Anthony R's NDE

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:
            It was as if I was seeing through a kaleidoscope (again, not precisely what really happened, but as close as I can get with words).  The things I was experiencing (and truth be told, using the word "seeing" isn't really even accurate, but I'm limited with words) made no sense at all at first, but after a time, I seemed to be able to make a little bit of sense out of all the whirling images/impressions.  After an even longer time, I slowly began to realize that some of the shapes and colors I was experiencing were a "landscape" of sorts...but then I became started when it dawned on me that some of the collage actually represented a sentient being.  Not long after realizing that there was someone there with me, I knew without a doubt that it was my grandfather on my mother's side.  Now, my maternal grandfather died before I was three years old, and I have no conscious recollection of the man at all.  In fact, at the time of this experience, I probably hadn't even had a conscious thought about the man in well over a decade.  After more time had passed, I was able to determine that he was indicating to me that I couldn't come to him yet.  I tell this narrative like there was actual verbal communication, but in reality, it was nothing like that at all.  Everything was just a series of osmotic impressions.  It's just so hard to describe.  I do remember at one point believing that there was a sheet of some sort of glass-like substance between us...I was definitely on one side of this barrier while he was on the other.  Soon after this encounter, I felt the most unpleasant tugging sensation that you could possibly imagine.  It happened two or three times (can't really remember), and that's when I woke up in an ambulance to find a group of paramedics looking very relieved that my eyes were open.  I remember being very angry at first that they had brought me back.  Although I really could not make a lot of sense out of the things that I experienced in the short time that I was "gone," I did know without a doubt that wherever it was that I had been had been a MUCH better place than the painful reality of having tubes in my lungs, needles in my arms, and air forced in and out of my chest due to the fact that my bronchial tubes were severely constricted.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     It was as if I was receiving information in some other fashion that through my five senses.  I can give very vague explanations of what I experienced through words, but trying to describe my experience to people has been akin to what I would imagine it would be like trying to describe the color red to someone who's been completely blind since birth.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes     My heart stopped for over two minutes, and by the physician's estimation, my brain went without oxygen for nearly twice that long.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    I'm not sure how to answer this question.  I lost my cognitive ability long before I actually lost consciousness, and didn't regain any real cognitive ability until WELL after I'd been brought out of my medically induced coma two days after the incident.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    Less consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            I'm not sure how to answer this question.  I lost my cognitive ability long before I actually lost consciousness, and didn't regain any real cognitive ability until WELL after I'd been brought out of my medically induced coma two days after the incident.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     I did not have hearing, vision, or tactile sensations as we would recognize them in this existence.  This is the very limitation that makes it so hard to describe my experience in detail.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Yes     See the explanation above

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Mostly confusion...some sense of being startled when I realized that there was a sentient being standing near me...but other than that, just confusion, calm and wonder.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          No      

Did you see a light?           No      

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     It was my maternal grandfather.  He communicated with me, but in a way that I can't really be clear about.  He definitely let me know what I wouldn't be staying with him just yet, but he didn't use words or anything like that.  It was almost as if I simply "absorbed" his thoughts.  I definitely knew it was him, however.  Of that, there is no doubt.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No      

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No      

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?           No           

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     The time I spent in that wash of colors and sensations seemed to take an eternity...in reality, I was only out of it for about five minutes.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     No      

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes     I seemed to be separated from the being that I knew to be my grandfather by what I can only best describe as "a sheet of glass or frozen water."  I did not cross it.  I had no real cognitive sense of what would have happened had I crossed it.  It didn't seem to be something that I was able to do.

Did you become aware of future events?       No           

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     No      

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I shared my experience almost immediately on regaining consciousness in the hospital.  When I told my mother, she burst into tears and told me that my grandfather's final request before he died was to be buried with a picture of my in his suit jacket.  This was information previously unknown to me.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    No      

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    There is no doubt to me that the experience was real.  At first, the experience caused me to have changed views about the finality of my existence.  After seven years, however, the emotions of the experience have faded to the point where I am left with little more than a sense that I know nothing about what is going to happen to me after I die other than the fact that SOMETHING will happen other than just winking out of existence.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real   

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Uncertain            There are times when I feel that almost anything I do in this life seems trivial since this corporeal existence is now clearly a temporary state of being.  Other than these passing moments, however, I do not really feel much of an impact anymore from what happened.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?            No           

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         Yes     I have used certain hallucinogenic drugs in an attempt to revisit this experience.  I have achieved levels of consciousness through the use of these substances that were definitely outside the realm of what would be considered "normal" perception...but nothing has ever gotten me close to what I experienced when I died.           

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes