Marguerite S's Possible NDE

Experience description: 

When I was 2 years old my Grandpa died. He had a heart attack and died in the living room. I was there and my Grandma said I tried to make him get up. We lived on a farm and animals die too. I had always been told that when things die they go to Heaven. I knew from Sunday school what Heaven and angels and Jesus looked like. Grandpa was gone and life here was never the same for me. He was the fun one. He was the only one who cared more about me then he cared about what I did. I always remembered him and missed him all the time.

One day my mother went shopping and brought home a whole bunch of baby aspirins. They used to come in long strips of cellophane squares with 2 in each square. While everyone was busy putting away groceries I took the aspirins outside and hid behind the garbage can. I was shorter then the garbage can so I could do this. As far as I can remember my reasoning went something like this- Grandpa died, everything that dies goes to Heaven (no one had told me about Hell yet) and if you take too many pills you die so I took the pills so I could go see Grandpa. In my mind I wasn't killing myself I was just going for a visit or something. But I knew I wasn't supposed to so I did hid. 

When Mom found me and the empty plastic squares she didn't take me to the doctor she just put me to bed. She laid me on my back and pulled the covers up to my chin and that was strangling me. I struggled to get out from under the covers, it was like being wrapped in a giant spider web, I couldn't breath and I was really scared. I don't think I really knew where I was then all I remember was not being able to move very good and struggling to get untangled so I could breath. Then I saw a little girl at the ceiling. I don't know who and it must not of mattered cause I didn't think about it. She was dressed like they used to in the 1800's in a long dark dress with a white ruffled apron-like thing over it. She had long wavy black hair. She looked a little older then me and she was watching me. Then I was at the ceiling and I saw myself wedged between the bed and the wall.

I remember thinking (or saying to that girl) "look at her- why is she doing that? If she wants out why doesn't she just go around the bed?" I felt amused by this. I did not think it was strange that I was at the ceiling, nor did I realize that she was me. I don't remember how long we stayed there. But I still remember how it felt. This is where it gets hard to tell. It was like being totally focused. What ever I was feeling was all there was. In this life there is always some worry in my mind- hope I don't say the wrong thing, my foot itches, hope I don't get in trouble. There is always something.

But there was nothing like that there. There was no worry, just the present moment. It was clear and it turned this life into the dream. It was wonderful but at that time I didn't analyze my situation as I was too busy doing it, if that makes sense. So then we were at the living room ceiling looking at my Mom, sister and Grandma. A comedy was on t.v. and my Mom and Grandma were laughing. Mom and my sister were on the couch and my Grandma was in the chair. I saw them but I don't remember feeling any strong emotions attached to them. It was the same as when I had seen my body. They were just people laughing and watching t.v. I guess at that moment it was like I was watching t.v. too. Kinda like when you change channels and turn into the middle of a movie. No matter what is happening you can watch it in a detached sort of way for a minute then you move to the next channel. I was very happy the entire time and nothing fazed that.

Then we were with a man. I don't remember seeing anything else. Me, the girl and the man. We thought (talked? this is hard to describe too.) It was like when words scroll down a computer screen faster then you can read them. But I could keep up with all the things that were flowing into me. It was a lot of good stuff about how to treat other people and how to act here. I don't remember any of it word by word but we are supposed to be nice to each other. And I am sure it's all still inside me even though sometimes I forget to do it or accidentally don't. Anyhow none of this seemed strange to me and through it all I felt real blissful. I guess there just aren't earth words to say but I can still remember it. Then the man (maybe he was Jesus, he was real nice and I liked him a lot) said I had to go back. I didn't want to go and I was disappointed because I wanted to see Grandpa. I remember telling him this but nope I had to go back. Then I was back in my body stuck between the wall and the bed.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     The things I felt and the total absence of any negative thoughts or feelings.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Uncertain      I had taken a lot of aspirin but I was never taken to a doctor and I am not sure how much aspirin I took or how much it takes to kill a small child.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    From the minute I left my body till I got put back into it.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            It was liking comparing being awake to having a fuzzy dream that you don't really remember. Only then I was awake and know I'm back in the dream that's confusing and not real clear.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Uncertain      Everything looked the same as I remember but the difference was that whatever I was looking at was all I noticed. When I saw me between the bed and the wall I saw the bed and the wall and me. I don't remember watching for other things all the time. But that might just be because it was so long ago. But it feels like a very clear memory in my mind.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Uncertain      I'm not sure how I heard things just like I don't know how I spoke. Words were just there going back and forth.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            amusement, curiosity, peace, joy, determination, disappointment and that total peace and love was always there under all the other feelings.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          No      

Did you see a light?           No      

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     The girl at the ceiling looked about 6-7 years old. I have no idea who she was. She looked like someone from 100 years ago by her clothes, long dark dress, frilly white apron, dark wavy hair that went below her shoulders. She was nice and she stayed with me. She seemed to be neutral and didn't really tell me anything but I followed her. When we watched my body she was the one I commented to about it. She led me into the living room and took me to the next place. The nice man I liked was an adult. I never got to see his face, he was just there, a man giving me knowledge.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No      

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes     My family was watching I love Lucy or the Honeymooners while this happened.

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Uncertain      When we were with the man I don't remember where we were. it was like we were in a giant space with no floor or top or sides. It was not white.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Uncertain      It seemed like we discussed a lot of things for what should of taken a long time but it went really fast.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes            That this is the test, we need to pass it by being nice to people, everything belongs to God, we need to appreciate the things he gives us, the animals and earth, the people, and that we need to help them pass the test too, and I needed to let them know not to be afraid to die and that they would see people who had died again, we need to love everybody and follow the golden rule was what it was all about.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain      The man was blocking my way He would not let me go one and the girl could only led me if he let her. I knew my Grandpa was there some where but they would not let me see him yet.

Did you become aware of future events?       No           

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     Uncertain      I don't remember much from before but I have always been able to "see" through my animals eyes if something bad happens to them when I am sleeping. If they die when I am not there I usually know it even if I am awake. I know when bad things happen to my children too. And before my oldest son told me, I knew I was going to have a granddaughter and his wife did have a girl. One time some religious men were visiting me every week trying to convert me and get me to join their church. I studied the books they gave me and compared them to the Bible. One night I had a "dream" or a visitation and words came into me really fast like they had come from that man and I was told why the 2 missionaries were wrong and where the Bible and they differed, and I understood that I needed to stay far away from them.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I didn't really think about it much when I was little because I just took for granted that everyone knew there was a God, a Heaven and that we lived after we died. People talk about these things all the time and I thought they "knew" it like I did. My mother didn't seem interested and my grandmother didn't realize that I was coming from a whole different perspective then her abstract one. It wasn't until I was working in a nursing home when I was about 20 years old and came across a copy of life after death that I realized that it was a special gift. I have tried to help people when someone they loved has died if they seem open to this. And I have tried to tell other people that we don't need to be afraid of death but I don't know how effective I am at making people feel better.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    No      

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    I just always knew it was real and I never questioned the reality of it.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?            The way I felt all the while I was there. The knowledge I got from the man.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real    I have had years to think about this and these are the conclusions I have come too. 1st- I was not over 4 years old and at that time I had a very limited imagination and limited life experiences to draw on. When I took those baby aspirins I fully expected to see Grandpa, Jesus with a halo, giant shiny pearly gates, green grass and angels with wings and harps, lions napping with lambs. All the things they show little kids in Sunday school pictures. So if it was a hallucination why with my child's brain didn't I see any of those things? 2nd- I have had plenty of dreams since then and I must admit a hallucination or two. That was neither of those. That was was real and this is the dream hallucination. 3rd- it has never faded like my other memories.43 years later it's still there. Why it this memory different? 4th- the things they said and the way it was delivered to me were things I was unable to make up at that age. I understood things that were way beyond my years then and even now, but it was all perfectly clear at the time.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     I don't remember before really but I am sure that if I hadn't gotten that knowledge I would of been a completely different person and all my relationships would of been different.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?            Uncertain      I hadn't really formed any religious beliefs of my own when this happened all I knew was what I had been told and I believed that. I guess I learned that when you die not everybody has wings and is all shiny and blond.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         Uncertain      The closest thing is when the missionaries were visiting me and I had the dream that told me what all the bible said and why what the missionaries said was wrong. It came in really fast words and I understood it all. I guess it lasted about 15 minutes but I was told things that would of taken hours in this time.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?          I think it made my life a lot easier in ways. My parents, grandparents and my daughter had all died by the time I was 23. Knowing I would see them again is all that kept me going. But in other ways it has made some things harder for me when I was little and to an extent even still. I didn't understand that everyone didn't know how to treat others and when they did mean things it was really upsetting to me. I needed someone to explain to me that just because I knew something was wrong other people might not know that and they might not be able to do what was right in some situations. I have kinda figured out that I shouldn't take all these things so personally and I don't know if we can all be judged by the same yardstick. I think little kids that have this experience need people to make sure they understand that it is not common and help them deal with the ways it makes them different from so many other people. That's not quite right but that's the best I can say it.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Uncertain      I don't think I could ever accurately describe it no matter what questions you asked.

Are there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience?      if you could just do the Vulcan mind meld........but aside from that you need to leave answers for people who had the experience before they started school and before they had a religion