Kathy M Probable NDE

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

Although the NDE occurred when I was almost 5 years old I had no memory of it until the age of 18. At 18 I was visiting a friend in hospital and became aware that something seemed not quite right in the hospital theatre surroundings. As I accompanied my friend to the surgery I glimpsed the surgeons preparing inside the operating theatre and wondered what was not right but couldn't put my finger on it.

The next morning I woke with the clear realization that I knew what had been wrong - the surgeons were wearing the wrong color gowns -  they wore white ones instead of green (as they had done 13 years earlier when I was hospitalized at age 5)! Immediately my whole NDE came rushing back to me: 

Initially I remember floating somewhere up near the ceiling of "my" operating theatre looking down at my own body - that of a small child swathed in sheets and with instrument trays around my body, with a group of nurses and surgeons gathered around my body, looking at it and working on it. I felt no fear or pain or anything wrong with me and I knew I was in spirit form. I felt happy, light, excited and at peace. I desperately wanted to turn around to face upwards and outwards but one or more presences (which I felt I did not know but whom I knew loved me unconditionally) informed me telepathically that I really needed to be patient and go back because it was not yet my time and I had a lot to achieve this lifetime. I did not really want to go back and tried so hard to turn round because I felt I knew exactly what would happen to me if I left my body and moved on...I would float up into the brightness of the universe, into the infinite stars, the space between the atoms of my body would slowly and inexorably expand and I would remain aware and "conscious" as I continued to expand infinitely to the very ends of the universe so that my mind and soul would literally be subsumed and I would become "one" with the entire cosmos. This knowledge seemed so wonderful that I really wanted for it happen, but although I do not remember hearing any actual words, I also realized that I did in fact have a lot that I needed to learn and much to do and to grow if I truly wanted to return to be part of the universe once again. I felt a great deal of warmth and white light shining from behind me and could see it at the edges of my vision; the loving presences were there gently shepherding me back to concentrate my attention on my physical body and eventually I acquiesced and remembered no more of the experience until I remembered it at age 18.

I feel my knowledge of this experience has changed my approach to life drastically, because I  have constantly felt the presence and power of Spirit in my life ever since then. Without this experience to guide me through my life I know it would have been much harder for me to reach the understanding I have gained in the last 40+ years.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   Yes  Acute peritonitis complicated by acute tonsillitis

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes     Only because human language does not contain words adequate to explain such non-normal concepts with sufficient nuance and depth.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    Physically I was not at all conscious or alert, being under general anesthetic. Spiritually/emotionally/mentally I was highly conscious and alert throughout the whole experience, most especially as I understood and "lived through" the events that would happen to me if I was allowed to turn around and leave my body behind.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal   I felt as though my mind and awareness has expanded greatly, allowing me to perceive and more importantly to understand all things with much greater depth, serenity and wisdom.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   No real change in vision other than that I seemed to be able to notice things happening all around me without having to actually look at them.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   No obvious change

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   Yes   I saw (though did not hear) the surgeons and nurses working on my physical body. I know this was real since when I remembered it all at age 18 I asked my mother who was observing the surgery to tell me everything she could remember; and more importantly I woke up again some hours later minus an appendix so I know they completed the operation!

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   Calm, peace, longing to return home to the universe, love.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No   but I know that that would be how my expanding awareness would perceive that beginning of its expansion.

Did you see an unearthly light?   Yes   Only peripherally, but the feeling I had was that it was incredibly intense, white and bright.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
I felt the presence of one or possibly more beings who communicated to me but I do not think it was verbally - more telepathically.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   No  

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   Yes   I was aware of the hospital staff working on my body below me and also of the presence of being(s) around me who loved me unconditionally, but I felt I did not know them in this life, but may have been close to them in past lives (perhaps)

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No   I did however gain a vague impression of why I had to return to my body to live out this life, and it was because I had wasted past lives and not learned enough to grow and progress, so I really needed to get this life right!

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time no loner mattered or counted. All things just were - there was no time.

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   No
I did however feel that during the experience I gained an instinctive understanding of what was truly important in life and what was not.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   No

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   I came to a definite conscious decision to "return" to life
Initially I did not want to return but understood that the loving presences were trying to make me realize that I had work to do on my soul and I felt I agreed with them, so although I sort of didn't want to I did agree to return. I also remember that I as I agreed I was filled with a burning desire not to waste this life, but to work as hard as I could on my personal and spiritual growth, This desire has remained with me for my entire life.

Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   Yes   Throughout the whole experience I was completely aware (I KNEW) that the life of the soul is eternal, whether it be in our times on earth or our times in Spirit.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   Yes   I was completely aware that I had gone through a number of past lives (which I was made aware I had wasted a lot of) and that after this one there would be others. This was not told to me but it was part of the understanding passed to me by the loving presences as to why I needed to return to my body.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   I was completely aware that not only would I eventually literally become one with the universe, but also that all things are interconnected and that all is in fact one.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   Yes   No, Though I was aware that it wouldn't all be easy.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   No   Though I was aware that it wouldn't all be easy.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Yes   Absolutely. Everything about my whole experience was founded on love - love is the answer to all things

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   No  

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   Yes   I knew that I needed to give myself a metaphorical "kick in the pants" and stop wasting my lifetimes and learn to grow.

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   As mentioned, being only 4 and a half years old, I do not consider that I had any developed beliefs at the time of my experience, thus I cannot say they were or were not consistent. However, I was not aware at any stage of being surprised or concerned at anything which happened to me. It all felt perfectly normal.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience   It is about the ONLY thing I remember out of my first 12 years or so and I still remember it in great detail.

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   I have spent my life seeking to do that which I was "told" I needed to do in this lifetime. I have come to know Spirit well and to seek closeness with Spirit on a daily basis. I feel I am making a reasonable job of gaining the understanding that I was sent back to seek.

My experience directly resulted in:   Large changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?   No  

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?   How the whole thing felt - I understood that love can be conditional or unconditional and understood what I needed to do to grow. Both of these things have led me to seek greater knowledge and understanding all my life. I still remember the entire experience with a wonderful mixture of nostalgia, love and thanks.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   Yes   I'm unsure if I had any skills prior to my experience but sine then I have learned to use my intuitive and spiritual or psychic skills (e.g..  runes, teaching, channeling etc) to help our world and the people I encounter.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     How the whole thing felt - I understood that love can be conditional or unconditional and understood what I needed to do to grow. Both of these things have led me to seek greater knowledge and understanding all my life. I still remember the entire experience with a wonderful mixture of nostalgia, love and thanks.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes  Did not share it until at least 30 years after it happened - I never felt driven to and nobody asked! People's reactions have varied from total disbelief to total acceptance and all shades in between. Some may have been influenced but I am not aware how. I feel more people have been influenced by the person I have become rather than my NDE.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   No  

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   I did not remember it days to weeks after it happened

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real   The changes I have made in this lifetime and the understanding I have gained are the most meaningful things in my life. The NDE was the beginning of a complete change or perspectives and of values throughout my entire life.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   I have learned to become more tolerant of weaknesses in others and in myself. I have learned the value of truth and love in every circumstance and I have learned to steer my life away from being surrounded those who do not hold to the same values.

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   My whole outlook on life has become more positive, understanding and loving.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   Uncertain   Since I learned to keep closely connected to Spirit (or God) I always have the same feelings of peace, love and understanding whenever I consciously connect with Spirit. This is most days of my life.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?   It has shown me not only how to live but also that death itself is the most wonderful thing. Sure, we all fear dying and hope it will be swift and painless, but after the dying, death is truly heaven!

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes   I feel I have accurately described my NDE and it's effect on my life. Please offer any suggestions that you may have to improve this questionnaire.  Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience?  

What could a national organization with an interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of interest to you?        Help any of us who have experienced this to share with others who may have a fear of death or are grieving for the death or near ones. (If they wish to)