Amy J's NDE

Experience description: 

      Lost consciousness in hospital emergency room, stopped breathing: suddenly I became aware of being in a space filled with bright golden yellow light, with the feeling you get if you walk into a party where no one expected you and everyone stops and turns to look at you, as if to say 'what are you doing here?'. I couldn't see anything because the light was so bright but could sense others around me moving forward in one direction.  I was not moving and felt like I had just stuck my head & shoulders up through a hole in the floor to see what was going on.  At first I fought it (don't ask me what 'it' was, I think I was just being stubborn), but I remember thinking 'Hey, this isn't so bad!' I felt very warm (the inside kind & physically) and peaceful and safe. I felt like everything before just kind of came together to put me at this place where I was supposed to be. Just as I was starting to accept all this, it was like I was sucked up by a vacuum and it was gone, I was in darkness with no sense of having a real body but could hear my sister's voice. I later found out that she was in the building but not in the same room with me at this time. I felt angry and afraid of where I was. "How dare they! What fools to pull me back!?!" It took a couple days but I got over being mad. I now know that death is a good thing and not something to be feared. I'll wait until the party is ready for me and know that it is all for a reason that I don't question or concern myself with. I am not going to proof read this so please excuse my spelling, etc. I wrote it just as if I was speaking to you. Bye.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  No

      Explanation:  Do you mean 'Was this drug induced'? NO!

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  No

At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?  Yes

      Describe:  Pneumonia, Sepsis, Respiratory Failure, awake but no pulse, both numbers of my blood pressure were below 20 prior to my losing consciousness, placed on a ventilator for 7 days following event.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  I was alert until I became unconscious, I was very weak.

Was the experience dream like in any way?  No, I can remember exactly how it felt and exactly what I was thinking.

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  Yes

Describe your appearance or form apart from your body:  I did not see my body or have any sense of it-I was just 'being'-my first sense of being back and in a body was of this tremendous weight all around me, like I was in cement. It took too much effort to even open my eyes. My thoughts were as a third person looking on.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  awkward, apprehensive, acceptance, peace, calm, safe, surprise, anger, resentment, acceptance

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?  Before hearing my sister's voice as I was coming back I heard nothing, but slowly began to hear the sounds and voices of the people and machines working on me.  At the time I didn't know what those sounds and voices were (other than my sister's) and that was scary but I began to understand when one voice said "Jan! If you don't work with me I don't know if you're going to make it" In my head I answered "I'll see about it tomorrow" and that was the end of it.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  Yes

      Describe:  Coming back was like being quickly sucked back through a swirling tunnel. It was just like when you vacuum a pile of dust with the hose attachment. I swooshed back through.

Did you see a light?  Yes

      Describe:  Everything WAS the light. It enveloped you.

Did you meet or see any other beings?  No

      Describe:  I could only feel the presence of others

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  No

      Describe:  I learned that in the end all the things that seem so big don't really matter after all. There is more than what we see and know and it all comes together in the 'end' which is not an end at all. We are all the same at that place and we need to help each other along the way to reach that place, no matter who we think is the light-Gag! I can't believe I wrote this stuff but I believe in It.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  Yes

      Describe:  I could hear my sister talking calmly and reassuringly. She was talking to my mother in a waiting area and I was in the emergency room. 

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  Uncertain

      Describe:  Just the place of light

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Uncertain

      Describe:  It was a space on a different level than we are in now

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  Yes

      Describe:  a sense of peace and calmness-that all the tangled ends come together and those tangles are there for reasons that we don't need to know or understand but it will all be alright when we get there. We all need to help and be helped to reach that place, so get over all the silly stuff that we get hung up on. Karma. Karma. Karma.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?  No

Did you become aware of future events?  No

Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?  No

      Describe:  If it were up to me, I would have stayed away.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  No

      Describe:  But I became more open to intuition

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  I think I'm more laid back, more accepting of the way things are, I hope I'm less critical of others but I could still be better at it. I understand better that we have to make our own happiness while we are here and let others make their own, too.

Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  See #21. I believe religion is practiced from the inside out not the other way around so a church or building or name isn't important. Career choices? I choose to not be a burden to my family and hopefully smooth the path a bit for my kids  

Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  Most people are curious and want to hear about it. I think it eases there minds to know that this isn't all and that it gets better.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  Frustration at having been so close but having to come back-acceptance & thanks for being given the chance to hopefully make things a little easier or better for someone else. Optimistic that it is worth all the struggles and the struggles usually aren't as bad as the seem once you get past them.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  Other than my children (I have 2), it was the most positive thing that has happened in my life.  It was a little scary coming back through but there wasn't really any 'worst part'.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?  I recommend it. Everyone should have one.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Yes

      Describe:  Not in tangible ways but I know it has changed me on the inside.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  No

      Describe:  Of course not.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Yes

      Explain:  Yes, the questions and my answers describe my experience to the best of my abilities.

Please offer any suggestions you have to improve the www.nderf.org questionnaire?  No, you did good.