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Jill J NDE

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

I had been in the hospital for two weeks and my cardiologist told me and my parents that my heart was not compatible with living (verbatim).  He drew over 2 liters of fluid from my pericardial sac and I was sent back to my room in ICU.  About 4 hours after he withdrew the fluid, I began screaming and crying and had my hands around my neck saying it was hot and felt like someone was choking me.  A scan immediately following this event showed that the fluid had returned.  Nearly one year after this experience, I recalled a second, parallel experience as if it were happening for the first time.  I was in my hospital bed and nurses were running around and using excited voices, trying to save me.  I was above my bed looking down and saw myself and Jesus was beside me, holding me like a child.  I felt a rush of overwhelming love and joy flood me in a warm, honey-like texture.  It came in through my eyes, ears, nose and mouth and I became completely peaceful and calm.  I was given a choice about going home to heaven or staying.  He didn't actually identify himself, nor say 'heaven', but I knew Him and what He meant (heaven).  It was a very difficult choice, because I saw colors and lights that I had not seen on earth and felt joy and love as I've never known.  I wanted to GO!  I told Him that I had to stay until my parents died.  I felt they could not withstand another child dying (my sister died in 1976).  Time was going very slowly for me, yet the nurses were moving at a very quick speed.  I did not see exactly what they were doing, but I knew they were trying to save my life.  Meanwhile I saw bright lights in a circle near my hospital door.  Lights and colors that I cannot describe.  They were moving in a circle and sparkling.  I did not think of this as a door at the time, although it seems that's what it was.  Where I was, it was totally quiet (although I could still hear the nurses in the background) and it flooded all of my senses.  I heard, tasted, saw, felt and smelled the universe.  I felt I had just been given a glimpse of life after death.  I also saw my grandparents in the room, sitting so that we were in a triangle.  They told me not to worry about praying, because they were there to do it for me.  We held hands and they prayed for me, but it was silent.  I still had the feeling that my senses were flooded.  I felt surrounded in a bubble of love. 

After this experience, I was in the hospital another 10 days.  My doctors thought I was a miracle!  They don't know how I survived all that fluid rushing back into my already seriously damaged, enlarged heart.  I came out of my 'fog'.  I had been on a very dangerous, strong medicine and had terrible side effects that they were treating with various drugs.  I was fairly zombie-like.  In the next 17 days, the IV drug began to work and I came off of the transplant list and walked out of ICU.  I was 50lbs lighter and very weak.  When I was admitted, I could not lift my head off a pillow without passing out.  This had been going on for 2 weeks while I tried to increase the IV medicine at home.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   Yes  I had just had 2+ liters of fluid removed from around my very enlarged heart.  It came rushing back and I was screaming and holding my neck like I was choking.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes     Shortly after this happened, I tried to write it down and explain.  I knew that there were no words to describe the colors and the light.  Nor were there words to describe the love and joy I felt.  They were colors and lights I had never seen nor love and joy I had ever experienced.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    When I saw light and color and Jesus was in the hospital bed holding me.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal   It was like an adrenaline rush to all of the senses at the same time.  It was very fast and revealing.  It doesn't compare to an 'earthly' experience.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.
   My vision prior to the experience was in and out of consciousness as my cells were not getting enough oxygen.  During my experience, my vision was heightened, all my senses were.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.
   I heard the nurses around me talking in excited voices.  But I also heard silence, although it flooded my senses.  It was hard to take it all in at once.

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   Yes   I heard nurses talking excitedly around me.  I was not able to verify it was during the time when the fluid was drained from my heart, but I know it was.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   Complete elation.  Overwhelming joy and love.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No  

Did you see an unearthly light?   Yes   I saw lights in a circle.  But it wasn't light like I have seen on earth.  It was pulsing and very bright.  That's the closest I can come to describing it.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
I knew the presence in the bed beside me and below me were Jesus Christ.  I felt I was both in the bed and about 10 ft above my bed.  I communicated with Him, although I do not recall hearing a voice.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   Yes   I knew Jesus Christ was in the bed with me, holding me like a child.  I experienced Him in all my senses and it was other-worldly.

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   Yes   My grandparents, who died in 2003 and 2006 were at the foot of my bed in two chairs forming a triangle around me.  We held hands and they told me not to worry, they would pray for me.  This seemed to happen after Jesus was with me.

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   Yes  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   Some unfamiliar and strange place
I was still in the bed, but above the bed as well.  I don't feel I ever left the room, but I was outside myself.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual
I would say both apply.  Time seemed to go slower than usual for the 'conversation' with Jesus.  Time stopped or lost all meaning also fits.  I have no idea how to describe.  It was like being taken out of time.

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   No

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   I came to a definite conscious decision to "return" to life
I recall telling Jesus that I could not leave my parents.  I thought they could not withstand another death of a child.  This is when I decided to stay.

Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   Yes   Absolute awareness that there is continued existence.  It was shown to me like a timeline and some are on this side and some on the other.  The 'afterlife' is not some far away place or a big here and there difference.  It's just on the other side of death.  Rereading this, it sounds non-Christian, but it was definitely heaven, just closer than we think of it.  It's almost inside us.  Very hard to describe.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   I had an absolute awareness that I was in the presence of Jesus Christ.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   I learned that a oneness exists.  Not anything specific, just a feeling.  As if I just knew.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   Uncertain  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Yes   An awareness that we cannot fathom how much we are loved by Jesus.

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   Uncertain   I cannot recall anything else specifically.  Just a general 'makes sense' now.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   Yes   Both special knowledge and purpose.  Special knowledge relating to death.  That it's just a blip on this or that side of the timeline.  When you go to heaven (there was no if), you are not far away.  And it's all inside you.  The knowledge, the unity...it's just not open for all of us.

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   I had a general belief in Jesus.  I grew up in the church and so knew of Him.  I was not a regular church-goer, nor did I pray on a regular basis.  Now when I wake, it's the first thing I think of.  To pray and be grateful.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience   Although I feel there is a lot I have forgotten or a lot that has gotten fuzzy for me, I was definitely more accurately aware of this experience than others at the time.  I was on pain-killers, anti-nausea drugs among various others and my remembrance of my hospital stay is holey.  I just remember little snippets of the days.

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   I feel I don't have 'faith', I know.  People say my faith is strong, but I feel like I cheated, I know the answer.  There is no doubt in my mind.  I was with Jesus.  When I pick up a bible or pray, I feel closer to Jesus and that experience comes more into focus for me.  I cannot regain the wonderful feeling of love and joy, nor see the colors and lights, but I know that one day I will die and will be just on the other side of the timeline.  It won't be a big deal in terms of not being alive on earth, but will be a great celebration in heaven.

My experience directly resulted in:   Large changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?  
Yes   I wasn't sure about religion prior to my NDE.  I wasn't sure that the answers were all inside each of us.  I have a fatal illness, but experienced a miraculous recovery.  I haven't had a bad day since.  Not a day I feel sorry for myself, fear death, worry...I just haven't had a bad day since my recollection of this experience.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?   At first I wanted to tell everyone!  Most of my friends are thrilled to hear my experience, but some have very--almost offensive, questions.  I believe I was meant to share both the way I handle my illness and Jesus with people.  This seems especially significant to me.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   Yes   I knew my uncle had cancer, but that it was ok.  This happened about a month after I knew it.  I have 'feelings' about things.  About how they'll turn out.  I had a 'dream' when I awoke and knew a man's name and saw a wreck.  I felt I needed to find his wife and tell her what had happened.  I wrote it all down and had great detail, but could never find his name in a police report, using the internet.   

Directly following my experience, I was so joyful and happy and my nurses and doctors noticed it.  They remarked about being drawn to me.  I knew they were being drawn to Jesus.  It was Him in me they could see, not me. 

I also have seen my grandparents again twice.  Once on Easter in 2010 and again at my uncle's funeral last year.  During the first occurrence, we were holding hands in a triangle.  We were talking but I didn't hear anything.  I saw us sitting together, but I was looking from behind myself.  The second time they were younger and my grandfather was wearing a hat and ducking his head under the grave-side canopy of my uncle.  I did not see 'outside' of myself.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?    
At first I wanted to tell everyone!  Most of my friends are thrilled to hear my experience, but some have very--almost offensive, questions.  I believe I was meant to share both the way I handle my illness and Jesus with people.  This seems especially significant to me.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?  
Yes  As strange as this may sound, I am just now ready to tell the details of my experience.  It has been four years and I have told few people pieces of the experience, but not the entire recollection.  It is time to tell it now.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   No   And I wanted to tell mine (this is the first time I've told it completely), before I read about anything or any other people's experiences.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   It took nearly one year for me to remember my experience, but when I did (as if happening for the first time), I was sure it was real.  I am still sure it was real.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real   TO the day I die, I will know my experience was real.  I feel 'tuned in' to a different reality now.  I don't feel superior in any way, but I feel like I know things that not everyone knows.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   There's nothing dramatic, but I have changed, so therefore, my relationships have changed.  All for the better and with a Christian focus.

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   I wake up thinking of Jesus and pray to Him often throughout the day.  Every so often (3 times since 2008), I get a feeling of calmness that is like my experience that day in the hospital with Jesus.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   Yes   Not completely, but I do get feelings of calmness like I had that day.  When I've had these periods, things were not going well with my health and it feels like Jesus is with me again.  Hard to explain, because I always feel He is with me now, but during these times, it's been more like my NDE.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?   I just think it's important to emphasize that I was not a practicing Christian at the time of my experience.  I rarely thought about it.  Now I wake up thinking about Him and go to bed thinking of Him.  It's brought a wonderful joy and certainty to my life.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes   All in all, I feel my experience was brief.  Although time passed slowly when I was in Jesus' presence, I feel it was fairly short as far as a story is concerned.  I belive we covered everything. Please offer any suggestions that you may have to improve this questionnaire.  Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience?  

What could a national organization with an interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of interest to you?        I had never told my entire story until now.  I've remembered it over and over during the years, but never put it into writing.  I would like to read other experiences that people have had like mine.   I googled NDE to see what would come up and found your organization.  I hope you'll be careful with my information, not in terms of privacy, but in terms of how you'll share it.

Please offer any suggestions that you may have to improve this questionnaire.  Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience?                    No, I think it's very thorough for my experience.