Sarah A Probable NDE
It may be useful to note that there has been no history of heart problems in my family and I myself have always been reasonably healthy, enjoying a regular swim.
Two days prior to the incident, I had been to my doctor for a bit of tight-chestedness. I was given an ECG which identified sinus tachycardia and a right bundle branch block. The doctor wasn’t too concerned but advised that if the condition worsened I should report to hospital; otherwise, I should see them in the morning for another EGC and to discuss the matter further. The next day, I went back to my doctor who conducted another ECG and made an appointment with the Chief consultant Cardiologist at the regions hospital. Again, I was advised to report into hospital with anything unusual. I didn’t bother.
I went to bed the night before in an extremely mournful state. It was if I knew I was going to die – not because I was worried but because I wanted to.
Earlier in the day I had had a feeling of extreme sadness. I welcomed death with open arms because I felt my life to be truly useless, insubstantial and ineffectual. It may seem cliché to say so, but I was dying of a broken heart. It was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back as I had been struggling to gain the recognition that I supposed I deserved academically, socially or as a person in my own right. Some of my work had been stolen, someone broke into my home, I had my car vandalized, I had been attacked on the street. It seemed as though everything was being thrown at me at once. I was utterly tired of this life; a competitive, degenerate rat-race of corrupt winners and idealistic losers.
Pain, both physical and emotional overwhelmed me and I began to realize that I really was dying but that I wasn’t afraid. As I surrendered in my bed, I began to shake and gasp for air – my chest was bursting as my ribs seemed to constrict around my body, I could feel my heart racing as though it was in my throat and I would have been shouting had my voice not been quelled for lack of air.
I lost consciousness. Next, I became aware of a strange noise which grew louder and louder. I thought I was ‘waking up’ only what I saw was certainly not what I had expected! I did ‘wake up’ but only to realize that the strange noise I could hear was an incredible ‘unearthly’ singing. The music was so phenomenally beautiful that I could not reproduce it. I do not consider myself a culturally ignorant individual but this was nothing like any music I had ever heard. It was not as one might imagine; ‘heavenly’ or ‘choral’. Instead it was beyond adequate description. Glorious beyond merit, the sound was celebratory and powerful. I couldn’t make out was being said not the language it was projected in. Upon my ‘waking’ to this music, I could see a great marble plaza with what appeared to a militaristic formation but instead of marching, they were dancing and leaping ecstatically. All was bright and incredibly colorful as if the air were free of humidity and shadow, almost as if I were seeing in a form of ‘high definition’. Then I heard a voice of no discernible origin, nether masculine nor feminine but pleading. ‘Please don’t die, we need you; please don’t die’ it said. I asked ‘what’s going on?’ The voice replied: ‘They are praising you’. ‘Who, me?’ I answered, astounded. ‘Yes, you are needed.’ Said the voice.
I was so taken aback as to why anyone should say such a thing. Normally I’d not be inclined to believe sycophantic nonsense such as compliments but instead I felt it were the most genuine thing I’d ever been told. It was as if I had been told ‘you are loved’ in a diplomatic sense (which is wise, given my reserved temperament).
I heard the voice again as I listened to the music. ‘Please don’t die, we need
you’. I agreed that I wouldn’t choose to die and thanked them for being so kind
to me. I had no idea anyone gave a shit. I realized that I was waking up for a
second time and the music faded until I stood up out of my bed, my face wet with
tears. Who were they? A thought went through my mind. 'They're the "kachina".
But what or who are the kachina? I would later find out.
I went to my hospital appointment for yet another ECG and saw the consultant cardiologist. I didn’t dare tell him what had happened. I had taken some notes with me on my condition and prepared to discuss treatment options. The meeting took about five minutes. The consultant looked at my ECG and told me that there was nothing wrong with me. I felt embarrassed, very embarrassed. Had I wasted this individual’s time? How is this possible? I asked. ‘All I know is that your test results and ECG are normal and you won’t need any treatment’. I was told that the other ECG’s were inexplicable and how I had been feeling was simply a mystery. I left the hospital confused and feeling like some attention-seeking hypochondriac. I almost felt guilty that I wasn’t ill! After all the trouble I’d caused everyone!
There appeared to be no known reason why I should have experienced the heart attack and no known medical reason why or how I could have recovered fully from the heart condition. I can only surmise that I had a NDE – an experience that brought me back from the brink of that next (more desirable and glorious) life.
I learned that to renounce a life in material existence is easy in comparison to
renouncing a life in bliss [heaven]. To give blood, to shed the mantle of gross
matter, is far easier in comparison to receiving it.
If I had to give the event a religious or spiritual context, I have been told
that the experience is the ‘transverberation of the heart’.
For me, it was a confirmation that I was still useful and that compassion was a
force still extant.
At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Question seems unclear. No previous medical history.
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It was difficult to explain because I regrettably lack the literary competence to begin to describe such an awesome event. As one cannot describe one’s thoughts, only give an impression of them which is then perceived (accurately or inaccurately) by others, one cannot likewise [truly] describes one’s feelings.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Waking up for the first time, not in bed but aware of the singing and the plaza.
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I seemed to have more 'senses' than one might ordinarily use to experience their existence. I wasn't bound by a body because I had not chosen that supposed ‘ascribed status of being’. It were as if I could feel energy in ways my body of ordinary existence could not conceive or observe. My ‘being’ was not confined to the domain of a mass in space and time and instead I seemed to exist as some form of ‘field’ which I could expand and confine at will. As such I had density without the sense of mass that might imply some form of gravity or indeed time.
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. In everyday life I wear corrective lenses. It were as if I had poor eye-sight (even with glasses) during my temporal life in comparison to what I would experience in the next. My vision was expansive although ‘seeing’ did not only incorporate what I imagined to be sight. I am now able to understand the phrase “and their eyes were opened”.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My hearing is exceptional, even in ordinary existence, but never had I heard – or sensed music such as that which I experienced during my NDE. It is limiting to say that I ‘heard’ the music – I couldn’t discern whether it was coming from some celestial choir, from myself or from both. It was far more remarkable than anything I head 'heard' in temporal existence.
Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body? No
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Astonishment, confusion, relief, gratefulness, honor, liberation, compassion, duty.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain The plaza was very bright, I was unable to identify from what source or how the scene was illuminated but it was not typical of the filtered wavelengths we might see from a typical sun through a planetary atmosphere.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I heard a voice I could not identify
As per my description above, the voice seemed to be directionless but kind and pleaded with me not to die.
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain At the time I had the impression that these were the ‘Kachina’, though I had no idea what ‘Kachina’ were at the time and had certainly not known of them as dolls. An internet search expelled my ignorance but did not seem to explain my association with them. The dancing entities were not wearing traditional native American dress and their music was not of any culture of origin I have encountered.
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain The "Kachina" certainly seemed alive and more happy to be so than myself!
Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place
I had not seen the location before, not the individuals in it.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
As I was a 'field' without 'mass', anything bound by a temporal world line seemed entirely irrelevant - there seemed to be transformation and transition without decay because the temporal perception of matter did not exist. I assume this was because I, as a field rather than a mass, was able to perceive energy in its truest function, through a transition of energy states rather than the ‘decay’ of matter imposed by the perception of time.
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
I had an experience a number of years prior to this one and would consider this event a ‘confirmation’ of that experience – (though as an empiricist I will ask for many more). In such an existence one knows the capacity to understand all things because of the absence of the temporal limitations endured in nominal existence. I was reminded that the decay of matter is an illusion. One cannot recall all things due to the constraint of the temporal illusion but one can remember certain things which transcend matter, such as the sense of completeness with the eternal source [primordial star].
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to "return" to life
I was convinced to return when I realized that I was useful and chose to accept the sincere plea and offerings of praise. Choosing to live on the material plane on behalf of those who appeased my suffering with compassion, I would endeavor to return the favor.
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)? Uncertain I could not pretend to know. I can only suppose that in terms of energy, one never dies, one only transforms.
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist? Uncertain I could not pretend to know. There is no such thing as "God" there is only the source. It is neither of personality nor boundary and cannot be personified nor be drawn distinct from the rest of the universe. As such, there is no supremacy of being only states of being.
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime? Uncertain The impression of a timeless existence certainly presupposes an existence prior and post a temporal perception.
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist? Yes In physics we call this phenomenon ‘entanglement’ and refer to a ‘coherence of states’. There is certainly an interconnectedness of nature that is not ‘mystical’, or imaginary or conceptual but very real, both in mundane existence and in elevated awareness. For more information on the topic of physics and super-conscious states, please see: http://www.tcm.phy.cam.ac.uk/~bdj10/
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose? Uncertain
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships? No
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love? Yes Compassion is love. Love is not infatuation or the selfish gene; it is transcendent and unconditional; and I would say that most uses of the term are not deserving of it. One does not 'fall' in love, one chooses it freely and without fear.
During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives? No
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose? Yes That I must live to complete what I have set out to do. (To detail what I have set out to do would be too lengthy here).
What occurred during your experience included: Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience Fortunately, I was able to experience a mixture of both stability from familiarity of my expectations and some challenges, indicating that the new information was opportunity for further learning. Beliefs are not facts and are fortunately transitory (to the progressive mindset). I did not ‘believe’ that such ‘beings’ as the Kachina existed yet seemed familiar with some of the theoretical concepts that enabled me to make sense of my experience better than I may have done in the absence of my background.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience Due to the fact that the event was unusual and a crisis experience (extreme stress event) I am of course able to remember the NDE more clearly.