Kelley W's NDE

Experience description: 

1st: Dentist OD'd me on nitrous oxide. I first saw "a purple skeleton, at the top of the room, sitting on a stool, with cowboy hat on, and strumming guitar, singing 'The Guitar Man' by Bread." It was amusing until I suddenly was up where he had been, alone, watching the Dentist freak out trying to revive me. Before I knew anything else, I was back in my body.

2nd: I had a very high temperature and massive pelvic infection and was later told I was talking to "leprechauns" before I "died". That I do not recall. What I do recall, and can still recall, was finding myself in the blackest black, cold void, with a crushing feeling of being utterly alone, despair and loss. (It was not at all what I expected it to be as I was one of those little kids who grew up talking about "living before" and had a very unorthodox view of religion from the earliest age.) There was no sense of anyone else being there, no light, vast nothingness. Terrible.  It seemed a short while, yet an eternity. I was physically taken up by a neighbor and taken to the hospital, the jostling revived me, as I was suddenly very happy to be back in my body & in pain.

3rd: This is all very vivid, even after all these years. I had gone out to the ranch to help lead a large group of people on a trail ride. It was a long day. We got home and I had a terrible need, a command really, to return. I bathed and put on clean clothes. I had to talk my husband into going back. It was nearly 9pm. I told him I had to go, though I did not wish to. Of course, I know it was my destiny. We went back and a chain of events led me to giving a tour of our African lion prides. I was compelled into an area I never went and was attacked by a lioness who pulled me through a fence up to my shoulder.

Everything went into slow motion during the attack and I "split in two" in that one part of me was conscious, the other was like a separate being, spiritual, but I knew it was my soul. After I was freed from the cage, I lost my ability to see anyone, just grey shadows on a sort of movie screen in front of me. People's feelings and fear (there were perhaps 20 to 30 people there) were palpable, and threatened to carry me away like a tide, if I gave into it. To the right, on that screen, was coolness and peace. To the left, the panic and pain of those around me. One half of me kept telling those around how to treat me (I'm a former EMT & I recognized my voice) the other was fighting the desire to turn toward the right as I believed that if I succumbed, the ranch would be in a lot of trouble and perhaps even sold.

I sensed children there, their "shadows" were more golden and I was ordering people to get them away from the spectacle. The ambulance finally arrived and I was still in this double state, telling them what to do, yet seeing nothing but those grey shadows and the emotions of everyone around, then they said they could handle it and I thought I could then relax and as I did, I was sucked out of my body, tiny enough to still be in the ambulance and finally I could see like normal again.

I saw an EMT pounding on my chest, slapping my face, etc., & my brother-in-law in the front seat turn and gawk, and the shock on my husband's face. The ambulance was bouncing over dirt roads at high speeds and I thought "where are we?" and was instantly above the ambulance seeing and recognizing how far from the city we still were. I recall thinking "Well, I'm dead, they can't get there in time." When I was sucked back into my body getting slammed around on the gurney in that cramped ambulance. We got to hospital and there were no doctors around so it was again up to me to "hold on". 4 hours later a surgeon arrived and I was taken into surgery. Just as I was wheeling past my brother-in-law, I heard him say the same lion had attacked a little girl earlier that day. I gave in then, thinking all was lost.

4th: I "died" during surgery, was revived and in a coma for almost 2 weeks as they could not stabilize my blood pressure. I remember it so very clearly! The surgery death I saw the operating room and the surgeons but before I could think much more about it, I was swooshed into a place with 4 robed beings. No wings. There was Ethereal, beautiful, whiteness everywhere. They spoke without speaking. Like a chorus: "Suicide is wrong" "Love is all that matters" "Shun those who have killed themselves" Over and over. I was aware of others there in this timeless space, but they were not the focus. It seemed I was there a very long time.

Now what no one on earth knew at the time: I was heavily into Sylvia Plath at the time, hated my father-in-law with a passion and was in fact suicidal, and had been trying to figure out a way to do it without it being obvious what it was. I was then taken to another place, like the most colorful park imaginable and allowed to see my most beloved grandfather - the only real love I had ever known - and "they" let him stay with me during the entire coma period. It was splendid!

When I finally came to normal consciousness, my first remark was that grandfather had been with me the whole time. As the days passed & my husbands family members were treating me like a loon or something, I started looking for earthly answers. I started asking if ANY man had been there that whole time. The answer was no, not even my husband or other family members, at least not for more than a few minutes at a time, and they did not talk to me even then.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     Yes

1st event: nitrous oxide

2nd, & 3rd events nothing whatsoever

4th event: morphine, talwin, demerol was in coma

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes

1st: Dentist overdosed me on "laughing gas"

2nd: Extremely high fever, infection

3rd & 4th: shock more than blood loss

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?           1st: drugged

2nd: high fever

3rd: split alertness

4th surgery & coma

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   no all events felt very real and even normal in a way

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

see description

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?           clicking

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          No    

Did you see a light?           Yes, not like from a tunnel, was just suddenly there.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes, See description of events

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?           Yes

white space then later a park like setting, peaceful, beautiful, vivid colors

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes

yes, slow motion time, then it seemed as though actual years passed when in reality only 2 weeks had.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Yes

Yes, love and compassion are the most important things in this and any other universe. We are all part of the whole, but we place ourselves under the laws of the dogma we select, thereby limiting our access to the "whole pie" I therefore believe organized religion to be a bad thing for enlightenment.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

I suppose the "movie screen" otherwise no, nor a cord or anything like that

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?       Yes

It was my choice up to a certain point then it was just done even though I did not want to return.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         No, Had them prior to experiences, and still do.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   No

I felt as I always had about life after death, reincarnation & etc. It was not a religious experience per se.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?       I tried to share the love & teachings with my husbands family and was shunned for my efforts. For years I was left alone 18 hours a day with no company but nature and animals, not even hearing a live human voice. Cruel. I'm divorced now, and live far, far away.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes

At first I tried to share what I was taught, after being treated like a loon for years afterwards I became passively suicidal. Still am.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes

They thought I was a loon. Later, when I got back around normal people, I never talked to them about it for fear of the same thing happening again.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  The whole gamut.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      1: it was just "too cool" for words.

2: It made me realize just how separate we all are in our individual bodies and how "hell" is being separated from the all.