Karen D's NDE

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Experience description: 

I went to the hospital on Saturday morning and only remember a few moments in the emergency room.  My family told me that by Monday morning they called my sister to tell her to come to the hospital.  They put me on life support & I was gone for almost 2 months.

When I was in the coma I remember being able to hear people in the room but I couldn't wake up, I couldn't respond.  I remember being very cold .  I remember my sister covering me up & holding my hand .  I had a very high fever.  I heard the nurse scolding my sister for covering me up.  She told her I needed the covers off because of the fever.  My sister told the nurse that she could tell by my face that I was cold & agitated.  I told her about remembering it later.  She confirmed that it did happen, funny how sisters know how to read the expressions in each others faces . 

I remember hearing my brothers voice in the room-he had flown in from out of state.  I knew when I heard his voice that I must be in serious shape.  I remember feeling so lonely & helpless.  I wasn't sure where I was, my mind was still going .  I was so happy when I could hear voices in the room .  It was the only thing that told me that I was still alive.  After I got out of the hospital I kept feeling like I should go to the hospital to let families know to not leave their loved ones when they are in a coma .  I had first hand knowledge that they can hear you. 

I started feeling that I was drifting further & further away. I can remember asking God to please don't let my brain turn off .  I felt that that was the only thing; the only sign that I was still alive. 

Then felt like I was just in the dark somewhere.  I must have really been struggling.  I remember a male being.  I remember him talking or mentally communicating with me.  He kept telling me that it was ok to die, to quit fighting so hard and to just give up.  He was there for a long time.  All of a sudden it was like he slipped up some how.  I felt that he was evil & trying in my mind to get me to commit suicide by giving up .  I remember asking God to help me & the evil being was gone.

Then I remember being in a very brightly lighted place .  It was like being in the air or a cloud but I knew at the time that it wasn't a cloud .  It was wonderful.  The light seem to hold me, like someone carrying or cuddling me.  The only way I can describe it is feeling like I was part of the universe.  I remember not feeling surprised, like I knew all along that I would soon be there, like I had been there before.  I was more at ease than I could ever imagine in life .  I sincerely felt like I was back where I came from & knew it.  No one was there.

Then in a distance I saw a figure coming towards me.  He stood upright like a man, yet had some sort of electrical energy around him .  I don't remember him talking at first .  I remember in a childlike way I said to him " you are doing all of this" & then almost before it was out of my voice or thoughts I knew that he was God.  I felt that I had been so irreverent & didn't know what to do.  He was communicating with me with his presence .  I don't remember anything that he said but I know that he made me feel wonderful and at ease not only with him being there, but with my life & with what I was experiencing.  I wasn't at all afraid .  I remember feeling like my brain just opened up & all the answers to life were right there flowing threw my head so quickly, like all the troubles of the world (not just mine) were all going to be ok.  I remember feeling amused that everything, & I mean everything, the good the bad & the ugly in the world was all in control.  It was all planned & almost wasn't even real .  I felt like where I was, was real & that the life part had all been a dream, a test or an experience, and for some reason I came back.

I've struggled with it for the past year-even felt angry because I didn't get to stay.  I didn't get to remember it all--still ? it all sometimes --to this day still have quick memories -remember things that I had forgotten I guess -as my psyche told me -who by the way has been very supportive .  I lucked out & found a good one --she told me that the same way that we believe in God but don't know for sure -.  I can continue to believe that it really did happen & someday when I meet him again ask him "remember in April 2001-did that really happen?"  then I will know the answers for sure but in the mean time I am going to have to live on this earth & try to keep myself from going crazy trying to remember all the answers -who knows -maybe I will keep remembering & by the time I go I will know

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  Uncertain

      Explanation:  I don't really know what drugs they gave me, I assume typical drugs for the state I was in, probably some real good ones

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes

      What was it about the experience that makes it hard to communicate?  I have never remembered many of my dreams-but when I have one .  I know it was a dream as soon as I wake up.  I've taken medications before that gave me some real strange dreams & knew they were dreams-the dreams would leave me -the first words that I said to my doctor when I woke up was that I had been arguing with the devil.  the doctor later asked me what I meant.  I was afraid to tell him.  I thought he would think I was brain damaged & not let me go home-for the past year I kept remembering the experience everyday-like it was haunting me -no matter how hard I tried to push it out of my mind-dreams don't do that-the experience left a feeling in my heart & soul that stays with me.  I know that somewhere in my mind is a lot of knowledge that was put there when I was with God.  I remember my mind feeling so clear-"smart"-knowing all-at ease with life & existence-like I was able to use "all of my brain at once--just for a very brief taste -he may have taken it away but I constantly feel there is something there that I have forgotten & want it back so desperately.  I know I am rambling again-the experience left me knowing that our minds & souls are a part of the universe.  I just thought of something .  I wonder if when you are dying & you let go of life & all you have of your body left is your brain & it empties out of all the worldly thoughts maybe the brain changes -

At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?  Yes

      Describe:  the doctors had almost given up hopes that I would live -there was a lady in the hospital right before me with the same pneumonia that had died -when they took me off the life support they called my family in to be there in case I didn't make it -but I did

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  in a coma

Was the experience dream like in any way?  no no no

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  Yes

Describe your appearance or form apart from your body:  I remember looking down on the nurses & doctor working on me .  I remember feeling sorry for the nurse because the dr. was frantic & yelled at her .  I felt sorry for the doctor because he was trying so hard to keep me alive

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  amazement-contentment--love for life & the afterlife -

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?  no

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I don't know if it was a tunnel or not when I was in the dark.  I didn't know where I was .  I don't think it really crossed my mind -but there was no light

Did you see a light?  Yes

      Describe:  I was in the light .  I felt like I was part of the light.  It was very bright but comforting

Did you meet or see any other beings?  Yes

      Describe:  the first male in the dark I am convinced was the devil himself -he was so charismatic & sly --when I was in the light I sincerely believe it was God -that was the feeling that I was left with -my worldly mind still struggles with it all but there is something in my brain my heart & my soul that believes it was all real.  I don't remember seeing anyone else -but have a feeling inside that I did

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  No

      Describe:  not that I remember .  I do remember having the feeling that everything in my life was ok .  I came back with a feeling that now I know  God doesn't expect our lives to be perfect.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  Uncertain

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  Yes

      Describe:  I already have

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Yes

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  Yes

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?  No

      Describe:  I was left feeling like I got to experience being in the ultimate entity of life but was left feeling that there was a lot more that I didn't get to see -but of what I experienced if that was all there was it would have been enough.  I am rally not good at words to begin with and it is just to hard to explain

Did you become aware of future events?  Yes

      Describe:  I came back with the sense that everything on earth is just a passing thing --we've experienced horrible wars & many bad things happen in our world but we should just keep on going because even with all the heartache & horrors -they will pass & someday we will look back on this life like it were a dream-that none of it really happened -not saying that we all cant make our own individual lives to be the best that it can be & do as much as we can to make life better for as many lives as we can touch while we are here -but don't take it all so serious everyday -the best is really yet to come

Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?  No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  Uncertain

      Describe:  when I came home from the hospital every time I went to turn light switches & lamps on or off I would blow the light bulbs .  It got so bad my daughter wouldn't let me touch the ones in her room .  It went on for several months.  I kept thinking it was something wrong with the power or maybe the way I was walking .  I read somewhere recently that someone else had the same problem after their nde --made me wonder if there was something to it --my daughter didn't blow the lights -.  It doesn't happen any more

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  I think I have covered the way I feel

Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  really in a lot of ways that I cant quite explain yet .  I am working on it--some times I feel more patient with human beings & in some ways feel very impatient .  I have definitely changed in a lot of ways

Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  the psyches are convinced that I really did experience a wonderful phenomena-they are trying to help me keep a balance in dealing with it & holding on to it yet not letting it drive me nuts -.  I told my sister thinking she would think I was nuts or tell me that it was the drugs -she said that she could tell when I came home from the hospital that something had happened to me -

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  happiness  sadness  disappointment that I didn't remember more -confusion-anxiety-depression-wanted to tell the world-wanted to keep my mouth shut for fear they would think I was nuts -an unbelievable understanding of death-no more fear of death -which is in itself a little scary-a calmness about more things -anger at ignorance & apathy-too many emotions & changes to list

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  the experience of the afterlife & the knowledge that it really exists -the worst was that the Satan really exists .  I never believed in the dirty rat before

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?  as you can probably tell by now .  I feel like I have so much inside me that I could never tell it all .  I don't even know how to put it all in to words.  It does feel great to be able to let so much out -the psychiatrist only give you 45 minutes -by the way they did certify that I am not crazy -that was a real relief -

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Yes

      Describe:  every minute of every day -everything about me -yet I am the same -really strange

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  No

      Describe:  I guess you would call it post traumatic stress or that is what the doctors call it.  I think all it is is the memories coming back one by one -not usually when I am trying to remember but at times when I am not expecting one to just slip to the surface

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Yes

      Explain:  on the most part .  I may seem scattered in explaining things .  It seems easier to answer questions than to just tell the story-by the way .  I don't know if I told you in the previous questions but when I came out of the coma my doctor said that the first thing that I was able to whisper to him was that I had been arguing with the devil--he wanted to know what I meant by it .  I told him that it must have been the drugs & a dream but I wanted to get out of the hospital & was afraid he wouldn't let me go home .  I also thought everyday was the 4th of July-guess I wanted to celebrate being alive

Please offer any suggestions you have to improve the www.nderf.org questionnaire?  just keep doing it -people who have been through nde need to talk & need to hear other peoples accounts of what they experienced & if it will give the science & religious sectors some insight on the experiences that would be wonderful.  I think we would all like to know what happened to us