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Paul G's NDE

Experience description (submitted 2005): 

I was an ordained minister and gave mass for Marines and sailors on Sundays while over seas. I made a point to go to all religions temples churches while I was over seas. I was raised a roman catholic. I disagree with people who say your faith has a bearing on your OBE. I knew nothing about healing before my OBE but after I came back I knew I had to heal myself and refused pain medications. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of mass knowledge that I could not remember, it was right on the tip of my tongue but I could not remember what I had learned.  This was very disturbing for me. I could feel energy coming off people and could tell if they were injured and could pin point the pain on their body but was afraid to say anything about it to anyone because I thought they would think I was crazy.

I started having nightmares and began to think I was nuts. I later about twenty years after I was stabbed had a breakdown and was told I had PTSD. I have been on a quest searching for the truth for twenty years but as I look back at my life I feel I have been on that quest my whole life. I have this close feeling with people who have had a NDE or OBE it is this trusting feeling, like I can trust them to have my back. We seem to have this energy that touches. I found this feeling when I met veterans in a PTSD group, we were like cloneís. I started to see this in women who had been in wrecks and raped, I could relate to them, see right into them.

It was Halloween night 1981 I was walking down a busy street in Honolulu with a group of people.  A fellow Marine was about to be murdered by four Samoanís. I stepped in the middle and tried to stop it. The Marine I was helping left the circle and I was jumped from behind, I fought these four guys in a fight to the death.  I was trying to kill them and they were trying to kill me. I remember being exhausted, completely wiped out during this act to survive. I had crushed and caved in one man's face with my forehead. I was covered in his blood. I knocked out another guy with a kick to his throat and temple. I was thinking why won't anyone help me? I am so tired.

So many people were watching me fight that the traffic had been stopped because of the people flooding from the sidewalk to the street, hundreds of people, no one would help? Three months before this fight I was overseas and in an operation were I was faced with death and thought I was going to die because I was going to run out of ammunition or get hit in the head with shrapnel.  About a week after this I was kidnapped with five other Marines and we were lined up twice to be executed and dry fired on twice. During the fight, kidnapping and operation I can't ever remember being afraid, real fear. I know I must of had to been afraid but I can't remember it.

I had knocked out two guys and two were left, I went back and forth fighting the two guys and one guy ran off into the crowd, I remember thinking that it was almost over, I just had the one guy left. I was holding him by his hair and hitting him in the face waiting for him to drop when the guy who left came back through the crowd with a knife. A sailor named Brad who I had never met was in a cab that had been stopped by the crowd and seen the guy with the knife coming at me from behind. Brad was born the same day, same year as me, we were the same age and had never met. Brad fought his way through the crowd to try and stop the guy with the knife but was unable to get to him because of the people blocking his way. This guy jumped on my back and plunged the knife into my pulmonary artery and lung. When the knife went in, my body flipped completely over and I landed on the guy who stabbed me.  The guy I was beating on, fell to the ground. I started choking the guy who stabbed me with my forearm, trying to kill him. I had no idea I had been stabbed, I never felt the knife even though it was sticking straight out of my chest now.

The guy who fell to the ground was up and on his feet now and kicking me in the head. I boxed in the Marine corps and had never been knocked out but when this guy was kicking me I thought he was knocking me out, "I was dying from the stab wound". I remember thinking to myself "hey, this is what it feels like to be knocked out". I moved my head and tucked it behind the guy's head I was choking to death and started pushing with my head trying to break his neck. The guy started kicking me in the stomach now and that is when Brad got through the crowd and started helping me, he took the guy who was kicking me and hammered him. The crowd then decided to help and grabbed me and started dragging me off the guy I was killing.

These guys were trying to kill me and now I have a knife sticking out of my chest and people are now getting involved, Brad is the only one there who had courage, honor or integrity. They pulled me off this guy while Brad was taking care of the other would be murderer. They held my arms and head back as I struggled to free myself. I seen the knife sticking out of my chest. I yelled at these people who held me defenseless to be killed, I have been stabbed, LET ME GO, I have been stabbed, let me go. They held me and the guy who stabbed me was on his knees and hands foaming from his mouth looking at me. I was unable to move, I could feel the knife inside me now when I tried to move. The guy who stabbed me was looking straight into my eyes as I was staring at him, he had blood red eyes, they were red, he jumped up and grabbed me by my neck, the people still held me for this guy.

I thought he was going to bite my throat out because I would have bitten his out. He had me, I couldn't move because I was held by cowards. I remember having this complete acceptance of death I relaxed as his hands pulled on my neck but he grabbed the knife out of my chest instead of biting me. The blood shot straight out of my chest and with every heart beat I sprayed blood all over this guy trying to stab me again. The people who were holding me pushed me into this guy with the knife. I don't remember how I got out of the way of the knife that is a complete blank.  After he missed me he came up with the knife and stabbed Brad in the stomach and ran into the crowd. I chased him for four steps and I heard an explosion and felt like I had ran straight into a brick wall. I fell onto my back and unknowing to me I was unable to move a muscle, I was paralyzed with my head turned to the left. I was looking at people looking at me, again no one did a thing, just looked at me like cowards.

I remember a man holding this women as she balled. I started yelling to these people that I can't breath but they just stared at me, doing nothing. I did this for a while before I realized they could not hear me because my lips were not moving, I was paralyzed. I started fighting to stay alive, I refused to die. I told myself I was not going to die. I was so tired, I was just wiped out from fighting to breath. I was suffocating to death, it was horrible, the worst way to die. The background was now black, dark. I seen a face in my face I felt someone grab my neck and lift my head.  It was Brad. He began CPR and breathed into me I only felt one breath but it was like I had just taken the biggest most beautiful breath of my life. I remember saying to myself "OK buddy its in your hands now" I was just wiped out.

After that breath I went black, everything was dark. I don't know how much time had lapsed when I was out of my body. I didn't feel or remember leaving my body but it was like I was just there, I was standing over my body with my spirit/soul feet and ankles in my dead bodies head, I was looking down at myself but didn't remember being hurt, I had no idea I was dead or injured. I was now a translucent shadow with hands, feet, a whole body but it was made of energy, power, and strength. I looked at my right arm and made a fist. I looked at my left arm and made a fist. I felt so strong and powerful I was energy.

I looked out at a 45 degree angle and shot off like a rocket into this infinity of darkness I could see into. It was not like being in a dark room or closet it was a darkness I could see into an infinity. I felt like I was in space. I was looking for something but didn't know what I was looking for. I knew I was looking for something but I had no urgency to find it. I was calm, no pain or worry I was just looking for something. I was zooming through this darkness like a rocket but I could not feel wind it was motion going forward at a 45 degree angle. I could not hear voices during this motion through space.

All at once I came to an abrupt stop I was in this void with four entities to my left just above me and a voice of a man to my right and above the four entities say "he's not going to make it" at that moment I remember saying to my self "hey they are talking about me. I came back into myself through my eyes, it felt like a cartoon thing as if you pulled a window shade down and let it roll up and spin around and around that is what it felt like coming back through my eyes. I opened my eyes and my head was turned to the left I seen Brad sitting on the bench seat of the ambulance looking at me covered in blood he said nothing just looked at me he had his hands on his knees just covered in blood.

I seen a paramedic holding an IV bottle in the air he was sitting on my left side at my knees just looking at me saying nothing. I looked at both of them and held both my arms up and flipped them off with both hands and said F--k you I am not going to die, then it went black I can't remember anything until I woke up again. I was being rolled down a long hallway on a gurney doctors and nurses all around me, I asked the nurse that was at my head if I could cry, she said "sure honey you can cry" it went black I don't remember anything until I woke up again.

I was laying on my back and I opened my eyes looking up into the ceiling it was like the ceiling at my barracks so I thought I was in my room in my bed then I heard this breathing machine sound and tried to say what the f--k and started gagging a nurse put her face in mine and told me I had been injured and I was all right. They pulled the breathing tube out of my throat and I remembered my experience but never said anything. I felt like I had mass knowledge but just could not remember what I had learned. I knew I had to heel myself. I would lay in bed and slow my heart beat so the heart and lung could heal.

I spent five days in the hospital and spoke to Brad on the fifth day. I told him of my experience and when I had seen him sitting there looking at me. Brad told me that that never happened. Brad said that they were working on him and he never sat up and I was taken away, he said "you were gone man" you never flipped anyone off. I soon felt like I could heal people because I can feel energy coming off people, I feel pain. I never told anyone until 1999 about this. I learned about Reiki so that makes it normal to me. But I have been on a quest searching my self and belief about people and the world I have been changed and feel I have met who I really am I met my soul/spirit and have many ideas of what we are and that we have existed for all time.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     No response


Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes

remembering just what had happened in its entirety, many feelings of knowledge are trapped.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes

Twice, about three months before. Lined up to be executed and dry fired on. A military mission I thought I would die because of shrapnel and or running out of ammo.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?           After I died I was calm and very alert.

           
Was the experience dream like in any way?   no

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

Shadow like translucent shape, I was energy, power and strength. I had arms and legs I was whole but shadow like.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?           no, I heard a voice when I came to the boundary.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          No

Did you see a light?           No

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes

Five of them, four to my left and above me and one to my right and above the four.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No

not that I remember this is the problem of this survey, so much happened but I can't pull it out but I know it happened.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No

I never spoke to any medical people about what I seen and how I felt about it.

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?           Yes

Yes, a void in space that was warm peaceful.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes

I knew I was in this place that was different then earth. Different then my perceptions of physical life.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Yes

After I came back through my eyes. Not being able to remember was disturbing to me and still is. I have been trying for 20 years to remember and make since of it. Knowing I know and the feeling is overbearing but to not be able to recall it is truly frustrating.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes

The boundary was beings who stopped me abruptly in this void as I moved forward at lightning speed at a 45 degree angle.

Did you become aware of future events?       Yes

I feel I have ESP. I feel and know things. Not that I am special or magic but because I sense them. I feel pain in people and can pin point where it is on the body and can heal them in most cases. They have to believe for it to work so our energy can flow and fix the problem.

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?       Yes

The beings let me know I was dying and I said I was not going to die. I chose to return.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Yes

Like I said above, I feel I have always had this ability as everyone does we just have had our belief system blasted and are open to what we really are. We are energy and that is a fact.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes

God for one. I don't think a man in a robe is in charge of us. I feel Jesus was a man like me, who had a NDE or OBE. He felt purpose and was trying to fight injustice. He was not the son of a God, he was a spirit just like you and me. Just a man who said no, I am not ready to die and came back to finish his purpose.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?       I chose dangerous jobs. I was a cop for 5 or six years and quit because they were corrupt, I fought them and lost. I have blown every job I have had and just about all relationships. Trust is an issue.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes

That is hard to say. I am who I am and maybe this is where I am supposed to be. Should I follow the sheep and be part of this society we live or stand up and ask why do you kill, lie, and cheat. I chose to lead and believe in me, not a God or a selfish society or how I am supposed to be, I am who I am and I find myself searching for the truth. God to me is our energy source he needs us as we need him, the positive and negative of being.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes

It has taken many years. I kept this to myself thinking people would think I was crazy.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  I felt different than other people. I felt I knew the truth.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      When I was given that breath was the best and suffocating to death was the worst.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        I died November 1st 1981, stabbed in my heart and lung. I feel we are energy and our bodies are just a vessel that hides who and what we are. When contained in this vessel our being is trapped in a system that is broken, we are unable to remember who we are, why we are here. The vessel is like a paralyzed limb, when we think via our mind the connection to truth is broken, it canít complete the electrical path because of the vessel, as a paralyzed limb canít move do to damage to a nerve, the path is broken. I feel we have always been and will always be,  for there is no God that will favor any vessel for we are not special none of us. Some of us have reunited with our spirit I call it infinity. We just canít remember what we know. We feel it, we sense it, we know it but the vessel acts as a magnet, a positive and negative that holds the two apart. For those who have died need to find others who have died and talk, think, and feel and just maybe we can make since of it all because we do know the truth.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes

There is more it is my life.

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.    I took this survey about seven years ago when I was searching for the truth. I had just started talking about my experience and wanted to talk to others who died to see if they felt like me. This is my journey six or seven years latter.

 

EXPERIENCE SHARED IN 1999:

      I WAS STABBED IN THE HEART AND LUNG IN A FIGHT WITH FOUR MEN TRYING TO KILL ME. I WAS SAVING A FELLOW MARINE WHO WAS IN MY PLATOON. THE FIGHT WAS HIS IN THE FIRST PLACE. HE RAN AND IT WAS FOUR ON ONE. I CRUSHED ONE MANS FACE WITH MY FOREHEAD AND KICKED ONE GUY IN THE THROAT AND TEMPLE, KNOCKING HIM OUT. I WAS FIGHTING THE TWO REMAINING GUYS BACK AND FOURTH AND ONE OF THEM RAN OFF LEAVING JUST ONE. I WAS THINKING TO  WAS MY SELF THAT "MAN I AM TIRED, I'M GLAD HE LEFT". WELL HE CAME BACK AND JUMPED ON MY BACK AND STABBED ME IN THE CHEST, THE SHOCK OF THE KNIFE GOING INTO MY PULMONARY ARTERY AND LUNG MADE US FLIP IN THE AIR AND I LANDED ON HIM. I STARTED CHOKING HIM TRYING TO KILL HIM. I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS STABBED YET. THE GUY I WAS BEATING ON BEFORE I WAS STABBED STARTED KICKING ME IN THE HEAD AS I WAS CHOKING HIS FRIEND TO DEATH. I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING KNOCKED OUT, I REMEMBER THINKING THAT "THIS MUST BE WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO GET KNOCKED OUT". I TUCKED MY HEAD BEHIND THE GUYS HEAD I WAS CHOKING SO I COULD PROTECT MY SELF FROM MORE INJURY AND STARTED PUSHING WITH MY HEAD AND PULLING WITH MY ARM, TRYING TO BREAK HIS NECK AND CRUSH HIS THROAT. THE GUY THAT WAS KICKING ME IN THE HEAD STARTED KICKING ME IN THE SIDE AND STOMACH AFTER I TUCKED MY HEAD. A MAN BY THE NAME OF BRAD WHO WAS IN THE NAVY WAS IN A TAXI CAB WATCHING THIS FIGHT WHILE HIS CAB HAD TO STOP BECAUSE THE STREET AND SIDE WALK WAS JAMMED WITH PEOPLE WATCHING ME FIGHT FOR MY LIFE. BRAD WAS STANDING ON THE CAB AND SEEN THE MAN COMING THROUGH THE CROWD WITH THE KNIFE TO STAB ME AND DECIDED TO COME TO MY AID. BRAD GOT TO ME WHILE THE GUY WAS KICKING ME IN THE SIDE AND STOMACH. BRAD STARTED TO FIGHT THE GUY THAT WAS KICKING ME AND AS SOON AS HE JUMPED IN THE CROWD JUMPED IN AND GRABBED ME AND STARTED PULLING ME OFF THE GUY I WAS KILLING. I WAS TRYING TO GOUGE THE GUYS EYES OUT AS THEY PULLED ME OFF. I WAS STANDING NOW, BEING HELD BACK BY SEVERAL PEOPLE AS THE GUY I WAS CHOKING WAS FOAMING FROM THE MOUTH AND HAD A STRANGE GLAZED STAIR WHILE LOOKING UP AT ME. AS I LOOKED DOWN AT HIM I SEEN THE KNIFE STICKING OUT OF MY CHEST, I REMEMBER BEING OVERWHELMED WITH ANGER, I SCREAMED "LET ME GO, I'VE BEEN STABBED, LET ME GO". THE CROWD HELD ME BACK, THE GUY ON THE GROUND STARTED FOR ME, I TRIED TO BREAK FREE FROM THESE PEOPLE BUT COULD NOT. THE GUY LUNGED AT ME AND GRABBED THE BACK OF MY NECK WITH BOTH OF HIS HANDS, I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO BITE MY THROAT OUT, I WOULD HAVE BITTEN HIS THROAT OUT. WE WERE LOOKING EACH OTHER IN THE EYES AND I REMEMBER RELAXING AND EXCEPTING DEATH FROM MY THROAT BEING BITTEN OUT, AT THE VERY SAME MOMENT I RELAXED THE GUY LET GO OF MY NECK AND GRABBED THE KNIFE OUT OF MY CHEST, BLOOD BEGAN TO SHOOT OUT EVERY TIME MY HEART BEAT, IT WAS A STREAM GUSHING OUT AND HITTING THE GUY WITH THE KNIFE, IT WAS HITTING HIM IN THE FACE AND CHEST. THE CROWD LET GO OF ME AND PUSHED ME INTO THE GUY WITH THE KNIFE, THE GUY WENT TO STAB ME AGAIN AS I WAS PUSHED INTO HIM BUT SOME HOW MISSED ME AND AS HE CAME BACK UP WITH THE KNIFE HE STABBED BRAD IN THE STOMACH AND RAN INTO THE CROWDED SIDEWALK. I STARTED TO RUN AFTER THE GUY WHO HAD STABBED ME AND TOOK FOUR STEPS, IT WAS LIKE I HAD BEEN SHOT WITH A SHOT GUN IN THE CHEST AND RAN INTO A WALL AT THE SAME TIME, IT WAS AN EXPLOSION, I WAS ON MY BACK PARALYZED AND AT FIRST I DIDN'T KNOW I COULD NOT MOVE. I WAS ON MY BACK LOOKING INTO THE CROWD WATCHING PEOPLE STAND IN SILENCE AND LOOK DOWN AT ME, JUST LOOKING DOING NOTHING. I LAY THERE AND I CAN HEAR MYSELF YELLING "I CAN'T BREATH, I CAN'T BREATH". I WAS SAYING THIS OVER AND OVER LOUD AND AS CLEAR AS DAY. I JUST COULD NOT UNDERSTAND WHY NOT ONE PERSON WOULD HELP ME BREATH. IT HIT ME, I CAN'T MOVE, THEY CAN'T HEAR ME, I SAID TO MYSELF "I'M NOT GOING TO DIE" AND I BEGAN TO FIGHT TO STAY ALIVE, IT WAS HORRIBLE, THE WORST WAY A PERSON COULD DIE, YOU LAY THERE SUFFOCATING TRYING TO BREATH BUT YOU CAN'T MOVE A MUSCLE, YOU CAN'T TAKE A BREATH. I WAS SO TIRED, EXHAUSTED, REFUSING TO DIE, WHEN A FACE APPEARED ABOVE MY FACE AND TILTED MY HEAD BACK, IT WAS BRAD AND HE BREATHED A BREATH INTO MY LUNGS THAT FELT LIKE I HAD JUST TAKEN THE BIGGEST BREATH OF MY LIFE, IT FELT LIKE I HAD TAKEN IT. I REMEMBER THINKING TO MYSELF "OK BUDDY REFERRING TO BRAD, IT'S IN YOUR HANDS NOW" I BLACKED OUT AT THAT MOMENT. THE NEXT THING I REMEMBER IS MY BODY STIFF AS A BOARD LAYING ON THE SIDEWALK NO ONE WAS BREATHING FOR ME AND NO ONE WAS TOUCHING ME, I WAS STANDING IN MY HEAD, THAT IS MY FEET AND ANKLES WERE IN THE HEAD OF MY BODY AND I WAS STANDING LOOKING DOWN AT MYSELF. I WAS MY SAME SHAPE BUT I WAS LIKE A BLACK SHADOW OR SILHOUETTE, I DID NOT KNOW I WAS HURT, I HAD NO PAIN OR EVEN THOUGHT. I WAS JUST THERE LOOKING AT MY BODY BUT I WAS A SHADOW. I LOOKED DOWN AT MY RIGHT ARM AND MADE A FIST AND FELT GREAT POWER, I LOOKED DOWN AT MY LEFT ARM AND MADE A FIST AND FELT GREAT POWER. I WAS ENERGY I FEEL. I WAS SO STRONG AND POWERFUL, I WAS ENERGY. I LOOKED UP AND I WAS LOOKING INTO A DARKNESS THAT I COULD SEE INTO, IT WAS COMPLETELY BLACK BUT I COULD SEE INTO IT LIKE A INFINITY OF DARKNESS AND I COULD SEE INTO IT. AS I WAS LOOKING INTO THIS PEACEFUL WARM DARKNESS, NOT THINKING ABOUT ANYTHING, NOT MY FAMILY, ME, NOTHING, I SHOT OFF AT A 45 DEGREE ANGLE LIKE A ROCKET, I WAS ZOOMING AT A 45 DEGREE ANGLE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING, I KNEW I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING BUT I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT AND I HAD NO PANIC OR URGENCY TO FIND IT, I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR IT. I STILL WAS ONLY THINKING ABOUT ONE THING AND ONE THING ONLY, TO FIND WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR. I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH TIME HAD LAPSED BUT IT FELT LIKE QUITE A WHILE I TRAVELED IN THIS BLACK SPACE. I FELT THE PRESENCE OF FOR BEINGS I CAN'T REMEMBER WHO THEY WERE BUT THEY WOULD NOT LET ME FIND WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR AT THE SAME TIME I REALIZED THIS I HEARD A VOICE, THE FOUR BEINGS WERE ON MY LEFT SIDE ABOVE ME IN THE DARKNESS AND THE VOICE WAS A MANS VOICE IT WAS ABOVE ME TO MY RIGHT, IT SAID "HE'S NOT GOING TO MAKE IT". AT THAT MOMENT I CORRELATED THE VOICE'S STATEMENT TO ME DYING. I REMEMBERED THAT I WAS HURT AND DYING AT THAT MOMENT. WHEN THIS RECALL HAPPENED THAT INSTANT I FELT MY EYES ROLL BACK INTO MY HEAD LIKE A CARTOON WINDOW SHADE, IT FELT LIKE THAT, I FELT ME COME BACK INTO MYSELF THROUGH MY EYES, AND I WAS BACK INTO MY SELF. I WAS IN THE AMBULANCE AND BRAD WAS SITTING WITH HIS HANDS ON HIS KNEES LOOKING AT ME AND A PARAMEDIC HAD A IV BOTTLE HOLDING IT IN THE AIR AND HE WAS LOOKING AT ME, I FLIPPED THEM BOTH OFF WITH BOTH MY HANDS AND SAID F__K YOU I AM NOT GOING TO DIE, I BLACKED OUT AT THAT MOMENT. THE NEXT THING I REMEMBER IS BEING PUSHED DOWN A HALL ON A GURNEY VERY FAST WITH NURSES ALL AROUND IT PUSHING. I LOOKED AT A NURSE AND ASKED HER IF I COULD CRY AND SHE SAID I COULD. I BLACK OUT. THE NEXT THING I REMEMBER IS THE SOUND OF THE TUBES DOWN MY THROAT AND I TRIED TO SAY WHAT THE HELL AND STARTED TO GAG, A NURSE PUT HER FACE IN MINE AND EXPLAINED WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME AND TOLD ME I WAS IN ICU AT QUEENS MEDICAL CENTER. DURING MY 5 DAYS IN THE HOSPITAL AFTER OPEN HEART I FEEL I HEALED MY SELF WITH SOME OF THE KNOWLEDGE I BROUGHT BACK BUT CAN'T REMEMBER. I LAID IN THE HOSPITAL AND REFUSED ANY MEDICATION AND MENTALLY SLOWED MY HEART BEAT, THINGS LIKE THAT. I SPOKE WITH BRAD AFTER MY DISCHARGE AND HE SAID THAT HE WAS BEING WORKED ON AND NEVER SAT UP AT ALL AND THAT I NEVER SAID OR DID ANYTHING IN THE AMBULANCE. I HAVE STRUGGLED WITH FULFILLING MY PURPOSE IN LIFE FOR MANY YEARS, TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT, AFRAID TO ACCOMPLISH IT BECAUSE I FEEL I WILL DIE AS SOON AS I DO IT. I SAVED AN OLD LADY BY GIVING HER CPR, AS I RAN TO SAVE HER I KNEW I WAS GOING TO DIE AS SOON AS I SAVED HER AND THAT IS WHAT THOUGHT ABOUT WHILE GIVING HER CPR. "I'M GOING TO DIE NOW THIS WAS MY PURPOSE TO SAVE AN OLD 80 YR OLD WOMEN". I MOPED AROUND FOR ABOUT THREE WEEKS WAITING FOR THE SKY TO FALL ON ME. THEN I JUMPED INTO A POOL WITH A SOLAR COVER AND SWAM UNDER WATER TO THE DEEP END AND WAS GOING TO PUSH THE COVER UP AS I BLEW OUT MY BREATH THE SOLAR COVER STAYED ON TOP OF THE WATER AND I FOUND MYSELF TRAPPED IN THE DEEP IN OF THE POOL WITH NO AIR I STARTED TO DROWN BUT CALMED DOWN AND SWAM TO THE EDGE AND REALIZED THAT I HAD NOT FULFILLED MY PURPOSE.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  Yes

      Explanation:  I had been drinking at the time.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes

      What was it about the experience that makes it hard to communicate?  the way I felt.. I still feel that I have to remember what I can't remember. I was given knowledge.

At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?  Yes

      Describe:  I was stabbed in the heart and lung.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  VERY GOOD BUT THEY STOPPED ME FROM REMEMBERING.

Was the experience dream like in any way?  IT WAS VERY REAL TO ME, THE POWER AND ENERGY WAS NOTHING LIKE A DREAM.

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  Yes

Describe your appearance or form apart from your body:  BLACK TRANSLUCENT SHADOW, SAME SHAPE AS ME BUT I WAS ENERGY.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  PEACEFUL, CALM, STRONG/POWERFUL /ANGER

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?  I REMEMBER A VOICE, A MANS VOICE SAY "HE'S NOT GOING TO MAKE IT". I WAS ANGRY THEN BECAUSE I REMEMBERED I WAS HURT AND DYING AND I WAS NOT GOING TO DIE.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  No

Did you see a light?  No

Did you meet or see any other beings?  Yes

      Describe:  THEY WERE FOUR BEINGS ON MY LEFT SIDE ABOVE ME. I CAN'T REMEMBER WHO THEY WERE. THEY WOULD NOT LET ME FIND WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I CAN'T REMEMBER.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  Yes

      Describe:  A PARAMEDIC SAID HE'S GOT A SUCKER, AND OVER THE RADIO HE HAD SAID PLUG IT. 

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  Yes

      Describe:  DEEP INFINITY OF DARKNESS.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  Yes

      Describe:  OVERWHELMED WITH IT. I STILL AM OBSESSED WITH IT.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?  Yes

      Describe:  I DID NOT KNOW WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR BUT WHEN THE VOICE AND THE BEINGS STOPPED ME I GUESS I WAS AT SOME BOUNDARY.

Did you become aware of future events?  Yes

      Describe:  I HAVE ESP, IT SOUNDS CRAZY BUT I KNOW THINGS AND CAN AN ELECTRICAL CURRENT THROUGH MY BODY THAT GOES TO MY HANDS. AS A COP I WAS UNBELIEVABLE WITH A SIXTH SENSE.  I HOPE YOU GUYS HAVE SPELL CHECK?

Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?  Yes

      Describe:  YES IT WAS MINE. I WAS NOT GOING TO DIE. THE VOICE LET ME REMEMBER I WAS HURT AND DYING AND LET ME FIGHT TO STAY ALIVE.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  ELECTRICAL CURRENT THROUGH MY BODY THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND. A SIXTH SENSE THAT I KNOW THINGS. SOME TIMES THINGS SLOW DOWN IN SLOW MOTION. THIS HAS HAPPENED WHEN I LOOKED AT PEOPLE, THEY WERE BAD GUYS WHILE I WAS A COP. JUST PICKED THEM OUT OF A CROWED.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  I HAVE BEEN MOVING TO HIGHER LEVELS OF UNDERSTANDING

Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  I WAS MARRIED FOR 16 YRS JUST DIVORCED LAST OCTOBER. SHE SAID IT WAS ME AND A LOT HAD TO DO WITH MY WORKING AS A COP, BRIDGE PAINTER, PAINTING ENERGIZED SUBSTATIONS, MY OBSESSIONS IN WHAT EVER I DO. I HAVE TAKEN EVERYTHING TO THE EXTREME, DANGEROUSLY TO THE EXTREME.

Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  I HAVE TOLD A FEW PEOPLE, MAYBE 10 IN MY LIFE THEY THINK THAT THEY KNOW MORE THAN ME ABOUT WHERE I WENT. SOME SAY I WENT TO HELL SOME SAY NOTHING. I SAY THEY DON'T KNOW SH_T, I WAS NOT IN HELL I TURN INTO ENERGY. IT DOES NOT FIT OTHER PEOPLES RELIGIONS.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  I FELT SMART, LIKE I HAD ALL THIS KNOWLEDGE RIGHT AT THE TIP OF REMEMBERING BUT I JUST COULD NOT REMEMBER. ITS LIKE A NAME OF A FRIEND, YOU FORGET IT AND JUST AS YOU REMEMBER IT AND YOU ARE ABOUT TO SAY IT YOU FORGET IT AGAIN, MY KNOWLEDGE IS IN THAT PLACE, A THOUGHT OF A THOUGHT.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  SUFFOCATING WAS THE WORST. BRAD BREATHING INTO ME WAS THE BEST.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?  A LOT OF THINGS, I WANT TO REMEMBER WHAT I LEARNED AND WHAT I KNOW.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Yes

      Describe:  THERE IS LIFE AFTER DEATH, PEOPLE WILL TRY TO KILL YOU, AND NEVER THINK ABOUT THE PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  No

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Yes

      Explain:  THERE IS MORE ABOUT ME AS HOW I VIEW THE WORLD AND THE PURPOSE OF LIFE. HOW 99 PERCENT OF SOCIETY HAS FALLEN ASLEEP LIKE ZOMBIES AND FOLLOW THE LEADER.

Please offer any suggestions you have to improve the www.nderf.org questionnaire?  DREAMING? I HAVE RECURRING DREAMS AND I RARELY DREAM THAT IS I DON'T REMEMBER THEM. GOING TO SLEEP AT NIGHT, I FIGHT IT. ARE WE NIGHT OR DAY PEOPLE? WOULD YOU DIE FOR SOME ONE YOU DON'T KNOW? I WOULD. I FEEL WE HAVE MANY ISSUES AND THE LACK OF OXYGEN TO OUR BRAINS COULD HAVE CHANGED US, OR THE SHOCK OF IT ALL, BUT I BELIEVE IT TO BE TRUE AND IT IS MY REALITY.