EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:
At
age 17 I took some kind of hallucinogen. I'd taken drugs possibly 60 times or
more before this day, tablets and blotter sold as LSD, mescaline, acid, liquid
sunshine, window pane, etc. This one time something that was sold in pill form
as THC which sounded low key and natural because THC was in weed. I had a most
lovely, warm, magical trip with several girl friends. Three of us ended up
sitting in the branches of a tree for hours and I remember, very clearly,
thinking: This is nirvana. This is what heaven must be. (Several of our friends
had had a terrible trip, spending hours looking for us!)
When
we finally met up again, we were all coming down, back to normal. I went home
and had dinner with my family. That night, we friends all met up again to go to
a party. I had one beer and felt as if I were jumping through time. I'd be
talking with one person and the next thing I knew, I'd be in another room
talking to someone else. It was really disconcerting and I knew something wasn't
right and so stepped outside. I started having grand mal seizures. I was aware
of floating above my body watching the seizures. Then suddenly my body got up
and ran down the road straight toward an oncoming car and I thought, "Oh, this
is the end" but it felt as if something -- somebody -- pushed me really hard and
the car missed me but I fell into a ditch. A friend caught up with me and I felt
myself leave my body again and heard a strange unearthly scream and realized it
was coming from me and then I was lifting upward very quickly toward a white
light. The sensation was that of periscope opening long and longer as I was
speeding upward faster and faster toward this light. I felt utterly calm.
Content. Somehow I knew I was dead but I was OK with that as I kept moving
toward the light.
Then
I had a thought -- until then, it seemed everything was beyond words or thought
-- but this thought came into my head: Your parents cannot handle losing another
child. And whack! I was back in my body and screaming my head off.
At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?
Yes
Described above: reaction of alcohol and tablet form THC (but who knows what it
really was? PCP? LSD? Mescaline?
Was
the experience difficult to express in words?
Yes For years if I tried to talk about it, I would tremble and cry.
At
what time during the experience were you at your highest level of
consciousness and alertness?
Heading toward the light. (BTW I'd never heard of NDE back then in 1973)
Weirdly, my friend helping me also knew I had died and thought about how he
would put me in a car and get in an accident because he knew my parents couldn't
handle losing a child to drugs. A car accident was preferable and he was willing
to risk his own life to cover up my mistake.
How
did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience
compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?
More
consciousness and alertness than normal I did a lot of drugs, as mentioned
above, was raised Catholic and as a seeker of sorts. Going through a lot of
existential angst about the meaning of life; not so different from many teens.
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that
you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.
I
think I explained above. But the white light was more than something to see; it
was something I felt; a warmth? A sense of love? Of goodness?
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that
you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.
What
I heard seemed to be apart from me. I heard a scream and knew it was coming from
my body but also knew it was not coming from the me who was floating above
looking down.
Did
you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your
consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?
Yes Explained above. I saw the car, saw my body, was aware of my friend
sitting beside my body, holding my body.
What emotions did you feel during the experience?
Utter peace and calm. I can't even say I wanted to come back or was given a
choice to come back to earth, I simply went from abstraction to thought and that
thought of my parents grief brought me back.
Did
you pass into or through a tunnel?
Yes
Well, I was heading upward into this periscope tunnel thing that seemed to go
unfolding up and up toward a light.
Did
you see an unearthly light?
Yes Described above
Did
you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable
voice?
I
heard a voice I could not identify
As said; it was kind of a thought -- but not really my own thought -- just an
idea about my parents.
Did
you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who
are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha,
etc.)?
No
Did
you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?
Uncertain A sensation, rather than a person, of thought. Awareness of the
physical world brought me back. I did not meet my brother or grandparents though
I have since met them and other people who have "passed" in dreams.
Did
you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?
Yes
Did
you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?
No
Did
time seem to speed up or slow down?
Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
described above
Did
you suddenly seem to understand everything?
Everything about the universe
Did
you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?
No
Did
you come to a border or point of no return?
I
came to a definite conscious decision to "return" to life
Described elsewhere: I knew I couldn't die and leave my parents -- already
grieving for my brother who died in Vietnam. We were six children. I was the
4th of six kids
Did
scenes from the future come to you?
No
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness
suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly
life (“life after death”)?
Yes Sorry, I just knew! Felt it and experienced it completely
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness
that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?
Uncertain I felt love and light. Not sure if that was God or what. Just love
and light and eternity,
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness
that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?
Yes I was not sure of eternity, unconditional love, infinite light until that
experience
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness
that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not)
exist?
Yes Sensed it. described in previous boxes
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness
regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?
Yes
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness
regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?
No
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness
regarding love?
Yes Love WAS
During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information /
awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living
our earthly lives?
No
Did
you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?
No
What occurred during your experience included:
Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at
the time of your experience Like heaven and God but far more abstract
How
accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events
that occurred around the time of the experience?
I
remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around
the time of the experience It has stayed with me all these years.
Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your
experience:
I
decided to do a Siddhartha and experience the world so travel at age 18 with no
money through Iran, Afghanistan, Pakistan, India and Nepal. Life was iffy. I
needed to LIVE FULLY
My experience directly resulted in:
Large changes in my life
Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that
occurred as a result of the experience?
Yes I knew I needed to see the world. Life was short. I was on the physical
plane for a reason. I needed to experience the physical world!
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful
or significant to you?
Do
you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience
that you did not have before the experience?
Yes Dream of my husband having an affair with a random woman and it turns out
my dream occurred at the moment they had their affair. (we were in different
countries at the time and the woman was the last person I ever would have
imagined my husband having an affair with: I was young and lovely. She was a
mother of three and a mess.
Have you ever shared this experience with others?
Yes
Immediately with the friend who was with me. Very, very slowly with others. I
was sure they would think I was crazy. I thought I might be crazy. Or that
others would dismiss it as a drug dream and I KNEW it was more than that.
Did
you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your
experience?
No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to
weeks) after it happened:
Experience was definitely real I knew then -- and now -- that it was
absolutely authentic. I have actually wished it had happened without drugs so it
could not be dismissed as hallucination. It was NOT a drug induced
hallucination.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:
Experience was definitely real It happened. No doubt. My perspective then and
now was accurate. It was pure light/love/eternity.
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?
Yes
I've
sought people who understand that kind of spiritualism; non-traditional
(although maybe it has since become traditional in that there is this form!)
Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result
of your experience?
Uncertain
I
was leaning towards a general spiritualism and away from Catholicism and this
confirmed my leanings
At
any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the
experience?
Yes Dreams. The death of my grandmother: I felt her slip from her body and
hover above and then return with a slam when her husband demanded it. My father
was in the room and said he sensed the same.
Did
the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and
comprehensively describe your experience?
Uncertain The experience is bigger than words
What could a national organization with an interest in near death experience
(NDE) do that would be of interest to you?
Scientific study; keep it out of the hands of traditional religions which tend
to make everything sound trite, in my opinion. Keep it out of the hands of
Hallmark
Please offer any suggestions that you may have to improve this questionnaire.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your
experience?
I thought the survey was thorough
