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Mary H NDE

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

 Please let me explain my circumstances upon waking up from the coma first hand. It took me a day or two to remember my experience.

I lost the week before my car accident, and the next thing I know, I woke up in the hospital, and I felt like it was the middle of the night. I was in so much unspeakable pain, and I was soooooo thirsty. They said ‘Welcome back Mary, you are in the hospital, and you were in a very bad wreck.’ The first thing I did, was try to jump up, but of course couldn't (I had a broken back, an external pelvic fixator sticking out of my hips, I had a tracheotomy in, and had a gaping huge wound down my abdomen because they couldn't sew me up, because I was so swollen), and frantically squeaked out my voice, which said ‘My son!!!’, and they said ‘No no! Your son was not in the car, he is fine!’. After that, I was so relieved, and just focused upon my thirst, They said I couldn't have any water because I was very sick (I ended up contracting MRSA, and Pneumonia three times, had some severe pneumonia when I woke up..They sucked the lung fluid out my trach when I couldn't breathe, for a week). I remember being so very angry they wouldn't give me any water. That thirst was the bowels of hell. They eventually gave me little wet pink spongy things on sticks, and I sucked as much water as I could out, and I went out again. I woke up the next day, in daylight, and my family was there. They said I wasn't right in my head for two weeks. They said I talked like a child.  I remember wondering if I really did die, but was in hell, in the form of a hospital. I was not right in my head for at least two weeks after waking up. I couldn't focus, not only in my head, but in my vision as well. I couldn't read, focus, write, or draw. I was suffering delusions the first few days (I thought my mom died, I had thought they told me that, the hospital staff, and I was so scared and sad, until I saw her in the flesh that day, I was ever so relieved)...

So finally, after about a couple of days, I was getting back to normal in my head, very minimally, and all I could think of was what I experienced:  

I was floating in complete darkness. I knew I wasn't where I used to be (earth), and I instantly realized it had been a long time where I came from (earth), but a severely short time where I was at. Like if you would compare the two lengths of time, they were the same, but different...If that makes sense. Like one minute, where I was at (complete darkness, kind of like floating in outer space)was equal to like a week, where I came from. Kind of like switching American dollars to denominations from other countries, like a foreign currency exchange, is the only way I could contemplate, or explain, the concept of time where I was at. Anyways, the time difference was the first thing I remember thinking. Then I remember wondering where I was at.  

I felt like I was naked, floating in the middle of outer space, in pitch black darkness, but even though I couldn't see, and even though it was complete darkness all around, I knew, and felt a bright white light, encompassing my whole body, in which was floating in the fetal position. It was like I could see the light trough my closed eyelids. During this realization, I was a teeny bit scared, due to myself thinking, this isn't right, but they way I felt, felt like nothing I had ever, ever experienced before. It was like the best feeling you could ever think of on earth, intensified by a trillion. A voice said, (and I can't remember hearing it, I can't remember if I heard it auditorily, or mentally), but a voice, a female voice said ‘You have to go back’. I said, ‘I don't want to go back’, and then I remember her saying it, and I heard it through my ears. And she said it louder, and sternly. And that's all I remember. I did not experience a tunnel, rising over my body in the hospital, no life review's, no deceased relatives..(but I don't really know anyone who has died).....I didn't have the typical experience, but I know for a fact, I had it. I felt it. I know it is real. And I know for a fact, God exists, and the spirit lives on, and when the spirit comes home, it's better than any joy that can be perceived in this place we reside, Earth."         "It seemed as if my experience was only a moment, here on earth, but during the experience, when I was on the other side, I can't necessarily say how long the whole thing was, due to time not existing there, but if compared to earth time, in terms of hours or minutes, Id say it was perhaps an hour or so? I was at the highest level of consciousness during the whole experience. There wasn't a time when I wasn't. The only thing unenlightening about it, was myself thinking ‘Wait a minute, this isn't right....’ But those thoughts were quickly overshadowed and forgotten by the pure bliss and wonderful, utmost forever wonderful, feeling I was feeling.

 At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   Yes  I had had a rough nine months, after my young son turned 1 year, 4 months. I felt unhappy with my son's father, and I went back to my old ways of drinking, smoking, and, to be blunt, drunken mistakes of sexuality (one night stands), so my son's father and I split up. I was very depressed and my family hated me, it seemed, and I didn't have my son on a daily anymore, and everything was pretty bad for me, mentally. Nine months after the split, (I had to leave school and get a job because he left) my warehouse job fired me for a positive marijuana urinalysis. I was depressed severely so I met a friend at a bar I frequented, who wasn't someone who was really a friend, more of a fellow alcoholic, and he left me at the bar that night. I remember nothing of that night, except for the bartender saying we had five minutes to smoke a cigarette inside, before midnight, since the anti-smoking law was to take place on July 1st, 2006. That's all I remember of that night, that one snippet. But apparently I got drunk with strangers, whom put me in MY brand new car, in the passenger seat, and they were taking me to who knows where, and the driver flipped the car three times in the air at 68 mph, and the car landed on its side, my side, with such force, that it severely fractured my hips, broke my back, ruptured my diaphragm, collapsed my lungs, lacerated my liver, ripped apart my small and large intestine, and bruised my kidneys and bladder. Everything in my torso was damaged, except my heart. Even though we had wrecked in the middle of nowhere, there was a sole house, that heard the crash. They called 911 immediately. I died instantly, I was told, and was dead when they arrived five minutes later, and was resuscitated and airlifted to St. Anthony's Hospital, as a trauma ten. In emergency surgery I died a second time. They said it was a miracle I survived, from all my internal injuries and bleeding. I suffered a TBI as well, in which I struggled with for many years afterwards. I was in a coma for the next two months after my wreck, and spent a total of four months in the hospital, one of those months, the last month, in a rehabilitation hospital. I was supposed to be paralyzed, but wasn't.

 Was the experience difficult to express in words?  I still can't explain the above thoroughly. You just can't. The feeling of God, is not meant to be put into words, nor could it ever be.     Faster than usual

 At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

 How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      I was not shown the wonders of the world, all knowledge, or a life review, as mentioned in the book, but I remember the feeling. That feeling, like I am sure many others have stated, is indescribable. Seeing your child for the first time after birth, climbing a mountain, hitting a jackpot on a slot machine, solving a major problem, appreciating beauty, the best day of your life, the feeling of ‘over there’ is a billion times better than any of that.   Yes

 Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   I am not completely sure if the female voice, whom I never saw who it came from, first spoke to me in words. I cant remember if it was auditory. But I knew her second command was auditory, I heard in my ears, like she was about to yell at me, if I didn't go back. She only had to tell me twice, before she got mad. I felt like I didn't want to make her mad, whomever she was. I felt like she was getting mad at me because I wasn't listening, because I wanted to stay. I think when she first communicated, it was in my head, when I first heard her speak, in my mind.

 Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   I lost awareness of my body

 Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?      I felt confused at first, but I just went with it, for there was nothing else I could do. It was what it was. But I felt purely awesome. That feeling, was better than any drug on earth. I just felt great. An indescribable, eternal, never ending, awesome, greatness. I knew that back on earth, I didn't feel good at all. I actually never really felt too good my whole life, mentally. I lived my life feeling as if I was just here to get it done and over with. I don't feel that way anymore.

 What emotions did you feel during the experience?   Incredible peace or pleasantness  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?      Yes

 Did you see an unearthly light?   I didn't have my eyes open, but it was there, I could see it through closed eyelids, and felt it.   An unusually bright light

 Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   She told me I had to go back. I said ‘No, I do not want to go back’ To be specific, being a pessimistic manic depressive, I actually remember saying, and excuse the specific's, But I said, ‘Na, fuck that!, I wanna stay here’, and after that, she said it again, this time auditorily, and it was stern, kind of on the verge of a yell....I listened the second time. And I don't remember nothing after that, except them waking me up in the hospital.
No

 Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   God goes by many names. And since I never knew him personally in my previous life before the NDE, or in any organized religion, all I can say is yes, I encountered God. I can't say he spoke to me personally, because he didn't, but I felt him, and knew he was there. He encompassed me. That's the only way I can describe it.   Uncertain

 Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   I did not run into anyone I knew, or should have known, on the other side, to my knowledge. I just heard the one female voice, but I never saw her. I don't know who she was.   Uncertain

 Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   I did not receive a ‘life review’, as described in the book, But I did have a sense of discontent. A little unease for a split of a split second like I had done something bad, for a second, but I forgot about it, due to the wonderfulness of the feeling.   No

 Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   The best I can describe it, is like that scene in some stoner movies, where a fetus is floating in outer space inside a placenta, around the planets, a typical hallucination of people on LSD, from the seventies??....That's the only thing I can compare it to. I was floating in pitch black outer space, with nothing and everything all around me, in the fetal position, naked, neither hot nor cold, nor no thought of temperature at all, at first questioning what was going on for a split second, then going with the feeling of greatness and superb bliss.
 Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual

 Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   Like I had stated before, that was one of the first things I was thinking of, when questioning what was going on. I knew that a minute where I was at, was like a week or two, back where I came from. I knew my sudden ‘couple of minutes’ of what I was experiencing,  was a looong time, a few weeks had past, where I came from. So a couple of ‘minutes’ was two/three weeks, back on earth. It was like sudden knowledge. No one had ever told me such things like this, but as soon as I thought of time, which was the first thing I remember thinking of, I automatically knew, it had been a long time back on earth. But when I was thinking of it, I didn't think ‘Earth’...That word was never conjured in my head. It was simply ‘where I had come from’, and I knew where I was at, was not where I came from. That was like automatic knowledge as well.
 I felt united or one with the world

 Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   I never was told the secrets of the universe, or never felt as if I knew it all, but I surely did feel like I knew a lot more than I did, back where I came from. And I still feel that way, to this day. I have always been an intelligent person, but I came back spiritually ‘educated’, if you will...
No

 Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   I was just floating in black darkness, with an invisible light all around me. I just had the voice telling me to go back. It wasn't like ‘this side of the line, as opposed to that side’, or anything like that.
No

 Did you come to a border or point of no return?   I can't say I had a line presented upon me with a choice upon crossing it or not. I didn't want to come back, but a woman told me no, and I obliged. And I am glad I did, because my son had just turned two years old, two weeks previous, when this happened. If I stayed, I would have robbed my son of a mother, and that's not right. I truly believe I am here to be an awesome mother to my son, and I always was an awesome mother, but now I am a superb mom of the year, type of mother.
No

 Did scenes from the future come to you?  Even though I did not have any scenes of the future that I can recall in the NDE, I do have to share that a few years after the experience, I was slipping into depression again, since I am permanently, and painfully injured. I stress this may not seem relevant initially, but I promise it is, to me anyways. But I was getting in a down mental state again, about three years after my NDE. I had a dream. I had dreamt I was wading in a cesspool in some outskirts of some depressing, overcast town, trying to get out. I had the notion in my head that something was out to get me, and the dream went on like this for quite awhile. It was like I lived a few days, within the dream, with a feeling of impending doom. Anyways, I was walking down a cobblestone street, in the rain, and I noticed a man in a silver hooded jacket, and I couldn't see his face. He kept following me. I felt he was after me. I got scared and ran...The next thing I know, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around and the man who was following me, was face to face to me. And I got extremely frightened, for this man had no face!!!! Just a gray, smooth, featureless, slate of a face. I screamed, he  grabbed me, an said ‘Shhhhhh!!! Mary!!! It's O.k.!!! Chill out!!’ I calmed down minimally, and turned around, and saw my body laying in an intersection, dead, with two cars collided, with me in between them, with people freaking out and crying, and I instantly got frightened. I said to him ‘I knew you were coming, so I was trying to out run from you, and now look!!!’ He, (The Reaper, with a gray slate for a face)said ‘I know Mary it's frightening at first, but seriously, trust me, it's all good. He said we all have to die. ‘Now I have to take you somewhere’, he stated. I said OK, but only if he swore he was telling the truth. He said he was. I didn't really trust him, and I was ever so frightened. I didn't want to die.  

 He took me to a basement of a huge grand building, and in the basement, of a huge, huge square footage, It was completely pitch black, except for a light off on the other side, looking miles away, it looked like a roaring fire in a fire place, in the distance. He told me that he had to leave me now, and told me to go to the fire. He told me not to be scared. So I walked forever until I got there, and I was pleasantly surprised to see my parents, and my sons father, whom are the people I love most in life, next to my son, although my son wasn't there. I was greeted by hugs, and warmth, and we sat on a cool old Victorian style, burgundy couch. Above the fireplace was a flat screen TV, and we started watching my life, happily, as if looking in an old photo album one has not viewed in twenty years.... then I awoke. I know this was just a dream, but I felt as if it was a reaffirmation of the glories and joys of life, and not to be scared of death, for its a trillion times better in the afterlife, for all, all encompassed in everlasting light and love. To me, this is a somewhat premonition of the future, although not experienced in my NDE. I felt like it was a reminder to keep the up an up, I learned, from my NDE. I hope reading this was not a waste of your time:) But I do feel it is relevant. I felt this was truth, and was something that will happen to me, in the future. 
Yes

 During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   I cannot describe it because I merely felt it. Once I felt it, was when I knew. It was a fact, once I felt it. I know there is an afterlife.   Yes

 During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Once again, God never spoke to me personally, nor did anyone really, except for the woman telling me to go back. But like above, I felt it. And that feeling is revealing in terms of God. Only God can make you feel like that, and he let me feel like that, even though it was only momentarily. I have been a believer since. Especially in my daily life. I observe so many people every single day, whom wear misery on their face's, and complaining about this and that, and getting mad about things that are so small and trivial. I am no longer like that. I am not perfect, and I'm not saying I no longer have experienced anger since, but my temperament and mentality, and problem solving is for sure increased, ten fold.   Yes

 During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   I got affirmation that God is real. Existence after death is real. It's kind of like life is a school, or a trip, or boot camp, that a spirit signs up for, in a way, to further their knowledge. And most of us, will be back, for another round, if we choose.   Yes

 During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   God made it all. Universe and all space around the known universe, that is too far for humans to navigate, at this point in history, to discover....All I can say is God is bigger than anything anyone can think up. He made it all, and loves every one of his creations.   Uncertain

 During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   I just left with the feeling that I need to chill out, and quit all the negativity I have mostly engaged in lifelong. You just need to let go, eventually....Just like death.   Yes

 During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   I kind of feel like my whole life was hardships, so there was no need for that. I did not encounter any such information towards such.   Yes

 During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Once again, it wasn't said, but the specific information/awareness of love, was simply wrapped up in the indescribable bliss I felt from head to toe. It wasn't a love like love on Earth. They follow the same principles, but out of this world love, like what I felt, is like the butterflies in your stomach within a young puppy love relationship, intensified by a trillion. It is anything you can think of, that truly brings a smile to your face, that truly makes you happy, times a trillion.   Yes

 During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   I came back with the unspoken knowledge that we all can better ourselves every single day, and should try our hardest to do so. All the negativity is something that exists here on earth, but it doesn't exist over there. But we all have to do our best, and it isn't just a saying. We all need to strive to be helpful, kind, and non-judgmental....Despite that being a hard endeavor in this day and age, we all still have to try our best.   Yes

 Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   Yes, I felt special that I experienced God, firsthand, even though he never was direct to my attention...I still felt as if I knew him, after that.   Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience

 What occurred during your experience included:   I was a pessimistic manic depressive individual whom felt I had no place here in this world, and I felt like I was waiting around to die. The only time I didn't feel like that was when I got pregnant, and the year after giving birth... Then I felt those negative mindsets again, and then I died twice, from trauma ten trauma, and my life was changed forever. I no longer feel like I am sitting around, waiting to die.   I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience

 How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I only say ‘as accurately’ due to the fact that I remember the NDE, and I remember waking up out of the coma. I will never forget those two experiences. They are both meaningless to describe in spoken word. Because you just can't.   God does not exist

 Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   Moderate changes in my life
My experience directly resulted in:   Yes

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?   I did not believe in God before. I thought, like so many other people, that if there was a God, he would not let all the atrocious and despicable things, that happen on earth, happen! My sister, a month ago, when Colorado Springs was burning down in Colorado, she stated ‘That's why I don't believe in God, because if there is a god, he wouldn't let that happen.’ I responded simply with ‘It has nothing to do with God’. And I left it at that. I said that because it is truth. I tried to explain to her, but I just couldn't...She thinks I'm full of shit anyways...   Uncertain

 Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?   Yes

 Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   I feel like I can be a good judge of character, and also I kind of feel like I am successful at knowing what people are thinking, without them saying it. But I kind of felt like I could do that previously, so I don't know...   What was so meaningful to me, was that God saved me. God let me come back, and healed me. The doctors said they had never seen anyone survive my injuries before. They said they didn't know why I survived, and why I wasn't paralyzed. I even had a doctor tell me he was going to write about me in a medical journal, but I am not informed if that actually happened. Being a miracle is one thing of appreciation for me, but first and foremost, the most significant, is feeling God, and KNOWING he is there.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     Yes

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   I told several people as soon as I could talk. Most looked at me like I was still messed up from coma drugs and trauma. That was the worst, being treated as if I was stupid. I have continued to speak of such to any who will listen, or ask (they all ask when I talk about my car wreck)  Yes

 Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   I have heard of such, and the white light and all that...After actually experiencing it, I am a believer, although mine wasn't the typical NDE, I guess.   Experience was probably real

 What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Once somewhat back in my head, logic and earthly reasoning kicked in. I started telling myself, maybe it was all the drugs they had me on, all the trauma, nutrition through a stomach tube, for two months...All these things were piling up in my head, and for years, I figured it either happened, or it didn't, but I was more on the side of, it indeed did happen. As the years have gone on, I have felt gods presence through signs...Personalized signs, just for me, quite frequently. God and a guardian angel, I am sure, have assured me I am ALWAYS safe, AND ALWAYS taken care of, no matter what.   Experience was definitely real

 What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   You cannot hallucinate, medicate, or make this feeling up. It happened, and I have never felt anything so strong, in such a capacity, I guess you could say. There's just no way of falsifying this. Anyone who has been through it, knows, without speaking a word.   Uncertain

 Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   I have not changed into a perfect person, I was pretty bitter after the wreck, just because the guy who did this to me, plead  not guilty all the way, as if he didn't cause these injuries to me, and was just a total jerk, and because he didn't have a prior record, he only served a month in jail after being sentenced to six. He quit paying me my restitution, my measly 38,000.00 dollars. I was pretty bitter of that. But I just had the sixth year anniversary of my death, and I feel like I'm letting go of all my hate towards the guy who ruined my life, and the numerous other guys who have verbally abused me, physically abused me, and raped me, in my life, and took pretty much everything from me, such as my house, my livelihood, the ability to walk correctly, hold my baby on my hip, my physicality.....I'm starting to let go of the grudges.   Yes

 Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   I still don't practice in any congregation, but I pray in my head before bed every night, and I ask God to keep my family, my parents, my son, and my sons father, and his mother, safe. I imagine the light over me and my loved ones every night, and ask for health and safety, for this world is a very dangerous place. And scary too. Death is nothing compared to living life.   Uncertain

 At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   I wont go into details, for we will be here all day, But god has came to me when I feel like I'm losing it, or when horribly worried about health,(I had a cancer scare, for the second time in my life)God sends me signs, In which I feel to reinforce his presence, no matter what happens...No matter what happens to you, you will be OK.   Being ECG'd back to life, my injuries, my pain, and everything that happened, just in this car wreck alone, nonetheless all the other hard stuff I went through in life, I know eventually, someday, my time will come, and I will be freed from the pain, utterly, and completely, and will be myself, but a million times better, enjoying myself more than I would ever imagine...Someday. I know this for fact.

 Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?   Yes

 Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   I feel all of these questions are specific to find out your research, and I am quite satisfied upon the format of such. I also apologize for answering a question that didn't technically pertain to the answer, but in my head, it did relate to the question, so I apologize if one of my answers was frustrating.   More Data!!! More believers!!!! If everyone was aware of this knowledge, there would be less evil and hate in the world! Instead of trying to convert people to their religions, everyone should be trying to convert people to the fact of life after death, and it has nothing to do with if you sinned, or went to church every Sunday, and so on and so forth. Please offer any suggestions that you may have to improve this questionnaire.  Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience?  

What could a national organization with an interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of interest to you?        I can't think of any more. I think you asked the questions as accurately as one could. These things, are very hard to put into words. Thank you for listening. Most people think I'm full of crap, and reading the book, made me cry tears of joy plenty. It was like an epiphany refreshed, and it felt good to hear so many other people has similar experiences to mine. And I thank you, Dr. Jeffrey Long, and everyone involved. :D