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Andrew P's NDE
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Andrew P's NDE |
Experience description:
My classmates and I are so happy because the end is in sight. In a few days we will finally graduate from high school and get on with our lives. I have a scholarship to an engineering university in Northern Michigan. I am filled with joy and excitement. June is exceptionally warm this year and our class decides to have a picnic at a near by lake. It is our final class gathering before graduation, and most of us are anxious to go.
My mother doesn’t want me to go. She says that the water is still too cold and she specifically doesn’t want me to go swimming. Since I am one of the class officers, I know that I have to go and that I have to go swimming with my friends. So I hide my swimming trunks in my lunch bag and I am off for a good time.
We arrive at the lake and it truly is a great day for a beach picnic. The sun is shinning, the sky is a beautiful shade of blue, pretty cotton cloud balls dot the sky, and there is a slight breeze blowing. Everyone changes into their swimming suits and we begin the party with some beach games prior to lunch. We eat and then after lunch, some of my friends swim out to a floating dock, about one hundred yards off shore. Once they get to the dock, they begin waving and yelling for me to join them. I walk down to the water and step in ankle deep, and immediately jump back out. It is really cold! Way too cold for me! I like to swim in warm, almost bathtub temperature water. But, they keep on waving and yelling at me, they really want me to swim out … everyone is watching … I have to go. The water is much too cold for me to ease in slowly, so I run into the water from about twenty feet off shore, and with a big, blood-curdling scream, I hit the water in a gigantic belly flop. Wow! This water really is cold! I’d better start swimming as fast as possible to get warm, and I do. I am starting to warm up as I get into my swimming rhythm.
Then about half way to the dock I begin to feel cramping pains in my stomach and groin. I can hear my mother’s voice, “Andy, don’t go into the water right after you eat, you might get cramps.” But the cramps aren’t that bad, and besides I’m over half way there already … I can make it. Now with every stroke the pain increases, it’s getting harder and harder for me to kick my legs.
I can’t kick my legs any more, the pain is really intense … I can’t keep my body straight … my knees are buckling up into my stomach. I’m scared! My arms are moving, but I’m not going anywhere … I’m starting to bob up and down. Oh hell, I’m swallowing too much water … it’s in my nose, down my windpipe, in my lungs … I’m going under … I am under! I’ve got to get to the surface for some air. Why is it taking me so long to get to my head out of the water? I am stroking as hard as I can. I need to break through to the surface for some air, and I need it now!
Finally, my head breaks the surface of the water! I am coughing, choking and trying to scream for help, but no sound comes out. I need to breathe now, but I’m sucking in more water than air, my lungs are filling up with water … they feel like they’re going to bust. Frantically, I look across the surface of the water for the raft … there it is, but it’s still quite far away … I’ll never make it! Hey, why is everybody just standing around? No, wait, a couple of guys are waving at me … don’t they realize that I am drowning! There I finally said it, I am drowning! I am going to die!
No one is coming to help me! I can’t keep my head above the water! Down I go again … this time deeper than before! Hell, I’ve got to get more air! I’ve got to get my head out of this damn water! Why can’t I move my arms? Oh God, they feel like lead pipes, it’s so hard to move them, I sinking like a rock. The pain, the excruciating pain is in my chest and arms now! I’ve never thought there could be pain like this. I need air! I need air! I’ve got to get my head out of the water!
Oh God, I’m sinking deeper and deeper. I can’t move my arms any more, the pain is unbearable, every muscle in my body is screaming out with pain. Pain! Pain! And more pain! I can’t stand it any more! I’m still sinking, and it’s getting darker and darker … now it’s black, I can’t see anything! Oh my God, I can’t see! Am I blind?
My ears, there’s pain in my ears. It feels like someone is sticking an ice pick in them! The ringing is deafening, it feels like my brain is going to explode! I’m still falling into this black hole, and it’s freezing down here. My whole body is trembling with freezing cold, with freezing pain … Oh God, where in the hell am I going?
I am still slowly sinking into this freezing black hole, it’s lasting forever … wait … I feel something. They’re slimy and cold! They must be the weeds at the bottom of the lake. I’m getting tangled in the weeds. I’m struggling with the weeds, God they feel horrible, and it’s like I’ve fallen into a freezing snake pit! I’m still dropping down!
I stop sinking! I’m at the bottom. I reach down with my frozen hands to try and push myself up, but they’re being sucked into the mud and goo of the lake bottom. My hands are stuck in the mud and I can’t get them out. Oh God, help me! I’m terrified! I’m in a state of complete panic! Ice cold, black, unbearable panic! I’m tired, so very, very tired! Every muscle, every cell of my body is filled with excruciating pain! It’s unbearable, truly unbearable! But I have to continue to struggle … I have to stay alive … I’m so afraid to die! God please help me? Please help me now! I don’t want to die!
I have to get out of the water … I need air. Oh God, how I need a breath of air! Please God, just one breath, that’s all I ask? I can’t stand the pain, the fear, the cold, the ringing, and the blackness … but I can’t die! “Try Andy, damn it, try! You can’t give up! You can’t give up now!” But, I’m so tired … so sore … so much blackness, so much ice-cold pain. I need a rest! Just for a minute! I need to stop struggling for just a minute.
Then, almost magically, I hear myself say, “OK, Andy, you can rest, if you promise to return to the struggle? You can’t die now. Do you promise?” And I respond to myself, “Yes, I promise.” I’m a chunk of black, frozen, excruciating, panic and terror. I stop struggling. I let go …
The second, the very instant, the exact moment that I let go … I am hurled into a black tunnel. “What’s in the hell is happening?” I scream to myself! The freezing cold is gone! I AM WARM! The pain is gone! I FEEL WONDERFUL! The ringing in my ears and head is gone! I CAN HEAR THE SILENCE! The blackness is gone! I CAN SEE A LIGHT!
I look back and I can see my body in the weeds at the bottom of the lake! “Is that really my body?” “How can I see it through the blackness?” I look up and I can see a Light! It’s bright, so very bright. It looks like a thousand suns all exploding at the same time! I am staring into the Light, but it doesn’t hurt my eyes! No pain, there is no more pain! There is no more terror, no more panic, no more fear. I feel warm and I feel loved. Is this crazy or what?
I am rushing toward the Light, and for some unknown reason I have no fear, and I love the Light. Oh what a wonderful, beautiful, enchanting, warm and loving Light. I’m getting closer and closer, it’s as if I’m being drawn into the Light by a gentle, giant magnet. Closer and closer…
“What now?” “Where am I?” I’m inside an immense sphere! And the inside of the sphere is like an enormous, unending movie screen. Everything is going on at once, all around me … left, right, up, down … wherever I look I see my life. I cannot only see it, but I can also hear, feel and experience every event in all of my lives … past, present and future. There is no beginning! There is no end! I can observe all of the moments of my lives all at the same time, all around me. Strange, there is no fear or judgments; it’s just my life’s experiences as they are occurring. What incredible feelings, I can relive every thought, word, and action whenever I focus on any one of them. What a wonderful, fantastic, incredible experience being in the Eternal Now!
Now I’m back in the tunnel again, speeding toward the Light! I can actually feel the brightness, the warmth, the love … Oh God what a truly wondrous feeling! I’m getting closer and closer to the Light. It’s so very bright, so very warm, and so very loving. I’m getting closer and closer…
I am in the Light! Oh God, I am actually in the Light. I am the Light! I see the Light and now it appears to have a human-like form. I’ve never seen it before, but, somehow, I recognize it. The Light speaks to me. The Light says, “Andy, do not be afraid.” Then the light says, “Andy, I love you. Andy, we love you.” Oh God, It knows me! The Light knows my name! I can’t believe it! The Light actually knows me! The Light called me “Andy!”
I am in the Light. The Light is in me. I can see me in the unending Light. Nevertheless, I am still Andy. I’m everywhere and I am here. I can see me as a person and I can see me in the infinite, warm, and loving Light. I become the Light. The Light is a form that I have never seen, but it is not new to me, somehow I know it. The Light has a voice that I have never heard, but it is not strange to me. The Light has a smile that is indescribable beautiful, and I recognize it. The Light has an infectious laugh, and we laugh together. The Light has all of the answers in the universe … and I don’t have any questions, because I know everything that the Light knows.
The Light knows everything that I have ever done or will do, and the Light loves me because … I’m Andy. The Light loves me because of who I am! No fear! No judgments! No punishment! Just warmth! Just love! Just joy! Just happiness! Just this loving, ever loving Light! I’m home! I feel the unbelievable warmth, love, joy, and completeness of the Light! It is so very, very wonderful being in the Light. I’m truly home! I am home forever!
Then the Light says, “Andy, you must go back!” And I say to the Light, “No, I’m not going back, I’m not leaving … I’m never ever going back!” The Light says for a second time, “Andy, you must go back.” I repeat my first response, “No, I’m not going back … ever!” Then the Light says the third time, “Andy, you must go back!” The next instant, the very next moment, without any pause or delay of even the smallest amount of time, I am back! I open my eyes and tears are rolling down my cheeks. The Light is gone! Oh God, the Light is gone! I am back on the beach. I am so sad. I can’t describe the mournfulness. The Light is gone. I am back on the beach. How sad … how very, very sad I am.
I am lying on my stomach, on top of the sand, with one of my friends pushing the water out of my lungs. I’m coughing out the water, but the pain returns. This time the pain is different. This time the pain never goes away. It’s the pain of not being in the Light.
How can I explain the Light to my family and friends? They will think that I am crazy. I’ll be sent away to the room with rubber walls! No! There is no way in the world I could ever tell anyone about the Light! I truly must be crazy!
Everyone is standing around me in a big circle. They are all glad that I’m still alive. One of my friends says, “Andy, you don’t seem very happy about being dragged from the bottom of the lake, are you still in a daze, or what? How was it? Were you afraid?” I answer with a lie. I say that I can’t remember anything. I tell them that the entire episode is a complete blank. I have to lie to my friends, I have to lie to my family, and I have to lie to myself. I can’t tell anyone about the Light. They would never understand. Even I don’t understand.
After a few minutes I tell my friends that I have to go back into the water for a swim. I tell them that I don’t want to be afraid of the water for the rest of my life. So, I jump back into the cold water and swim out a little way, and then return. Everyone thinks that I am so brave. The truth is I am so sad. Maybe it was just a dream or something like that. Maybe I am crazy.
Oh well, I’ll probably forget all about it in a few days.
Oh well, I’ll probably forget all about it in a few months.
Oh well, I’ll probably forget all about it in a few years.
Oh well, I’ll probably forget all about it in a few decades.
It’s been
over forty years since my death, and I have forgotten thousands of experiences.
Thousands of others have faded and dimmed with the passing of time. Many
traumatic ones have been embellished or disremember. I have only one life and
death experience that has remained clear and unchanged over time, and this is
it. The moment that I entered the Light, to become one with the Light, is a
moment that has no parallel in my life! It is a true experience of
inexpressible love. It is a love that can never be adequately described with
words. A love that can only be experienced, the ever-loving Light … I am in the
Light, I am the Light, and the Light is God.
Was the
kind of experience difficult to express in words?
No
At the
time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?
No I drowned swimming out to a floating platform during my high school
senior year class picnic.
At what
time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and
alertness?
At the moment when the Light smiled at me and said to me, "Andy, don't be
afraid, Andy I love you, Andy we love you".
How did
your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare
to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?
More consciousness and alertness than normal
If your
highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different
from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:
There is no way to compare my consciousness when I was in the Light with my
consciousness here on planet Earth. It's like asking someone to compare the
difference between the light from a thousand suns exploding at the same time and
the light from a match stick. Yes, they are both light, but beyond that, there
is no comparison. I can only say that I was in a compete state of love and
knowing. The love of a billion home-comings all rolled up into one instant, and
the knowing of every aspect of the complete universe, to become one with God. I
had all of my earthly senses only heightened by a million times.
Did your
vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such
as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of
solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?
Yes Since I have had vision only out of my left eye since birth, I never
experienced true binocular vision on earth. But in the Light I not only had
perfect vision from both eyes, but there was no pain or discomfort looking into
the Light brighter that thousands of suns. That truly amazed me!
Did your
hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect,
such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
Yes Yes, my hearing experience when from the driving, painful
ringing just before I left my body to the wonderful sound of silence, pure
loving, graceful silence. When I was in the Eternal Now Sphere, I could hear
every event from my lifetimes clearer that when they actually occurred to me on
Earth and other places.
Did you
experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?
Yes
What
emotions did you feel during the experience?
Warmth (warm because I was freezing to death stuck in the mud in the
bottom of the lake) and unconditional love to a degree I never even dreamed
about here on Earth. The feeling of being back home, after a long time away,
being back home where I belonged ... what a truly glorious feeling.
Did you
pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?
Yes Yes, as
soon as I "let go" I left my body and started moving up into a deep dark tunnel,
I could see my body stuck back in the mud and then I saw the bright light at the
end of the tunnel. I was moving fast in the tunnel because I could feel the
wind on my face and body.
Did you
see a light?
Yes Yes, I saw the Light immediately, and it was so bright I immediately
wondered why it wasn't burning out my retinas. I was always in the Light, even
when I went into the Eternal Now Sphere, and the closer I got to the light the
brighter it got until I saw the form and face of the Light that loved me
unconditionally.
Did you
meet or see any other beings?
Yes Yes, I saw the Light and communicated with the Light through all my
senses. We talked, and laughed, and loved one another like long, lost friends.
The Light was also surrounded by countless billions of other lights who knew me
and who I knew. Not people from my life time (at the time of my drowning) buy
people (souls) from countless other lifetimes and from being in the absolute.
Did you
experience a review of past events in your life?
Yes Yes, I was in a sphere surrounded (360 degrees) with all of my life
times. They were all occurring at the same time, sort of "blending" into one
another. Not in a serial sequence, but happening all around me (right, left,
up, and down ... just everywhere in that sphere. Yes, I learned that I have
experienced many life times in many places, and that there is no "death" - there
is no "judgment" - there is no "punishment" - there is no "fear". There are
only event and experiences that "work for me" or "don't work for me" ... things
that I want to repeat, because the give me and others joy, and things that I
don't want to repeat, because the don't create joy.
Did you
observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that
could be verified later?
No
Did you
see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or
dimensions?
Yes Yes, being in the Light with billions of other Lights all around
is the most beautiful and distinctive location in the entire universe.
Did you
have any sense of altered space or time?
Yes Yes, while I was in the Light, I had to sense of "time" as I know in
here in Earth. In other words, no sense of the serial nature of time ... past,
present, or future. All times (past, present, and future) were experienced at
every moment in "time" while I was in the light.
Did you
have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?
Yes Yes, I had a complete knowledge of the entire universe, therefore
I knew the Light (God in Earth terms), because I became One with the Light - but
at the same time retained my "Andy-ness" and individuality. I asked no
questions because I knew all the answers. There wasn't nothing I didn't know
while I was immersed in the Light.
Did you
reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?
Yes Yes, I was contained in the Light, absorbed in the Light ... there were
billions of other Lights surrounding the Master Light and I didn't go beyond the
original absorbing Light. I was told to go back to Earth before I joined the
billions of other Lights, which were also part of the Master Light.
Did you
become aware of future events?
Yes
Yes, I saw the entire universe and all events, but did not retain
any memory of any future events about my life here on Earth. I knew that I came
from another planet that was at a higher level of consciousness then we have
here on Earth.
Did you
have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you
did not have prior to the experience?
Yes Yes, I have an awareness of people that I knew in another life time the
moment that I meet or see them. I occurs more and more frequently as I get
older.
Have
you shared this experience with others?
Yes Yes, but I never spoke of it to anyone for over 20 years. I was afraid
that I was crazy. I didn't speak of it until I read my first book on NDE by
Moody in the mid 1970s.
Did you
have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?
No
How did
you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it
happened:
Experience was definitely not real I had nothing to compare it with, and
since I was deeply Roman Catholic and did not recognize one entity from the
Roman Catholic teachings in the Light (not Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Moses, no one
like that) I thought that I was crazy. I had no one to talk to about it!
Were
there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or
significant to you?
The fact that I
was absorbed into the Light to become One with the Light and still retained my
"Andy" consciousness! Now that a heavy experience. To realize that you are One
with Light/God, actually an Individual Piece of God ... therefore I am God, as
we All Are here on planet Earth.
How do
you currently view the reality of your experience:
Experience was definitely real I know that it happened to me and that it is
real. After 50 years the events of my drowning, death, and return are a clear
today as they were when I was laying on the beach with the water being pumped
out of my lungs. I can still feel the warmth, unconditional love, and complete
absorption from and by the Light. I know it is true from the very fiber ...
from the cellular level of my earthly body!
Have your
relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?
Yes
Yes, my whole
life has changed ... I don't fear death, I am waiting to return to the Light
soon!
Have
your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your
experience?
Yes
Yes, they all
have. I am no longer "religious" I am a "spiritual being" who believes that we
are all One in the Light with God.
Following the
experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or
substances which reproduced any part of the experience?
Yes Yes,
meditation often brings back many of the feelings and emotions that I
experienced in the Light.
Is
there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?
I don't
know why I came back, but I do know that I am grateful for being able to
remember being in the Light.
Did the
questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and
comprehensively describe your experience?
Yes Yes,
the main segments of my drowning, death, and return were covered quite well.
Are
there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience?
I live in Williamsburg, and I would like to have a local NDE group in my area.
There is one in Virginia Beach, but it's too far to drive to on a regular basis.