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My near death experience and the place I went is ever-present in my consciousness. I was out in the universe with the stars as close as the ceiling in my house. The mood here was the greatest peace, calm, and serenity that I had ever felt. I was seated before the most beautifully lit presence of energy. It seemed to eminate the greatest divine love. It came out, surrounded, and became a part of me and I became a part of this presence. Our consciousness felt as one and yet I still owned my own consciousness. I felt like I was seated and I have racked my brain trying to figure out what I was seated on. My conclusion was there was no couch, no chair, no body, no flesh; it was pure consciousness. I remember whining about how I did not want to return; I did not want to leave the presence. The big thing was that I did not want to come back if I had to be in a wheelchair. I did not want to come back if I could not speak.

Ultimately, I did not want to return. But I know the choice was mine. I have a sense that I saw and did a lot more in this place, yet I have no memory of it. Dr. Maryanne, hired by a friend during my coma, came and told my family that I had crossed over to the other side and that she felt that I really liked it there, was visiting with a lot of people, and did not want to return. I believe that I did not remember the rest of my heavenly experience and interactions because if I had I would have had a harder time returning to my life here. My friend again hired Dr. Maryanne after my coma, while I was recovering, to assist with shoulder problems. While she was working on my shoulder one day she asked me what religion I was to which I replied Catholic. She told me, "Good, that makes this a lot easier. Mother Mary has just come to me twice. She wants me to tell you that she is with you and that you WILL get well, but you have to be patient; it's going to take time."

During the time of my coma, I also had several different consciousness experiences. I will briefly describe them here. A friend, Lynn, came to visit me while I was in the induced coma. Lynn, a phD mathmetician, had just returned from China for a work trip. Lynn talked to me, telling me all about her trip. Lynn returned some months later when I was in recovery at PSL and no longer in the coma. Lynn told me, "Let me tell you all about my trip to China." I replied to her that she had already told me about the trip to China (at this time I had no idea that it was while I was in the coma). I proceeded to tell her details about her trip such as the cabby that screwed them over, the extra night they had to spend, etc. Lynn was floored and told me that she had told me that while I was in the coma. I replied, "No, I must have been cutting your hair or something." (because I at this point had no memory of the coma). Lynn said, "This just proves that people in comas can hear you when you speak to them."

Another experience while recouperating involved a little girl that stayed up above my bed in the hospital. She would float just above the end of my bed, near the ceiling. She was a young girl around the age of seven or eight years old. She had a pixie haircut. She always had a look of intenseness in her face and eyes; she never smiled or spoke a word. She just stared at me. I had a sense that I knew her but I could not figure out who she was. I believe that she was my guardian angle, watching over me. When I went to PSL she remained with me for about two weeks and then she was gone. I was telling my cousin about this little girl and she asked me if it could have been my godchild. She had died at the age of fourteen from a brain tumor. I asked the girl's mother if she had had a pixie haircut at around seven or eight. It turns out that she indeed did, which only solidifies my belief that this was my godchild, Trista France, coming to me as my guarding angle.

Right before what would be my last surgery, I had a dream that felt as if I were in a different consciousness. This consciousness felt a lot like my heavenly experience. There was a male voice that called my name and told me that I  had one more hump to go over and then I would have the life I always dreamed of. I was sure this voice was God because of the similarities in consciousness to my main experience. I was looking forward to this surgery because I had previously been home for four months with small bowel liquid leaking from my fistula to outside of my body. Dr. had said he was not looking forward to operating on me and he was sure I was not looking forward to it either. However, I had felt reassured, like this surgery was going to be a piece of cake because God had spoken to me. When I awoke to find an eight-inch incision and a woundvac attached, I was shocked. But then I reminded myself that God had said "one more hump.". My last experience occured after I had returned home, after the surgeries. A friend named Pat returned some books to me one day. She was unaware that I had been sick. As she was talking to me she told me that Mother Mary and the Blue Army was all around me and that Mary wanted me to know that I was healed but that I was going to have to be patient because it would take time to regain my strength.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?    Yes  On the morning of July 26th, 2007, I had complete organ shutdown (kidneys and liver failed, lungs filled with fluid) due to the necrotic pancreantitis caused by the doxycycline. My  husband overheard the ICU nurse say "She is dying right before our eyes and there is nothing we can do.". On August 11th, breathing functions were inadequate and labored despite maximum oxygen being pumped into my lungs (15%). I then aspirated and my lungs filled with vomit and my body went into a hypoxic state. My heart was pumping erratically on one side and too slow on one side. My husband says that at this point doctors had to revive me. My doctor, (a man with 17 years experience), later told me that he had never seen someone with necrotic pancreantitis as bad as mine survive.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?   Yes     It has been five years and I am just now able to express my thoughts on the matter more clearly.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?     The entire time that I was in Heaven during my main experience, my consciousness was at the keenest it has ever been. And I don't feel that it will be until I return there.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?       More consciousness and alertness than normal   There were no human conditions attached to me while I was there. Therefore, I had no desires of the flesh, no commentaries to myself, no worries. There was only peace, calm, and serenity. There was only the beautiful lighting. This all brought on a sense of freedom that allowed me to be fully present in my consciousness of this moment.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. During the experience, my vision was heightened. I also feel though that after having my experience, my everyday vision is above what it used to be. I feel that I see everything in life more clearly.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. There was no hearing during my experience. Anything that I was "told" or "said" occured as thought that became knowledge in my consciousness.

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?    No  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?    Calm, peace, serenity, content, divine love, etc.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel?    No  

Did you see an unearthly light?    Yes   When I first woke up I told my husband that I was in this place and I was in awe of the lighting. It was like looking at Christmas tree lighting, but not. It was bright yet soft. The light was illuminating in nature, like a Christmas tree light. It was pure love.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?    I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
I encountered a lighted presence that I described to my husband, "Take an eight foot lighted Christmas tree. Now take away the green and fill this space with the haze that comes off of a candle." I believe that this was God, a divine love eminating from this lighted energy.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?    No  

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?    No  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?    No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?    A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
I felt as if I were out in the universe with a freedom that I don't know how to explain. I encountered the lighted presence which I believe to be God.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?    Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time stopped and lost all meaning.

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?    No I was just out in the universe. I was a part of everything.

Did you come to a border or point of no return?    I came to a definite conscious decision to "return" to life
I knew the choice was mine; it's a knowing without a knowing. I have speculated that my daughter's state of being (she was going through incredible difficulties including rape, and thoughts of suicide at my death)had it been shown to me, would have brought me back even faster. I believe it was a factor in me coming back at all.

Did scenes from the future come to you?   No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?    Yes   I know there is life after death and I believe this is an eternal state of consciousness. I believe that what I experienced (the unearthly light, sense of pure freedom, and divine love) is the state of consciousness that we all go to when we leave these fleshly bodies.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?    Yes   I experienced what science calls the "unified field" and what I call God. I believe that I was in the presence of God (the lighted energy of divne love that I encountered).

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?    Uncertain   While I did not experience any specific thing that would indicate that we have a life prior to this one, I do believe now that we have a choice to enter or re-enter life if we chose, as different people. I experienced being in complete oneness with God durng my experience (the lighted presence, being in the universe, etc.) In this divine union with God we share in the omniescient and omega. I believe we chose to be a part of the evolutionary process of the universe. I believe that when this life ends and we enter this divine consciousness we have the choice to return to another life to further the evolution of the universe and may have done so already.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?    Yes   I believe we are all a part of the whole. I experienced a oneness with God and the universe.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?    Yes  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?    No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?    Yes   Yes, love was the most powerful, permeating feeling. I feel that I learned that love is everything; the oneness that binds us all together. If you have this then you are very thankful, whole, and living in gratitude with peace. God is in every one of us as love.

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?    Yes   We are here to grow love. When you are thankful for everything you grow love in  your heart which is the same as growing God. I think that we put up morphagenetic fields in our universe through our conscious thought. So I now believe that prayer is the most powerful tool in the universe.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?    Yes   The special knowledge that I know is that energy follows thought and we live in a very energetic world. We share a oneness with this energy.

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   I feel that the content was consistent with my beliefs at the time, but that I also learned new things. My beliefs shifted from living beside me to living inside of and being a part of me.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?    I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience   My experience is permanently embedded in my mind. I believe meditation to be a doorway to heavenly consciousness. During my meditative states, I am able to feel moments, fleeting moments, of this state of consciousness.

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   I feel that I am supposed to share all that I have learned with young people. I am not sure exactly how I am to share this. I am hoping for divine guidance.

My experience directly resulted in:    Large changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?    Yes   I now believe that we are all one; that there is a universal union.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?    The whole thing. It changed my life, my family's life. I am told by friends that I am a walking miracle, yet I do not really feel like one.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?    Yes   I receive messages for people from God. I have also encountered Mother Mary in my own consciousness.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?      The whole thing. It changed my life, my family's life. I am told by friends that I am a walking miracle, yet I do not really feel like one.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?    Yes  I started to share my experience right away with my family and close friends. They were supportive, intrigued, etc. While in the hospital a couple of friends would come to my room and do centering prayer with me. One of the nurses told me that she liked to come in the room right afterward because she could feel the power of the prayer.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    No  

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:    Experience was definitely real   While I felt that the experience was definitely real, I did not think a lot about it because I was trying to live in the present moment. I was completely focused on surviving each day, one day at a time. My main thought was that today was all I have to get through.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:    Experience was definitely real   I believe that I am very fortunate to have experienced and learned what I did. It will always be real to me; it is a knowing without a knowing.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?    YesI feel a oneness with everyone that I meet and I am able to see God in them.

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?    Yes My beliefs went from living beside me to living inside me. I am now one with my religious beliefs.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?    Yes   Centering prayer; but only for fleeting moments. God has told me that he wants to heal people through me. But in order to do this I must go to that level of consciousness that I experienced in Heaven, but have only been able to do so for these fleeting moments.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?    It is the greatest experience of my life.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?    Yes    Please offer any suggestions that you may have to improve this questionnaire.  Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience?   

What could a national organization with an interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of interest to you?         I have wrestled with people thinking that my experience and NDEs in general are produced from drugs and are crazy. I feel that more public exposure/awareness is key to correct this.

Please offer any suggestions that you may have to improve this questionnaire.  Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience?                     No.