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Trish R Possible NDE 6287
I had attempted suicide by an overdose of drugs. The event of the suicide is hazy but the NDE or vision I had was very clear. I was in an ER room with at least one doctor and several nurses attending to me. I did not feel my soul separate from my body but I seemed to go from lying on the table to a grey cloudy landscape in an instant.
There was an indescribable all-encompassing feeling that God disapproved of my action. There was no shame or feeling of being threatened, just the strong feeling that God was not happy with my attempt at suicide. The greyness of the atmosphere combined with storm- like clouds was remarkable. I didn't feel threatened by it, though. I just observed it. I was outside this literal gate to heaven. I believe strongly in heaven but not this gate. It may have been more symbolic, I have no idea. It was an iron looking gate I was standing outside of that seemed to disappear into the grey clouds.
The gate itself was unremarkable, no pearls or anything like that. Two robed men were speaking to each other. They never addressed or looked directly at me, but they were discussing me. I knew the two men were St. Peter and St. Gabriel. I could not hear their entire conversation but I knew they were discussing whether it was my time to be admitted to heaven. St. Gabriel was telling St. Peter that I had not read The Gospel of Mark yet. St. Gabriel was holding a huge open book I assumed to be a Bible and they looked at it. It seemed as if Gabriel was convincing Peter I could not enter heaven yet but at the same time I knew St. Peter didn't want to let me in at that time. I was just an observer. They never looked at me and I did not interact with them. I woke up back in my body in the emergency room after I heard that I needed to read Mark.
Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes It is only difficult to explain the strong clear feelings present.
At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? Yes I had taken an overdose of drugs.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When it was said that I had to read The Gospel of Mark (in the New Testament)it was very very clear. That one part remains very vivid in my mind to this day.
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal That one sentence St. Gabriel spoke, "But she hasn't read The Gospel of Mark" seemed not only to be very very clear words but a strong feeling accompanied his words. It is hard to explain.
Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)? My vision was clear. I required contacts at the time. I felt within a body but not trapped in one as I am here on earth.
Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)? My hearing was more acute I guess. I was not close to the two talking, I was separated by a distance of maybe several hundred feet. Normally, I couldn't hear two people talking to each other from that distance. I couldn't hear everything they said.
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? No
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I knew God loved me and still do but I was only aware of his disapproval at that time. I felt like I wanted to please God, not displease him. I wanted to change the circumstances in the future so the next time I arrive at heaven. It will be my time, in God's time, and He will be pleased.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure? No
Did you see a light? Yes Unearthly greyness, even their robes while they stood outside the gate of heaven were greyish.
Did you meet or see any other beings? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I knew the two males talking were important and angelic. They were not of this world.
Did you experience a review of past events in your life? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm The atmosphere was almost storm-like, very grey with many clouds.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No
Did you seem to understand everything? No
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes The gate was the limiting structure.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was "sent back" against my will
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information/awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose? Uncertain I am unsure why The Gospel of Mark was so important for me to read. Initially I read it and I was confused what I was supposed to learn exactly. "Faith" was what stood out to me at that time. I have been reading it and other gospels lately. This time I feel so much more passion for them and many questions I have had regarding scripture have been answered. These questions or ideas were not necessarily revealed in the Gospel of Mark but other readings that Mark inspired me to read.
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information/awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships? No No I have to say, though, that as a result of reading Mark, I have felt incredible mutual love for God and my fellow men.
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information/awareness regarding love? No I have to say, though, that as a result of reading Mark, I have felt incredible mutual love for God and my fellow men.
Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge or purpose? Yes To read Mark.
Discuss any changes that might have occurred in our life after your experience: Since that dark period of time in my life. I have embarked on living a more spiritual life through a 12 step program. This spirituality has grown and is very deep today. I have felt periods in my life since that occurrence where I have felt INTENSE love from God.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience Everything about that time period of my life is a hazy unpleasant memory to me. The vision or NDE is much clearer in my memory.
Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience? Since that dark period of time in my life. I have embarked on living a more spiritual life through a 12 step program. This spirituality has grown and is very deep today. I have felt periods in my life since that occurrence where I have felt INTENSE love from God.
Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience? Yes Reading Mark has led me to seek further spiritual material that gives me great comfort and joy. The feeling of intense love in my life in incredible. I used to reject the idea of past lives but now I feel that we probably have or could have multiple lives. The most important thing in the universe is love.
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience? No
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I knew of them but was not all that interested in them.
How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real It felt more real as time passed because it remained vivid in my mind, unlike a dream or regular life. I was also kind of embarrassed by it because I didn't want to be perceived as more crazy than I already may have been due to my suicidal actions.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time? Experience was definitely real I do not believe in coincidence. If this is a mere dream I had, it still greatly impacted my life.
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes I seek to more loving and tolerant of others. I want to make a positive impact in the world while I am here although I strongly desire to return to God. I won't harm myself again because I want to fulfill God's plans for me and help others while I am here.
Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your Experience? Yes I read the Bible more not out of a sense of duty, but because I am getting much joy from it and desire to find out what I am to learn (regarding their reference to Mark). The more I seek, my spiritual connections improve. Life and my relationships improve.
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain I have felt a stronger connection to God more than ever in a positive way.
Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes