Tammie W NDE

Edited for clarity by Judy Shea 10/26/12

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

At first I did not leave this realm. I could see my ambulance stopped on the side of the road while the EMTs were working on me because I had bled out and had no pulse or breathing function. [The Life Flight chopper had been grounded due to fog.] Suddenly I found myself inside the car which my husband and my brother were driving to the hospital. My brother was holding a gun and was telling my husband if I didn't make it that he was going to kill him, as well. I was screaming at my brother, "NO! NO!" but he could not hear me. Then the fog parted over the interstate (only the interstate!) where the ambulance was. The ambulance driver later compared it to the "parting of the Red Sea" in the story of Moses. I was then aware of being whisked away in the arms of a being I could not see. I knew I was being carried by a being and that this being had no physical body – nor did I.  Below, I saw a beautiful island-like city that was glowing with vivid color. But there was no sun in the sky, the island city just glowed all on its own. I could "hear" a voice inside my head expressing great sorrow. I thought it was my dad but quickly realized it was not. I attempted to speak. I "mouthed" the words "I'm sorry." The EMT that was working on me later said he saw my lips move even though I was not breathing, and so he slapped me really hard. Then I started breathing again and showing a weak pulse. Later, in surgery, I left again. This time I was in a cold, cave-like tunnel with water running down the walls. I looked ahead down the tunnel and an awful heat hit my face, taking my breath away, choking me. I could see people reaching out of the bottom of the tunnel for me. I remember wanting to give them a drink of the water that was running down the walls but I was told I could not. Then I was told that I was not going to die now, but that I had been shown both sides of the afterlife and it was up to me to choose which place I would eventually go to. I realized I was being given another chance. When I awoke in ICU, I signaled for a pen and paper (I was on life support and could not speak) and asked for my brother, the one who had been in the car with my husband. Neither of them had arrived yet. I never told anyone why I had wanted to see him. Later, after I had recovered, he told me about threatening my husband. It was exactly what I had witnessed in my out-of-body experience.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   Yes.  It was a reaction to a combination of prescription drugs I had taken. I had become delusional and while loading a handgun for "protection," I had accidentally shot myself in my left abdomen. 

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes.    There ARE NO WORDS WORTHY to explain the FEELING of the whole experience.   

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    While looking at the glowing city and while looking at the wet walls of the tunnel. These scenes are "burned" into my mind to this day. 

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal.   The highly charged telepathic voices in my head. The feel of the being's arms around me even though I could not "see" anyone there. It was a "high energy" like state. And I knew EVERYTHING that was happening to my physical body but I could not feel it, nor did it matter to me. 

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   The reaction to the medications had rendered me temporarily blind in "real life." But I could see very clearly during my experience. 

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   I did not "hear" with my ears during the experience, only inside my head. 

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   Yes.   The EMT witnessed my attempt to say "I'm sorry" while I was not breathing and had no pulse. Also my brother confirmed what I had seen happen between him and my husband on their ride to the hospital. I still have never told either of them that I already knew. Now they can read this story! 

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   Extreme sadness at first. And I felt everyone else's sorrow all at once. Then upon hearing the "Voice" and telling Him that I was sorry, I felt extremely relieved and happy.    

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   Yes.   Cold dark with wet walls. It was going downhill to a very disturbing place. 

Did you see an unearthly light?   Yes.   The light from the "city" had no visible source. It glowed. 

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   Yes. I was being carried by a disembodied being that I could feel holding me but could not see. I "heard" a voice telling me how much sorrow would be caused by my untimely death. I was also made to feel all of this sorrow all at once. This prompted my reply of "I'm sorry."  

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   No    

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   Yes.   I was allowed to feel the pain of family members and friends. This is why I felt such overwhelming sorrow at the beginning. I saw the EMT working on me. I saw one of my brothers in the car with my husband. Although I never really saw my husband, I knew that was whom my brother was talking to. 

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No    

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   

Yes, two distinct places. One was a glowing island-like city that was extremely attractive in all ways. The other was a tunnel with cold, wet walls leading downhill to a very unattractive place. 

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   Time had no meaning. My awareness did not feel "present-time." 

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   No 

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   Yes.

There was no physical structure, the being carrying me would only go so far. The "Voice" said I could not go any farther. 

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   Yes, there was no physical structure, the being carrying me would only go so far. The "Voice" said I could not go any farther.  

Did scenes from the future come to you?   

The entire experience was about my future. I was given a second chance at life to decide where I would go when I died [and stayed dead]. That's what the "Voice" told me. 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   Yes.   The entire experience was to show me what would or could happen to me for eternity after this earthly life. If I did well, I could go to the beautiful place, if I did not do well, I would go to the place the tunnel was leading. 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Yes.   He was the "Voice" inside me. I was sure of that once He had made me to feel everyone's sorrow. No human could have done that. 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   No    

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   Yes.   I felt as though there were many people all around but they had no physical presence. I describe it as "we were all as thoughts in a great mind." 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   Uncertain.   Just that awful feeling of sorrow I felt that came from realizing everyone that would suffer from my demise. Note: this was not MY feeling. I felt what THEY were feeling. 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   Uncertain.   Just that awful feeling of sorrow that I felt that came from knowing how much so many people would suffer from my demise. Note: this was not MY feeling. I felt what THEY were feeling. 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Yes.   That I am definitely loved by more than just family and friends on this earth. There are beings somewhere else that love me, too. 

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   Yes.   It was made very clear that we will be punished for the sorrow that we cause others. 

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   Yes.   I know there is another "life" when we leave this one. I know there is a Being that can choose to give us another chance, or not. I know that the important thing is not so much what we do, as it is what we do that affects others. We cannot be a "stumbling block" to other people. We cannot cause other people pain, or we will feel it ourselves someday. 

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs I had at the time of my experience.   I had been told all my life that God doesn't speak to, or have any contact with, mankind anymore. Well, He did, me. I may have been technically dead but He knew I was not going to stay that way. I had also always been taught that you would have no memory of loved ones after death. I did. I will say, however, the further I went into my experience, the more the thoughts of loved ones left behind diminished. I firmly believe I was given a warning to do better. This was also something I had been taught that does not occur. 

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.   I have no memory of my life four days prior to this event. My first memory after my first NDE was of the gun shot. (At the local hospital, I told my Mom that my stomach hurt.) Then my "journey," which happened during my surgery, begins. The next memory after my "journey" is "asking" for a pen and paper in the ICU so I could write my brother's name. NOTE: I have 3 brothers and the one I saw with my husband during my experience was the only one I asked about. 

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   During the first year, I tried to forget what I had seen. Sometimes I tried to drink it away, but that just seemed to make it more vivid. I stopped drinking or taking anything stronger than aspirin and then started to feel at peace with the memory of it. I started to feel like I had been given a gift of great value, spiritually. My husband thought I was crazy, so I divorced him. Now, I'm happy with who I am, all by myself. 

My experience directly resulted in:   Large changes in my life. 

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?   Yes.   I now have the belief that we will suffer the consequences of causing other people pain. No matter how justified we may feel or think we are. It just is not acceptable. 

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?   I wish I knew why I was given another chance. Not everyone is. 

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   Yes.  I help the dying feel better. Since my experience, I have lost both parents and an uncle and they all told me that they were not afraid of dying when I was with them. 

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     I wish I knew why I was given another chance. Not everyone is. 

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   No   

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   Yes.   I had heard of them. I thought you saw pictures of your life flash before your eyes. I had never heard of anything like what I experienced. So, no, my knowledge of NDEs did not have anything to do with what I experienced. 

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   At first I thought the experience was probably not real.   I looked at it as a dream. At first I did not WANT to believe it was real, because that meant that the awful place at the bottom of the tunnel was also real. 

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   I now know that the experience was definitely real. I know it was real. After it would not leave my mind for a very long time, I started asking people questions about things I had seen happen while I was "out." Turns out all of the things did happen just as I had seen them during my experience. Word for word, my brother told me of his threat toward my husband while they were on the way to the hospital. Word for word, the EMT told me of seeing me "mouth" the words "I'm sorry" as I remember saying them to the "Voice" in reply to the sorrow of others that I had felt. I asked if there was a tunnel that went from the chopper-landing down to the trauma center. It doesn't exist. The doctor I had asked about it then wanted to know what I had seen, and I just turned away from him. He said to me, "Don't be afraid of whatever it is you saw, just know you're not the only one." I wish I had confided in him because he seemed to know I was hiding something. This doctor also told me the answer to something that had bugged me. My experience had two parts at two different times. Why? How? The doctor said they had "lost" me again during surgery. They had to do open heart massage to start my heart again. I still have the scar where they ripped open my chest. 

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes.   I can no longer feel individual love. Like man and wife kind of love. I feel the same love for everybody. I treat them all the same. I do not date or have any intimate relationships. 

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Uncertain.   My religious beliefs matter a lot more now. I study obsessively. 

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   No       

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes.   As good as it can I guess...for the unexplainable.  

What could a national organization with an interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of interest to you?        It could list experiences grouped together by similarity. Perhaps there are personal traits or similar things in this life that cause similar experiences. 

Please offer any suggestions that you may have to improve this questionnaire.  Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience?                    You could ask "Was the experience in the day time or at night?" I believe this is relevant, because my experience was at 11:00 am. But the sky was dark during my experience outside this realm, except for the glow from the city. But while I was looking down on the EMTs working on me in this realm, the daylight corresponded to the correct time, 11:00 am. I would like to know why this is...