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Vanessa W Probable NDE

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

 Well I was around 15 yrs old, give or take a year I really can't remember. All I know is that my mom had this 'shop' called Woman Within. It was basically a spiritual book store. Now at this age I've had a lot of 'different' types of experiences, I guess I would call one other a NDE or maybe just a miracle since I was so young and I don't remember anything beyond the shear miracle.

I guess I should talk about that one first. I was around the age of 7, and I was about to cross the busy road in East Brunswick, NJ, to cross it over to get to my anxious neighbor friend who was 2.5 yrs younger than I was. As my mom and I would argue about be doing this, crossing the road I convinced her that I was old enough to do it myself and it would be ok. So one morning I stood there at the edge of my driveway, looking back and forth, back and forth waiting for the car's to pass by. After waiting around a few minutes, my mom peering out the front kitchen window...I crossed the road. Now this is where the miracle happened. As I started crossing, I saw this HUGE clunker of a car (it was the early 80's) wind around the bend, as I was near the meridian line (halfway) all I remember is seeing the cars left front fender by my right leg. Now this is where time must of stopped or something happened... as soon as my head lifted up I was at the edge of my neighbor/friend's front yard. I remember we looked at each other and said, 'that's weird', and then I looked at the vehicle and saw it driving away, it's like he/she didn't even have to slow down, no brakes or anything. At this point, my mom in udder shock came screaming out of the house, yelling at me because she just witnessed this 'thing' happen that nobody can explain. Needless to say she ordered me to come home, but all I wanted to do was go over my friends house and play. So this might not be a typical NDE as I was so young I don't remember anything about it, besides the physical reality. 

NDE

I was around 15-16yrs old, 1992-1993 school year. I think it was fall time right around my birthday; 11/22/76. As I stated above I was at my mom's new store called Woman Within. A lady by the name Gail was doing transformational breath work with me. I think this was my first time doing this type of spiritual work, not just with Gail but anyone. So from what I remember she had me lay down and breathe in and out my nose. I didn't really enjoy this as it wasn't comfortable for me at all. Then something happened, I have NO idea how I got to 'this place' yet this is what I remember.... I remember being in this darkness, some call it a void (as I recently learned), yet it was kind of shaped like a geometric pattern, like a long triangle on it's side. It was completely black, yet I could see (but no eyes or body). I remember I was like an amoeba shaped blob, kind of I guess, more like just energy? The best part of this entire experience was the love. I've never felt love like that, it wasn't even describable in our English language. The best way I can describe it was like when you get into a bath and the water seems into you warming every part of you....well replace the water with love.

So as I was floating in 'space', and absorbing all this love, I could see that I was being sort of carried very slowly toward this part of a triangle. It looked like these planes/grid lines were going closer and closer together. I kind of wondered what it was, but I was so at peace and so love, that I couldn't help but just bathe in it. The was nothing, no worries, no body, no other people, no light....just love encompassing everything which was nothing. It's so hard to explain... So as I float there experiencing 'nothingness and everything-ness all in one', I all of a sudden feel this giant pull, like a vacuum sucking me. Then I remember this huge rush of 'energy' and me trying to get back into my body through my head and eyes, it was like there was a vacuum sucking me back in. I remember thinking, 'I don't think I can fit, I'm too big' and it was such a tight feeling. Right then when I felt sucked back, I was previously laying down on Gail's massage table.

I shot up, like sitting up and I started rambling on, like my mouth was going a mile a minute, I had to tell her where I was! She calmed me down, probably because I scared her half to death. See during the time of her session, I don't remember going out of my body, but I did which must of happened somewhere in the beginning of the breathing. Then while I was 'out' she started to get worried because she couldn't see my chest rising and falling (normal breathing), then she was getting really scared because she was holding a tissue or putting her hands and face to my nose and she couldn't feel me breathing at all. At this time, she started shaking me to awaken and then that's when it felt like someone sucked me back in. So as I shot up babbling about how beautiful it was she laid me back down and tried to get me to relax. I asked how long was I 'out' she said around 15-20 min, and I said that's impossible, I felt like I was only there for a few minutes.

I was almost irritated that she woke me up, that's a teenager for you. So when I tried to explain it to her, I felt like I couldn't get any words that could match the enormous feeling. The interesting part is immediately when I came back I felt like my mind kicked in and that made me loose the feeling faster and faster and I just wanted to hold onto it forever. Also immediately I had guilt come over me because I didn't 'think' of anyone that I was leaving behind, my family. I felt when I was 'back in my body', how could I just leave everyone behind and not care, didn't I love them? It was fascinating to experience all these human emotions as they didn't exist in the 'void' or whatever you want to call it. Oh and the last thing, I realized who 'GOD' was when I was there in the void. It was like the info was just known, not even taught or learned, just all knowing. I knew 'GOD' was the love I was feeling. It amazes me that a dark space, void of people, and being all alone, was the most beautiful loving experience I could ever have. Although I didn't feel alone or scared, I just felt love.

So this is my first time that I actually told anyone publicly about my experience. I questioned why I didn't say much to others, maybe I thought they wouldn't understand but more for the fact that I felt words diminished the experience. I know that sounds bizarre, but I wanted to savor this, and not exploit it. Yet now when I talk about it it's encompassing and actually livens me up because I get to re-member who I really am and what I'm capable of. We all are that's for sure.

 At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   No 

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes     It's like we don't have the vocabulary in any language to express the love I absorbed.

 At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    Mid way thru the transformational breathing session.

 How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal   See the story above...

I was IN-LOVE!

 Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   It was pretty much the same, yet it was like a dream as I could see myself and at the same time I was in my blob energy body floating there. My vision after was regular.

 Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   I don't remember hearing anything, not feeling deaf, just not aware of sounds. My hearing after was regular.

 Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   No  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   PURE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE that words cannot do it justice.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   Uncertain   Not a tunnel that I'm aware of, as all I remember was that I was just 'there', but coming back felt more like a funnel cloud or a vacuum.

 Did you see an unearthly light?   No  

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   No
Except that this 'being' was everything; love. I was even 'it', there was no separateness, it was like air. How do you separate air?

 Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   No  

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   No  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
 See my story above. As the other world is black/void of color and there were planes, like grids. Kind of like a triangle laying on it's side, yet there wasn't a sharp point, but it did get narrower ahead of me.

 Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
 the only way I realized there was time was when I came back and asked how long was I there? I thought I was gone for a while, but then I also simultaneously thought I was there for a few min. When I came back Gail said that I was 'out' for at least 15-20 min, but it felt less than 5min.

 Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   Everything about the universe
There really wasn't much to 'learn' as I didn't need to 'know' anything. But I did discover that 'GOD' was energy/love and I was that also, but not separately.

 Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   Yes
Sort of. I didn't go there, as it was in front of me but it was narrowing, like a ceiling and floor were getting closer together.

 Did you come to a border or point of no return?   No

 Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   I felt like God did exist but it wasn't the 'God' humans describe. It was like air, and if air was love, and then I was all of it.

 During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   Well there were no other beings, yet I didn't feel alone at all. I felt like there was 'God/Love' and it felt like I was ALL of it. Maybe even all beings?

 During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   Uncertain  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Uncertain   It wasn't information. It was just how it was, being in-love unconditionally and beyond our physical senses.

 During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   No  

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   Yes   if you consider special knowledge to know how wonderful you are and just 'being' is. There was no need to 'do' anything, not even go toward or away from somewhere, I was just a blob floating sort of speak.

 What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   Well I wasn't really brought up religious, but we did go to Sunday School and Church some, but I never believed in most of what they taught. Does scribbling in the bible say enough?;) But I did believe that God was a person, since I would write to him. I think I thought God was Jesus, kind of at least as a person. When I was in that place/void I realized that my beliefs about God weren't real. Well they were real, but completely limited by the mind. I found out that God was love, like air. We absorb it, heck we are it! ;)

 How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I do not know how my remembrance of the experience compares to my remembrance of other life events at time   I really don't understand this question. I'm sorry :(

 Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   Well, I was 15 so my whole self was in a daily occurrence of change, but the one thing I just realized is after that experience I actually had a lot of difficulty staying in my body. I'd have half-out-of-body experiences. They would be so bad I'd have to go to sleep even in the middle of the day so they would stop. It scared me tremendously. All I would have to do is look in the mirror and question, 'Who am I' and then I could actually see myself raise from my head area. I never did it fully because I was so scared of the feeling and it was always so scary that I wouldn't be able to get back in. I still battle with this, but feel like I've gotten more control over it. All through high school I remember always going out of my body, like a foot out, so half in half out. I felt like I had clown feet as my whole body would be in front of my physical body. I would pinch myself and scrap my arms sometimes till they would bleed (which I HATED blood), just so it would hurt enough so I would get back into my body.

*As I'm writing this I can't explain the epiphany that I just realized, there's a whole story to my life and this was the missing piece of the puzzle as I struggled for many years after my car accident (1/25/99) with my health and such, but in that experience I left my body, also because I 'foresaw' it. That's a whole other email. If you want to know more, you can ask me. As I feel like I'm already overloading the system;). What I realized is that I cause myself pain in a way so I can stay in my body. Yet this is such a disservice to who I really am. I always go to 'healers' and such and for some reason the same thing comes up again and again, of how do I stay in my body?
My experience directly resulted in:   Large changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?   Yes   I trusted that I'm love. I didn't have to 'do' anything for it, it was me.

 Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?   ALL of it, even coming back into this tight body. It was a trip of a lifetime;)

 Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   Yes   Well since I was a kid and had the 1st NDE, and then after that many others I've seemed to experience highly intuitive skills. When I was a kid I think I had these experiences, actually I know I did, yet I didn't know what to do with them. then after my car accident, I started just saying aloud what was 'going to happen' and I was always right most of the time, which shocked me. Now for the past 2 years I decided to put my 'talents' to work and practice so I offer my medium ship skills. I don't like to say I'm psychic as all I'm doing is reading energy, and I'm not like a fortune teller on the movie BIG. Plus I hate giving people advice as I feel like their journey through life isn't about getting it 'right', or doing the right thing, as if there was a wrong way. I just feel like life is about joy, that's it. Just have fun! As I said I do medium ship or really it does me, and that is the greatest honor to not only communicate, but to FEEL the immense LOVE that is usually offered between those who've passed and those who are in physical body. It's like being with a really funny, and fun family on Christmas morning, where love is in every molecule. I'm just so humbled and honored that people would open up and share their family with me. (happy tears streaming down ;....)). In the future because of all my experiences I've been planning on opening a camp for several things, but mainly for kids who are intuitive and want to harness their skills. Camp Evolution of Consciousness (CampEOC.com)
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     ALL of it, even coming back into this tight body. It was a trip of a lifetime;)

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes  Well as soon as it happened, my mom had to drive me back home as I didn't drive yet. So I told her, and I can't fully recall what I said, but I don't think I gave details as I didn't want to spoil it. Of course she was fascinated but didn't ask many questions that I remember. Only till recently I told others about the Transformational Breath NDE, and as for the car incident when I was 7 yrs old. My mom witnessed that, and so did my neighbor. Although I've never talked to my neighbor about it, even when it happened (we were kids and had more important things to do), I asked my mom to recall what happened. She just emailed it to me and it was exactly like what I wrote, with the added thought of , 'I'll never let her cross the road again by herself'! ;)

 Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   No  

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   I never even thought it couldn't be real. I mean every bone in my body (even though I was out of my body), so every fiber in my being knew it was real. Probably even more real than this reality.

 What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real   see above answer. It was real how could it not be?

 Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   Especially after my Transformational Breath NDE (which all these questions are from that specific experience) I became much more sensitive, not just psychically but also energy from others would overwhelm me. I was always like that, but it became more, like going to a mall I would go out of my body like clockwork. So even though I loved people and was outgoing, I would get affected by others and their energy.

 Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   I don't have any religious beliefs, they are now all 'spiritual' as I don't believe in really anything religions believe in. Meaning I believe that whatever you believe you'll create it sort of speak. So if you believe Jesus will meet you at the pearly gates, then maybe when you die you'll at least 'see' him. For me, it's all good. All of what people believe I think is perfect for them. I just know that it's love and that's all I need;)

 At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   Uncertain   I tried to do the transformational breath several times afterward and one time following my NDE I felt beings in the room, some holding my feet... but I didn't leave my body. Also other sessions of TB I felt like it was difficult and kind of got worse, like my body would cramp substantially and I then stopped doing TB after 4-5 times.

 Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?   Nope. Oh just to clarify, all the questions that were answered they were from my Transformational Breath NDE not my car incident.

 Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes   Thank you!

What could a national organization with an interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of interest to you?        Probably everything their already doing. No need to do more than what is.

 Please offer any suggestions that you may have to improve this questionnaire.  Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience?                    My one suggestion is that it be broken down into sections to submit, only because I had a fear that my computer would go bonkers and all this info would be lost. Otherwise you all did a WONDERFUL job of getting us to give details. Well done!