Val's NDE

Experience description:  

      I remember waking up in the recovery room with 2 nurses hovering around me, talking to me, trying to get me to wake up. As I opened my eyes I could see them looking at me and one of the nurses gently nudging me on the shoulder, she then looked at my throat bandage and said to the other nurse "get the doctor, she's bleeding". At this point I felt very disconnected from my body, and could hear a loud rushing sound filling my head, I turned my head to the left, toward the doorway of the room and saw a very bright light growing in the entrance of the door. It was brighter than the sun, and continued to grow in intensity. Then I heard someone yell "She's crashing!" and I was aware of at least 4 nurses and doctors surrounding me. I turned my head again to the left and now the light totally engulfed the doorway of the room. I saw a figure standing in the light, a being tall and serene, Christ like in stature and form, and a profound feeling of peace and joy filled me. With that I felt myself lifting from my physical body and started to move toward the Light and Light Being waiting for me. However, I could only get about 2 - 3 feet from my body and felt like someone was holding me by my left arm. I turned and looked down and I could see the doctors working on me, pushing down on my chest, and my Mom sitting beside me holding onto my left arm with both hands, pleading with me not to go. I was torn whether to continue into the light or return to my body. The next thing I knew I woke up in my hospital room, with my parents sitting beside me. I felt like something significant had happened and was surprised to find myself still in my physical body. I had difficulty talking to them about it since I was in and out of consciousness due to pain medication. 2 days later when the effects of the anesthetic had worn off, I had memory flashbacks of the event in the recovery room and felt confused and saddened that I had not been able to go into the light. My Mom told me afterwards that she had not been in the recovery room with me; she had been sitting out in the hallway by the recovery room. When she saw my surgeon and doctor rush past her into the recovery room, she sensed I was in trouble and "projected" herself to my side to assist me. She denied the fact that I had died, but said I was very sick and they almost lost me. The day after surgery, while in my room, the woman next to me went into cardiac arrest and died.  It was the first time in my life I had ever been present when someone died, and I "saw" the woman's spirit form leave her body. This disturbed me greatly since, I realized I had also been in that form and not been able to go "home". My doctor came to speak to me since I had shared with my nurse the disturbing memory flash backs I was experiencing and having trouble sleeping after witnessing my hospital roommate die.  He told me it wasn't unusual for people in the state I was in to have such experiences and yes, my heart had stopped for a few minutes, and that they were very lucky to have "saved" me. As far as what I saw in the room when the woman next to me died, he told me they should have moved me out of the room and apologized for subjecting me to this. However, I explained to him that it was ok, and I knew the woman had gone on and was "home". He just smiled, patted the top of my head and said it was probably just my "imagination" and ordered the nurse to give me something to help me sleep. I decided at that point to not share my experience with anyone, since no one seemed to believe me, but I know what I saw, felt and experienced was the "truth". What we experience as physical reality is a vastly small portion of who and what we truly are and that there is life after death.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  Uncertain

      Explanation:  I had just come out of surgery for sub-total thyroidectomy (Grave's Disease) and was still under the effects of anesthetics

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes

      What was it about the experience that makes it hard to communicate?  Found it difficult to articulate the experience to my parents and health care providers since they did not seem to accept or understand the experience.

At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?  Yes

      Describe:  While in recovery room post-op, I went into "thyroid storm" and throat incision opened and hemorrhaging occurred. Blood loss and symptoms of massive influx of thyroxine in system caused my heart to stop requiring resuscitation. I was told post event that they "almost lost me" and that my heart had stopped for a few minutes. Due to my age and physical condition, responded to resuscitation quickly.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  Despite the grogginess caused by the anesthetics and other medications they were giving me at the time of the event, I felt my sense of smell, taste and hearing were hyper acute. However, I felt very disconnected from my physical body, like I didn't belong in it anymore.

Was the experience dream like in any way?  No. The "flash backs" post event had the feel of a vision/ a remembrance of something that had taken place, but I was one step removed from it - witnessing it from the outside watching it play out before me.

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  Yes

Describe your appearance or form apart from your body:  When I was above my body looking down, I could see my spirit arm legs and torso as being filled with light and transparent.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  Mixed - at one point when I felt myself moving toward the light and the Light Being or Christ figure standing in the doorway waiting for me, I was filled with extreme joy, love and peace. When I realized I couldn't progress forward because my Mom was holding my arm, I felt very torn...not wanting to leave her and my family but desperately wanting to join the figure waiting for me in the light.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?  The noise I heard was a loud rushing sound, like standing right next to a waterfall. I could also hear other voices, singing a song I couldn't even begin to describe it was so beautiful.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  No

Did you see a light?  Yes

      Describe:  It was the brightness light imaginable. White, gold, silver and all the colors of the rainbow mixed together.

Did you meet or see any other beings?  Yes

      Describe:  There was a Christ-like figure standing in the doorway, with the light surrounding him/her. I did not receive any direct communication just a deep feeling of love and peace and welcoming. More than anything I wanted to join this being in the light, but was held back my Mom from completing the journey "into the Light".

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  Uncertain

      Describe:  Even though I had experienced many "psychic" type events since a small child, this event proved to me beyond all doubt, that our physical reality is such a small part of who and what we are. That what we construe as reality is a mere shadow of dimensions that we are constantly interacting with. That there is a continuation of our consciousness beyond death of the physical form.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  Yes

      Describe:  I described to the doctors and nurses about their reactions to my precarious situation and before they told me that my heart had stopped described how they performed CPR on me and saw the nurses squeezing the IV bags of fluid into my IV lines. I also told them that they looked very scared and upset. 

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  Uncertain

      Describe:  Since I never was able to fully enter into the light, I do not recall any other dimensions or locations. Once I saw my Mom and my etheric body above my physical form, it felt like a trap door slammed shut and there was nothingness. The next memory was waking up in my hospital room. I have no recollection of events between my Mom holding my etheric arm and waking up in my hospital room.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?  Yes

      Describe:  As explained earlier, I felt my Mom holding me back, preventing me from continuing toward the doorway where the Light and Christ-like figure waited for me.

Did you become aware of future events?  No

      Describe:  Not at the time. Since a child I have had prophetic dreams and visions and these increased in intensity after the NDE.

Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I am unsure if I consciously decided to return to my body or if it was a joint decision between myself, the Light Being and my Mom.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  I felt more connected to God/Creator. Became aware that life is a precious gift and not to be taken for granted. That we as humans still have allot to learn about life and death

Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  I internalized most of what I experienced since my family and peers did not seem to want to hear what I had gone through. They seemed frightened about it. So, I "shut down" for a time. I still believed in a God/Supreme Being and felt often the presence of what I called Guardians around me. This feeling of being watched over was particularly acute when in a church. For a time I was very drawn to the Catholic faith and by 17y.o was seriously considering entering a convent to devote my life to God. However, my life took a different turn and I immersed myself in more intellectual pursuits instead of removing myself into a life of spiritual devotion. I went to university for 2 yrs, then decided to become a nurse. The decision to pursue nursing as a career was my sincere desire to help people in times of crisis. It was during my nursing career I discovered that I had "healing hands" and medical intuitive abilities (see inside the physical body). These "gifts" I practiced quietly and did not share with colleagues, since I knew they would not understand. However, I did get the reputation of being "different" and my nickname in one department I worked in was "radar" since I seemed to "know" when someone would "crash" before the the event actually happened. I  have struggled with these "gifts" and never felt totally confident and secure in sharing them outside a few select friends, who are also healers, and immediate family members.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  Confusion, fear, uncertainty and at the same time profound peace....knowing that there is a reality and existence beyond death of the physical form. The confusion and fear resulted from the presence of my Mom's projected etheric form during the event, and somehow she influenced my decision to stay here in the physical world. I have often felt since that time that I have been living someone else's life. That a part of my consciousness did go "into the light" and is existing on that side of reality.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  The best part of the experience was the gaining the knowledge that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. The worst part, was not having the encouragement and support to share the experience with my family and health care providers - the feeling that they did not believe my experience. Also the sense of disconnectedness from a part of myself and overwhelming "homesickness" that sometimes over comes me to the point where I have at times contemplated taking my own life to return to spirit.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?  On March, 2001 my Mom died after a lengthy illness. She had just turned 68 yrs. old. We had many times to discuss our views of life and death prior to her departure and finally came to a place of peace with each other regarding my NDE. I was with her when she died, and she communicated with me that she understood why I have felt so tortured during periods of my life. She felt bad that she had influenced my decision to stay when I was 15, but it was my part to play in this earth walk together. Part of my soul agreement was to share my gifts with others and when the time came, assist her to cross over into spirit. Prior to her death, I was very torn and felt I needed to be on the "other side" to assist her across. Now, I realize that that wasn't necessary that I can experience both the spiritual dimensions and physical reality at the same time and be a conduit for the love and light of spirit, made manifest in the physical realm.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Yes

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  I often have OBE during the dream state and have been able to reproduce the OBE experience during meditation. I meditate on a regular basis and have practiced various forms of laying on of hands healing techniques, such as Reiki. Most days I have a heightened sense of awareness and can "tune" into the higher spiritual dimensions. Depending on my emotional state, I often experience the presence of guides and Ascended Masters in my life.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Yes