Pamela K NDE 4649

Pamela K NDE

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

My near death experience happened in the early 90's. I had an apnea episode while I was sleeping that went on a little too long. I know I won't be able to do justice to the experience in explaining it, because the feelings were so beyond what is normally thought of as Love and Joy and Bliss that there really are no words to capture the intensity of the sensations. It was truly amazing, however.

While I was still in a twilight sleep I felt my throat collapsing and closing off and I couldn't breathe. I struggled for quite a bit to begin breathing but wasn't able to open my throat. It felt the way I imagine it would feel to be drowning. One second I struggled for breath, panicked and agitated and the next second the need to breathe disappeared (even though I still had not begun to breathe), and I quickly realized that my consciousness was no longer tethered to my breath. I felt the "I' part of me free-floating in what felt like the darkness of deep space. I mentally 'turned' to look back at my life (like a life review) and had an overall arching sense of what my life had been like (like everything being shown simultaneously and an apprehension of it all in a kinesthetic sense), and then I began 'laughing' when I realized that "I" was not the personality of "Pam" anymore--in fact, I realized that the entirety of my life had just been a game, like Monopoly (guess I just passed Go and collected $200.00!!), and "Pam" was the equivalent of one of the game's playing pieces, like the shoe or the car! All the troubles and joys, the accomplishments and limitations that made up the story of my life were revealed to be mere dust--an illusion. I realized that in truth, the "I Am' was who I really was and ALWAYS had been and always would be. What exultant bliss! I realized that I had a choice to recognize and rest in this truth of who I really was and stay on the 'other side' or I could continue to re-enact the 'game' of being an imaginary personality. With the dawning of that realization I mentally 'turned' around again and say a Light that was brighter than a million suns but which didn't hurt my vision. It radiated the most all-encompassing unconditional Love I've ever experienced. the Light 'felt' sentient--it had Presence--God--and the feeling of the love it emanated was like that of the father in the Bible welcoming home his prodigal son--the light radiated a sense of great joy and bliss (like it was dancing and twirling in ecstasy) that I was finally coming home, because It (God) had been waiting for me and was overjoyed to see me. It felt like the whole universe was opening its arms to welcome me home with bubbling delight, lighthearted laughter and great joy. Then suddenly I had the thought "It's not fair that I'm having such a wonderful experience and the rest of my family isn't" and with that I felt myself zip at ward speed back into my body. When I 'woke up' in the next instant with a great gulp of air, I began to sob--my entire body throbbed with Love as though each cell of my body was a separate heart overflowing with Love. There was so much love pulsating in my body I felt like I was swooning. I remember I could feel overwhelming love pulsating in my thighs as thought that's where my heart was! I can't even begin to describe what this bliss of Love felt like--it was so unlike the mundane love we experience in our mortal bodies. It was the sum and more of EVERYTHING in this world, and it felt whole, unified and satiated with its own bliss. It was the experience of Love loving Itself...

     I now no longer think of myself as someone small--I am a fragment of the Whole and contains the Whole. I feel the Light always within me, and I need only to attune my full attention to it to recapture the memory of the greater bliss that awaits each of us on the other side of the veil. This experience has totally changed how I look at the world--experientially I now KNOW that Love is all there is, manifesting in the limitless forms of creation--and there is no place in which God is not. I sometimes try to move through my days as though I had just received a terminal diagnosis just to heighten my sense of awareness of God's subtle presence all around me, and I feel such gratitude and awe at the presence of God's energy which I see scintillating in everything as the substratum of form. Life is truly a divine gift, precious beyond measure, because it is through our lives that we learn to rest in the heart of God. God is as close to us as our own skin, bones, heart and breath. What this experience has taught me is to stop projecting a longing for God into some distant future. God is in the present moment, completely accessible, and it only requires a willingness to turn within to reveal Him as the very fabric of every thing and every moment. Bliss is our natural birthright and most of the time we are like beggars who open our hands to receive but then snatch our hands away at the very instant we see the gift extended to us. We deny ourselves this great love because we can't believe that we are worthy enough or large enough to hold it. and so, we have been blessed with life in order to unlearn the limitations that our egos use to keep us actively engaged in this maddening game of hide and seek. In our life review on the other side, we are not judged by anyone but ourselves. WE are the ones who deny our own selves the glorious ecstasy of union with God by our continued identification with our ego-based limitations and fear. "Heaven" is the natural state that is always present as a potential within us in this very life if we learn to apprehend and stay anchored in the experience of the unfettered, unconditional love that is god within our hearts. God does not mete out 'justice'--he doesn't' have to. WE are the ones who allow ourselves to return to a heavenly state when we've learned to embrace everything in life as a manifestation of God, including our very own hearts.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes     I had an apnea episode and it woke me but I was unable to begin breathing. I struggled for air, needing desperately to breathe, and then all of a sudden I no longer felt the urge to breathe even though my throat still had not opened up.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    In the middle.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            In the middle.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)? Yes     The bright light did not hurt my eyes. Extrasensory sensations of the light.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?            No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Ecstasy, bliss, joy, delight, love, feeling totally taken care of.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          No

Did you see a light?           Yes     Brighter that a million suns but it had a softness to it. The perception that all colors were in it, but they weren't separated out of it.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           No

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    Yes     See description of experience above.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Yes     The presence of God.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     Linear time was subsumed into the eternal present moment.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes            See ending of near death description.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes     At the moment I thought of my family, I felt that I had reached a boundary of "choice" to leave or stay. My trip back into my body was not controlled by me.

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     Yes     I can empathetically sense other people's emotions better.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     Immediately. In the morning when my husband and I awoke, he asked me what I had been dreaming about. When I asked him why he asked, he said I had been convulsing on the bed. My response was "And you couldn't have nudged me or something?!" then I told him what had happened to me.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    Yes            Ralph Moody's work. Didn't affect my experience.

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    It was too intense and too extraordinary to think of it as a dream. I felt like I had been given a priceless gift of knowledge.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?    the realization that "I AM" is who I really am, not my personality or body.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real    My feelings have not at all changed from my initial vies.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     I'm more willing to let things go because I see them as part of the 'game' of life.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?            Yes     Deepened.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes