Jamie W Probable NDE

Edited for clarity by Judy Shea  8.31.12

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

Let me first say that my intention in sharing this event is for the purpose of offering help to you with your research. The circumstances of my death are unusual,  and I am ashamed of how my death came about. The facts that I lay out here are just as accurate and clear to me today as they were that day back in May many years ago when I died and came back. I have only shared this story with a handful of people whom I felt  knew me well enough not to think that I was crazy. I'm not sure if the following fact has any significance as to this "NDE" I experienced when I was 15, but I think I should mention it. This wasn't the first time I had died. During my birth, the doctors had informed my mother that the umbilical cord had wrapped itself around my neck and she would have to give birth to a stillborn baby. I had no life signs, so my birth wasn't accompanied by the normal mixture of jubilation and triumph that a mother normally experiences.  My still birth was just the completion of an unavoidable event that had to happen with the expected misery and loss that a family would have to go through. But despite the doctors' diagnosis of my death, after the cord was cut away from my throat, I started kicking and screaming. I have no NDE experience memory of this death, only the accounts from my family of what it had been like – their sadness, and then their subsequent joy of bringing home their son instead of preparing a baby for burial.  (I'm including this because I want to be as accurate as I can in case this event has any relevance to my NDE.)

 I would also like to add that even now, I have only read of one other NDE experience, and that was from Anita Moorjani's book  "Dying To Be Me," so I am not well versed on the types of NDE experiences others have had. At the time of my NDE, I had never heard of an NDE at all, or of an out of body experience, either. These concepts were completely foreign to me, and I didn't even understand what I had experienced until I learned more about it much later in life.  The following experience that I am about to describe, didn't correspond with any beliefs or understandings that I had at the time. The experience itself was far and above anything I could have imagined or invented.

When I was fifteen, my mother was lying in a hospital bed dying of cancer, having been recently given no hope of recovery. She had been undergoing  bouts of chemo and radiation for two years. Until this time, her impending death was kept from me.  I am the youngest of four boys in my family, and they wanted to protect me from the truth.  When there was no more hope, they informed me, and I was devastated.

Three of my friends, determined to help me get my mind off my troubles and grief,  arranged for a weekend getaway at a cabin high in the hills, hours outside of civilization.

One of my friends had brought some mild drugs –  hashish and marijuana. These drugs were quickly consumed and my friends were left with trying to find other ways to help me escape reality.  At this time, in my province, the act of inhaling gasoline fumes had become popular, as it was the cheapest high available. We didn't understand the dangers of doing this or how many kids had already died from trying this extremely dangerous form of self-intoxication. (Inhaling gasoline fumes cuts off oxygen to the brain and the victim dies literally from asphyxiation.)  It is said to feel very much like drowning. My friends and I took turns passing the gasoline can around, and I was the last to go. I placed the funnel from the can in my mouth and inhaled deeply again and again. This is where this world stopped and the other began.  I passed out with the funnel still in my mouth and took a little trip......

I am looking down at a room.  In the room there are boys laughing and talking. I notice that one of the boys isn't saying or doing anything. He is slumped over a gas can and isn't moving. I can hear the other boys' conversation, but it sounds like it's coming through water, like the sounds you heard when playing in a swimming pool with your friends. My attention keeps going back to the boy who isn't moving. His plight is very clear to me and I find it extremely distressing  and agitating, even though I do not know this boy. I am expressing my concerns for this boy to someone standing just over my left shoulder. I know who it is that I am talking to; and the feeling of intimacy between us is so deep, it's like sharing your feelings with your best friend. In our one sided conversation, I am swearing and livid about this boy's condition and am without fear of repercussion for my behavior. I was raised to show respect, so swearing in front of my parents or any adult was something I had never done or would ever do. I keep asking this person behind me questions like, " What is he doing?  Doesn't he know he is killing himself?  Doesn't he know that he is dying? Why is he throwing his life away? "  I keep getting more and more angry at this boy who is dying right in front of my eyes. I can't even begin to describe now how frustrated and angry I am at this boy for being so reckless. I keep on questioning whoever or whatever is standing behind me, but I don't receive any answers about this boy. At the same time, I'm not expecting this person to answer my questions. (These answers can only be found through revelation.)  After what seems like a very long period of me repeatedly asking questions about why this boy is throwing away his life, my anger reaches its peak! That's when the realization set in. I yell these words out loud:  " Oh God!  That is me!"  As soon as the realization was clear, the scene below me was pulled away, almost as if curtains were drawn across it.  Or rather, it faded away, like watching a soap bubble moving rapidly into the distance, swept away from you by the wind.

This is where things really changed. I could feel my own presence but had no physical being. The way I described it to myself at the time was, "pure mind." But this did not seem strange at all.  None of the sensations I had seemed out of place or unexpected. I was neither afraid nor happy.  I just understood – everything made perfect sense. It was like  dreaming at night,  where you are suddenly living on the moon and your dog is now a dragon; and in your dream you don't question these things because they are as they are.

The thing that I was most aware of is that I could feel the presence of other minds in unlimited numbers. The feeling I get now when recalling this, brings to mind the word "infinity."  I then felt a pull, drawing me into alignment with these other minds. It felt as though we were linked together in a chain that went on forever.

The next thing I was aware of was a sensation of movement. It felt like being on a train. The motion of moving forward and slightly back at the same time. It was a distinct ebbing sensation.  I don't know if I was really moving or if there even was a destination,  because this is where my NDE experience stopped and I came back to life. 

The following is what I experienced after arriving back in my body.

 The first part of coming back,  I have no personal recollection of. My friends filled in these details for me. They had no problem doing so, because I had upset them very much. As my awareness came back to the room,  I heard angry voices and threats coupled with my name!  Here is what I experienced, in order. First of all I'm becoming aware of a sound, and the sound slowing increases like turning up the knob on a stereo. The sound continues to get louder and starts to become separated into distinct sounds:  voices – the sounds of angry voices. Then two pin holes of light enter my eyes and the room slowly expands from a pin-hole perspective into to a full view. It seems like minutes, but it could have been seconds. I can only describe this as the feeling of being "switched on." I then become aware of my body.  I find I am standing in the middle of the room and i notice that the gas can has fallen onto the floor. 

Now I will explain why my friends were so angry. They told me that I had suddenly stood up and had begun spitting everywhere – on them and all around the entire room. Even though they yelled at me to stop, I seemed not to hear them, and continued spitting in all directions. Finally I stopped – and I know now that I stopped when I could once again experience taste.  I had been seeking to feel alive again. All the things that allow us to know that we are physically alive had been gone from my awareness for a time.  I deliberately tried to bring each physical sensation back to me. Unfortunately for my friends, taste was the first thing I needed to experience.

That is my story, maybe it might help with another piece of the puzzle.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   Uncertain  Yes, but not my own. My mother was dying of cancer at the time and had been given days to live.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  No     It's as clear to me now as it was then. I guess trying to explain that it all made sense and felt perfectly normal is hard to covey or understand.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    After I saw myself die sitting in the chair and knew that it was my death that I was watching.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal   I felt, not thought, that I knew all. This was normal for wherever I was

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   I don't remember seeing anything. it was all feeling.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   I don't remember  hearing anything after I left my body. it was all feeling. I heard my voice until my realization hit me but from then on I don't think hearing seeing or touching had anything to do with my experience. I never thought of this until I read this question.

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   Yes   I heard my friends laughing and talking but my focus was on the dying boy.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   I felt rage at first. I was so mad at this boy for killing himself even though he wasn't aware he was doing this, it made me extremely angry and sad for him. After I realized who he was, I had no feelings positive or negative. It just was.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No  

Did you see an unearthly light?   No   Everything was like it was happening against the backdrop of a dark blue screen. Like when you first turn on a computer. That color of blue.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   I encountered a definite being,  clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
The presence was behind my left shoulder. That was where I kept directing my questions. It's funny that I never though to turn around and see who I was talking to. It's like I knew and at the same time didn't know who it was, if that makes sense. I could feel whoever it was – that they knew me.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   No  

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   No  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   Some unfamiliar and strange place
When the image of the room I was watching drew away from me I knew I was somewhere else. It, and I, felt endless. I felt small and big at once.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   Everything seemed to be happening at once;  time stopped, lost all meaning.
In the state I was in, an idea such as time didn't even enter into my consciousness. I don't think there was "time."

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   Everything about the universe...
question 26 I cannot answer. I don't recall feeling part of anything. If I had to say how I felt, it would be more like the feeling of BEING the whole of everything.

27. I had no questions. Not even  the destination of the train I felt I was on. I didn't see a train, just had the feeling of being on a train.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   Yes
The chain that I formed a part of was definitely a real thing. I could feel all the millions of minds all thinking about me in one voice that I didn't hear, only felt.

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   No
I had a sensation of moving but never reached a destination.

Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   Yes   I was joined with other minds and was very aware of them. I could feel all of them at once.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   I was talking with someone during the time I was watching the boy die. That someone or thing was there and I direct all my question at it.  I knew it was there, even so surely that it never occurred to me to look and see whom I was talking to.  I just knew they were there from the instant I started watching through the window to the room with the boys laughing and talking.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   Yes   The experience of all minds being linked together was never something my 15 year old self would have even tried to contemplate.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   Uncertain   My experience stopped short of getting the big picture. After entering the chain and the feeling of movement began, I came to back in my body.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   Yes  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   Yes   The fact that I was witness to my own death and the weight that came with the realization that I myself had caused it,  filled me with sadness and remorse. It only lasted for a second and I no longer cared about or considered my death after the image of the room faded from view.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   No  

What occurred during your experience included:   It had content that was not entirely consistent with the beliefs I had at the time of my experience.   I was raised to believe in fire and brimstone. I believed at the time that if I died, I would be sent to hell for eternal torment. I didn't meet Satan on my journey or felt judged. For a brief moment I judged myself, but the pain of that was taken from me in a blink.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience   I was dealing with losing my mother, and most of what we call "real life" felt very unreal to me. I didn't know what my life could look like without her, and I had a string of well meaning, but completely insensitive, relatives asking me stupid questions like: " Will you miss your mom when she is gone?" This made things much more difficult than they needed to be.

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   I think now that all things are truly possible. I see no limitation other that limitations we choose to have.

My experience directly resulted in:   Unknown

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?   No  

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?   The fact that I lost all physical awareness and how my senses turned back on and how I experienced the rebooting-up process of becoming aware of my senses individually.  

Who was I talking to and why was I not able to recognize myself in the chair?

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   Uncertain   Too difficult to explain.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     The fact that I lost all physical awareness and how my senses turned back on and how I experienced the rebooting-up process of becoming aware of my senses individually.  

Who was I talking to and why was I not able to recognize myself in the chair? 

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes  It was awhile before I shared it. It sounded crazy. I'm not really sure anyone believed me. I was talking about something they had never considered or believed in. In my church, an experience outside of God was demons trying to trick you. 

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   No    

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   I believed that the experience was definitely real   It isn't something I ever questioned, even at that time. I've never even asked myself if it was real or not. It has always been and always will be real. I'm a skeptic and I need proof in order to believe anything. This experience requires no proof other than its extraordinary content to prove its reality to me. Everything I experienced was outside my expectations and understanding. 

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   The experience was definitely real.   Same as above. 

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Uncertain   I care more about "us" as a whole vs. just myself. 

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Uncertain   This experience had left me with a lot of questions as to what reality is. I began researching many types of phenomena –more so in recent years than in the past. The recalling of this and other unexplainable experiences was the catalyst for my current research. 

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   Uncertain    

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?   I answered the questions as best as I could. Some parts are hard to explain because I went from thinking to just feeling and trying to relay the feeling of "consciousness"  is hard. This event happened to me just as I described it. It's hard to tell this story, due to the fact that my stupidity almost wiped me out for good. That wouldn't have been a kind thing to do to my mother who was fighting for her life in the hospital bed that she never came home from. She died within weeks of my NDE. 

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Uncertain   Some questions didn't fit with what an answer I could give. I felt once or twice that I need more options than what was there.

What could a national organization with an interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of interest to you?        Raise public awareness. I for one want to know what the truth of reality is. 

Please offer any suggestions that you may have to improve this questionnaire.  Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience?                    It's a well designed questionnaire. It made me think of things that I hadn't considered. Things like was I seeing a thing or experiencing a thing. It's length will definitely deter anyone not serious about sharing their experience.