Ted M NDE
. . I was 20 years old and working for the US Forest Service building trails in the mountains north of Los Angles. When the crew broke for lunch, I got into the rear passengers side of one of the vehicles and we proceeded to a tavern a few miles down the mountain. The view was magnificent above the smog with clean lush green valleys stretching for miles into the distance.
It was then that a spent bullet bounced off a rock next to the road, came up through the open window where I sat and hit me in the forehead, mid frontal, just above the eyes. The bullet obliterated the superior sagittal sinus and caused massive frontal lobe brain damage. This all happened two hours from base camp in the wilderness of the Angles National Forest.
The instant it happened, I thought to myself, who and why would anyone hit me on the back of the neck with a sledge hammer? My spirit was immediately transported miles above the scene where I looked down upon smog choked Los Angeles, the Pacific Ocean, Catalina in the distance and observed a 360 degree view of the curvature of the earth. The sun was warm and bright in a cloudless sky which was reflecting off the ocean to the South. I wanted to go there, so I did and became engulfed in it's loving warmth.
Occasionally, my consciousness would return to my physical body only to find it blind and lifeless with my companions frantically trying to stop the blood flowing from the gaping wound in my head. I would then leave my body again where I observed the orbit of the moon as it circled the earth, then return to my body to find it still lifeless and pulsing with pain. On each successive return, I would be propelled further from my physical body where I looked down on the orbit of the moon then the solar system would be my view, then the galaxy followed by the universe, cosmos and beyond.
Finally a helicopter arrived and I could see that my body was strapped into one of those stretcher basket things outside which transported my lifeless body to a hospital where it was immediately rushed into the operating room.
It was a room with no windows, one door and a ceiling with curtains hanging down and I wondered what the curtains where for.
Floating above the operating table, I could see the doctors, nurses and technicians scurrying around with carts of various instruments and they began crowding around this dying individual. I could see they where truly concerned.
As I was looking around this windowless room with the curtains hanging from the ceiling, I noticed a ventilator emitting a gentle cool breeze and a sign next to it that said . . . "You Are Dead".
In a flash, I was back in my body and re-experiencing the excruciating pain as the doctors attempted debridement of my head wound, touching, poking, stinging. My entire nervous system was convulsing with each pulse of my heart and no relief available. It was then that I left my body behind, bounced off the ceiling, past the sign that said, "You Are Dead" and took refuge behind a convenient curtain.
From within the folds of the curtain, I felt a warm and siren sound calling. Intrigued, I followed only to be led to the end of time.
I arrived outside a dark dimly lit tunnel with a light at the other end. I felt the movement of energy all around me and peering down I could feel the blackness was alive with a multitude of souls, all moving towards the light in the hope of redemption. As I flowed within this swarm, I became increasingly aware that they were alien in nature and that I was not welcome within their midst.
I left this sea of despair and arrived on an opposite shore where I met a ferryman with a waiting boat. We traversed this sea of despair for what seemed like eternity.
I was finally delivered to a barren drab gray exterior landscape populated by quonset hut shaped buildings with loading docks, all orderly, efficiently placed and quiet. It reminded me of some type of military compound.
I was observing this environment, taking it all in, when something startled me and I took refuge in one of the quonset huts.
When I entered a side door, a stair case presented itself and I immediately ascended without thought. On the third step, I hesitated looking back down to see the multitude of souls mired in what seemed to be a river down below. I turned and resumed the ascent to the fifth step where I became centered within enlightenment, a singularity, my universe became clear, I could see beyond time and there before me passed my life, the lives of my parents, the lives of my grand parents, my accomplishments, failures, wants, needs and desires both past and future. It was a very beautiful and loving existence with all thought being as one. As I reviewed the past and future, it became clear that all was good, orderly and correctly defined, I was at peace within the cosmos.
I was returned to the gray exterior landscape where I was investigating this strange and wondrous place when I sensed activity and not wanting to be caught in this forbidden place, I hid behind one of these buildings. Once there, I perceived a perimeter surrounding this compound I was in. As I approached this barrier, I realized it was the delineation between life and death. I thought of the consequences involved with my being at this place and time but their was no where to go except back to the . . . touching, poking, stinging of a thousand green hornets.
As I crossed this red line, I could feel the release of the physical pain contained within my mortal body as my heart ceased functioning. Thoughts lost meaning and where discarded as so much flotsam, as I drifted more and more into this void I became free from the rigors of life. I was encompassed within a great nothingness, devoid of self-awareness, true non existence . . . it was over, I was eternally dead.
But back in the room with the curtains, some idiot doctor, totally removed from my peaceful non existence, decided they didn't want a corpse on their hands and tried on several occasions to jump start my system, apparently the last one was the charmer (this may be where I observed the doctors, nurses and technicians crowding around frantically).
From my view point, the re-entry to life was somewhat like entering the beginning of time (Planck era), a spontaneous random coalescence of thoughts from a disordered nothingness coming together in a curved arc across space and time to form self awareness. Today still, I believe my experience to be a variant of string theory but I lack the skills for quantitative documentation.
I find it is really
hard to put my experience into words because there are no adequate words to
describe the feeling or moment of death and rebirth. What I have described is
futile in comparison to the actual event, I am humbled in its memory.
Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes There are no words to accurately describe the experience of death and the associated out of body experience, none.
At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? Yes I was shot in the forehead, just above the eyes, dead center.
Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any
aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception
degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)? Yes I was blind as a result of the impact and could not see
anything visual. All images where mental in nature.
Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
Uncertain I am uncertain only because sound did not exist for me at that time.
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Yes
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love
Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure? Yes It was a shadowy enclosure full of souls, spirits, mystery and distant lights.
Did you see a light? Yes The light was more like energy and very peaceful.
Did you meet or see any other beings? Yes I met several guides along the way. One was in the operating room, who lead me through the initial release. Two more where encountered in the flow of souls moving towards the light. Another was a ferryman who carried me across a river to a barren landscape populated by quonset huts.
I had no prior
knowledge of these individuals and the only communications where mental images.
Did you experience a review of past events in your life? Yes I learn the power of endorphins.
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? Yes I died of cardiac arrest on the operating table which was verified in the surgeons report.
Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions? Yes I was aware of far flung realms beyond the cosmos and experienced the miracle of creation.
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Yes Time and space did not exist only thought.
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Yes All the worlds problems became clear and in focus. I was charged with resolving a few issues still remaining but failed miserably.
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes Please refer to question # 3
Did you become aware of future events? Uncertain
Please refer to question # 3
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience? Uncertain I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result of being shot.
All the psychological
testing I have had point to a superior/very superior intelligence. Not really
sure what that means though.
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes I first shared my experience with a psychologist about 20 years ago (about 25 years after the experience) and he helped me take control of my life. It was only 2 years ago that I became suicidal and realized that I could harm myself or others, but my previous psychologist had retired. So I found the brain injury association of Maryland had a local support group, went to a meeting and got the name of a local psychologist.
With his help and the help of a psychiatrist/pharmacologist, I went through psychological testing, inpatient care, rehab and group therapy.
I continue to have
weekly talks with him and things are looking good at the moment.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I had been aware of NDEs but only anecdotally, nothing like I experienced .
How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened: Experience was probably not real I was in denial after the experience, life was surreal and I was in a fog for months if not for years afterwards.
Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you? Please refer to question #3
How do you currently view the reality of your experience: Experience was definitely real I was a college student taking a semester break at the time and getting shot in the head had a negative effect on my future engineering career. Sadly, I never fulfilled my destiny in the electronics industry.
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience? Uncertain I love everyone, whether it is a result of the experience is hard to remember at this stage.
Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience? Uncertain I embrace Buddhism but I am not overly religious.
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain lysergic acid diethylamide . . . several times.
Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience? Even though I died more then 46 years ago, I sometimes still have flash backs and panic attacks.
Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes Please refer to question #3
Are there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience? In question 33. "Did you come to a border or point of no return?"
I opted to cross that point of no return but there is no radio button for that type of response.
If I had cross that point of no return earlier while in the wilderness and not while on the operating table, I may not be alive today discussing my experience.