Mary H NDE
Please let me explain my circumstances upon waking up from the coma first hand. It took me a day or two to remember my experience.
I lost the week before my car accident, and the next thing I know, I woke up in the hospital, and I felt like it was the middle of the night. I was in so much unspeakable pain, and I was soooooo thirsty. They said ‘Welcome back Mary, you are in the hospital, and you were in a very bad wreck.’ The first thing I did, was try to jump up, but of course couldn't (I had a broken back, an external pelvic fixator sticking out of my hips, I had a tracheotomy in, and had a gaping huge wound down my abdomen because they couldn't sew me up, because I was so swollen), and frantically squeaked out my voice, which said ‘My son!!!’, and they said ‘No no! Your son was not in the car, he is fine!’. After that, I was so relieved, and just focused upon my thirst, They said I couldn't have any water because I was very sick (I ended up contracting MRSA, and Pneumonia three times, had some severe pneumonia when I woke up..They sucked the lung fluid out my trach when I couldn't breathe, for a week). I remember being so very angry they wouldn't give me any water. That thirst was the bowels of hell. They eventually gave me little wet pink spongy things on sticks, and I sucked as much water as I could out, and I went out again. I woke up the next day, in daylight, and my family was there. They said I wasn't right in my head for two weeks. They said I talked like a child. I remember wondering if I really did die, but was in hell, in the form of a hospital. I was not right in my head for at least two weeks after waking up. I couldn't focus, not only in my head, but in my vision as well. I couldn't read, focus, write, or draw. I was suffering delusions the first few days (I thought my mom died, I had thought they told me that, the hospital staff, and I was so scared and sad, until I saw her in the flesh that day, I was ever so relieved)...
So finally, after about a couple of days, I was getting back to normal in my
head, very minimally, and all I could think of was what I experienced:
I was floating in complete darkness. I knew I wasn't where I used to be (earth),
and I instantly realized it had been a long time where I came from (earth), but
a severely short time where I was at. Like if you would compare the two lengths
of time, they were the same, but different...If that makes sense. Like one
minute, where I was at (complete darkness, kind of like floating in outer
space)was equal to like a week, where I came from. Kind of like switching
American dollars to denominations from other countries, like a foreign currency
exchange, is the only way I could contemplate, or explain, the concept of time
where I was at. Anyways, the time difference was the first thing I remember
thinking. Then I remember wondering where I was at.
I felt like I was naked, floating in the middle of outer space, in pitch black
darkness, but even though I couldn't see, and even though it was complete
darkness all around, I knew, and felt a bright white light, encompassing my
whole body, in which was floating in the fetal position. It was like I could see
the light trough my closed eyelids. During this realization, I was a teeny bit
scared, due to myself thinking, this isn't right, but they way I felt, felt like
nothing I had ever, ever experienced before. It was like the best feeling you
could ever think of on earth, intensified by a trillion. A voice said, (and I
can't remember hearing it, I can't remember if I heard it auditorily, or
mentally), but a voice, a female voice said ‘You have to go back’. I said, ‘I
don't want to go back’, and then I remember her saying it, and I heard it
through my ears. And she said it louder, and sternly. And that's all I remember.
I did not experience a tunnel, rising over my body in the hospital, no life
review's, no deceased relatives..(but I don't really know anyone who has
died).....I didn't have the typical experience, but I know for a fact, I had it.
I felt it. I know it is real. And I know for a fact, God exists, and the spirit
lives on, and when the spirit comes home, it's better than any joy that can be
perceived in this place we reside, Earth."
"It seemed as if my experience was only a moment, here on earth, but
during the experience, when I was on the other side, I can't necessarily say how
long the whole thing was, due to time not existing there, but if compared to
earth time, in terms of hours or minutes, Id say it was perhaps an hour or so? I
was at the highest level of consciousness during the whole experience. There
wasn't a time when I wasn't. The only thing unenlightening about it, was myself
thinking ‘Wait a minute, this isn't right....’ But those thoughts were quickly
overshadowed and forgotten by the pure bliss and wonderful, utmost forever
wonderful, feeling I was feeling.
At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes I had had a rough nine months, after my young son turned 1 year, 4 months. I felt unhappy with my son's father, and I went back to my old ways of drinking, smoking, and, to be blunt, drunken mistakes of sexuality (one night stands), so my son's father and I split up. I was very depressed and my family hated me, it seemed, and I didn't have my son on a daily anymore, and everything was pretty bad for me, mentally. Nine months after the split, (I had to leave school and get a job because he left) my warehouse job fired me for a positive marijuana urinalysis. I was depressed severely so I met a friend at a bar I frequented, who wasn't someone who was really a friend, more of a fellow alcoholic, and he left me at the bar that night. I remember nothing of that night, except for the bartender saying we had five minutes to smoke a cigarette inside, before midnight, since the anti-smoking law was to take place on July 1st, 2006. That's all I remember of that night, that one snippet. But apparently I got drunk with strangers, whom put me in MY brand new car, in the passenger seat, and they were taking me to who knows where, and the driver flipped the car three times in the air at 68 mph, and the car landed on its side, my side, with such force, that it severely fractured my hips, broke my back, ruptured my diaphragm, collapsed my lungs, lacerated my liver, ripped apart my small and large intestine, and bruised my kidneys and bladder. Everything in my torso was damaged, except my heart. Even though we had wrecked in the middle of nowhere, there was a sole house, that heard the crash. They called 911 immediately. I died instantly, I was told, and was dead when they arrived five minutes later, and was resuscitated and airlifted to St. Anthony's Hospital, as a trauma ten. In emergency surgery I died a second time. They said it was a miracle I survived, from all my internal injuries and bleeding. I suffered a TBI as well, in which I struggled with for many years afterwards. I was in a coma for the next two months after my wreck, and spent a total of four months in the hospital, one of those months, the last month, in a rehabilitation hospital. I was supposed to be paralyzed, but wasn't.
Was the experience difficult to express in words? I still can't explain the above thoroughly. You just can't. The feeling of God, is not meant to be put into words, nor could it ever be. Faster than usual
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? I was not shown the wonders of the world, all knowledge, or a life review, as mentioned in the book, but I remember the feeling. That feeling, like I am sure many others have stated, is indescribable. Seeing your child for the first time after birth, climbing a mountain, hitting a jackpot on a slot machine, solving a major problem, appreciating beauty, the best day of your life, the feeling of ‘over there’ is a billion times better than any of that. Yes
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I am not completely sure if the female voice, whom I never saw who it came from, first spoke to me in words. I cant remember if it was auditory. But I knew her second command was auditory, I heard in my ears, like she was about to yell at me, if I didn't go back. She only had to tell me twice, before she got mad. I felt like I didn't want to make her mad, whomever she was. I felt like she was getting mad at me because I wasn't listening, because I wanted to stay. I think when she first communicated, it was in my head, when I first heard her speak, in my mind.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I lost awareness of my body
Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body? I felt confused at first, but I just went with it, for there was nothing else I could do. It was what it was. But I felt purely awesome. That feeling, was better than any drug on earth. I just felt great. An indescribable, eternal, never ending, awesome, greatness. I knew that back on earth, I didn't feel good at all. I actually never really felt too good my whole life, mentally. I lived my life feeling as if I was just here to get it done and over with. I don't feel that way anymore.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes
Did you see an unearthly light? I didn't have my eyes open, but it was there, I could see it through closed eyelids, and felt it. An unusually bright light
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? She told me I had to go back. I said ‘No, I do not want to go back’ To be specific, being a pessimistic manic depressive, I actually remember saying, and excuse the specific's, But I said, ‘Na, fuck that!, I wanna stay here’, and after that, she said it again, this time auditorily, and it was stern, kind of on the verge of a yell....I listened the second time. And I don't remember nothing after that, except them waking me up in the hospital.
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? God goes by many names. And since I never knew him personally in my previous life before the NDE, or in any organized religion, all I can say is yes, I encountered God. I can't say he spoke to me personally, because he didn't, but I felt him, and knew he was there. He encompassed me. That's the only way I can describe it. Uncertain
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? I did not run into anyone I knew, or should have known, on the other side, to my knowledge. I just heard the one female voice, but I never saw her. I don't know who she was. Uncertain
Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience? I did not receive a ‘life review’, as described in the book, But I did have a sense of discontent. A little unease for a split of a split second like I had done something bad, for a second, but I forgot about it, due to the wonderfulness of the feeling. No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? The best I can describe it, is like that scene in some stoner movies, where a fetus is floating in outer space inside a placenta, around the planets, a typical hallucination of people on LSD, from the seventies??....That's the only thing I can compare it to. I was floating in pitch black outer space, with nothing and everything all around me, in the fetal position, naked, neither hot nor cold, nor no thought of temperature at all, at first questioning what was going on for a split second, then going with the feeling of greatness and superb bliss.
Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Like I had stated before, that was one of the first things I was thinking of, when questioning what was going on. I knew that a minute where I was at, was like a week or two, back where I came from. I knew my sudden ‘couple of minutes’ of what I was experiencing, was a looong time, a few weeks had past, where I came from. So a couple of ‘minutes’ was two/three weeks, back on earth. It was like sudden knowledge. No one had ever told me such things like this, but as soon as I thought of time, which was the first thing I remember thinking of, I automatically knew, it had been a long time back on earth. But when I was thinking of it, I didn't think ‘Earth’...That word was never conjured in my head. It was simply ‘where I had come from’, and I knew where I was at, was not where I came from. That was like automatic knowledge as well.
I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? I never was told the secrets of the universe, or never felt as if I knew it all, but I surely did feel like I knew a lot more than I did, back where I came from. And I still feel that way, to this day. I have always been an intelligent person, but I came back spiritually ‘educated’, if you will...
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? I was just floating in black darkness, with an invisible light all around me. I just had the voice telling me to go back. It wasn't like ‘this side of the line, as opposed to that side’, or anything like that.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I can't say I had a line presented upon me with a choice upon crossing it or not. I didn't want to come back, but a woman told me no, and I obliged. And I am glad I did, because my son had just turned two years old, two weeks previous, when this happened. If I stayed, I would have robbed my son of a mother, and that's not right. I truly believe I am here to be an awesome mother to my son, and I always was an awesome mother, but now I am a superb mom of the year, type of mother.
Did scenes from the future come to you? Even though I did not have any scenes of the future that I can recall in the NDE, I do have to share that a few years after the experience, I was slipping into depression again, since I am permanently, and painfully injured. I stress this may not seem relevant initially, but I promise it is, to me anyways. But I was getting in a down mental state again, about three years after my NDE. I had a dream. I had dreamt I was wading in a cesspool in some outskirts of some depressing, overcast town, trying to get out. I had the notion in my head that something was out to get me, and the dream went on like this for quite awhile. It was like I lived a few days, within the dream, with a feeling of impending doom. Anyways, I was walking down a cobblestone street, in the rain, and I noticed a man in a silver hooded jacket, and I couldn't see his face. He kept following me. I felt he was after me. I got scared and ran...The next thing I know, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around and the man who was following me, was face to face to me. And I got extremely frightened, for this man had no face!!!! Just a gray, smooth, featureless, slate of a face. I screamed, he grabbed me, an said ‘Shhhhhh!!! Mary!!! It's O.k.!!! Chill out!!’ I calmed down minimally, and turned around, and saw my body laying in an intersection, dead, with two cars collided, with me in between them, with people freaking out and crying, and I instantly got frightened. I said to him ‘I knew you were coming, so I was trying to out run from you, and now look!!!’ He, (The Reaper, with a gray slate for a face)said ‘I know Mary it's frightening at first, but seriously, trust me, it's all good. He said we all have to die. ‘Now I have to take you somewhere’, he stated. I said OK, but only if he swore he was telling the truth. He said he was. I didn't really trust him, and I was ever so frightened. I didn't want to die.