Nicole K Probable NDE

Edited for clarity by Judy 6/12/12

Experience Description

 I saw Heaven and there were white clouds, which looked not really so much like clouds, more like large puffy cotton balls. It felt wonderful and warm. A very bright light hit my eyes, but did not dazzle me. It was so quiet and peaceful. I wanted to stay in that place. I so much did not want to leave that location! I was wearing a summer dress and felt like a happy little girl. Then out of the clouds came a pair of big wonderful hands! I reached out to take hold of them. The hands were comfortable, warm and soft. I felt totally secure, fine, and safe having a strong grip on these hands. I knew, "I'm home." But after happily holding these hands for awhile I suddenly I heard a voice, which told me that I had to release those hands and go back. Because I so much didn't want to, I start to cry and scream, full of despair: "Please don't leave me, I want to stay here!" But the voice answered, "You have to go back." I had a strong grip on the hands, but then they started to recede deeper back into heaven, and my hands stayed where they were.

After all that happened, I woke up and found out that I had been in a coma for seven weeks. That peace, which surrounds me still, that endless feeling of safeness - I have never forgotten, and *will* never forget, from that day onward.  The pain of my longing to go back to that place stayed with me for a very long time.

 But I couldn't do anything myself about going back there, because I was very sure that if I committed suicide, I would not go back to *that* place. Suicides go to another place.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes. It has been very hard to find the words to express the images and impressions, that I have seen/experienced.  The German language ties my hands, because German does not contain the words that would allow me to describe my experiences accurately. It is very hard to describe emotions and feelings in German. 

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? Yes. I was in a bicycle race. During the race I had an accident, fell off the bike and hit my head on the asphalt. Even though I was wearing a helmet, the base of my skull, several fingers, both knees and my collar bone were all broken. The worst thing, which was life-threatening, was my brain injury. My Glasgow Coma Scale score (GCS) was 5 out of 12 possible points.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?  I went into a coma at the time of the impact. So I cannot recount this experience exactly as it happened. While in my coma, I saw my relatives who had come to visit me, and I was aware of them the whole time. Even though I had been in a coma, I could later remember on which side on my bed they had been standing. I saw the room's colors (green and white) and I also saw the clothes the doctors were wearing and could remember those later, as well. The whole time I was in my coma, I felt very safe. The hands I was holding in that other place made me feel safe, too. I observed the people in the room from a location way above my bed.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain: 

At the time of the impact, I went into a coma. The whole time I was in my coma, I saw my relatives and still remember on which side of my intensive-care bed they were standing while they waited to talk to me. I saw the colors, green and white, that the room was decorated in, and I saw the clothes the doctors were wearing, but I can't put these observations into an exact time frame. The whole time I felt totally secure, holding those hands. I was observing the people in my hospital room not from my bed where my physical body was lying, but from somewhere high above them.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal , everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)? Yes. I could see people far away - I saw what they were doing without them knowing it.  I observed everything from above, but also, I could sense what was going on inside people. I could tell what they were feeling and thinking.  Everything was more bright and more clear than normal, and the meaning of what was happening was totally clear, without my thinking about it or having to ask why things were happening the way they were.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)? Yes. After watching the people from above, I found I could hear them also, without them knowing it. I could hear them talking about "what we should eat for dinner," and also, some wild discussions. It seemed that I was able to hear everything and also see everything in one moment, all at the same time.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Uncertain.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?     Peace, warmth, incredible relief, protection, lightness, freedom, no need for anything, arriving to find my home again, love, happiness.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?      Uncertain. I had to go through somewhere - it seemed that I traveled through several worlds before I arrived in heaven and found those hands which seemed to be coming out of the clouds.

Did you see a light?   Yes

Did you meet other or see other beings?   No
       
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes. I ask my mother, on which side from my bed she was standing during my coma, and I was right!  I ask her further what part of my body she had been touching at that time (it was my hand and my tibia). Later on at home she touched me again the same way, and I told her I knew these were exactly the same points that she had touched before while I was in my coma. 

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?   Yes. It was - as I understand today - Heaven. In any case it was the way we see Heaven or imagine Heaven to be. The way I saw it was this: Every soul of someone who had died had their own place on their own cloud and it was only for them. Nobody else could enter their space on their own cloud.  And in Heaven there existed only peace – there were no fights – and there was room for everyone. On those clouds you could travel – or those beings who had died could travel – and observe mankind from above.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?    Yes. In that place there exists no time and no space the way we think of them. There are no clocks or any rhythm. Everything happens at the same time and is never-ending.

Did you reach a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?      Yes. I could see and feel everything regarding other people, and I knew what was going to happen in the future. I had endless knowledge about things in the Universe. But I had to leave there and lost all that.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes. My boundary was those hands that little by little caused me to loosen my grip on theirs and the voice that said, "You have to go back."

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  Yes. I could feel the feelings of other people I didn't know. I could feel, for example, if a man sitting in a car in front of me had a heart problem, or if someone near me was feeling very badly.

Have you shared this experience with others? Yes. Over a long time period of time, and/or with people who lived a distance from me.  Their reaction usually was to suggest I was imagining things.  So I stopped speaking about my experience and just thought about it by myself. After a time it seemed to become smaller and less important to me.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No       

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:     Right after it happened, I thought that the experience was probably not real. I believed it had been an illusion caused by my serious brain-injury.  At that time the brain injury did cause me to have some problems distinguishing between memories and thoughts, so I was confused about this one. 
     
How do you currently view the reality of your experience?   Now I'm definitely sure that my experience was real. Those emotions, impressions, visions, that I had - these cannot be made up or invented by a person, even in cases of brain injury such as I had.  Neurological trauma does not produce such experiences.  Even today, three years after my accident, I have a strong remembrance of everything which I saw, heard and felt during each moment.  I remember that longing pain and my desperation, when, during my coma, I was in that wonderful light in Heaven, and then found I had to leave, that I was not going to be allowed to stay.  If it were just an brain-illusion caused by my injury, why would I feel such a strong pain after coming out of my coma just looking up in the sky and seeing clouds? These visions are still in my heart, just the way they actually happened and they are unforgettable.

Have your relationships changed as a result of your experience? Yes. My relationship to strangers is totally changed. I see strangers in another light, I'm not so trustful now. I have made some very hard decisions about deep personal relationships and superficial acquaintances, which I don't like anymore. The deepest relationship I have now is to nature and the natural world.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?     Yes.     I have now a deep spiritual faith, a faith in the Universe. For most people, there is little understanding of the human spirit, of  eternity and of the arrival at that other life when we die. Faith in these things that are higher nature is difficult to communicate because they are not easily described using words. The truth has no name, it is simple, but only people who have had this experience know what it is, because they have felt it.

Following the experience, have you any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain. I got thirteen intravenous infusions of intensive medications to lengthen my coma in a artificial deep sleep to allow me to heal.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience? I like to share my experience in order to allow other people to gain a greater understanding and sense that there exist  things other than what we perceive on the Earth. Even though I can't explain my experiences in such a way that people will just believe me, my trying to can let people know that other people who have gone through NDEs are not "crazy," "superstitious," or "just imagining things." When enough of us are all saying similar things about this next dimension, people will start to get the message that there really is a life after our Earthly death. More people will be accepting of the message, and that will encourage other people who have had NDEs to talk about them.  I needed many months before I was able to talk about mine. Today I share it gladly and I like to talk about it in as much detail as I can.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes.

Are there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Questions about timing are hard to describe, because I was in a coma for a long time, and, although many things happened, I have no idea at what time they occurred.  I can describe things I've seen or felt, but not at what time or in what order they happened.