Tenna N's NDE

Experience description: 

      The night before I attempted to take my life. I took a bunch of my mother's sleeping pills. I did not really want to kill myself, as I made the conscious decision not to wash them down with my mom's bottle of scotch. In the morning my brother found me and told my mom that I didn't look right. Apparently she tried to drag me to the car to take me to the hospital but couldn't manage my 93 pounds, so called the ambulance.

I remember a feeling of floating through the back of the paramedic as he was straddled over me. I watched him with great interest do mouth to mouth and CPR. As I watched this I felt myself start to float away from the scene, but not to far, as I was very intrigued as I realized that was my physical body. I felt a voice/presence/force behind me, telling me, not giving me a choice that I had to "go back", it wasn't my time. I never turned to look at the presence behind me, but also felt a very gentle nudge in the direction of my physical body. I didn't re-enter my body until my "spirit" as it were, reluctantly agreed. Then I felt pain of the person pushing on my chest. The next I remember was responding to the pain of the Intravenous start of the needle in the ambulance.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  Uncertain

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Uncertain

      What was it about the experience that makes it hard to communicate?  the presence that was "behind" me...I never turned around to look at it; I just remember a voice, but it had no gender...just force, but a gentle force, not scary.

At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?  Yes

      Describe:  I had CPR.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  Answered in question #4

Was the experience dream like in any way?  Different in the fact I know I did not dream this!

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  Yes

Describe your appearance or form apart from your body:  I could only see my physical body lying on the floor with the paramedic over me.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  Confusion, frustration, intrigue and interest, loved the serenity of the sensation of floating/hovering

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?  no

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  No

Did you see a light?  No

Did you meet or see any other beings?  No

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  Uncertain

      Describe:  My mom told me that they did CPR. 

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  No

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?  Uncertain

Did you become aware of future events?  Uncertain

Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?  Yes

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I was receptive to "the other side" and had experienced "seeing" spirits before this happened to me.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  I definitely believed in NDE's as well as afterlife.

Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  I was already interested in nursing, but I think the experience helped me and others when I did a Hospice rotation. I didn't have to share the experience with the patients, but my confidence/reassurance and ease that I could talk about death to these patients helped put them at ease, and to transition, I believe.

Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  Positive responses.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  The fact that I truly had the experience was not realized by myself or really openly discussed until  a year or so later.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  I will always regret "not turning around" to see/experience the presence "behind" me that day! The best was the detached observation and floating sensation.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?  No

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Uncertain

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  No

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Yes