Experience description:
I was very sick with
bleeding ulcers. My medical insurance had expired and I was at home for several
days trying to rest and hope everything would heal on its own. I have had
bleeding ulcers since I was a child, had had several attacks through the years,
and know pretty much what to expect. I knew this attack was pretty bad.
On January
5th I work up with a severe headache and knew my blood pressure was very high.
Mid-morning I realized I was very sick and telephoned a close friend to ask them
to come to my home. I remember thinking "this is the last phone call I'll ever
make". I was very calm and decided to get into the empty bathtub so I wouldn't
bleed all over the carpets and make a mess. By this time I was bleeding through
my ears and was bleeding heavily everywhere.
I woke up
in a warm, bright place and was confused as to where I was. It took a minute
and I remember thinking "Wow, I must be dead". There was no pain. I could see
myself, it wasn't like a spirit kind of thing. I looked up and my grandmother
was there. She had died long ago (I think in 1967 or 1968), but it was her!
She was wearing a purple dress and I suddenly remembered seeing her in her
coffin as a kid wearing that dress. There was a Boston Terrier dog standing
beside her. We had always had Boston Terriers as pets when I was a kid but I
didn't recognize this particular dog. I asked her where my Mom and Dad were
(they had both passed away) but she looked at me and said "You can't stay - you
have to go back now." I said "No, I don't want to leave" and she said "I
promise, next time you can stay. You can stay the third time".
Then I
woke up in the hospital. It was very confusing for a couple of minutes and the
doctor told me my friend had called 911 after I phoned him and they found me in
the bathtub with no pulse. Luckily I was found in time. I spent two weeks in
the hospital and have been in decent health since...although I still have
bleeding ulcers.
As a
side-note, I went through a big box of old family photos and I found the dog
with my grandmother. Her name was Trixie and she was our household pet when I
was born in 1956. I don't remember her though as she was put to sleep around
1958. It was definitely, absolutely Trixie with my grandma.
I can't
really describe the TONE of the conversation. She meant so much more than what
she said. I seemed to understand more than what she said.
Was the
kind of experience difficult to express in words?
Uncertain I can't describe the overall feeling I was left with; it's too
complex for words.
At the
time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?
Yes
At what
time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and
alertness?
From start to finish. I remember everything.
How did
your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare
to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?
More consciousness and alertness than normal
If your
highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different
from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:
Everything seemed brighter, more THERE. I seemed more alert somehow. I seemed
to understand not just the words but the tone of her conversation.
Did your
vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such
as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of
solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?
Yes
Did your
hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect,
such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
No
Did you
experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?
No
What
emotions did you feel during the experience?
Confusion, then relief, then happiness. Then disappointment when I
had to come back here.
Did you
pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?
No
Did you
see a light?
Uncertain I was standing in a white place - but not like standing in the
clouds. Everything around me was just a brilliant white.
Did you
meet or see any other beings?
No
Did you
experience a review of past events in your life?
No
Did you
observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that
could be verified later?
Yes I was able to find a family photo of the dog who was with my
grandmother. I was also able to confirm the dress my grandmother wore in her
casket after talking with my aunt.
Did you
see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or
dimensions?
No
Did you
have any sense of altered space or time?
Uncertain There didn't seem to be a sense of time.
Did you
have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?
Yes Nobody told me but I felt I knew what life was all about, and
what I was all about, and why I was here. I DO know that somehow, someway we do
go on. I'm not sure where or how but it isn't bad.
Did you
reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?
Yes Where ever I was, I had a sense it was a point-of-no-return. Nobody told
me, I just knew. Everything I "just knew" felt like I have always known, I just
wasn't aware that I knew.
Did you
have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?
Yes When I was 3 years old, I "drowned" in a public swimming pool in
Fall River, Mass. (USA). My grandfather had to run into the pool fully clothed
to pull me out. A lifeguard got me back. It was always a family story about my
drowning and how they almost lost me. I don't really remember it except for
tiny pieces and parts. My grandfather old me I had no pulse when they pulled me
out.
How did
you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it
happened:
Experience was definitely real It WAS real, no question. It kind of bothers
me to talk about it because it seems very personal and I tarnish it every time I
talk about it. I do think about it every day though.
Were
there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or
significant to you?
I still wonder
why my grandmother was there and not my parents. Why that particular dog? I
feel like I had a great chance to learn something and I missed it. What were
they trying to tell me
How do
you currently view the reality of your experience:
Experience was definitely real see above.
Have your
relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?
Yes
I am still a
high-strung, demanding, quick witted person. However, I am a lot more patient
and tolerant of other people. I tend to argue a lot less and accept other
people for what they are. I seem to WANT to treat people better.
Have
your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your
experience?
No
Following the
experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or
substances which reproduced any part of the experience?
No
Is
there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?
It was
real and it did happen. It wasn't drug induced or anything. It wasn't my
imagination. It was real. It was such a strong experience it's always in the
back of my mind. I feel lucky to have had this experience.
Did the
questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and
comprehensively describe your experience?
Yes
