EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:
I was cramping and bleeding. I was in my first trimester and was scared. My
husband wasn't home at first. When he came home, I told him how badly I was
hurting and he saw the blood. He bundled me up and took me to the emergency
room. We we're not more than 5 minutes away. I remember the horrific pain and
being scared. So much blood! Then I was on a table and the nurses we're
scrambling around. I remember looking around..I KNOW my eyes were open, but
things got dimmer, and darker and soon it was just black. But I could hear
everything going on around me. The pain left. I could hear the Dr. screaming,
"Order 5 units!" I remember thinking so calmly, "Oh, is this what its like to
die?" I could "feel" myself...I
don't know how to describe it....but "me" pulling up towards my head and
shoulders and starting to float up. I remember "thinking" ...."This is easy...so
easy." Then everything stopped, I opened my eyes again and could see and hear
all the noise and the lights as they wheeled me down the hall and into emergency
operating room. I remember them draping me. Then, an IV and a funny taste in my
mouth and my chest feeling like a ton of bricks hitting it, and then nothing.
Blank. When I woke up in recovery, I remember the nurse saying " You gave us
quite the scare."
I never could get much information about what happened
exactly, excepting something about a problem with the anesthesia.
My own doctor was out of town and I do not recall who the Dr was that
attended me. I remember later feeling badly that I didn't get to "see the light"
and that I didn't even think of my little one year old daughter that I would
have left behind. I have not reconciled that part yet...not being concerned
about her.
At the time of your experience was there an
associated life-threatening event?
Yes
I was hemorrhaging profusely during a
miscarriage. I recall the doctor screaming for 5 units of blood.
Was
the experience difficult to express in words?
Yes
No one wanted to hear about this. It was
SO personal, but yet I wanted everyone to know..."Hey!
We stay US...we stay our personality after (or near) death." Yet, words
don't adequately express it. The "me" that makes "me" goes on...I could "feel"
it moving up towards my shoulders and head. I knew something was changing, and I
was not the lease afraid. (Looking at the next question regarding thoughts
speeding up....I don't know. I don't feel like they were. Everything thought
still felt the same. I was not aware of speed or time.)
At what time during the
experience were you at your highest level of
consciousness and
alertness?
When everything got dim, and black. The
pain had left and I started feeling "me" pulling up towards my head area.
How
did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience
compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?
More consciousness and alertness
than normal
I couldn't see, but I felt very
aware....hard to explain. I knew that the "me" that made me...was separating. I
wasn't groggy, sleepy...hard to explain. Different.
Please compare your vision during the experience to
your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the
experience.
I couldn't see anything....everything got dimmer and
dimmer. I knew I was going. I was starting to leave.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to
your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the
experience.
I could hear
everything. The Doctor yelling at the nurses, and commotion with the gurney, all
the confusion in the room. it almost seemed amplified.
Did you see or hear any earthly events that were
occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your
physical / earthly body?
No
What
emotions did you feel during the experience?
Calm, wonder: Oh this is what its like. Peaceful, no worries.
Did
you pass into or through a tunnel?
No
Did
you see an unearthly light?
No
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or
presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?
No
Did
you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who
are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?
No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or
alive) beings?
No
Did you become aware of past events in your life
during your experience?
No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?
No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down?
Everything
seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
I had no sense of time at all.
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?
No
Did
you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?
No
Did you come to a border or point of no return?
No
Did scenes from the future come to you?
No
During your experience, did you encounter any
specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not)
continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?
Uncertain
No specific information, just the
awareness...because I was experiencing it. I knew I was going, dying, and knew
the "me" was separating.
During your experience, did you encounter any
specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or
does not) exist?
Uncertain
Nothing specific...just
a "knowing", like an understanding...a "matter of fact".
During your experience, did you encounter any
specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to
this lifetime?
No
During your experience, did you encounter any
specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or
unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?
No
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness
regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?
No
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness
regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?
No
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness
regarding love?
No
During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information /
awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living
our earthly lives?
No
Did
you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?
No
What
occurred during your experience included:
Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the
beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Well, I was aware of NDEs and had read about
them. So, when my experience stopped short of a tunnel and light, I was upset. I
felt cheated. (Go figure...I survive this and I felt cheated!)
I felt conflicted too. I should be happy to be alive, but I wanted to
experience the Light. I'm supposing the medical intervention stopped that, but I
know at least what I did experience was real.
How
accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events
that occurred around the time of the experience?
I remember the experience more
accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the
experience
I don't not recall events clearly leading
up to the event or afterwards as clearly. Some of it is jumbled up. But the
event itself is etched in my being. Its very, very clear.
Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life
after your experience:
I "know" we
are here for a reason. How do I "know" this? I can't tell you, I just do.
Everything happens for a reason. Even tragedies. I've thought often about it,
and the best I can come up with is that if we all lived in a Utopia, we would
never learn the lessons of compassion. That is as close as I've been able to
come to reasoning it.
My experience directly resulted in:
Large changes in my life
Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that
occurred as a result of the experience?
Yes
We are all lead to be more
spiritual...because that is the REAL us. Each person needs to find the vehicle
that best helps them achieve that. While I don't ascribe to certain "doctrines"
in conservative Christianity (sins of homosexuality, for instance), the worship
and prayer life in my Orthodox Faith helps me sustain my humility, values, and
pathway to God. For someone else it may be Buddhism. The greatest measure of our
success is our generosity, humility and compassion for others.
Are
there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or
significant to you?
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other
special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?
No
Have you ever shared this experience with others?
Yes
Almost immediate.
No one believed me. They said it was the anesthesia.
They didn't listen. (This happened before any anesthesia!)...family
patronized me. Others said, "If you have Faith, you don't need proof of the
afterlife." They didn't get it. Not at all.
Did
you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?
Yes
I had read Raymond Moody's books, and my
(then) husband was doing a dissertation on NDE's. So everyone just chucked it up
to that. My knowing about the tunnel and light made me more upset that I didn't
get to experience that. Now I have a better perspective and understanding.
What
did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks)
after it happened:
Experience was
definitely real
It remained the same, regardless of what
others thought. I just kept it to myself after a while. I've only shared it a
few other times with people, and its not always received well. Haven't talked
about it in years now.
What
do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:
Experience was definitely real
The clarity of it has not dimmed. Not one
bit.
Have your relationships changed
specifically as a result of your experience?
Uncertain
I'm less
judgmental. That's become more so in recent years too.
Have your religious
beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?
Yes
I felt more
spiritual. God is experienced by those in the context they can understand. I
don't really know why I came away with this conviction, but its grown stronger
as the years have passed.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the
experience?
Uncertain
Many years previous to this, I was getting
off the school bus and started across the front of it and across the
intersection. I could hear the screech of brakes and I could smell the burned
rubber. Some(one)(thing) pulled me back and I was not hit. My girlfriend was
several steps behind me and saw nothing but me sort of hopping back (but it had
to have been 3 feet or more!). I felt the pull of my whole being pulled
backwards. I knew my Guardian Angel did this. I remember looking up at the bus
driver and he just had this astonished look on his face, then checked the
intersection again and waved me across. That experience is just as real to me
today as it was over 40 years ago.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about
your experience?
No one will
convince me that it was not real.
Did the questions asked and information that you
provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?
Yes
What could a national organization
with an interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of interest to
you?
I would be interesting in other's experiences
that we "abbreviated" like mine. How common are they and are they the result of
medical intervention.
