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Victoria H NDE

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

 On August 14th, 2007 I was a sergeant with a Sheriff's Office and I was on duty during day shift. I was dispatched to a hostile crowd call with weapons involved. The call was on a dirt road and was a location where Deputies had been injured or ambushed before , so I was traveling with my lights and siren in trying to get to the scene before my guys did. I was outbound on a two lane flat road and attempted to pass two vehicle's that had refuse to yield to my lights and siren.  As I was passing the first vehicle , the vehicle came into my lane of travel causing me to have to move close to the shoulder of the road. My back rear tire hit dirt and grass causing me to "shoot" across the road and flip five times in a cotton field. My speed of travel was 90 mph and I was thrown from my vehicle over thirty feet. Although my relationship with God was not strong at the time, when I knew I was going to wreck, I knew I would die on impact.  I remember letting go of the steering wheel and saying or thinking "I give it to you God." I had no fear after that and I recall being "sucked" out of the driver side window of my Crown Victoria automobile. My next recollection was opening my eyes. I saw a light so bright and believe it was the hot August sun over head. ( it was approx. 2:30 pm) I saw a figure against the sun and heard someone praying over me.  I have never been able to confirm that from anyone on scene.

I then next recall looking over the shoulder of a paramedic and seeing them move me onto a spine board and thinking "man that's gotta hurt." At the time it did not occur to me that I was watching them move me onto the spine board. My next memory was in the back of the medic unit and seeing a paramedic working on me with a BVM mask and helping me breath. I recalling telling him that he needed to hurry because I didn't have long. My next memory was in the emergency room at the hospital and feeling the staff cutting off my duty pants and shutting a curtain. I only know from records and staff what happened next. I was taken from the hospital to Duke Medical center via life flight. I was in a coma until October 17th. I recall only what was going through in my mind. As I was in a coma I was told that I was told "they lost me" several times.

I do know that in my mind I was going to work each day and it was as if I was a third party watching myself. Like a I was being filmed and watching a projector of my  life. the more I watched myself things began to speed up and get out of control. The program I was seeing was flipping from one event to another but nothing stands out only that I went from being calm and relaxed and living my life thru this projector image to becoming frustrated and angry and loosing control of what I was seeing and  the imaged became quicker and quicker. Then all at once they would stop and go at normal speed and I would be in a drowning scenario only I was on duty and it was something to do with my job. I started for some reason having the sense that I had to find and locate my Dad. Then somewhere in all of this I got a quick flash of a light , like I was under a bridge looking into a tree line and seeing rays of sunshine coming through. I was struggling to get to the sunshine because I had a feeling that I would find a answer there ..to what I don't know but it made sense to get to the rays of sunshine. I kept tripping over something and when I looked down I saw my cat, Scarlet, running around my feet and tripping me. I then flashed to a basement. It was cool and damp. I could heard the Special response team outside calling me name. They were looking for me, I was still working and in my uniform. I was trying to call out but serpents were falling from the rafters of the basement. I couldn't move or speak. I was over come with fear and doom. I saw a door open into the basement like a kitchen door that leads to a under ground basement would, I looked up and saw a warm golden light come down into the door way. I knew I had to get up and run to the light and up the stairs but I couldn't move.

I hear a voice say " if you believe they can not hurt you" but I was still afraid and did not move I then heard the voice say " If you have faith and believe , they can not harm you" I then had no more fear , I was not afraid of the snakes or being harmed. I was calm. I knew I would be safe as I walked to the light. As I got to the first step I woke up from my coma. When I woke up I saw the Chaplin of the Sheriff's office praying in silence at the end of my bed. I said "hey man what's up" he looked up and took a few steps back but then smile and cried. I felt like a new person even though my back was still broke. I had a certain peace but not like the one I had at the being and end of my experience. I have never felt peace like that again and I know it will never be found again in life. I know my destiny was hell but I was given a choice to stay with the snakes or walk up the stairs. That is pretty much they only way I can explain it. I try not to fit it into a nice picture and make it "fit" I can only say what I remember and they way I felt. I do believe that there are things That I can't recall or maybe have blocked out. My doctors call this PTSD but I call it what it is and its a experience I expect no one to understand.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?  Yes I was in a motor vehicle accident responding to a "hot call" I crashed and broke 32 bones, massive internal injuries and head trauma

 Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes I choose not to speak of it often because many people can not understand, I also find it hard to "paint a picture" of the experience in such a manner that I don't seem crazy to people.

 At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    during the end of my coma. Approx. 40 plus days later

 How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal   I felt as I was taking a vivid look at my life, kind of like past and present together ( if that makes sense)

 Did your vision during the experience differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any way, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?   Uncertain  

Did you have any visual impairment during your normal everyday life immediately prior to the time of the experience?   No  

Did your hearing during the experience differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any way, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?         Yes   the end of my coma I was more aware , kind of looking thru my eyes and someone speaking to me instead of observing "over the shoulder"

 Did you have any hearing impairment during your normal everyday life immediately prior to the time of the experience?   No  

Did you experience consciousness / awareness apart from your physical / earthly body?   Yes   I looked over the paramedic shoulder and watch the transfer me to a spine board. I remember thinking "man, that's gotta hurt"

 Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring at a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   Yes   Just chatter and panic in voices at the accident scene.

 Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during the time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body that you later (after your experience) verified really happened or was real?   Yes   Laying in a cropped field of cotton and when the paramedic moved me to the spine board.

 Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during the time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body that you later (after your experience) verified did not really happen or was not real?   Uncertain  

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during the time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical body that were located far beyond any possible physical sensory awareness of your physical / earthly body?   Yes I heard a voice, clear and not loud but very clear

 What emotions did you feel during the experience?   at first it was fear and frustration like I could be heard, this seem to go on forever. I call this purgatory. I never new much about what purgatory was because it was not preached in the churches I attended but after my recovery the word is the only thing that can explain where I was caught between. 

The last emotion was the greatest peace I have ever known and feel that it can only come with death.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No   I was looking up into a light from the bottom of a stair case in a basement type setting

 Did you see an unearthly light?   Uncertain   I saw a light that was warm and safe when I was standing in the basement as described above. That is when I heard a voice and I moved to walk up the stairs to get to the light and I then woke from my coma before reaching the stairs.

 Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   Yes   I believe God was the voice I heard.

 Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth, but whose earthly lives had ended prior to the time of your experience (they were deceased)?   Yes   I believe God is all around us. Although I was not a faithful Christian I knew it was God speaking to me. I believe God gave me a choice to live or die. At one point I turned a round and was trying to walk toward the outside light, like sunshine coming thru trees, but my cat " scarlet" kept running under my feet and tripping me. it was only a quick flash that doesn't make much sense  but I had scarlet for 21 years and she has been passed away for 5 years at the time of my accident.

 Did you encounter or become aware of any earthly beings who were alive at the time of your experience (they were not deceased)?   Uncertain   If I read the question right, during the time I was feeling frustrated and angry , for some reason I was trying to get back to my Dad or find my dad who is still alive.   Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence? When I was standing at the foot of the stair case in the basement, I had serpents falling from the rafters onto my shoulders and they were all around me, I fear them most in life and was standing very still. I saw what seemed to be a door open and a warm glow of light come thru the door , down the stairs. I wanted to run up the stairs but was afraid of the snakes and I hear a voice say something to the effect of " if you believe they can not hurt you" I was still scared of the snakes but knew somehow  God was telling me to not be afraid and walk up the stairs into the warm glowing light. I then heard it again and God said " Have faith and believe and they can not harm you" I then was not longer scared and took a step toward the stair case and that was when I woke up.

 Did you become aware of past events in your life?   Uncertain   It all seem to go together past and present but not the future.( that I can make sense of any way)

 When you became aware of past events in your life, did you encounter anything that you had forgotten or did not know?   Uncertain   Everything was racing ahead of me, it was hard to understand and I became angry and frustrated

 Following your experience, did you ever investigate the reality of any past events in your life that you became aware of during your experience?   No             

Did you later verify (after your experience) that any of the past life events in your life that you reviewed during your experience were not real or did not really happen?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   unfamiliar, but it was like I was still working in my mind but things were getting intense and speedy

 Did time seem to speed up?   just really fast out of my control  

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   Uncertain

 Describe anything that may have been important in a conscious decision to return to life:   I think when I was standing in the darkness of the basement looking up toward the glow at the top of the stairs, that God gave me a choice to believe and have faith or stay in side the dampness with the serpents. I think had I not had faith and listened to the voice I would have stayed in Purgatory instead of waking from my coma. Nothing will change that belief.

 Did scenes from the future come to you?  Neither  

 During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there is continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   Yes   that my life was out of control and I was not special enough to make it into the warmth of the light.

 During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there is no continued existence after earthly life (“no life after death”)?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being really does exist?   Yes   He knew my name and gave me a choice. I believe now that there is a place between life  and death that you can dwell in or be come stuck in.

 During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being really does not exist?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that some or all of us currently living our earthly lives did have some type of existence prior to our current earthly lives?   Uncertain   not sure of question.

 During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that some or all of us currently living our earthly lives did not have some type of existence prior to our current earthly lives?   Uncertain   not sure

 During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there exists a mystical connection, oneness, or unity that connects some or all of us currently living our earthly lives with something else, such as other being(s) or other thing(s)?   Yes   I don't think I was meant to understand the connection. I only know that a greater power than me pulled me out of myself and I have a hard time understanding it.

 During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there does not exist a mystical connection, oneness, or unity that connects some or all of us currently living our earthly lives with something else, such as other being(s) or other thing(s)?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   Yes   confusion of trying to figure the events I was seeing out, going to fast for me to keep up and at times retain in my memory ( which is very frustrating because I know that there is more that I cant remember)

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   Yes   confusion of trying to figure the events I was seeing out, going to fast for me to keep up and at times retain in my memory ( which is very frustrating because I know that there is more that I cant remember)

 During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Yes   I felt love when I heard the voice speaking to me, that God loved me. I also realized that in my life I had never shown loved or felt love for anything other than my Dad or animals. I guess I am saying that I was cold toward people in my life.

 During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   Yes   That I was bound for hell but was giving a chance to change.

 Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   Yes   I know God knows my name and at times can become very aware of peoples feeling, like in good or bad. Seems strange to say it but that's the only way I can say it.

 What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   I once thought that when you die you go to heaven or hell but know I believe in purgatory, like being stuck between heaven and hell. Like having one foot in a good place and one foot in a bad place, like being stuck in a mirror.

 How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience   I think before my experience there are a lot of things I do not recall. Like names of people whom I have known for years or events that my friends try to remind me of.

 Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   I stay to myself more and rarely venture out of my home. I feel like my independence and strong will was taken from me. Would like to experience more in life but am not sure how. I spend more time with my family which I did not before. Before I was injured a was a workaholic, couldn't feel anything for anyone. Hard person to know.

 Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?   Yes   Try to be a better daughter to my parents and a better sister. I see life different and get confused about it. I get said because I try to find that peace I felt briefly before I woke from my coma, but I know you only find that kind of peace with death.

 Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?   Yes   I can pick up on peoples feeling more so than before. I have always been good at watching and picking up on people but know at times it can be over whelming and I choose not to leave my house very much any more.

 Are there one or several parts of the experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?   When I heard the voice from God.

 Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes I shared it with my family. I stopped sharing it because people expect you to give them text book explanations and I can not because I know what I experienced and I refuse to convert it into a more believable story just to get someone to believe me. It is what it is, no more no less.

 Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   Yes   heard about it but never gave it any thought.

 What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   I sat back and thought about it for a long time before I even mentioned it. One day I was trying to explain why I feeling a certain way one day and I spoke to my sister and told her I knew God and he Knows who I am.

 What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real   I can only say that I know what I know. I don't let anyone influence me in the why I think or feel about things.

 Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   trying to get to know my mother again. Have always been close with father but had not spent time with my mother in 18 years. She only lived 20 minutes away.

 Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   My belief is stronger...because I know God is real.

 At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   No  

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?   I would like to understand it better but I don't think that is possible.

 Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes    Please offer any suggestions that you may have to improve this questionnaire.  Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience?  

What could a national organization with an interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of interest to you?        It would be nice to know someone looked at my experience for what it is and not try to  make it a text book experience. I have a lot of confusion about who I am not and how I fit into the world. It would be nice to know more people like me that I don't have to prove myself to and can just talk about it.

 Please offer any suggestions that you may have to improve this questionnaire.  Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience?                    none.