Sharon D's NDE
In my first experience I was in a strange place emotionally. I was also not where I said I was going to be that day. It is strange after years of studying astrology, part of my chart indicates that it is very important I go where I commit to going if I don't the consequences could be dire. It also indicates that I will be lucky in accidents, which I was.
I was supposed to go water skiing with friends, I was 21 and was supposed to have blind date with a very successful salesman who was 40 and I just couldn't go. I couldn't make myself go, so I went with Clyde a friend of mine that I had spent the previous night with. Because I didn't go home first, I didn't have any clean underwear and I remember getting dressed that morning and asking Clyde if I could borrow some of his bikini style underwear. It was the thought of what my mother had always said to me, "remember to wear clean underwear, you might be in an accident." Yes, there it was that omen.
Just a few days before that I remember asking my mother is she thought it was okay to ride a motorcycle. I had funny feelings about it like it wasn't lady like or something. I didn't know but I felt uneasy. I had only been on a motorcycle a couple of times before, both times that summer. So we headed up to Virginia City from Reno. It was a beautiful day. We did some window shopping and dropped off the posters Clyde had brought with him that needed to be delivered for the man he worked for in the head shop. Clyde was a Taurus like my father. He took me to lunch at a tea room in old Virginia City. It was my first trip there. the lunch was something I'd not experienced since my father used to take my sisters to the tea room in Newbury England when I was ages 6-10. I remember that the day seemed too good to be true. Like some huge cloud had lifted from my emotions. We decided to go back to Reno the long way and go down through Carson City and then head north to Reno rather than go back the way we'd come. It would be a longer ride and different scenery and the day was beautiful, clear, warm, actually a bit hot. It was July 15, 1973. I was 21, I had all my life ahead of me and I was just beginning to get my autonomy.
I only had on sandals a halter top, a windbreaker, hip hugger jeans, Clyde's underwear, my long braids and thank God a motor cycle helmet. A strange thing happened then. All of a sudden I felt this sharp sting in my leg and I jerked. I had gotten stung on the inside of my left by a bumble bee. What is strange is how high up on the inside of my thigh it was. I always have wondered if the venom from the bee actually started my immune system working.
Clyde felt the jerk and asked what was wrong. He pulled the motorcycle over to the side of the road. And there on the side of the 4 lane divided highway in front of God and everyone I peeled down my jeans and found the stinger. I got off and hiked my jeans down, you're probably wonder why I'm telling you this, please be patient, it is the connectedness of everything that happens. Instead of getting all bent out of shape about me dropping trousers on the side of the road, which took me years to figure out why I thought he would get angry, he helped me pull the stinger out and was very considerate and caring. Years later, about a month after the poetry began, I was stung by a wasp and a man who I miraculously met and only saw one time drove an hour to come see me and bring me dinner in spite of how nauseas I felt after being stung by a wasp in the stomach. He was a lay pastor and believed and performed healings. He prayed over me and I envisioned the poison becoming none toxic and working positive things in me. I didn't have the least bit of swelling from the wasp sting until 3 days later when it was slightly red around the edges, It never even itched. Well that night after the man who helped me with the stomach wasp sting listened in poetry my emotions opened up and I learned the source of why I was so amazed at Clyde's behavior. When I was 2 years old, I kept getting in trouble for taking off my clothes outside. I only know this because I have heard that much related by my dad. We lived in Waco, dad was military and he would come home and find me outside naked and be so pissed and I would get spanked. Well one day he went to work and mom was in the other room bathing the baby, and I at two made my first real autonomous choice. I was hot, I was itchy I had the chicken pox and dad had mom had failed to latch the door behind dad when he left to go back to training, I still remember looking up and seeing the old fashioned screen door wasn't latched at the top and deciding to push the door open. Voila I was independent and I was outside.
In the nightmare I had experience for over 40 years until I related the story to this man, I just remember looking up at the latch going outside, taking off the hot and itchy and going to look for the big kids to play with. I remembered in the dream seeing the high chain link fence of the playground and walking by it, but there were no kids. I climbed to the top of the highest slide and was coming down or just getting ready to come down and then terror. That is when I'd wake up frightened covered in sweat petrified. Dad spanked me all the way home, I was hysterical, mom related when I told her about remembering the source of the dream, "He spanked you too hard", she was in tears. There is more, but not related to this. Clyde's reaction to my almost bare butt in public evoked a huge wave of love in me. I think because I was already comparing him to my dad and his reaction was so obtuse from what dad's had been. By now I was euphoric. I remember when we got back on the motorcycle thinking and praying, god if this is love, I want to know your love and all of it. The waves of positive feelings and vibrations unlocked from years of being suppressed by grief and self loathing washed over me. I'd not felt that good since my first holy communion. I settled back against the sissy bar and almost dozed off. It was warm and I felt good, except for a bit of a sting on my leg. I felt Clyde slow down the bike almost coming to a stop. My eyes were still closed. We were at the flashing yellow light at the intersection where the highway that ran from Virginia City to Tahoe and the one from Carson City to Reno met. We were heading north.
Then I felt the intense jerk which caused me to open my eyes. There she was in this big old car, heading south from Reno making a wide sweeping turn, she only had a yellow flashing light and in her she didn't see me, I could see her eyes and she didn't see us at all. I had two simultaneous things happen one from my emotions which screamed with everything in me, "Dear God help me." I don't think I had time for it to even be audible. she was less than a feet from us when I looked up. Clyde had popped a huge wheelie trying to get out of her path which spared him impact but my leg was right at her the front left of the car. The impact sent me over 60 feet tumbling down the highway. the people who witnessed the accident and phoned it in reported me dead. I hit so hard on my head that it cracked the motorcycle helmet. I lay in a pool of blood screaming, though I have no conscious memory of this part. the timing was impeccable. The car sitting at the intersection coming from Tahoe with a red flashing light immediately drove to me and the young man who got to me was medical student. He put a tourniquet on my leg and stayed with me the 20 minutes it took the ambulance to get to me and rode to the hospital with me relieving the pressure so the limb wouldn't die. It was very badly broken. 5 breaks. they thought I had broken both arms, both legs and my neck. I lost over 4 1/2 pints of blood. It was 3 days later before I came to. The breaks were all in my left leg the same leg I repeatedly injured all of my childhood. All of the bones broken in the top of my foot from a horse that bucked me off then stomped on it, falling so bad skiing that I landed face down in the snow with my boot and ski tip pointed straight up, twists, torn ligaments. I've spent over 3 1/2 years of my life on crutches. I wonder what that is all about. I digress, again :).
I've often wondered if what happened next would have happened if I'd been in a different place emotionally and mentally. If I hadn't asked to experience God's love and all of it. I remember a comforting presence, I wasn't in my body. My life was reviewed and in the same measure I'd judged others I was judged. But I felt no condemnation outside of my own thoughts. It was like truth was shown in each event after it reviewed, those events and things that made a positive difference and would ripple into more enlightenment and love where somehow captured and were mine to have for eternity and those deeds and actions, thoughts that didn't make a positive difference were just burned away like the separation of the wheat from the chaff. It took me several years to go back to people I had hurt and say I was sorry, in some cases it was not possible. There was no shame, there was no condemnation, there was remorse, however. Only later in the experience did I feel a sadness not for what I did that I thought was wrong but that I hadn't done more good. I passed through into the light. I did not see anything or anyone except my own life review. I did though feel what I think is called the comforter or just this profound sense of understanding and compassion, gently holding me as my life was reviewed. I did not see a tunnel other than my life review which was movement through time and the tunnels of my memory. When the review was over, I know something else happened and I've read it from some one else NDE, but right now it escapes me. The light was not like the light we see with our eyes, it is like the light you experience when you have an idea that is right on and you know you've hit on what something needs to be or the breakthrough that leads you in the right direction, light bulb in the head, but magnify if to an infinite measure for there is no measure of truths brilliance. There was nothing but illumination, knowledge of the ages future, past, all that will be and has been. All together all at peace all magnificently whole. It reminds me of the aha I had as a little girl when in the 3rd or 4th grade we were presented with the idea of Null. The teacher had drawn a number line with zero in the middle. All of the positive numbers on the right side (of course what we call the good side) and the negative numbers on the left side. She asked the class what we thought zero was and I raised my hand and said (amazing the memory I have been given, maybe just so I could relate this, who knows). I said, Null or Zero "is all the positive numbers and all of the negative numbers put together in the perfect nothingness." How did I know that at such a young age? How did I perceive that did I already bring something here that was touching this idea. The perfect nothingness, no matter, no problem, no thing, just perfection, unity so whole that nothing existed but truth. That is what is was like. there is no good or bad there just is. I felt so loved, so comfortable, there was no emotional pain, no rejection, no separation, not even a drop in the ocean, but the ocean. Yet, I was aware of some kind of identity yet no body, nothing that kept any thought I had as separate or isolated, I guess what you would call being aware of the akashic record and your life's thoughts within it and everyone else's that ever was but I was still holding on to something separate, I must have been.
Bathed in wonder, awe and bliss
Supremely loved, and gently kissed
Known for all I had done or would do
Yet loved completely, yet what had I missed?
Enveloped, caressed, warm, and cool
Just right, just perfect it would make you drool
No color, just brilliance, no doubt, no shame,
I didn't want to come back, who could blame?
The time sped past yet never moved
It couldn't wouldn't didn't have to it proved
For I was the one who moved, but the truth just was it was still
Calm and awesome, truly fulfilled
Peace and no sound, yet I could hear
all around me there was a presence, but no fear
In my emotions I had come home
I was whole and healed I would not roam
Yet something called me asked me time and again
do you want to come back, go back, be back in your body? Be what we call alive. I didn't want to come back. It was so safe and peaceful there was no pain, yet it was emotional pain I thought of not physical pain. It was the peace of the spirit not the flesh that enticed me to stay. but the question persisted like something singing sweetly do you want to be back, come back? Strange we call it coming back, like it is a backwards step. I had a choice, a clear choice and I knew I had had a choice before I was born as Sharon and I would continue to have choices through eternity, that it had always been my choice was I willing, would I go, would I stay, would I choose the experience of going to the playground and the consequences. I remember that morning the strange feeling I had, that it wasn't quite right but the enticement to play with the big kids was overwhelming and I was jealous of the attention my mom gave the baby. The baby didn't have the chicken pox, I did.
It clung to me when I saw it how little I had helped this magnificent brilliant truth to shine and be known. It was there constantly then quietly but not maliciously just this still voice that kept questioning or offering me a choice. Then I wanted to be more, to bring more to the light, to have the positives out weigh the negatives to tip the scale if could be tipped to help others, I knew that we would not any of us be at peace until we all would be. I could be part of making that happen. I wanted to be of help. If you are astrologically knowledgeable I have Pisces in my midheaven. Perfect fit. I questioned could I be more valuable in a body than the state I was in. I knew somehow deep in me that I wanted to make a positive difference and I wanted to help others, I wanted to share with them and let them know they are loved beyond measure. That there is not right or wrong that it all works together perfectly. The process is perfect.
I didn't want to leave, it felt safe and nurturing, loving, cradled yet not so much as the slightest pressure. soft, warm, luscious. I was still struck by the lack of color, color comes from separation and there was none. I also keep thinking since then that it is the desire to be unique that bring this experience. At the time this was happening my sisters were together 1000 miles away in Parker, Colorado. They both felt it very strong and knew something was wrong. They went to our Dad's home and within hours they heard from my mother that I had been in an accident.
When I could see I looked down and I was very high up in the atmosphere looking down over the top of a range of high peaked mountains. Was this the Rockies where my sisters were or the Sierras which is where my body was. I don't know, but it was like those ranges, the colors were magnificent. So much intensity, nothing I've ever seen with my human eyes, it didn't last long, the vision of the mountains and I felt this rush of energy and this grounding back to my body like a huge vacuum cleaner had sucked me in, then the heavy weight and a voice saying "wiggle her toes". At that moment thought I was unconscious and would be for a couple more days, the Doctor was standing at the foot of my bed in my ICU room saying we won't know how bad the nerve damage is until we can see if she can wiggle her toes. My toes wiggled and both of them saw it. When I did regain consciousness, I couldn't see anything but this brilliant light. It took 3 days to get the ophthalmologist to come into examine me and by then my eyesight was back to 20/10 even though my left eye had been badly damaged and the lids bottom and top had to be repaired to hold the eye in place. It wasn't right at first I remembered it was several days later that the experience was percolating up, I was on narcotics for the pain. I had a huge gapping whole in my leg and 2 compound fractures where the bone had come out of the tissue, broken knee, broken knee cap, severed artery, shattered ankle. I never once got an infection though it took them 4 1/2 hours to pull glass, dirt, lead paint, and gravel out of my leg. Not even a fever. I was in the hospital for 7 weeks and in a cast for 18 months.
It was 24 years later that I said the prayer that gave me the gift of psalms. I had asked for the words and the way to tell my children of my near death experience.I would love to tell you more, but it is late and I have a date with my daughter tomorrow to celebrate her 32 birthday. I do believe in miracles and we are them.