Jennifer W NDEs
I was three years old. I was sitting in the back seat of my dad's car and he was driving down the road. I was just sitting there, minding my own business when these hands pulled my soul out of my body. I was high in the sky and Jesus was there next to me. Suddenly I heard this very deep, pulsating vibration, it was kind of spooky, but somehow I sensed that God was somewhere out there. I told Jesus I didn't want to stay and talk, I needed to find the source of the vibration. Jesus wouldn't let me go and explore. Instead He was telling me things. Basically He said that the next several years of my life would be horrible. He was preparing me for what was coming up. He gave me advice. I don't remember anything He said, except pretty much that life would be Hell.
My parents belonged to a cult and were also Mormon. I was tortured and abused beyond belief, and developed seizures. I was sitting in church with my mom, grandma and sisters and my eldest sister began kicking me. I felt intense anger and then had a seizure. My body flopped around on the chair and fell to the floor. My grandma and mother were embarrassed, thinking I was acting up. Suddenly, I found myself in a dark place and two beings of very white light, one male, one female came and held me in their arms. It was the first time in my life I had ever experienced love. They held me for a very long time. They told me that God is love, something I had no knowledge of. I feel like they were my true parents, my spiritual parents. I was so confused, what is this love, who is this God you are talking about. I didn't want to come back, they told me I had too. This experience was so special to me, it helped me throughout my life.
My uncle was a sadist
and tortured me, many times to the point of death. Once, the fear and pain were
so intense and I went into the most beautiful realm of shapes and colors. It
was unbelievable. I know that when children are being tortured, God is there
with them. He takes their souls out of their bodies and takes them into the
most beautiful realms anyone could imagine. God does not abandon abused and
murdered children. He gives them more love than anyone would ever believe. The
child only is allowed to feel a little bit of terror and then God embraces them
and takes them to absolute beauty. Children are God's masterpiece. I think He
loves them the most.
Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes the absolute love given to me
At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? Yes I developed seizures in my childhood due to intense and horrifying abuse.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? These experiences were kind of confusing. I think that the longer I was away from my body, the more understanding I received.
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness
These experiences were kind of confusing. I think that the longer I was away from my body, the more understanding I received.
Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)? Yes When my uncle was torturing me, the colors and intense beauty were beyond comprehension, it was as if I were inside the Creative Mind of God.
Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
Yes There is a heavy vibration that resonates in the universe, I think it is God.
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Yes
What emotions did you feel during the experience? When Jesus talked to me, I didn't seem to feel any emotion. When the two beings of light held me, I felt love beyond belief. When my uncle tortured me and I was with God, I felt EUPHORIA.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure? No
Did you see a light? Yes The two beings were bright white lights.
Did you meet or see any other beings? No
Did you experience a review of past events in your life? No How much I want love, need love.
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? Uncertain
Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions? Yes God is creative. Where He took me was beyond comprehension, beauty.
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? No
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Yes This world can be so hard, I mean hard, that to be told that God is love and to feel it, seems like a huge paradox.
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes There seemed to be a boundary in the sky and Jesus wouldn't let me pass it. I sensed that if I crossed it, I was going on a great adventure to find God, and I was determined to find Him. Kind of like, "Move out of my way Jesus, I am going to find the source. And I won't stop till I find Him." I hope Jesus has a sense of humor about my writing this. I sensed that Jesus was kind of like a gatekeeper for God. And this kind of bugged me.
Did you become aware of future events? Yes
I was told about how hard things were going to be, but I wasn't given details. I was told how to deal with it. Don't remember what I was supposed to do. Am in so much pain that I'm thinking I may not have listened to Jesus well enough, should have listened!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience? Yes I could feel other people's feelings. It hurt. It was too scary, so I shut down my emotions. If I had had one loving emotionally healthy person in my childhood, I would probably have been able to help people with specific emotions that created pain in them. Emotional healing is the hardest thing for humans to experience. I believe that healing emotions brings us closer to God. Most religions don't even address, deep pain, emotional wounds and how to process them. I think religion needs to do this, without labeling a person a weirdo for having emotionally painful stuff. I think people use religion as a band aid for pain. I want the pain removed, I don't want band aids.
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes I shared it during the past couple of years. No one thinks it's a big deal.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened: Experience was definitely real I began to believe that God is love. Even though I never saw any in the people who raised me. I began to believe that God was not punishing, but then the abuse got so bad that I began to believe in punishment, and that God would punish me, just like the others were.
Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you? The most meaningful was the two beings of light holding me and giving me love. That created this life long pursuit to learn about love.
How do you currently view the reality of your experience: Experience was definitely real On an emotional and psychological level, my life was hell. These experiences help give me hope that what I struggle with isn't in vain.
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes Lately I feel disconnected from people. Am in a state of shock about all the abuse. Feel like walking away from the world and saying, CRAP. People treat each other like crap. Do lots of spiritual praying for children of this planet. Also pray for countries like Africa. I am kind of an outcast. Belief that God is love is my strength.
Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes Studied a lot of metaphysics, religion, philosophy. Think a good song or piece of music leads me to God. Children amuse me and delight me. I like children and teenagers.
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No
Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Uncertain NDEs are so personal that it seems like trying to analyze and categorize them isn't all that accurate.