Malla Possible NDE
Describe the Experience:
I glanced up on the large clock on the wall beside me. 02.45. I must have dozed off.
and nights seemed to blend into each other as my need for sleep grew more and
more inevitable. Pain had become my only friend. I really had no expectations
left of recovery. I was done. Out of sheer exhaustion, I whispered, 'Father, I
can't do this anymore.' In my heart, I made this final exclamation to both, God
and my earthly father.
long time it felt as though I was floating. The pain started to release its grip
on my weary body. 'Thank you God', I whispered as I drifted away on the bed of
painlessness. Finally, I was free.
Suddenly, I found myself standing amidst the site of some old ruins of a house
in a peaceful country side.
dawned on me that I was not defined by my illness. I was not the pain and the
agony that derived from my illness. I knew that I was not the needy person
who had become totally dependent upon others to live and function.
voice sounded, 'You create the world that you know. You have been given the most
wonderful gift; the ability to project your self outwards into physical form.'
were fifteen other people accompanying me at the site. 'Ah, at least I am not
alone at feeling so miserable,' I thought to myself. At the far end of the
ruins, a woman was preparing a lecture. She seemed to be organizing her
paperwork on a table placed in front of her. It felt as if we were all here to
learn how to die.
For a moment, with my perception enhanced, I was able to view a large part of the European continent all at once. I noticed that there were portals all across the Earth. They were shaped like large transparent circles and they were popping up all over. I knew that these portals were here to let people travel from the physical life to the spirit life and from the spirit life, back to Earth. I knew that when we go through the transition of death that we go through these portals. When we are about to be born to the Earth, these portals are the gates to new life.
calming voice telepathically filled my mind, 'You have asked, and so it has been
given to you. You have chosen and so it shall be. Such is the wonder and glory
of life, that you may experience yourself, as you wish. Deep within, you have
been longing to come home. You are home!'
must be hearing some kind of Angel', I thought. The voice continued, 'Malla,
close your eyes, relax and accept it.'
Instantly, I found myself soaring through the air like a majestic bird, while
taking in the utter magnificence of the landscape unfolding before me. I was
awestruck! The scenery reminded of images I had seen from Scotland or Ireland,
after a long heavy rainfall. The lush, green fields beamed at me in colors of
deep green radiance.
not aware that I had just arrived here from Earth. I was not even aware that I
was a mother! In this world, I merely existed as the pure soul that I was. I
could not recall ever having felt more complete. I needed no one, and no one
needed me; and that was just an unchangeable fact. Actually, I had no thought
about anything other than being who I was and experiencing that which lay before
me at this very moment in joyful anticipation.
Then, I realized that I did not have a
body! My flawless, etheric body was now gone. I was pure consciousness.
found myself back by the ruins with the people and the lecturer, only to be
pulled back through the same crack once more.
'We have?' I asked.
'Yes', the voice continued, 'This is what we do.'
Again, I accepted the explanation as a fact that resonated completely with what I felt to be the truth. The voice and I were one. We had never, at any point in existence, been separate. At this point, I was not able to define how I knew this to be true. I just knew, as if this oneness with the kind voice had always been my experience.
I was soaring over the breathtaking landscape. Behind me, steep mountains were
raging high into the clear air. Before me, the green valley lay lush and
inviting. I seemed to have a 360-degree view of everything that was happening
around me. I was perfectly aware of what was going on at all angles.
are so beautiful, mum,' I whispered as my mother approached me.
moment is a unique moment of creation,' she twinkled at me.
THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM, I beamed! The kind voice was right! I had chosen this experience, so that I could remember who I really am. Experience is everything. Without experience, we do not have the possibility to know who we are. We can have a feeling or an opinion about who we are. But that opinion is merely a hunch of the grand picture until the opinion is expressed and experienced in full bloom; in the full realization of that moment of now. Feeling satisfied with the soaring, I landed on the flower covered hill again. A desire to progress in my experience of this moment, merged from within. I was wondering what to experience next. Actually, there was no time to ponder anything. At the moment a thought formed about experiencing something new, the experience would unfold before me.
it was an experience I was not prepared for. '
'Oh, I know what this is,' I thought. This is my fear manifested: This is my own loathing. This is my lack of appreciation for life and the people in it. This is a learned experience as I walked through life, becoming more and more engulfed in despair.
'It doesn’t work!' I panicked and screamed with all my might, 'GOD, PLEASE HELP ME!'
Suddenly, my body shook awake on the mattress on the living room floor. My mind flooded with the recollection of what I had just experienced in the afterlife. I burst into uncontrollable sobbing. My physical senses re-established and I could feel the warm, familiar stabbing pain shoot through my flesh, burying itself deep into my bones. Nothing had changed. I was still sick. I was still on my mattress and still in a lot of pain.
how can you leave me like this?' I sobbed.
the hell is going on?' I cried. 'What is it that I don't understand?'
not know how to choose a new way of living my life. God, or someone at least,
was trying to show me a way. Maybe it was me who was trying to show myself how
to truly live my life. Whichever it was, it was obviously not succeeding!
'If this is real,' I thought, recalling the experience I had just had in the other world, 'We have indeed missed the whole point.
'If this is real, and if the Malla that I had encountered in the beautiful, carefree reality was the person I really was, the majority of us on earth are stumbling about completely unconscious.
'If this is real,' I thought, 'We’ve got God all wrong. Not only do we have God all wrong, we’ve got ourselves all wrong!
The revelations seemed to pour down into my head from an unending source of
wisdom; No one can be blamed for, or take responsibility for, or live life, for
me. It was never any other way. There is no blame to take.
'Heaven' can be accomplished on Earth the same way it can be accomplished in
'death.' It's just a matter of focus. Death, is merely a smooth transition of
energy into another plane where manipulation of physical energy is not present.
'confronted' by everything that we create. We are that powerful! I was shown
that I am not yet fully able to control my negative emotions in a reality where
ultimately everything happens in an instant. So, I was sent back to continue my
I cannot escape my own attitudes, for
they will form the nature of what I see. Quite literally, I see what I want to
see. I see my own thoughts and emotional attitudes materialized in
physical form. If changes are to occur, they must be mental and psychic changes.
These changes will be reflected in my environment. Negative, distrustful,
fearful, or degrading attitudes toward anyone or anything, will work against the
self. My mind felt as though it was about to blow into trillions of pieces
by this knowledge. I felt as though I was being given a real beating with the
words that came pouring down; enough to make me wonder whether I was losing my
to declare that I wish to live and make my mind up about it. I need to
choose the experiences that match my intentions. Anyway, what I chose is
perfectly okay! My Soul will want what I want. God will want what I want. There
is never a disagreement. Together, as the inseparable team that we are, we will
experience dying gracefully or in agony if that is what I choose to experience.
Soul/God will not force me to do anything. My own fears and my own attitudes
draw to me that which inevitably becomes my destiny. It does not make sense that
God would abruptly pull in the strings and decide that I should die.
Through all of the physical experiences I have had on this Earth, I have aimed
to understand this. If I seem to forget that God is here, all I have to do
is ask, close my eyes, go within, and say in honesty, 'Please, God show me!' For
no moment exists when we are absent from God, our Soul, or ourselves.
I am still in Ultimate Reality. I am THERE now. Just like my mom and dad were there when they were still very much alive on Earth! As the multidimensional being that I am, I am still there now.
Date NDE Occurred: 2010
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness Allergic Reaction Illness, trauma or other condition not considered life threatening
Gradual degeneration of physical body due to genetic illness that created an immune reaction to food, medication, and exposure.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I seemed to know things like never before and coming from a source of wisdom.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Both in the NDE and after returning
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning There was no time. It felt like forever.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My vision was very much enhanced, clear and radiant
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Hearing was instant, telepathic and through feelings
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Unknown people from Earth who were there to learn how to die
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Daylight everywhere, but no visible sun
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm A totally new world I'd never been before
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Peace, calm, freedom, love, excitement, serenity, understanding
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others I think my experience was directly aimed at my own emotional self; especially fear and despair and how it created illness.
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No At a point I was aware that my parents were alive on Earth, yet still there with me.
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Moderately important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant I just believed in a God somewhere.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I found that the greatest resemblance to truth is the Essene Path
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Native American religion The Essene Path
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I learned that what we learn through religion is merely unclear bits and peaces of the ultimate truth
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Going from blaming others or God for misfortunes, to knowing it's all up to me. I create this.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin A voice that was within and part of me but also separate from me.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I knew that I had died many times, and lived many times and that the out of physical state was more normal and pleasant than the physical state
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes A voice, part of me yet still separate in consciousness.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes My NDE has changed my life completely. I seem to be able to tap into the peace and joy I felt and receive wisdom from an inner source through meditation
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes That we create ourselves and that our intentions; attitudes and emotions are the means to create ourselves
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes There is definitely life after death. Death is just as smooth as falling asleep.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes Difficulties and hardships are strictly an earthly thing. Something we are here to experience. It does not exist the same way out of body
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes That love will find you wherever you are. My parents were in this new world with me, even though they were alive on Earth. The only thing necessary was a thought of love to bring us together.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I love more, appreciate more, I value life, I work consciously with my fears and emotions. I have a greater understanding. I seek to be at peace in whatever situation.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I lacked earthly words to describe the experience.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes More wisdom, instant knowing, and precognition.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Five years later
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I had a period where I experienced very vivid dreams, understanding afterwards that they too may have been NDEs
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely realAt any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No I am able to seek and achieve the same feelings at will through meditation