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Michelle M's NDE

Experience description: 

I saw the car coming, put my hand out and screamed NO.  Then there was nothing.  Nothing... a void of .. nothing.  Then...

There was light, and a white being that said, "You were in an accident."  I remember thinking, 'Is this an angel?'  And I felt knew that Angel wasn't the word for this being.  The being was kind and loving.  I felt no fear, and I understood that my life was over.  At first I felt such overwhelming sadness and compassion. But then, there was such love and understanding, my life being over was ok, and felt detached from life.

Then, there were others there, although I didn't recognize them as people I'd known in life, they were more like family who were waiting for me, I knew who they were and there was such joy, happiness, compassion.

There was such beauty, beautiful beyond expression.  There was also a bright city or something like a city in the distance.  The colors and structures of everything was beautiful.. awesome.

I asked questions about life, and there were answers.. but there wasn't really any speaking, it was more of an understanding between us.  Such understanding of life, God.. all that is. I remember It was like I was being re-introduced .. or awakening after a hard sleep.  I thought questions and the understanding would come.   This is hard to explain, I guess the best way to even express this is to make an analogy...  It's like when you travel, you are staying in a motel, a strange bed, strange room and then you wake up in the middle of the night and don't know where you are.. it takes you a few minutes to realize and remember where you are.  That is the feeling I felt on the other side.  I was remembering and it felt so good to be there and to understand, to know .. it was home, where I really lived. 

And then, I saw/felt my whole life.  And I felt pleasant, at peace, good about my life.  Felt compassion, love, understanding,  for myself and for all the people and things in my life experience-  I saw all of it and felt all of the emotions everything and everyone everything around me.

I felt an understanding about life, what it was, is.  As if it was a dream in itself.  It's so very hard to explain this part. I'll try, but my words limit the fullness of it.  I don't have the words here, but I understood that it really didn't matter what happened in the life experience, I knew/understood that it was intense, brief, but when we were in it, it seemed like forever. I understood that whatever happened in life, I was really ok, and so were the others here.  I remember understanding the others here.. as if the others here were a part of me too.  As if all of it was just a vast expression of me.  But it wasn't just me, it was .. gosh this is so hard to explain.. it was as if we were all the same.  As if consciousness were like a huge being.  The easiest way to explain it would be like all things are all different parts of the same body.. so to speak.   

There was profound love, profound overwhelming love and compassion.  Then I remembered my children.    It is as if I turned one last time to look at my life. I thought of my three children. I have twin sons, and I saw their life, saw their future.  I felt all was good and pleasant, they were going to enjoy their lives.  They were going to have a good life.  I Felt such love and compassion.  I have a daughter and I saw her life.  I saw that she would need someone in her life.  Awful things were going to happen to her.  And I felt fear for her and guilt for not being there for her.  She would need me.

I understood, knew.. that regardless what happened in the life experience, we were all ok.. it was all temporary.  I also understood that I was still attached to the life experience.  With this attachment to the life experience, I understood I was not finished with the life experience.

Then there were two beautiful Men and we were traveling, I saw the beauty of the Earth, stunning beauty, saw the universe.. the universe infinite.. I felt at total peace. 

Then I remember feeling horrible pain and everything was thick...thick... don't know how to explain this, except I was back in this life in the emergency room.  I couldn't remember my name, didn't know where I was.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?
            When the the people were around me and I was understanding/knowing.  And when I understood I was still attached to this life.

Was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience different from normal every day consciousness and alertness?
            Yes!  It was a fullness.  It's like in this life, we have veils between us and everything else!

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?            Yes,             It was full!  As If I could see everywhere!

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?            Uncertain
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?            Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?
            The most profound and lasting.. constant emotion was love.. flowing from me and to me.  But I also felt sadness and leaving life.  I felt regret, guilt at leaving life.  But more than anything and I can't express this clearly.. but love was the foundation the flowing of all, in all.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?            Yes
            It was more like stepping out of one thing into another.  There was darkness, and then a focus of light, it was more like stepping out of a dark room into a light room.  When I saw the being of light, the darkness was gone and I moved into that place of awesome beauty and profound love.. a place of light.

Did you see a light?            Yes
            There was nothing.. a huge void of nothing, except black.  The Being was there in the darkness.. the Being was light.  Also it was as if a bright light was being shone on my closed eyes, when I looked, I saw the Being of light.

Did you meet or see any other beings?            Yes
            The other beings.. people were surrounding me in this beautiful world/reality/place.  I knew them, but did not recognize them from this life.  They communicated love, compassion, joy, welcoming at my being there again. I think they were a part of the flowing of the understanding/knowing.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?            Yes
            Yes.  I learned that I was a beautiful spirit/being.  I learned that we are all connected, all things are connected.  I learned a lot of things I don't have words for.  I learned that it's ok, we're all ok, we are going to be ok.   I've learned to love and appreciate, to be compassionate.   I could write a book!  ha-ha.  I have relaxed about life, since this experience.  I am not afraid of death, and I'm happier than I've ever been before.  It changed my life to a deeper appreciation and enjoyment, and the focus of love.. giving it and accepting it gently.  I've learned a deeper compassion.  So much!!

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?            Yes
            Since the experience, my daughter had life crisis.  I have been by her side and she has made it through the experience.  She would have otherwise committed suicide.

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Yes
            I mentioned this in the overview.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?            Yes
            Time had no meaning.  So much happened, there is no way it would fit in the 45 minutes before the ambulance arrived and I was taken to the hospital.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?            Yes
            I wrote about it in my account above.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?            Yes
            I could see the difference between where I was and the life experience. I was also not allowed to go any further.

Did you become aware of future events?            Yes,             It was pretty much exact.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?            Yes
            It has been as if what I place my awareness on, manifests.  I've also had countless experiences of esp, an aware nesses of things.

Have you shared this experience with others?            Yes
            2 months...My husband didn't believe me.  My Mother didn't believe me.  They both cut me off before I could tell them the fullness of it.   I have told others, including some friends who were in the process of dying.  They were more peaceful about dying.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?            Uncertain
            My father used to tell the story of his brother (whom I'd never met).  His brother Jim died and came back to life.  Dad said Jim spoke about the colors, and about how his life was shown to him on a big spinning wheel.  Jim would spin the wheel and it would land on a place in his life. Jim spoke of Jesus being there.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?
            Yes.  All of it.. it changed my life.

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:
            Experience was definitely real
            I was very aware of diving back into the 'thick pea soup' of life, and felt it was important that I say involved with the drama of life around me.  I don't have words for it.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:
            Experience was definitely real
            Although some of the details are not as clear as they were, I know what I experienced was real.  More real than this life.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?            Yes
My whole life changed.  I am relaxed about life, have been able to deal with experiences with love as the focus, and I'm not afraid of anything.  There is a peace and a gentleness, a  love and a compassion that was born in me that night of the accident.  And a gratitude for this awesome experience of life.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?           
Yes, I've learned about unconditional love, and I've let go of the thought of a 'God'.  I believe now that all things are an aspect and an expression of the sacred one. It's more universal.  I don't worship a God or Deity, I've expanded my concept of Deity.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?            Yes
            Fleeting moments in TM meditation, or in dreams.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?
It changed my life, and has effected my children's lives and everyone who knows me.  I am grateful and more relaxed about life.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?            Uncertain
            In the radio buttons, I think you were generalizing, and with that generalization some information could not be expressed.

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire:
            Some of the radio buttons make it either or.. they limit the expressions. 

like:  Did you feel a separateness from your physical body.  When I was having my experience, I felt connected to everything.  The physical body I knew, wasn't real in that place.  So the radio buttons were limiting the answer.  I suggest that there be a place for writing after every radio button.