Matthew L Probable NDE
There was no sound. No movement. I was frozen in time, in the moment. I had no pain, just a feeling of astonishment. It felt as if someone was holding me up in that river, keeping me afloat. I felt love, and friendship. Then there was this booming, loud voice. It said," you can sit up and fight to live, or you can lay back and die." There was no judgment in the voice, no right or wrong answer. For me, I know what the answer was immediately, because I was young, and there were things left for me to do in life. So I chose to live, and at that moment, I was thrown back forcibly into life, violently. I had no breath in my lung, for the other one was punctured. I struggled to breath. I struggled for well over a minute to get air into my lungs, and when I was about to pass out, breath came flowing into my lung. Then I knew that I had a fighting chance to live. My leg was floating at the wrong angle, my right leg I could not move, and I thought that my legs were paralyzed. I could not move my left arm, and only my right arm was working. So with my right arm I slowing made my way bobbing through the river over to the bank. As best I could, I dragged myself up onto the bank, but my lower half of my body was still in the water, and I was very cold. My doctor later told me that I had lost over half of my blood, but that my severed vein had pulled in some river water to compensate for the lost blood.
Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes It was the feeling of friendliness, of love. There was no right or wrong answer, no judgment. I felt enveloped, like something was holding me. It is hard to express what I saw. What I heard was as clear as a bell.
At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? Yes I was racing on the freeway at 130 mph, and as I banked into an off ramp, I lost control. It was more of a transition than an off ramp, because I did not slow at all, although I was going faster than I thought. The seconds leading up to the event were very slow. Each second seemed like a minute, like the shutters in a camera were going, and each moment the shutters opened and closed, there was a picture of what was happening. I tried to break, but it stood the motorcycle straight up, when I should have been at a 45 degree angle for the curve. The next second I saw the concrete guardrail with the metal rounded poles that went along horizontally along the top of the concrete barrier. The next second I saw the trees on the other side of the river, and I thought that they would cut me in half as I sailed through the air towards them.
The next second was a thought. Do I lift myself up off my bike and sail through space towards the trees, which will certainly cut me in half, or do I stay on the bike and die from a head injury and road rash? I decided to lift myself up off my motorcycle, and once that happened, time sped up again. I noticed the impact and then all I saw was black and yellow, black and yellow, and black and yellow. The Doctors who were at the country club saw the accident, and described me as somersaulting through the air. They arrived about 5 minutes after the accident, and they were the first people to get to me. It was difficult for them because they had to get down a steep ravine, get over a freeway fence, and get across the river. For me, the black and yellow made sense as the g forces I was pulling must have been intense. I do remember just letting go, letting my body just go limp after I hit.
Then I noticed
my body skipping across the top of the water, or something like that. It felt
like when you lost control on water skis or a Sea doo watercraft, that sensation
of wrecking and wiping out. That is the sensation that I had. Then suddenly I
came to a stop. This is where I will go to #3, because this is now the start of
my experience. I did not know the extent of my injuries, because I was not
medically oriented at the time. My left leg was completely severed from about
the knee, which means that my artery in my leg was pumping out a lot of blood.
since my vein was also severed, I was pulling in river water at the same time,
which helped me in the moment, but a week later caused me sepsis, and I spent 2
months in the SICU at OSU University Hospital. The only thing that held on my
leg was the hamstring muscle. The top of the Tibia had broken off, and the
bottom of the femur had broken off, so there was no "knee" left. My left arm as
a mess, and in about 20 minutes would have no pulse. My left lung was punctured,
and 3 of my ribs were broken. My gall bladder was also perforated, but they did
not find this until 1 1/2 months later, when I was again at death's door. As I
was sitting in the middle of the river, there was no sound, no movement, nothing
but silence. Now I will go to #3.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I felt that after I had landed in the water, that I had never lost consciousness after that point. The experience and life were intertwined in the experience, and while separate, they seemed to be one. It was like everything I went through I was watching, and at the same time I was experiencing that as well. I felt that when God was talking to me, that was the time in my life when I felt love like I had never felt it before, like everything was going to be alright. It was very hard to leave that moment.
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal
If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain: I felt that after I had landed in the water, that I had never lost consciousness after that point. The experience and life were intertwined in the experience, and while separate, they seemed to be one. It was like everything I went through I was watching, and at the same time I was experiencing that as well. I felt that when God was talking to me, that was the time in my life when I felt love like I had never felt it before, like everything was going to be alright. It was very hard to leave that moment.
Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)? Yes Things were much brighter, but in a way in which I was seeing with sound. Seeing with sonar vision, everything was bright, and I was caught up into this, but at the same time, I recognized the things around me, the trees, the river water, the rocks. I was not just seeing them, it's like I was a part of them. In a way that your arm is a part of your body, but you don't always notice that it's there. It was that type of experience. I did not have the whole tunnel vision white light thing going on, it was somehow deeper, and it was the most moving thing that has ever happened to me. Things were transparent. They are there, but you don't notice them, it's like you see through them.
Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
Yes There was no sound from the environment, just the booming voice giving me the choice to "sit up and fight to live, or lay back and die." The voice was very loud, but very calming. I was very focused on it, and it on me. I felt like I was the only person in the world, and it was talking directly to me. how insignificant am I, yet here is God talking only to me. It was incredibly moving. It was a voice that if I hear it, I shall know it again.
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Uncertain
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love, compassion, friendliness. I felt as if there were no problems, including the accident.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure? No
Did you see a light? Uncertain Things were brighter, auras.
Did you meet or see any other beings? Uncertain A being was speaking to me, and I believe it was God. He told me that I could "sit up and fight to live, or lay back and die." There was no judgment, no right or wrong answer. It was what it was.
Did you experience a review of past events in your life? No
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No
Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions? No
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Yes Time stopped, stood still, and I'm not sure how long it lasted. Looking back on it, it seemed to last for quite a while. Once I had answered the question posed to me on whether to sit up and fight to live, or lay back and die, once answered, everything sped up extremely fast, as if time had not stopped at all. I see in the next question that it is asking if time sped up. For me it stopped. Now that could be described as what happened to me happened extremely fast, or very slow. I know for me, it happened slowly, in the moment, but once out of the moment, everything came crashing back down. So I'm not sure how to answer the next question, #27.
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Yes It confirmed that God does exists, and that death is nothing to be feared, as long as your ducks are all in a row. We are on earth for a purpose, and that purpose is a learning purpose, to prepare us for the life to come. We must make it completely through this life, and experience everything to ensure that we make it through to the next life, and are prepared for it.
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No I knew that if I chose to die, that it was it. There was no going back. Death is permanent, that is what I got out of it. That is why I chose life, because I knew that death was not ready for me, nor I for it. In death, we are returned to someplace familiar. I have a feeling that God has known us for a very long time, as if we were once in heaven with him. This conflicts with the teachings of Christianity, which is why I do not knock other religions, but I do try to get them to see why Christ Jesus was sent to us, and why he died for us. Death is not the end, just another beginning.
Did you become aware of future events? No
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience? Uncertain I was never any good at school, but when I went to college, I did very well. The reason I had never gone to college is because I thought that I would not do well at college.
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes Some as soon after I got out of the hospital, others spread out over time.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened: Experience was definitely real ON the short term, I was able to relate it to my grandmother, who is the strongest Christian that I know, and she helped organize prayer chains around the country for me. She was the only one I confided in at first, because after that I was fighting for my life, and then everything went wrong with the sepsis.
Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you? When God talked to me, and the feeling that he imparted to me, that was extremely significant, it reinforced my beliefs.
How do you currently view the reality of your experience: Experience was definitely real I had an experience that was definitely real, but that people will have a hard time believing in this day and age. I know that God is real, and I know the difference between your conscious talking to you and someone else. The voice I heard was not my own, and it happened in the middle of that river, where there was no one else. I can't explain why I was so conscious, and I can't explain my feeling that I had at the time other than the fact that an other worldly experience happened to me, and that is the only explanation that I have for what happened to me.
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes I have become a stronger Christian, and it may have put off my parents, and most of my friends vanished after that, which relates to my relating my experience to them, and their inability to grasp what that was. My life did not change significantly in what I did. I still rode motorcycles and did things like that. Spiritually I was stronger. There have been highs and some low lows since then, even thoughts of suicide, but I know that is not really an option, but the pain that I have is driving me to desperation. I know that I would never do that, but I'm running out of coping mechanisms of dealing with my pain.
Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes At first, yes. I was stronger and more alive, and knew that God saved my life. Then I entered a period of college where I did not go to church, then after I had a job for several years, I started back to church, and my experience has been mostly positive since then, except for this pain. Even through this pain, I have felt close to God, like this was a test of sorts. I feel that the closer that I get to God and Jesus, the more trials that I will face.
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience? No.
Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes Everything that I have told you is exactly how it happened. It was such a significant event that it imprinted on my memory and has not changed in 17 years. The questions where the right ones to ask, and I do not know how else to describe what happened to me, other than death is not something to fear, but when the time comes, you will know the right answer.