Traci's NDE

Experience included:

      Other conditions around the time of experience  

not sure- unconscious from head trauma- certainly considered life threatening by police and emergency workers at the time

Experience description: 

      i remember walking to the car, but not getting in... we were were about 10 minutes away when the accident occurred...blackness for a flash, quickly there was white light, sound (hum), rushing (wind-like)- much faster than i would have guessed from reading others accounts of a tunnel, but that does describe it. then, total darkness but not in the sense of a darkness that prevents the eyes from seeing because we don't need eyes here.  darkness is just a word to describe the void of possibility, lack of limitation- complete wholeness where there is no need to see.  i understand that all is well, and this far more real and beautiful and sensical and loving than the material world I has previously thought was life. I know that it makes no difference whether i return to my body- this is where i distinguished myself in thought from the natural wholeness* there was a body and I briefly turn my attention consciously to the noise and activity going on below where there are people scurrying around in states of extreme turmoil-I feel no attachment- even to my friends in the car- it occurs to me that i never even wondered as to the extent of their injury.  I know there is another option- to just go on (not return). there is no value judgment or sense of purpose and I am not really sure why I decide to return- it is like i already understand on a level that requires no dialogue so i didn't need to go through the process of getting an explanation.  This was about the time they were putting me in the ambulance. then slowly i associated with my body again and a few hours later I was again interacting with it.

*when focusing on the question of returning or not I separated from what I can now describe as sky like essence- this is when thinking started in a language form- I began to narrow, specify, limit focus to what can be understood within "normal" context- it was years later, after a lot of that silliness, that i calmed down enough to begin to make sense of it all

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  No

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes

      What was it about the experience that makes it hard to communicate?  the words could not contain the experience,  and it was many years until my mind was ready to "name" what happened- the words I would use to relate it stayed the same, but the clarity deepened when I had a context and a language that I shared with others- but still it does not begin to convey...

At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?  Yes

      Describe:  I was thrown from the back seat through the windshield of a vw bug crashing head-on at about 40 mph into a larger car. I was unconscious for several hours.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  physically I was "unconscious" and I was not very concerned about what was going on with my body.  I was aware of the emergency workers, and later hospital personnel, family, and friends, but they were not so important.  I was very clear about things- the opposite of confusion. i was uninhibited by the physicalities of what we might call though processes, and possessed complete understanding

Was the experience dream like in any way?  i was like a dream in that it was not limited by physical theories that are currently accepted.  it was far more clear than a dream- or regular "awake" time, for that matter

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  Yes

Describe your appearance or form apart from your body:  i was aware of being completely independent of form and i was able to "see my body and the physical world when i wanted to from about 10 feel above the ground

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  calm, neither happiness or sadness, acceptance, peace, love without attachment

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?  i understood sound and noises, but i did not hear them- the only noise i seemed to hear in the sense that i normally hear was the swooshing when entering and leaving.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  Uncertain

      Describe:  more like escaping through a tunnel- like coming up from a deep dive in water but really really fast and something similar when returning, but more gradual and funnel- like- life floating down without boundaries

Did you see a light?  Yes

      Describe:  white associated with the tunnel thing black associated with myself without form- although all colors (rainbow) were here if called upon to be deep blue associated with the oneness

Did you meet or see any other beings?  No

      Describe:  there were no forms or separations making beings, but i was not alone because i was one with all, i felt no presence of relatives that had passed away or of a God, but i was no separate from them i knew that if i had needed anything- concept, form, communication it could be mine to experience- but there was no need

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  No

      Describe:  it seems there might not have been enough of consequence as i was still a child- though i would never have accepted that at the time.  i understood what i could now call karma- the effects of our body, speech, and mind are what we experience but there was no formal review.  It would not surprise me at all if there is next time though-

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  Yes

      Describe:  yes- but, the above explanation is as clear as I can currently describe them

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Yes

      Describe:  not altered- but i did come to understand them more time is relative space is infinite and more complex than our minds can imagine

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  Yes

      Describe:  it was like i was part of a big computer and it had files on it that could explain everything and all i had to do was look, but knowing that, i had no need the universal order is love and peace.  our current experiences are dependant upon our prior reactions to our prior experiences, and our future ones are dependant upon our current manifestations, but housing all this is the love/energy that is the basis for life.  this is not harmed or helped by anything material.

i can't see a purpose other than loving and trying to ease the suffering of others- and i have spent many many years trying to work that one out- wondering why i didn't look around more while i was there instead of trying to figure it out now when it is obscured by me

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?  Yes

      Describe:  i had to choose to return or go on and was limited by that choice

Did you become aware of future events?  Uncertain

      Describe:  i did not, but i felt that i easily could have known anything that i wanted.  on one occasion prior to and a few time since i have had dream experiences that were distinctive from regular dreams and related to future or concurring traumatic events.

Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?  Yes

      Describe:  as above- not emotional and i am still exploring exactly what caused me to choose to come back

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  Uncertain

      Describe:  i am far more sensitive and i am forever changed.  i was, and am nothing special

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  It has been a slow and long processes to understand- and i spent a great many years keeping myself too busy to really process it- but the fundamental core knowing has always stayed with me- that loving and helping others is all that matters now that i am no longer trying to separate life from the experience, and i have a framework in which focus upon it, i have been able to work towards having an authentic life that recognizes and accepts the reality of what i experienced it has certainly left me prime to accept things that make sense in this context and KNOW that they are right

Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  i quit administering social service programs when i realized my scurrying was was not as helpful as what i might be able to accomplish if i had a better understanding of the nature of reality.  so i have been studying on my own for about 5 years and practicing Tibetan Buddhism for the past year and a half.

I am much less dangerous than i used to be

Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  my husband, a few people a Buddhist book discussion, and a Lama.  Their reactions are supportive and open.  i have benefited immensely from putting the experience into words and a question opened up a huge understanding on one occasion (about the moment of separation of my consciousness back into "my" all opposed to "all".  but i am just beginning to open up.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  i think i blocked it out and focused on the glass in my head and the other injuries to my friends and then.........it was years later and i now understand how blessed i have been by it all- what a rare gift it was

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  there is no worst part- well, it hurt and it was unpleasant once i was back, but the peace i feel was more than worth it

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Yes

      Describe:  i have no fear, and though i am always forgetting what is important- i usually won't continue to do something that is not helpful once i realize i am doing it

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  parts or similarities have been experience many times in many circumstances, but nothing so unencumbered

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Yes

Please offer any suggestions you have to improve the www.nderf.org questionnaire?  i am still understanding it and know that i will continue to explore this experience- if i knew what to ask i would ask it, but i appreciate your work and will help in any way that i can