VV's NDE

Experience description: 

Submitted 12/8/02

It is a long story but seeing so many other stories similar to mine I suppose I am going to have to write it all down someday. Meanwhile in brief, it has taken from the age of 17 to fifty to get it all in perspective with a little help from books of all religions, articles, and the internet, this last one is the best in realizing I am not alone!

The first time I experienced another reality was at 17 I was giving birth (I know, a little young) but I had eclampsia...look it up... I stopped breathing apparently. Anyway, one time I woke up with a terrific thirst, the nurse brought me water.. it was like drinking life itself. I said to the nurse, I'm not afraid to die. She asked me why and I told her I had been somewhere else. I tried to explain but words just failed me but in my head I remembered being in a room, it was grey, with people in it , what seemed to me like a waiting room. People were coming up to me and some I recognized as possible family but I didn't know them but they knew me

I remember the wonderful feeling of love and warmth and truth and caring an unconditional feeling of wholeness and I wanted to stay with these people, no words were spoken it was all a kind of telepathic understanding.  But they said to me and these are the words I remember above anything else which was, go back VV you have to go back  I pleaded with them and argued and I just couldn't face the thought of leaving this feeling of complete love and warmth but they insisted with, you have to go back, you have work to do.  Then I found myself back in my body again with all the pain and discomfort.. That was in 1969.

I had many spiritual experiences after that and being young with a husband and young friends at that time we went to parties and one was at my home where someone had brought cakes but not ordinary cakes.  Well whatever was in mine, I was laughing one minute then the next I was being spoken to by a man with a cloak and hood he had a grey beard I remember he seemed very kind but he was asking me questions. However, I then saw a picture in front of me. It was a pattern. I looked deep into this pattern, a tapestry. I could see the warp and the weft.  This pattern was me.  It felt ME the man in the beard urged me to look closer and as I zoomed in to each stitch of color, I saw myself in a scene from my life.

I was watching me in a past situation and each scenario showed me how my actions had affected other people.  I began to see so many where I had been selfish, greedy, unkind, calculating, thoughtless that I began to feel thoroughly ashamed it was an overwhelming sense of sadness for my behavior toward others.  Then the kind man pulled me out of my misery and said, "hey it's not all bad," and we visited other parts of the pattern and other incidents replayed like in a video.  I watched scenes when I felt it was ok. I had been kind, helpful, loving, funny, all the nice things that made me feel it wasn't so bad.  Then he showed me the other side and there were lots of loose strands and it looked a bit untidy and I mentioned this and he said, "That's because it's not finished yet." 

When I woke up I thought I had been away for days but it could only have been a matter of minutes. this was when I was 18. Now I know the meaning of the tapestry of life.  I had other experiences and from the beginning I found myself talking to Jesus or someone. I just knew they were there.  Sometimes, I didn't bother because I told myself I had just dreamed it all and I had a vivid colourful imagination and was nutty so I left it all alone.  I only tended to talk out loud to Jesus when things got too bad but I found that praying really worked but please be careful what you pray for, he does answer but it doesn't happen in the way we want it, there are lessons to be learned and some of them are very hard. 

I found a book called the Tao of Physics I just had to buy it because as I flicked through it I saw a kind of pattern of what the author called the Dance of Shiva I always get a feeling of quiet satisfaction and confirmation when I read about something that I have experienced. The dance of Shiva is an understanding of life, where nothing is lost or wasted. I saw energy bouncing everywhere interacting then bouncing off. energy flying off to new attractions, building growing bursting and flying off to start anew, nothing wasted always moving. 

I remember when I saw this I knew how important we all are, we are all part of something really magnificent and there really is a plan . The last experience to hit me, when I was in my thirties, although not the last revelation, was the most glorious. I wasn't very happy, I felt I had made a mess of things. I felt like I was not doing the right thing, in fact the opposite and remember I just couldn't get rid of this YOU HAVE WORK TO DO! if I'd have known just how much work to do I would have insisted and stamped my foot to stay!!!! anyway. 

It didn't seem I was doing the kind of work I imagined they wanted me to do but there were occasions when I spoke to people ( after this last revelation) and found when confronted with a situation I found myself saying things to people where they were open mouthed and I would think where are these words coming from?. I was not too happy with myself and felt desperate, so I did something I don't regularly do.  I went to my local village church. It was Good Friday and I was full of sadness.  There were candles, robes, a procession walking toward the vicar where he was passing out a sip of wine and a slice of what seemed like rice paper.  Well I just followed through having spent most of the service in tears and joined the queue where I was blessed and accepted the gifts.

I have since heard that I should not have done this as I have never been confirmed, but hey, Jesus loves me doesn't he? I really didn't know.  It was Easter Monday.  Early that morning I sat bolt upright in bed.  My husband asked me what was the matter.  Jesus, I've seen Jesus! it's just a dream, go back to sleep.  There is no way I will agree this was just a dream.  I saw the brightest light.  It filled my whole view bright like an atomic light but it didn't hurt my eyes, but I was scared.  In the middle of this light was a being.  He stood there with a white robe (I read this description later in the bible, but this I really did see) he had long hair, I remember looking at a tie round his waist and it had a tassel at the ends.

But most of all I remember his feet.  They were like made out of stone or marble so perfectly magnificent in sandals. I remember feeling so small, like a grain of sand or dust, just looking at his feet! then he spoke to me.  I cannot for the life of me remember what he said, I just remember the sound he made, like being in the middle of an earthquake. I suppose, rumbling, deep, again it was not necessary for speech. He didn't seem very pleased with me although he was acknowledging my presence and made me understand he knew who I was but I was so awestruck and fearful I simply woke up.   So in answer to your question, dreams or reality I do speak to Jesus.

Submitted 3/21/02

Woke up in bed with raging thirst.  Said to the nurse I wasn't afraid to die.  She asked me why and I said I had been somewhere else....I tried to explain that I had found myself in a kind of grey waiting room and had met people who were very warm and loving and greeted me as if they knew me, I realized some were familiar to me as if we were related...I was wrapped up with such love and caring with these people that when they said I would have to go back I made an awful fuss and insisted I stay with them it was bliss to be with them but they insisted and I woke up in my body with terrible pain and the words still in my ears Go back you have work to do (If I had known how much!!)........About a year later We were having a party and some people brought some cakes.....I had one, first minute, I was laughing next I was looking at a pattern, it was a very familiar pattern, it felt like me.  It was a piece of tapestry and I realized a man with a cloak and a grey beard was looking at it with me, he asked me if I would like to take a closer look at it and we zoomed into one of the stitches and I saw myself in a past situation of my childhood like watching a video in full colour 3D..whilst the event was be played I realized I was feeling ashamed of my actions and shown the outcome, I saw in all those stitches every event of my life and the bearded man said it wasn't so bad and evened it up with some of the nicer things I had done in my life....I saw the back of the tapestry and I asked why there were so many loose strings, it looked untidy and he said it wasn't finished yet...Now I know what they mean by Life's Rich Pattern and the Tapestry of Life!!! Years later when I was about 32 I felt that I had made such a real hash of my life and further situations which I know affect others I went into my local church, which surprisingly I didn't visit too often and had a good cry feeling really sorry for myself  I went with the rest and had the rice and wine which I didn't realize at the time I should not have taken as I was never confirmed.  It was Easter time and on the Monday morning I sat bolt upright in bed and cried out saying I've seen him, I've seen him!!!!!   In my dream I was struck by the brightest light which filled my whole being which can only be poorly described as like an atomic light, I saw what I can only describe as a being who looked like Jesus he was awesome.  he had a gown on with a tie in the middle and long flowing hair, what I really remember are his feet, he was wearing sandals and his feet were like golden marble and I remember I felt like a tiny speck of dust in the sight of just his feet, he made me feel that although I was such a tiny speck, he knew me, he was speaking to me in a voice which kind of rumbled and he didn't look too happy with me, it was if he was really disappointed with me and I was just so petrified, I woke up...It was more than a dream, that light the vision I could not have dreamed that experience up....As I have grown older and wanted more and more to understand these wonderful experiences which originally scared me I have bought books and read avidly anything that seemed similar to the things that have happened to me and that is why I know what a life revue is an NDE the dance of Shiva the light I know what they all mean but it is so hard to live with this stuff, and keep it inside most of the time.

 Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  Uncertain

      Explanation:  Hospital Medication,   However, it is difficult to answer this questionnaire as I have had four very profound revelations throughout my life and I am having to mix the incidents up ....

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes

      What was it about the experience that makes it hard to communicate?  Nothing in life is comparable....just limited in oral explanation by standard of education to give an exact account....

At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?  Yes

      Describe:  Had fits, stopped breathing, daughter born with aid of forceps.

 What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  fully alert in; my mind

Was the experience dream like in any way?  Yes

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  every emotion you can describe

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?  Not that I can remember but communication seemed without moving lips

 Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  Yes

      Describe:  With my NDE I was in a room very sparse with people it was like misty grey but I did know that I wanted to go on into something else but they wouldn't let me

 Did you see a light?  Yes

      Describe:  When I saw the figure of Jesus it was as I tried to describe earlier, an atomic light would not do it justice.

 Did you meet or see any other beings?  Yes

      Describe:  in the nde they seemed like ordinary people although they spoke with talking it was like mind reading. I described the figure of Jesus in my prayer experience and the bearded man, cloaked in the cake experience

 Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  Yes

      Describe:  I described this experience in an earlier question but I will go back and copy it.!!)........About a year later We were having a party and some people brought some cakes.....I had one, first minute, I was laughing next I was looking at a pattern, it was a very familiar pattern, it felt like me.  It was a piece of tapestry and I realized a man with a cloak and a grey beard was looking at it with me, he asked me if I would like to take a closer look at it and we zoomed into one of the stitches and I saw myself in a past situation of my childhood like watching a video in full color 3d..whilst the event was be played I realized I was feeling ashamed of my actions and shown the outcome, I saw in all those stitches every event of my life and the bearded man said it wasn't so bad and evened it up with some of the nicer things I had done in my life....I saw the back of the tapestry and I asked why there were so many loose strings, it looked untidy and he said it wasn't finished yet...Now I know what they mean by Life's Rich Pattern and the Tapestry of Life!!!

 Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  No

 Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  Uncertain

      Describe:  If I did I cannot describe now, but I can remember the emotional qualities

 Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Yes

      Describe:  in the life review it seemed an age but it could only have been minutes

 Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  Yes

      Describe:  Throughout my (I call them revelations) I do know that we are all part of something much greater, everything we do is interrelated and to strive to care as much as possible for what we believe in.

 Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?  Yes

      Describe:  I was not allowed to go, they said I had to go back.

 Did you become aware of future events?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I sometimes get a kind of flash of feeling that I know what will happen next but probably no more than others more like intuition although I have had little dreams that have happened..

 Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?  Yes

      Describe:  Very very disappointed, the experience of love, warmth, caring was overwhelming

 Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  I have described these events in earlier questions..

 Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  Yes, initially I tried to dismiss it, I was so 17 with the nde there were so many experiences I wanted to have in my life and I tried to dismiss it all as nothing more than a very vivid dream but over the years it has all got so much stronger and the more I read and talked to people the more I realized I wasn't the only one....

 Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  Yes profoundly, but it's hard to live with in everyday life, it has to be contained

 Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  I didn't get much of a reaction from the vicar, he listed then he  blessed me that's all.....I've told my children, the youngest is now 24..they think I'm a bit of an eccentric but they are now aware...recently I have taken to talking about it a lot more....if only everyone were aware of their accountability!!! and so far people I have spoken of these things to are either quiet and thoughtful or I have others who have also heard about these things and come up with some apparently plausible reasons why it is all in the mind

 What emotions did you experience following your experience?  a terrible yearning for a real reason for why I had to return although I do know I would never have had my sons, although they are not brain surgeons. a deep frustration for the stupid things we all do me more than most.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  All of it...........

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?  Everyone should have one.

 Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Yes

      Describe:  It's is always there, especially when I've tried to ignore it.

 Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  I have described several things that have happened to me which could have happened initially in the NDE in previous questions  but only came back with prayer and a substance or they may have been further enhanced experiences brought on by prayer or the substance in the cake.

 Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Yes

      Explain:  I anticipated you would not ask me relevant questions but further into your inquiry I realize it is comprehensive enough for me although there is so much more.

 Please offer any suggestions you have to improve the www.nderf.org questionnaire?  It is not the questions which are so important to me, it is the comprehension of the people who read these answers, then think on their actions.