William H Probable NDE

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION

The first experience was out of curiosity after reading the Tao te Ching and the I Ching. I was studying Kung Fu just to get in shape and learn some self discipline. I stood with my feet shoulder width apart, relaxing in the stance to work the stabilizer muscles. My arms were loose with the finger tips barely touching held in front of me as though resting on a ball.  This was for muscle training and I didn't even believe in chi or any of that. I did kung fu for the exercise, I've always been a skeptic. I had music playing ( weezers blue album, like I said I wasn't taking it seriously).  My eyes were half closed. I was just planning to stand there and empty my mind and relax. My muscles naturally began to burn, so I tried to rise above it. Mind over matter was my only goal, push past the pain. Next thing I know I feel like I am moving up and backward. I try to open my eyes and see a blue chord leading down to the top of my head. I was startled and with a sudden rush I see through my own eyes again.  The album was almost over, I'd stopped paying attention to the music as I meditated, so the whole time of meditation was only 40 minutes. From then on while training I never felt fatigued. When I grew tired I could visualize a well of energy to draw from, and therefore control my "second winds". 

After some time a girlfriend hung herself, I felt responsible and began to do drugs. This lead me down a bad path. I took heroin, speed, ecstasy, just about anything. I later remembered that strength of Will from the meditation and decided to quit. I was also jailed so I was forced to quit cold turkey. It was only a five month drug binge. I quit on July 7 2006. In August I still felt horrible about the girlfriend and decided to take my own life. I took several bottles if antidepressants and pain killers went to bed. I was found and defibrillator paddles had to be used to revive me. 

My experience was as follows: I became conscious of waves of energy washing over me. It was a feeling of total comfort. I feared nothing. I didn't know if I was alive or dead. This was first person as though I were still in my body.  Time was muted, there was no sense of it at all.  Next I see my body lying in a pool of light like a spotlight shining on it, darkness is all around it, but still no fear, only comfort. I get the feeling I must return to it, but I don't want to.  I look closer and see myself in white with an identification tag on my left wrist. I know my body is in a hospital. I still don't want to return. I become aware of a light but I don't go toward it, rather it seems to come to me. I am taken through time it seems, I see myself as an old man in my sixties dying with lung cancer. Something tells me I can change that and the white light comes over me. I open my eyes and am in a hospital room. I realize I need to breathe but can't then realize I already am. There is a tube in my throat. I'm on a respirator. I later find out I was in a coma for 2 days. The identification bracelet was on my left arm. Despite the warning I still currently smoke. However, after that I no longer feel responsible for my girlfriends death, and while I have absolutely no fear of death I do want to experience life.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?         The first time, no. I was clean. The second time was an overdose of medication where I was clinically dead.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     I can explain the details but can't convey the emotions, that's what the second experience is all about.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Uncertain            Again, I'm cheating by fitting two on one form. The first time, no. The second time I was clinically dead, so yes.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?           The first time I was awake but meditative. 

The second time I was dead or in a coma. It may have been a dream, but there was a detail that was accurate when I awoke.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   The first time was no dream, though I had a feeling of loss of control. 

The second time was very dreamlike, but when I woke details of the dream were accurate.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes     Both times I had a feeling of being separated from my body.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            The first time I felt a blissful sense of absolutely nothing then got startled which was a mix of surprise and fear. 

The second time I felt complete bliss. Acceptance was irrelevant and I had a feeling of healing and well being. Safety.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?           None that I can remember.

LOCATION DESCRIPTION:  Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?            Uncertain      It was close to an idea of purgatory, though it was comforting.

Did you see a light?           Yes     It was a small light that seemed to come closer, I didn't go to it but it eventually came down over me.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Uncertain      In the experience of my death I had the feeling something was there. It communicated with me, but nonverbally.

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state? Yes    

I saw myself in a hospital bed from above. I saw the identification bracelet on my left wrist.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes     I saw a hospital bracelet on my left wrist.  When I woke it was on my left wrist.

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different?          Yes     No sense of touch. I could feel, though. Warmth, comfortably warm, not hellish in any way. Sight seemed limited to self, everything else was dark. No sound or smell or taste. I never even saw whatever was communicating with me. Even my timeline only showed my own death.  I was a suicide, perhaps that has something to do with that emphasis.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     Time was not there, even the pulsing rhythm of energy washing over me seemed to be beyond being a measure of time because there was no number to the waves just a feeling they were eternal.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Yes     I was shown that I will die another time when I am much older and of lung cancer, though I was told (telepathically) that if I quit smoking it could change.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?             No      

Did you become aware of future events?       Yes     My own possible death.

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?       Yes     I did not want to return. I felt that I didn't have a choice, though.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         No      

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     Cognitive awareness.  Simply the understanding that we are connected and a shedding of more selfish ways of thought and a curiosity of knowledge.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?       Religion, I don't try to follow one anymore. I consider others, or try to, in all I do. Career, I feel there is no use in it. It left questions in my mind that I feel a need to figure out and that a career would take away from that.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes     Life is nothing more than our perception of the world around us.  If we choose a negative outlook, then all we see is negativity, because that is our focus. If we are constantly thinking badly of people then they will seem bad.  Empathy is more than just putting yourself in another's shoes, empathy is realizing that there are a thousand reasons for each person's actions and that if we stop thinking selfishly, we no longer see people as bad, but rather see the necessity of their actions according to them.