever suspected a man to convey the hope and trust and eagerness of then the present and the future in a breath, in a small moment of time.  It was all there: He and I, whatever would be.

I have to say that I have never loved, nor given or been loved in that way.  I cannot forget, nor would I wish to.  In this plane I know of no such person. As a matter of fact, I'm widowed 15 years this year and a second marriage is not on my to-do list. No recollection on the institution itself. After I returned to this state I went through a quite normal grieving process at having to leave him behind. I still have a sensation that it wouldn't be unusual at all to turn a street corner and there he'd be.  

Now that I am here, in this reality, sometimes he is sooooo present here, that I have to turn around to make sure it's here and not there. Considering world events, it feels like I've entered a third reality sometimes.

During the first three months after my experience, I had to make up my mind which reality was the real place.  The temptation to return was nearly overwhelming at first. That is not the end of my journey, but what woman in her right mind WOULDN'T want a love such as that. There have been times when the desire is so strong in this life, I think my heart will break.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  No, I received a valium drip, but no substance that would provide a hallucinogenic response. The drip is pleasant at most, but hardly enough to MAKE a new frame of reference.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes

      What was it about the experience that makes it hard to communicate?  It is hard to talk about.  My family has always been pre-cognitive. I wasn't about to banter that stuff around a bunch of people under the special circumstances.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  None. Though others would testify that I responded to minimal stimulus.  I was told that I gave bank numbers, but I don’t remember that.

Was the experience dream like in any way?  NO.  No dream-like quality.  It was a contiguous, sequential, and highly understandable life that made sense.  I had no reason to doubt that reality as I was not aware that it was unreal.  It is close to two years since the incident and still it is more like memory than a dream.

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  Yes

Describe your appearance or form apart from your body:  Me as I am,  maybe a tad bit younger??????

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  I fell in love.  I made peace with my mother in a way.  I understood more and better.  I felt loved.  I had no want, but that is an absence isn't it?  There was another being who's presence was comforting.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?  NO.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  No

Did you see a light?  No

Did you meet or see any other beings?  Yes

      Describe:  There was a man or a being that was male that explained things after I had to leave my husband.  He spoke of telekinetics and the ease and natural capacity we have for it.  He explained that WE create our own dilemmas as a species. The object is not to create dilemmas, not to get around it, but to go through it as though it doesn't exist.  Our earth reality is only an illusion.  In other words, this reality is a false sense of power that we buy into.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  Yes

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  Yes

      Describe:  many things, with the most verifiable being the knowledge that George Bush would gain the presidency.  

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  Yes

      Describe:  no place of perfection, but wherever the man I loved was.  I'd been there before in this reality too.  We were along the NYS side of Lake Erie.  That is not exceptional in beauty, but it was specific. I thought I was in a Buffalo hospital, even though I was not there (quite obviously). 

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Yes

      Describe:  Not at the time.  However, after my experience, I understood that I lived a short lifetime in 3 weeks.  The election of George Bush in November happened well before I 'woke' up.  Time was compressed in that reality as compared to this one.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  Yes

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?  No

Did you become aware of future events?  Yes

      Describe:  already answered

Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?  Yes

      Describe:  I hurt my husband.  I left him to return to health.  I know I hurt him at some other point because I remember he said to me he understood my decision and that he didn't hold me responsible for it. He loved me.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  Hyper intuition

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  I could care less now. I was an over-achiever in the domain of friendship. Now, I have adopted the attitude that they have to do what they have to do.

Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  I didn't talk about it much at first.  Now, when I share my experience, people get that whatever it was, was real to me. Not one rational person has walked away saying this experience is delusional.  I never spent a second in a psychiatric ward. 

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  grief

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  being back here

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?  It might be 'different' but the 'doctors' that I told were so interested in the physical (the miracle and recovery aspects) that the rest of my experience was a side line to them.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Yes

      Describe:  Some would call it cynicism.  I know better.  There is nothing I'd rather do than to have gone thru that --loop???  I wish for and dream again-of things I know I can have.

ANSWER TO FURTHER QUESTIONS FROM GLITTER (A NDERF READER)                     

Was I given a choice to be reborn into the 'alternate' situation, or return
this plane and finish out this existence?

What I can state for a fact is that my leave taking from the 'new' situation was very painful and t I hurt the man that I had married deeply. The parting is very clear to me; I remember it in graphic detail. Oddly, that is not the last I heard from my husband.

The literal answer is that I don't recall some kind formal inquiry where a choice was presented. I remember having made the choice. I suppose from that, it's rather a short jump to the assumption that there were alternatives presented.

Immediately following the decision, the 'Guide' reappeared and made it abundantly clear that there were things I had to learn and things I had to witness on the journey back.  Now that I think about it, it was sort of a prep course in 'Understanding' some of the greater complexities of life, whether it be here or there, in that it mostly dealt with human interaction
and the fundamentals of our strange nature as a species.

To underscore the notion that it was choice, I still have days where I wonder "what the heck I was thinking by coming back?". I'm trying to convey that that is the FIRST thought to pop up, without any thought behind it. A kind of knee-jerk reaction, if you will. The spontaneity of the response would indicate that I had a level of control over the situation.

After leaving, the experience with my 'husband' remained very clear and even, still in a coma, I felt regret and guilt and mourning for the 'lost' life. Kierin, my husband made one more brief appearance in the middle of another experience, to tell me that he understood and forgave me for having left. The irony was that I recall thinking that he didn't know the half of it! He would never know the 'real' why of my leaving him, as I was prohibited from enlightening him fully.

I recall having something of an argument with his father before I left. I knew I was going and as I recall, I had informed at least him by then. He had treated Kierin badly and the rest of his other children not much  better. I informed him that he should be grateful that I was going, but that if kept up his ways, there was no doubt that he would loose all he children, and the burden of fault would be his and his alone. I felt a sense of purpose in that.

I believe the decision to return was based on "RIGHT" action. That not only was there purpose, but the choice itself was a measure of the state of my soul. Therefore, I wonder how much of a choice it really was. Let me make abundantly clear the fact that I don't believe in hellfire and brimstone. Nor, at any time in my 'experience' was there any indication that such a thing or place a threat or even in existence. Right action has more to do with the concept that all things are intertwined. If you effect one part of a  spider web even the farthest part of the web is effected, if only making it vibrate. Something that would not have occurred without interference.

Personally, I reject the concept of the chaos theory. I think we humans don't always see or look for the connections, and therefore are deprived of the ability to predict the consequences of any action. If you consider Para psychological abilities, it can be extrapolated that those skills are the natural solution to anticipating future events, given the current situations at play.  Hence, no more chaos. The question is, would knowing the ultimate out comes of present actions inhibit negative conduct, regardless of it's desirability? Given the relay stupid things the smartest and the best of do on a daily basis, one does have to wonder. I have a feeling that the ideas of Hell, the inherent state of "sin", and other negative re-enforcement concepts are a substitute - and bad ones at that, for real understanding and the free choice of conduct based on true knowledge of the consequences.

As the "Guide" said, 'We are the true origin of all our own problems '.  It may not be quite that simplistic on a planet with billions of people, but it sure is the essence of the matter.